Chapter Nine: Ring-a-ding-ding
I fell asleep. With my luck what did you expect? The thing is I had another weird dream. Not about cucumbers again, but about airplanes. I was back in the airport and Sophie was there. Like the last one this dream was a bit hazy, but I remember us watching planes taxiing into hangers and hugging when all went well (I guess this is more dangerous than is common knowledge). Then we were on a plane together that was moving towards a hanger and the pilot broke in to inform us that the plane might be a bit large for the hanger, but we were making a go of it. We made it and Sophie gave me a really large hug and my face, of course, wound up between her breasts. I guess that lack of oxygen thing was the significant part of the dream as I woke up out of breath.
It took me a few minutes to get my bearings, but when I was fully conscious I realized two things. One, it was just after 4 AM, I could call my Dad!, and two, my “problem” had returned. I was wet again. Damn, damn, damn. It was definitely an infection. My dad had a bad infection on his leg once that had puss....and they LANCED it!
I had no choice but to call home. I spoke to the operator as quietly as possible and gave her the important information. Luck was with me and the call went through the first time. Ring. Ring. Ring. OK, it usually takes Dad about six rings to answer. Ring. Ring. Ring. He could be outside. Ring. Ring. Ring. Or in the tub. Ring. Ring. Ring. Or in another state. Ring. Ring. Ring. Or dead. Ring. Ring. Ring. ANSWER!
“What ya doing?” SHIT. Sorry, but that really scared me. I WAS SO scared! I mean I would NEVER hit Kevin with the phone receiver on purpose. Really.
“Sorry.” It seemed prudent to apologize. After all this was the guy that broke my nose, and he had me alone, all alone, in the hotel room.
“It’s OK, I’ll live.” He was giving me that funny look again, and this time both of my hands were outside the covers. “Nick, who are you calling? Is everything OK?”
“Yea, I just wanted to talk to my Dad.” There, that was the truth, and a simple, reasonable explanation. There was no reason to get upset or cry or anything. So of course I started to bawl.
“Nick! Hey, it’s OK. Really.” Kevin was patting my back. If he didn’t stop it I was going to burp. “Does your face hurt?” Actually...
“Yes.” There. That would cover the bases.
“Come on. Let’s get your face washed and I’ll get you a pill.” Kevin helped me to the bathroom and got me a warm, wet washcloth. He got my pill while I carefully washed my face, then handed me the pill and a glass of water. After I drank I noticed he was giving me a funny look again. Different from last time, but funny just the same. I looked back at him with the “take a picture next time” face and then noticed he really wasn’t focusing on my face. He was looking elsewhere...where there was a problem. He had noticed. Oh, GOD. I couldn’t help it, being reminded of it made me start crying again.
“Hey, don’t Nicky. Don’t. Man don’t be embarrassed.” Embarrassed? I’m dying and all he thinks is that I’m embarrassed? “It’s no big thing. It’s happened to me once or twice. And don’t worry, I won’t tell AJ!”
Won’t tell AJ? What the h..e..double matchsticks was this?
“You won’t tell AJ? You won’t tell him I’m sick but you’ll tell him...”
“Sick? Are you sick to your stomach?” Considering the way the last few days had been going this statement was not nearly as confusing as it might have been.
“No.” There. That explained everything.
“Nick, what the hell are you talking about?”
“You saw it! You know, and don’t say hell. It’s not nice.”
“I saw it? Nick I have no idea...” Kevin stopped and gave me another look, some what like one might look as if, say, you were being pecked to death by baby ducks. “ Nick, you think you’re sick?” And people wonder why Kevin didn’t go to college.
“I think maybe I have an .... infection.... or something.” I’ve always heard that saying about dying from embarrassment. Trust me, it’s more painful than the infection.
“Nick, honey...” HONEY? I was as good as dead. I want a white coffin. “....you’re not sick. Really, I wouldn’t lie. Nick you just....I mean you had....” Kevin looked confused. I didn’t blame him.
“Kevin I AM sick. This stuff...” How does one explain this? “...sort of came out of me.” Bury me with my favorite Nentendo.
“When you were asleep?”
“Yea! How did you know?” With God as my witness, Kevin looked as if he were trying to suck his face down his throat.
“Listen to me, you are not sick. I told you, this has happened to me. It has happened to AJ, and Brian, and Howie...I think Howie, anyway, it happens to all guys.” You would think someone would tell you about this stuff.
“What do I do about it?” I was not fond of the idea of seeing a doctor right now.
“Nothing Nick. It’s natural. It’s... well hell.” Kevin reached out and rubbed the back of my head. “And don’t tell me that’s not nice. Let’s get you cleaned up and in fresh pj’s. I’ll tell you more about it in a minute.”
Scene Two: What’s in that brown bag?
I got cleaned up and into fresh pj’s and eventually back in bed. Kevin came over to sit by me, which I considered one of the nicest things he had ever done. This bed was, after all, a infectious zone and there is nothing Kevin likes less than bacteria.
“Nick, listen, I don’t want you to worry. You are NOT sick. Trust me.” Trust you? Mr. tell AJ everything? “I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow. Just try and get some sleep.”
I thought sleep would be hard to come by but pain medication has a nice way of taking care of that. When I woke my face felt better than it had in ages and my problem was not evident. Good heavens, just a word from Kevin and the problem was solved!
“Nick?” OH....MY.....GOD...
“Mom?” Take me now.
“Honey, are you awake?” Thank heaven’s part of me wasn’t. Unfortunately my brain was.
“Honey?” I felt mom push the hair back out of my eyes. “Kevin said...”
“KEVIN SAID WHAT?” You know, I’m just wondering..
