1. Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you. Bad: She wants a divorce. Ugly: She's a lawyer.
3. Good: Your son is finally maturing. Bad: He's involved with the woman next door. Ugly: So are you.
4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room. Bad: You find several pornos hidden there. Ugly: You're in them.
5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids. Bad: You can't find your birth control pills. Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.
6. Good: Your husband understands fashion. Bad: He's a cross-dresser. Ugly: He looks better than you.
7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter. Bad: She keeps interrupting. Ugly: She interrupts with corrections.
8. Good: The postman's early. Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun. Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
9. Good: Your son is dating someone new. Bad: It's another man. Ugly: He's your best friend.
10. Good: Your daughter got a new job. Bad: As a hooker. Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients. Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.
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