The Boys went on their Hundred Hour Tour and I started to pack up my life. It seemed so hard to leave my small place, yet I knew it was best all around. I needed to be where someone could take care of me when I needed it, and I secretly liked the idea of no longer living alone, though I’d never admit it.
They made it back without killing themselves, and after sleeping for almost an entire twenty-four hours, AJ came over to help me move my things. “Alex, I don’t know how much help I’m gonna be,” I admitted to him as he walked in the door. Ninety percent of my things were packed in boxes, but I had not been able to carry them from the various rooms in the house.
“I figured as much, which is why I brought reinforcements,” he said, motioning towards the front door. I peeked out and saw Brian and Nick getting out of Nick’s car as Howie and Kevin pulled in behind them.
“Alex, what…how…” I couldn’t believe this. They had just been gone for about four days, and here they were moving me out of my house. “You guys! What are you doing here?”
“If we let AJ move you, you’d still be here NEXT holiday season,” Nick said with a grin.
“Where should we start?” Kevin asked.
“Here,” I said with a sigh, throwing myself into his arms. “Thank you. Thanks all of you.” I hugged them all in turn, then started to give orders.
Brian laughed. “You’ve got your hands full here, Aje. And you thought AMANDA was bossy.” They started up the steps to the bedroom. I froze where I stood. I hadn’t thought about that.
“Alex.”
“Yes, baby?” He was stacking small boxes to carry out to his car.
“What about a girlfriend?”
“Well, if you have one, she’s welcome to move in, too.”
“Not ME.” I smacked him. “You. Won’t it be weird…I mean…”
“Girlie, you’re all the woman I can handle right now. If I wanna bring someone home, I’ll let you know. It’s cool, okay?”
“Okay,” I said worriedly. He kissed my cheek.
“Knock it off.” He piled up his boxes and went out the door.
Since I had given away or sold a lot of my larger things, the moving didn’t take more than four or five hours. AJ wouldn’t let me go along to his house; he wanted to take me over himself when we were done. I kissed each of the guys and hugged them hard as they left with the last loads. I slowly walked through my house, crying softly. This had been my home for almost six years, and it was hell to leave it.
“You gonna be okay?” AJ asked as he walked into what had been my bedroom.
“Yeah,” I said from my seat in the middle of the floor. “I’m sorry to intrude like this, Alex.”
“Honey, I INVITED you, remember? If you’d just marry me you wouldn’t feel so bad,” he said. I sighed. Every other day he proposed.
“AJ, when are you gonna get it into your thick head that I don’t WANT to marry you? I’d much rather live in sin.” I got up and kissed his cheek. “I like scandal.”
“Honey, living with me is gonna give you more scandal than you ever DREAMED of, I assure you.” AJ took my hand and led me out of my bedroom, and out of my house.
“Howie tried to get me to decorate in purple, but I told him it wasn’t my style,” AJ said as we walked down the hall to the first floor bedroom. “I put you down here in case…” he paused delicately, and I knew he meant in case I got too weak to climb the steps. “…in case I bring a girl home and we wanna get busy. You won’t hear it down here.”
“Gee, thanks,” I said rolling my eyes. We stopped in front of the bedroom door and I prayed. AJ’s “style” could get pretty crazy at times.
“Here goes.” He swung the door open and I sighed.
“Oh, Alex.” I wanted to tiptoe into this room. It was decorated in smoky blues and greys against cream-colored walls. A huge picture window overlooked the ocean. “I…I don’t know what to say.” I ran my hand over the fine wood of the desk. The desk matched the bed, nightstand and dressing table.
“There’s a walk-in closet over here, and a connecting bathroom through that door there.”
“Was this room ALWAYS like this?” I asked.
“No. I had some adjustments planned anyway, and they worked on it while I was gone.”
“Incredible,” I whispered, a tear falling. “Thank you, Alex. Thank you so much.” I couldn’t put into words what I was thinking. I could have, but it would have killed him to hear them. This is a room I could die in¸ I thought to myself.