“Nick for goodness sake! Calm down, and don’t yell at me young man.” Calm down she says. Why? I’m not upset or excited or anything. My hair standing on end is just from the static electricity that follows wherever AJ and his plethora of metal jewelry has been. “Kevin said he had something really important to do so he called me. He’ll be back in just a little while and he wanted me to tell you that.” Oh good. Perhaps he is out purchasing a megaphone so he can announcement my current predicament to all the guys, the band, the roadies, and heck, this entire country all at once. Kevin is nothing if not efficient.
“Nick, is anything wrong?”
“Ye...no.” Good cover Nick. She’ll never notice the slip.
“Ye...no?” She noticed. She also smiled. “Does this have anything to do with you wanting to call your dad last night?”
“No.”
“Does this have anything to do with Kevin acting mysterious this morning.”
“No.” Go ask Nancy Drew.
“Can you say anything besides no?”
“No.”
“Can you say ‘I’m grounded’?”
“I’m sorry.” Better to repent and pout. “I’m sure.” She raised one eyebrow, usually a Kevin trick. I hate to tell her but Kevin’s is much more intimidating.
“Well, get up, get your shower and I’ll get your breakfast.”
“OK.” A big frown from above. “Yes Mom.” Much better. Now it was just a smirk.
A fast shower, a quick change, and I was out the door. Breakfast was there, not that I noticed what I ate, except part of it was soggy, part was burned, and part was sour. I was too concerned with Kevin’s disappearance. Where could he be? What could he be doing? And with whom? It is whom, right? I can never remember. Just like when I was little and I couldn’t seem to get that “lmnop” was more than one letter. Well it SOUNDS like one letter. Go ahead, sing that song. A.B..C..D..E..F..G..H..I..J..K..LMNOP.. See?
“Kevin!” My mom seemed overly pleased when Kevin opened the door. My mom seemed overly pleased with quite a bit of Kevin’s actions. Not for one minute that I thought my mom was having inappropriate thoughts. It’s just that she was SO thrilled that someone her own age...cough...was here. There is a story here, but I’m involved in another one. We’ll save that for another day.
“Hello Mrs....um, Jane.” Kevin was not as thrilled to see my mom. I’ll take this as a good sign. “I know you wanted to get that visit to that exclusive store in this morning, so I came back to stay with Nick.” Man, Kevin was good. The word “exclusive” is to my Mom as “bait” is to a great white shark.
“Oh, that’s right! Thank you Kevin. Nick, I’m going to go out for a bit, will you be OK?” For one thing she has barely been here since I was hurt, for another she has no qualms leaving me with the guy that hurt me in the first place. Is there somewhere I can report this? I mean other than Candid Camera?
“Sure.” Why not? Live today as if there is no tomorrow.
When mom left I decided to watch TV. I didn’t need strong painkillers anymore but I was suppose to rest in bed for another day. I flicked on the set and settled down with the remote when I realized that Kevin was watching me from the other bed. As I don’t consider someone watching TV all that entertaining I wondered what he was looking at. I glanced down as quickly as I could to see if I had any tale-tale traces of the “infection”. Nope. I wondered if he was thinking about my nose, but really the swelling was way down and I looked much better. My overactive imagination took a few twists and turns, after all I had been naked from the waist down on top of Kevin just a few days ago. He MIGHT be thinking about that. Of course he might be thinking where no one would ever think to look for the body.
“Nick?” He sounded so serious. I think he may have a body bag. That’s when I noticed that he did have some type of bag, or rather package, under his arm - about the size of a hack-saw, if I am not mistaken.
“Nick? I...” I? I want to say I’m sorry? I want to see how you are feeling? I want to measure you to see how well you will fit in my suitcase?
“I got you something.” A bright, shiny new ax?
“Here...I....” Kevin looked really nervous. I guess the anticipation was getting to him.
“I...I think this will help.” He handed me the package, though short of major antibiotics I couldn’t imagine what could be in there that would be of any help. Funny thing was that Kevin wouldn’t look at me. He avoided eyecontact with me, heck he avoided eye to entire body contact with me. “Listen, you read it and....and then if you have any questions...” He looked like he might throw up. Lord, was the infection that nasty? What had he discovered? Maybe it was contagious and he was coming down with it! “Listen, I’m going to go get some stuff from my room, take a quick shower and stuff. I’ll be back in about an hour. You have the number if you need me. OK? You just call if you need anything...or need to know anything.” He left before I could say squat, or anything else for that matter. He was out of there as if his butt was on fire.
I looked at the package and considered it’s possible contents. Maybe it was wired to explode when I opened it. Naw. That would solve all my problems very quickly, and that never happens to me. Fate likes to drawl out my humiliations as long as possible. There was nothing to do but open the darn thing. So I did.
It was a book. A book? Kevin wanted me to read? OK. He thought I played too many video games and stuff, but a book? Then I turned it over and looked at the title. OH. Well. What can one say? “A boy’s body: A user’s manual.” HUM. This was interesting. I flipped through the thing very quickly trying to get a handle on the situation and came across...illustrations. Some where in color, by gosh. Life-like color. And they were of guys...lots of guys. For a freaky moment I thought back to the “nude on Kevin” incident and wondered if he were trying to get some message across to me, but the next illustration changed my mind. A few more glances and I realized this was a book about a guys body and what happens to it when he...you know. Then I realized that this was me. I mean not literally as in the book, but yea literally as in what was happening to me..or what Kevin was trying to tell me was happening to me. I was torn between extreme embarrassment and relief. The relief was that Kevin was not going to be arrested for kiddie porn, and the embarrassment I believe is self-explanatory.
Good ole Kevin had marked a chapter with a paper clip. Hum. Nocturnal Emissions. I have no idea what that’s about, but I bet that’s where I’m suppose to start. So, I did.
-