Chapter Six: Nasty Food and Snitches
Scene one: Glutinous Rice Chicken
“Do you want anything else?” Having an “almost” broken nose is good for a few things. You get to watch whatever you want on TV, you get new video games, you get what you want to eat (of course you can’t taste it) and you get guilt. I mean other people’s guilt. I thought Kevin was going to guilt himself to death. At least into a new cologne.
“No, I’m good.” At
the moment I was extremely good. I had a pain pill and muscle
relaxer in my system, a drink (far be it from me to know what it
was) ice cream (chocolate. I know this from the color, not
the taste - or lack there-of), several new comic books, a new
drawing pad and pencils, and new games for my Gameboy. All
of this was on the bed with me, which is why it was a good thing
I now had a double. My Mom had switched me to a room with
two double beds (management
threw a fit about the expenditure, but my Mom can throw a louder
fit. Once, during one of Mom’s “screaming fits”
a window shattered. Scary, isn’t it?). She had
planned to stay with me but Kevin, in a moment of absolute
insanity, had volunteered to take care of me. It was either
dementia or a high fever, and the fever would mean another visit
to the ER. So lunacy it was.
“You want the remote?” Like I could watch TV through these eyes. They were still a bit swollen, which is why the comic books and Gameboy were at the foot of the bed.
“No, I’m fine.” I wasn’t trying to play martyr. I just wasn’t up to watching. It bothered me to hold my head up for too long.
“Want me to read you one of your comics?” Oh, where oh where is a video camera when you need one? It’s enough that Kevin would read a comic, it’s even better that he would read them with his n-o-r-m-a-l r-a-t-e o-f s-p-e-e-c-h. Comics are a form of literature that is not meant to be read slowly. They loose their impact, the plot suffers, the characters are dulled...oh the humanity!
“No thanks, I’m going to listen to some music.” Thank God for Walkman. The combination of the pain meds and being exposed to Kevin’s speech for the past hour had done me in and I was asleep by the second song. I woke up around 6 PM, just in time for dinner. This was not necessarily a good thing.
“Nick, baby?” Mom again. “Honey, wake up. You need to eat.” Not hungry. Go away. “Baby you need to eat so you can take more medicine.” Leave the good information for last why don’t ya?
“AJ and Howie brought you something to eat.” AJ and Howie? Were they feeling guilty too? Maybe Howie. He’s so nice he feels guilt for things he didn’t do. AJ does not feel guilt for things he didn’t do. Heck, he rarely feels guilt for the things he does do. With motives unclear I was tempted to skip the meal, but that would mean skipping the medication, and we can’t have that, can we? I mean I can’t waste pain medication, what with children in China not having any.
“Hey Nickers! Up for some dinner? We brought you yummy glutinous rice chicken or spam, you choose.” AJ should work for a food magazine. “Gag me” would be a good name.
These “artful” descriptions certainly gagged me, and I made the appropriate face. Note to self, do not make any face that includes the use of the nose when it is in a cast. OUCH!
“Hey, Nick! You OK man? You looked like you were gonna hurl, and if you do can you manage to hit Howie?” Why? Howie’s basically nice. I mean he’s never put “kick me signs” on my back, or put mustard in my shampoo bottle, or...wait, I did those things to Howie. I once put Rit Dye in AJ’s shampoo bottle, purple, but no one noticed. Not even AJ.
“AJ, chill. Nicky there’s chicken and rice, but if you don’t feel up to that we brought soup.” Things always sound better when Howie says them. Boring, but better.
Considering the fact that my nose was still very swollen, and therefore was not conducive to chewing, I went for the soup. As it turned out I got my green veggie of the month, it was broccoli-cheese soup. Normally I wouldn’t even eat in the same room with broccoli, but since I wouldn’t taste it this seemed like a good time to keep up that promise to God. Next month would be another matter.
After the soup AJ and Howie decided to entertain me. At first this was a scary idea, I mean, have you ANY idea what AJ considers entertaining? Really, it would scare Steven King. But luck was with me and they decided to take my lead. As I was the recipient of more pain medication I was in the mood for “have you ever considered”. For example AJ, Howie and I came up with the following gems. Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients, but dish washing liquid contains real lemons? Why is one sheet of nose tissue so large, but one sheet of toilet tissue is one very small square?
“Guys, it’s getting late. I promised Nick’s mom he would get a good nights sleep.” Kevin hated “have you ever considered”, he could never think of anything.
“Night Nicky, see ya in the morning!”
“Night guys. OK Nick, let’s get you to bed.” I was in bed. I didn’t point this out though, after all it was Kevin, and he had put me here.
“Kevin?”
“Yea? You need something Nick?” Kevin was picking up all the stuff on the bed. I guess he thought I might need a bit of rolling room.
“Do you know how to tell if you are going to have a bad day?”
“Um...no. How?” He sounded wary. I guess he was expecting a nose comment.
“You wake up and discover that your waterbed broke in the night, and then remember - you don’t have a water bed!” For a few seconds Kevin looked like he didn’t now what to make of that comment. I wasn’t insulted, he often looks that way after I make a comment. Then he cracked a smile.
“Come on Nick, let’s get you ready for bed.” I was in bed, in my pj’s. How much more ready did I need to be? “Do you have to pee?” Oh. How embarrassing. Now that he mentioned it...
“Yea.” Might as well. Don’t want a waterbed incident.
Without going into detail I finished my “business” and returned to the main room. Much to my surprise Kevin tucked me into bed. Guilt does strange things to some people.