No one could have warned me about living with Alexander McLean. Howie, Brian, Kevin…they all tried, but nothing was quite like the reality. He was messy, he was loud, he was crass. As loving and tender as he could be, he was a hellish roommate. There were many times in the first three weeks that I wanted to just smack him across the face, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t because twenty minutes after we fought, he’d remind me somehow of what a warm, caring friend he truly was to me. And all I could do was forgive him.
“You ready, girlie?” AJ asked one morning as he brought me juice and toast in bed. I had had more radiation treatments the day before, and hardly anything was staying down.
“Are you sure this can’t wait?” I asked, taking a sip of the juice as he measured out my daily cocktail of medicines.
“Yes, I’m sure.” AJ handed me the pills and sat down. “Wanna tell me why you keep putting this off?”
“I dunno.” I shrugged. “I just don’t think it’s necessary, that’s all,” I said nonchalantly. I shoved the pills into my mouth and took a big gulp of juice. AJ took the glass, then held my hand.
“That’s not it at all.” His eyes were dark. “Honey, I feel exactly the same way.”
“And what way is that, Alex?” I snapped.
“You’re thinking that if you can put off hiring a nurse, you won’t need one. I feel that way, too. If I can just keep taking care of you myself, you won’t get sicker. The only problem is that soon I’ll have to be away for a while, and I refuse to leave you alone.”
“Alex, that’s…” I started to tell him it was insane, but then I realized it wasn’t. “That’s right,” I finished softly. I looked up into his caring brown eyes. “I love you, Alex.”
“I love you, too, Sugar.” He kissed my forehead and I winced. He knew I hated that name. “Okay, I have five people coming over before lunch. Can you get dressed and everything?”
“Yes,” I said obediently. That much I felt I was capable of.
“Okay. I need to make a list of what we’re looking for.” He whipped a notepad out of his back jeans pocket. “Medical background, decent cook, knows about nutrition…” he wrote as he talked. “Gives great head…”
“ALEX!” I said, giggling.
“Oh…sorry…” AJ pretended to scribble out the words. “Can I at least ask that she wear short skirts?”
“What if it’s a HE?” I pointed out. He shook his head.
“Nope. I only gave appointments to women.”
“Sexist pig.”
“Hey, sicko, I can’t have you lusting over anyone but me.” He looked at the notepad and sighed. “God, when did I get so damn responsible? Why can’t Howie do this stuff?”
“Because I’m not living with Howie and because we have to find someone that will put up with all your shit,” I said pleasantly. I had had a long talk with Howie soon after I moved. I wondered why AJ, and not my lifelong friend, had asked me to move in. Howie explained that with his new club, his time at home was limited, and AJ would be around more. I secretly believed that he was still unable to fully accept the situation, and not having it in front of him made it a lot easier.
“I don’t HAVE shit to put up with,” AJ said arrogantly. He walked to the door. “Get dressed. First appointment’s in twenty minutes.”
“Yes, sir,” I said, saluting him. He rolled his eyes and left the room.
“Now I know how the kids in Mary Poppins felt,” I said with a sigh as the fourth woman left the house. They had all been kind enough, but they were grandmotherly women over fifty who made me uncomfortable. Two of the four had actually talked about me as if I wasn’t there, and all of them acted like they weren’t planning on helping me stay alive, but instead planned on helping me accept dying. I didn’t want that, and I could tell AJ didn’t either.
“There’s one more, and no one is making us choose today. I can place another ad in the paper and we can get more replies,” AJ said. He stood up and stretched. We were seated in the living room. “Want anything?”
“I could drink a cup of tea,” I replied.
“Okay, Howie,” he said. “If she shows up early, get the door.”
“Yes, Alex. I wasn’t raised in a barn,” I said, annoyed. Alex had a habit of getting condescending when he was irritable.
