As I drove to Alex’s gorgeous beach house, I wasn’t feeling very lucky. The guys had a few days off before another concert in the city of Sunrise, and I told Alex I had to see him. We needed to talk. Howie had wanted to take me to lunch but I told him I was spending the day with Alex. He seemed jealous; not of our friendship but of any idea that Alex and I were involved as more than friends. He didn’t like the idea AT ALL. I smiled to myself…if Howie only knew how far from the truth it all ways.
“Hey, sexy,” AJ said with a grin as he threw open the front door. “You’re beautiful today.”
“Hardly, but thank you,” I told him. Today had been one of my sicker days, and the thought of telling him about this made things worse. “How are you?”
“Got in a fight with Amanda this morning. What a way to start the day,” he grumbled as he led me out to the back deck. “I mean, we’re not together or anything, but we sure as hell fight like we still are.”
“I’m sorry, Alex,” I said softly. He shrugged.
“Oh, well, what can ya do? Can I get you something?”
“Water,” I told him. I was always thirsty, and water was the only thing that seemed to quench the thirst.
“Can do.” He padded into the house on bare feet and came out with a bottle of spring water. I raised an eyebrow.
“Tap water would have sufficed.”
“Nothing too good for you, girlie.” We sat on a swing and stared out at the ocean. I drank water, he pushed the swing with one foot. After about ten minutes, he said, “So, what’s up? Some new hot guy you need me to approve of? Or, wait…lemme guess…you’re pregnant, right? A cute little baby for me to spoil.”
“Oh, Alex.” The thought of the babies I would never have finally broke the damn. I started to sob against his shoulder.
“God, baby, I’m sorry. It’s true, isn’t it? You’re having a baby. Who’s the bastard? Did he dump you? I’ll rip his damn head off and shove it up his ass,” Alex almost snarled, and I had to smile at the thought of AJ attempting to beat the shit out of someone. “Are you keeping it? I can give you money if you want to…you know…”
“NO, Alex.” I shoved back and looked at him, tears streaming down my face. “I’m not getting an abortion. I mean, I’m not pregnant.” I sniffed loudly and watched him. So many women…and I could see why. He was so sexy and sensual, and he was caring, too, if you were lucky enough to get that close. “I need you to shut the hell up, okay?”
“Okay, jeez, just trying to help.” But he only looked mildly offended. I took a deep breath.
“Alex, how many people do you think you’ve slept with since that time we hooked up in the bathroom?”
His mouth fell open. “Do you REALLY think I can give you a number?” The shock was genuine and he said the words unashamedly. We had no secrets. I told him even more than I told Howie. There was something about childhood friendships that you had to protect. I didn’t need to protect Alex.
“No…no, I guess not.” I looked into his chocolate eyes. “Protection?”
“EVERY damn time. Even with you in the bathroom, remember? I’m clean and plan on staying that way, and I also don’t want to be popping out little AJ’s anywhere quite yet.”
My heart sank at the same time it was rising. Thank God. I figured he’d get tested often, and if what he said was true, he wasn’t infected. Thank God. It had been years since we had enjoyed that bathroom, and if it hadn’t shown up by now, he was probably safe. But that meant only one other thing.
“Alex, I want you to get tested. For HIV. For syphilis. For whatever other diseases there are out there, okay?”
“When did this turn around to me? Did you come over here to preach at me?” He stood and began to pace. “Girlie, I love you, but you’re not my mom, okay? I don’t need you telling me what to do.” Just the mention of the word ‘mom’ set me off again. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll do it. I’ll get whatever you want tested. They can test my pubic hair if it will make you happy.” He knelt in front of me and wiped away my tears.
“Alex…” I whispered. His eyes were so kind. “I want you to get tested because…I have AIDS, Alex.” He was the first person I had said the words to, and they hung in the air like a tolling bell. His hands froze on my face as his skin paled.
“Um…what?”
“I have AIDS, Alex. And since I’ve only been with like six guys, I had to tell you. I’m not sure how…I mean, I didn’t know if I might have given…so I had to tell you.” Tears refused to flow any longer, though sobs racked my body still. AJ leaned back on his heels, staring up at me.
“You have no idea? I mean, when…who…”
“I’ve been sick for a while now…and this thing you thought was a hickey is actually a lesion.” I reached up to rub the offensive spot unconsciously. “I’m a lot sicker than even the doctor thought. I just figured I was tiring myself out with work. Just always had a cold, you know? Thank GOD I haven’t been involved with anyone for well over a year. I need to call him,” I said suddenly, realizing that my ex-boyfriend needed to know. I realized how random the thought was and laughed out loud. AJ turned his head to the side, staring at me. I knew I sounded hysterical, but at that moment laughter was all I had.
“Come here.” AJ took my hand and led me down the steps to the sand. I obediently followed him down the beach to a long line of rocks that reached out into the water. We walked down the jetty and sat at the end, letting our toes bob on top of the water. “Remember John?”
“Oh, yes, John,” I said quickly. He had been foremost in my mind since the doctor’s visit but Alex didn’t need to know that. “I’d forgotten his name,” I lied.
Alex took my hand in his, rubbing the knuckles. “Honey, John died five months ago.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” I said, my heart dropping. “I know he was your friend.”
“An acquaintance, really,” AJ told me. “But that’s not the point. He died in a car wreck outside Paris.”
“How awful!” I gasped.
“Not really,” AJ said, his eyes never leaving mine. “He was already dying of AIDS.”