Author's notes: This was just something that got into my head and refused to go away! Thanks to Mom (yes, my Mom!) for a quick beta job!
Warning: Do not eat or drink carbonated beverages while reading.
"Chief, are you sure you want to do this?"
"Well, we've done a bunch of the other ones. Yeah, I think we're ready."
"I don't know, babe. This looks a little advanced for us."
"You liked the last one."
"Once we got into it. I mean, you standing on your head was interesting and all, but you kicked me in the face."
"I know it's a little more than we usually do, but Chris said that once you get into the position…"
"Get into the position? I dunno, Chief. I kind of always thought things should just sort of flow… you know, just go with whatever feels right."
"Jim, in Hindu religion, sex is a sacred act. This is not just a way of of improving our sex lives, but a means of much deeper communication and…"
"Okay, okay. I get the idea. Far be it from me to deny us a chance to become one with the cosmos. What do I do?"
"Just stay there for a second and let me limber up."
"First time I've ever seen calisthenics before sex."
"Well, this is a pretty advanced position. I'm just gonna loosen up."
"You know, I could watch this all day."
"Pervert
"Hey, who are you calling a perv? You're the one with the book."
"Okay, tough guy. Take it easy. That should do it. Now I'm going to sit over here and you're going to be on the other side of the bed."
"What?"
"We both have to get into the right position before… you know?"
"On the other side of the bed?"
"Well… yeah."
"Hrumph…
"What's the matter, Jim?"
"I usually like to be in the same room with the person I'm having sex with."
"You're going to be!"
"Do I get to touch you?"
"Soon. Promise. Now let me stretch out here…"
"Damn, you look cute like that."
"
"I like that."
"Yeah, I figured you would. Now I'm going to bring my leg back…"
"OW! That hurts just looking at it."
"Let me get my other leg… there…"
"Ummm… Blair, THAT does NOT look comfortable."
"It's… it's not really… that bad."
"Not that bad? Those are not exactly the kind of words I like to hear in the throes of passion."
"It's okay, Jim. It's just been awhile…"
"You mean you've done this before?"
"No, not this. It's just been awhile since I've done my yoga exercises. I'm a little out of condition.
"Okay, Chief. What do I do?"
"Uh… look at the picture. See the pose?"
"You want me to do THAT?"
"It's not really that hard. Just swing your legs over…"
"Ooofff… like that?"
"Bring them up a little more."
"If I bring them up anymore, my feet are going to be in my mouth.
"Yeah, close enough. Put your arms back."
"Oh, yeah, this is a nice natural position."
"Bring your hips closer… closer… okay, right there."
"Like this?"
"Yeah, I… OW!"
"What's wrong?"
"You're on my hair!"
"What… where?"
"Under your elbow! Lift your arm, man!"
'Oh, just… give me a second, Chief!
"ow"
"You okay, babe?"
"Yeah."
"Sorry."
"It's okay, big guy. I don't think you pulled too much out. Ready for the main event?"
"Think so. What do I do?"
"All right, you gently thrust your hips and…"
"Thrust? Thrust what?"
"Your hips, man."
"Blair. I cannot trust my hips."
"What do you mean?"
"I can't move at all!"
"Oh, come on!"
"I thought that was the whole idea here!"
"Jim, I'm not talking about pounding into me! Just…"
"Just nothing! My fucking hips are locked!"
"Are you okay?"
" Let me try this again."
"You sure?"
"I…
"Jim… what's the matter?"
"My… back."
"……"
"I think I threw my back out."
"Oh no. Hang on there. Let me just…
"Blair, you okay!"
"Yeah, I… justfelloffthebed…"
"What?"
"I'm okay. Let me see, big guy."
"Get me out of this! I feel like a pretzel!"
"It's gonna be okay, Jim. I'm gonna straighten you out."
"ow."
"It's okay, babe. Let me just bring your legs around."
"OW!"
"Sorry. Just try to relax."
"OW!"
"
"OW!"
"Okay… it's okay, Big Guy. I've got you. Let me just get the pillows…"
"OW!"
"I'll prop you up."
"ow!"
"I'm sorry!"
"
"I didn't mean for this to happen! Really, I thought we were ready for this!"
"I know, babe. It's okay. You don't mind if I kind of lost interest in this, do you?"
"NO! Of course not! I mean, I just feel horrible about this. I thought that this would be really good for us."
"It's okay, baby. Just straighten me out and let me get some rest."
"Sure. I'll rub you down with tiger balm. You'll feel better in no time. Let me just get you comfortable."
"Be careful."
"Don't worry, Jim. Just hold your breath while I lift your shoulders…"
"Blair, I'm too heavy…"
"Don't be silly… I… oh no."
"….. Blair? What are you going on the floor?"
"…. my back…"
"Chief?"
"I think… I think I hurt myself."
"… You've got to be kidding!"
"I wish! I really think I hurt myself!"
"Thank you, Mr. Limber."
"Oh, shut up.
"… chuckle chuckle…"
"Would you like to fill me in on what's so funny?"
"I was just thinking… I hurt my back during sex… you hurt your back after sex…"
"But we didn't finish! We barely got started!"
"Close enough."
"Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades."
"This is from a pacifist?"
"This is SO not funny, man!"
"Well look at it this way… At least we'll be able to take off for a couple of days."
"Not like we'll be able to do anything!"
"It's not like we were doing that much anyway."
"Oh, shut up."
"I'd just like to know how YOU are going to explain this little mishap to Simon."
"…."
-End-