“Moo,” he said, and darted into the kitchen before I could smack him. I stood as well, stretching my tight muscles. I was exhausted from doing absolutely nothing, and I hated it. I idly stared out the front window, and I slowly began to smile. A woman in faded blue jeans and a dark blue blouse stood on the sidewalk, quickly inhaling on a cigarette. Her dark black boots tapped a beat on the cement, and her long dark hair blew in the slight breeze. She was slender but not weak, and when she turned to face the house I saw determined intelligence on her pretty face. I drew back so she wouldn’t see me watching.
AJ returned to the living room with my tea just as the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” I said eagerly. I slowly made my way to the door and opened it. “Hello there. Are you here to interview?”
“Yes, I am.” Her dark eyes flew over me quickly. “And I guess you’re what I’m interviewing for, huh?”
“That would be me.” I held out my hand and introduced myself. “But actually my roommate is the one who would be interviewing and hiring you. His name is…”
“Alexander McLean. Yes, I know.” She pushed her hair back. “I’m Felicia Kent.”
“Come in, please, Felicia,” I said, stepping aside. I couldn’t wait to see Alex handle this one.
“And I’m hoping you’ll BOTH be interviewing me. Your opinion matters most in all this,” Felicia said as we walked to the living room.
“Alex, this is Felicia Kent.” I sat down on my chair as AJ shook her hand. I sat silently, waiting for the fireworks.
“Miss Kent, I…”
“First of all, Alex, it’s Mrs. Kent, but you may call me Felicia,” she said, and I couldn’t hide a smile. The other women had been very deferential to “Mr. McLean.”
“Okay, Felicia. As I was going to say, my friend here is doing fine now but I…”
“Do you happen to have a copy of your latest report from the doctor?” Felicia turned to me. I looked up in surprise.
“Um, yes. Right here.” I walked over to AJ’s desk and pulled it out.
“That’s confidential,” AJ said quickly, but we ignored him. Her eyes flickered over it.
“Um-hmmm. I see.” She closed it and looked up at me, though her words were directed at AJ. “Alex, let me set you straight about something. Yes, I’m a licensed caregiver, but more than that I have lived this scenario. My husband died in my arms five years ago of AIDS. I’ve seen it all and lived through it. I think that’s what she needs, not some sterile old bitch who’s gonna time how often she takes a shit.” I smothered a giggle with my hand. I loved her already. “I don’t do windows, and I’m not gonna clean anything more than the messes that I make. I’ll need a room of my own, something simple, quiet, and near her bedroom. Is that possible?”
“Yes,” AJ replied, grateful to get a word in.
“I understand you’re going to be away for a while?”
“Yes,” he said, and I was overcome with sadness. The tour was going to start very soon. “A few months…on tour.”
“Your friends…bandmates…will they visit here?”
“They do quite often.”
“I’d like to talk to them. There are some things that will NOT be happening in this house.”
“Such as?” AJ asked almost angrily.
“No smoking in the house. If you get anything done such as fumigation or painting, she’ll have to be moved until the air clears. Every phone will be programmed with her doctor’s number as well as emergency numbers, and I MUST be able to reach you and your friends at all times. Understand?”
“Felicia…Mrs. Kent…I haven’t even hired you yet,” AJ finally protested. She looked over at me and barely winked. She knew she was hired.
“Fine. I’ll consider this interview concluded. You have my number.” She put a friendly hand on my shoulder as she went to the door.
AJ stared at me. “I cannot believe the balls of that woman,” he gasped. “SHE’S the one that was being interviewed, not us!”
“She wasn’t interviewing US, Alex,” I said, finally able to laugh out loud. I laughed until tears streamed down my cheeks. “She was interviewing you. Where’s her number?”
“You can’t mean…”
“I do. I want her. I want her here as soon as possible. Oh, Alex, she’s wonderful! If she’s here while you’re gone I’ll never feel afraid.”
He stared at me. Never once had I admitted to him that I was scared. He knelt by my chair and gave me a big hug. “Okay, honey, I’ll hire her. But can I at least wait until tomorrow to call her, just to make her squirm?” I laughed and nodded, hugging him back.