Scene Two: The secret is out
Another surprise was waiting for me in the morning. By this time it shouldn’t have been a surprise, and under other circumstances it wouldn’t have been. But there I was again, awakened by the sound of Kevin’s voice with my....problem. Damn. A guy just can’t get a break around here.
“Nick? Come on bro. You need to wake up. It’s 10 already and you need your meds. Nick?” I’m awake. All of me is awake - some parts of me more so than others. Some parts of me more noticeable than others.
“Hey Nick! How ya feeling?”
“Fine.” Absolutely.
“Are you cold?”
“No.” Now why would he ask that?
“Why do you have the covers all up around your neck?” I’m shy?
“Don’t know.”
“You don’t now. OOOOOKKKAY. I’m going to start your bath. I already have a change of pj’s in there for you, a clean towel, and a surprise!” Kevin sounded delighted. I was a bit worried about that, I mean what types of things do you surprise people with in a bathroom?
“OK.” Stay with safe answers, stay on safe ground.
“OK? Fine, but you have to actually get up and go in there Nick. Come on. Your Mom will be back in about half-an-hour, and she’s bringing you something good to eat.”
“That’s good.” I clutched the top of the covers. All this conversation and I still couldn’t think of a way to get into the bathroom without “showing off.” If Kevin would just turn his back for a moment.
“Nick, get up. I know you probably don’t feel so hot, but you need a bath. You sweated during the night, and I’m certain that you don’t smell like a bunch of posies.”
“OK.” Think Nick, think. Think of gross things. Think of Kevin’s day old underwear habit, think of AJ’s peanut butter and Fritos snacks, think of the smell of Brian’s feet after a game of b-ball, think of a conversation with Howie.
“Nick, come on!” Kevin grabbed the covers.
“KEVIN!” I held on for all I was worth. “Stop it!”
“Nick for heaven’s sake. What’s the matter with you?” Nothing 7 minutes alone with one of AJ’s Playboys won’t cure.
“Nick, I’m serious. Come on. The bath’s all ready.” The tug-of-war for the covers continued. “Let’s go. I’ll help you.” I don’t really want your help Kevin, and if you knew my problem I’ll bet you wouldn’t care to offer it.
“NOW Nick.” And with that Kevin gained the upper hand and swept my covers, and what was left of my dignity, away. One would hope he wouldn’t notice, after all what would he be doing looking there? But the truth be know, it was more than a bit obvious, and to tell the truth I don’t exactly feel bad that “it” can’t be ignored, it’s just that I never intended Kevin to be on the “can’t ignore” end of the situation. Why can’t Sophie and Suzie turn up at moments like this?
“Oh.” OH? That’s it? Just an oh? I should be glad. There no telling what the other guys would have said - or done.
“Go get in the bath, I’ll check on you in a minute.”
“OK.” I was a bit repetitive today. I was also relieved. I had lived through a potentially death-inducing moment and lived to tell the tale.
“Nick?”
“Yea Kevin?” All grateful.
“You might want to put some cold water in the bath.” Bastard.
I slammed the door and used up a minute or two pouting. Then I decided that the worst was over and to get on with my life because nobody else would. I did my morning pee routine which had the bonus of relieving the embarrassing situation I was a victim of. Then I stripped and sat down in the hot water. It felt so good, I can’t even begin to describe it. The water was a milky color which I guess meant Kevin had put something in it. I did open a tap, but put in more hot water, thank you.
I rested on the bath pillow provided by the hotel. I had never seen one before this trip and at first had misunderstood their purpose. As cheap as our management was I assumed they wanted one of us to sleep in the tub to cut the number of rooms. To give Brian credit he barely doubled over at the waist laughing while explaining the purpose of the pillow.
“Nick, you OK in there?”
“Yea.” I grabbed the soap to hurry my bath and discovered the surprise. Soap. I mean real soap, not the hotel kind. Now this may not sound like much of a surprise to you, but after almost taking off the outer layer of my epidermis the morning before I was elated. Kevin can be a good guy, and I’ll tell him so when I get out.
A few minuets later, all cleaned, brushed, dressed and ready to go, I threw open the door, just in time to heard the last of a whispered conversation.
“...so I told him to put cold water in the bath!” A strangled laugh, which could only be...oh no. I stepped into the room to see Kevin and AJ in the far corner. In the mirror I could see their faces, and just let me say they were having a very good time at Nick’s expense. I don’t know why, but this hurt a great deal more than my nose.
“Kevin?” Maybe I thought he wouldn’t tell on me, and get me teased to the ends of the earth. Maybe I thought since he was taking care of me he felt a certain need to protect me. Maybe I thought he would feel guilty about cracking my nose and give me a break. That’s what I get for thinking.
“Nick?” He sounded surprised. Maybe he thought there would be a “the moron is now leaving the tub and dressing...five minute warning”, or some such signal.
“Yea.” I didn’t know what to do. Perhaps I had heard incorrectly. Perhaps if I didn’t make a big deal out of it they wouldn’t either. Perhaps they felt sorry for me. Perhaps...
“Hey Nickers! I heard you got the wood on this AM!” Now, explain it to me. Exactly why is murder against the law?
“AJ! Shut up!” Kevin, the horse is out of the barn. No need to shut the door now.
“What? Man with a banged up nose and drugged, he should be proud of his accomplishment!” AJ liked to look on the bright side of things.
I, however, saw no bright side. BSB rule number two, tell nothing to AJ that you wish to keep confidential, he cannot keep a secret. I knew I was doomed. By lunch everyone would know, and I mean everyone. I’ll bet the doorman smirks at me when we leave.
I did the only thing that was appropriate, I rushed back into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I was safe here, and here I would stay.
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