Chapter Two: Breast, Blood, and Creeps
Scene One: Oxygen, Please
I found another bathroom, all by my fifteen year old self! What a proud moment in the Carter family, or at least it would have been, if it had been a Men’s room. LADIES. Whatever, if I could find that, I could find a Men’s room. Twenty minutes later I was back at the LADIES room. I wasn’t even sure if it was the same one. The stupid airport was in a circle, and as Geometry was never my strong suit I was at a loss to figure the circumference, or even find a tangent to take me back to ground zero. In other words, I was lost.
How long can a young, blond kid, covered in blood, stand in an airport before someone notices? In case you are wondering it’s about 15 minutes. I have a suspicion it would have been longer if I were not such a klutz. As it turned out I was came to a complete stop in front of the “exit” door for the women’s’ room. And guess what exited? Very good. Now describe her. Neither could I, except for her breast, which it turned out were just face high to me. I know this because I turned to face the door just as she came out at a rather fast clip, which had the interesting effect of planting my face directly between her bosoms. Right between them. Do all women at airports wear low cut dresses?
“ msum mif.” I thought I should be polite, given the situation.
“Excuse me?” Great, she was a mimic.
“EXCUSE ME!” I decided it was best to make myself heard. The question of course is why didn’t Nick just back up? Good question. As soon as I figure it out I’ll get back to you.
“Are you all right?” I thought this was a strange question as I still had my face in her cleavage. My Mom and Kevin had explained that foreign countries have strange customs. Maybe this was one. Just a “friendly greeting”.
Luckily the friendly greeting lady took a step back, and not a moment too soon. If she hadn’t she would have discovered my secret, which by the way is the reason I wear baggy pants. Stupid adults think they are a fashion statement. In reality they are an “I dont’ want to be humiliated in public that many times a day” statement of the puberty set. Well, the male set anyway.
“You’re hurt! Oh, you poor thing. Did someone hurt you?” She leaned over to coo her words of concern, and I wish she hadn’t. Between my face and my stomach I was experiencing enough discomfort. I really didn’t need her “see my entire cleavage” help.
“Kevin dropped me on the cement.” The guys are always accusing me of being a baby. I have no idea why.
“No! Well, let me help you, OK? I’m Sophie, by the way.” She was all smiles now, a nice smile, now that I noticed it. Not for long, as it turned out, because she seemed to believe that one cure for a bloody nose was to hug the victim to her breast, or should I say between them. On the one hand I really didn’t mind, I only wish AJ could have seen it. On the other hand I really did need a steady supply of oxygen. I’m funny that way.
“Honey..” Honey. She called me honey. That is a major puberty alert. I better get out of her cleavage fast, or she is going to think I’m a pervert. “...let me get you some wet paper towels, and then we’ll find a Men’s room, OK?” OK. That would be great. By the way, do you think they have cold showers in the Men’s room here?
“NICK!” Oh no. Kevin the Hun was on the hunt. Lordy, Lordy, Lordy. I didn’t even have my face clean yet.
“NICK! Where are you!”
“Are you Nick?” Who? Me? No, no. He’s looking for some other blond covered in blood.
“Nick!” He spotted me.
“Nick, where have you been...WHO is this?”
“Sophie.” I thought coming clean was the best option. I just wish I had managed to make it a physical phenomenon before his appearance. “Kevin...”
“KEVIN! KEVIN!” Man, this was our first tour and Kevin was already making women scream.
“Yes, I’m Kevin and..” That’s all he got out before Sophie pushed me behind her back, and slapped him. Really. She belted him one, and she wasn’t even on a plane with turbulence.
“What the..” Kevin did not look pleased. I guess he didn’t see physical violence from fans as a positive sign.
“How dare you hurt this child!” Child? Well, there went fantasy numbers one through seventeen. “Look at him, just look at him! Look what you did!”
“Miss, this was an accident.” He managed to sound sincere while giving me the worst “you are going to die. I am going to grind you up with a fish-scaling knife and feed you to the turtles at the zoo” look I have ever seen. Kevin was very good at the “kill you and hide the body” combo.
With his charm, which I have never been a recipient of, it only took him a few minutes to calm Sophie and explain the situation. Thus he had his hand on my arm, in a death-grip, in only a matter of seconds. I thought Sophie was a bit too quick to hand me over, us being so intimate. But my first real breasts were not to last, and I was once again under the care of Kevin “I’m going to hurt you in places a proctologist wouldn’t think to look for” Richardson. In short, I was a dead man.
Scene Two: Kevin the Creep
Kevin was very talented. He could chew a kid out and pull him through the airport, taking momentary breaks to shake said kid until his teeth rattled, all without causing a stir. I guess it’s that air of leadership that surrounds him. That or he looked crazy, and who wants to deal with a crazy man at an airport? Not security, I can assure you. I may sue.
Of course the butt chewing I was receiving from Kevin was minor compared to what my Mom would give me. Not looking forward to that I made a bid to slow our progress by planting my feet. It didn’t work, which was disappointing. I mean, friction is usually such a drag. But today friction was not in the mood to help Nick and when I made my feeble attempts to stop Kevin simply overrode the situation by pulling so hard I swear my arm was going to go with him while the rest of me stayed behind.
“Where could he be? He was right here!” Oh no. My Mom was crying. Or had been. I could tell because she had that wobble in her voice, the one that usually makes my knees wobble.
“I found him.” Kevin and the great announcement.
“Nick! Baby!” Big hug time. Thank God it was not the same type Sophie gave me. I mean, this was my Mom! Anything of that nature would have assured that my first paycheck would be spent on a shrink, and I never plan to see one of those.
“Nick where...WHAT happened to you?” She glanced up at Kevin. Apparently blondes that get themselves lost in airports cannot be trusted to answer questions concerning their where-abouts or physical condition.
“He fell.” End of statement. Kevin’s tongue was on a short leash. I looked at him, waiting for him to complete the story. Go ahead Kevin, tell her how I got this bloody nose. Tell her why I took off.
“Nick, can’t you stay out of trouble? Everyone was looking for you! We were so worried. Now look at yourself.”
“But Mom..”
“No ‘buts’, young man. We are going to be late as it is. Kevin, can you get me some wet paper towels? I’ll clean him up on the bus.”
“Sure, Mrs. Carter. No problem.” Kevin the creep was back to being Mr. Helpful. No way was I going to take this.
“Mom, Kevin..”
“Stop right there young man. Kevin was nice enough to carry you when I couldn’t get you to wake up, and he had to hunt all over this airport for you!” Yea, he also bloodied my nose, if you care to hear it, which I guess you don’t.
“Here, Mrs. Carter.”
“Thank you Kevin. Nick..” Mom leaned over and hissed in my ear. “..you can just stop that pouting. It’s not going to do you any good. As a matter of fact, you are digging a deeper hole by the moment.” Crud. She wasn’t in the frame of mind to listen to me, and my cute “you are being unfair” pout wasn’t going to work this time. Puberty has its drawbacks. “Hold my hand Nick, I mean it. Let’s at least make the bus.”
I thought that comment was unfair, especially with Kevin standing right beside me. Creep. I hope he never gets a fan. I hope his hair falls out. I hope his girlfriend “fakes” it, whatever that means.
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