If you park your patrol car in the exact center of the Gobi desert, within 5 minutes someone will pull up and ask for directions.

New uniforms and ties attract catsup and gravy stains.(anyone who knows me knows thats definitely true with me!!)

Heavy calls will only come over the air 10 minutes before the end of your shift,especially if you have something to do after work!!!

You will never get the urge to use the bathroom until you have left the station house.

Surprise inspections will only occur after you have been in a foot pursuit through mud.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also the harder they punch, kick and choke.

Pens never leak onto old uniform shirts.

To error is human, to forgive is against department policy.

Shatterproof flashlights seldom are.

You will remain in perfect health until your days off.

No patrol car assigned to you will be clean and ever have a full tank of gas.

Wearing white socks makes boot zippers break.

The oldest squad car won't be retired. It will be assigned to you.

Flashlight batteries always die during a search of a dark abandoned building.

Your mouthiest traffic violator will be related to another cop.

The speed you respond to a fight in progress is inversely proportional to how long you have been an officer.

Perfect 10's only show up to talk when you are busy (but then, is anyone that busy?)

Bullet proof vests might be.

Your portable radio will never fail until you are involved in a foot pursuit.

Vehicle pursuits always progress from areas of low traffic density to high traffic density.

NCIC will be down anytime you see a car that looks suspicious.

The experience of your DA is inversely proportional to the importance of the case he is prosecuting.

Word processors only delete reports when they are nearly done.

Your bullet proof vest was supplied by the lowest bidder (especially in NYC)

You receive a notification for a major felony case for the first day of your paid for, non-refundable vacation that wasn't your pick!

In a physical confrontation involving more than one officer, any impact weapon (night stick) used will strike cops more times than crooks.

Your squad car will only break down when you are miles outside your precinct getting food.

Waterproof boots aren't.

There is an inverse relationship between the number of auto club stickers on a rear bumper and how well the person drives.(also religious bumper stickers)

You are ALWAYS downwind from pepper spray.

There is never enough crime scene tape in the trunk when you need it.

A high ranking supervisor always shows up at a crime scene just when about 5 civilians sneak in behind your back but in plain view of him.

And while we're on crime scenes, isn't there always some rookie just out of the academy (or an auxiliary cop) who thinks he's doing the right thing at a homocide crime scene by collecting all the spent shells and handing it to a Sergeant or defective with a goofy smile on his face.

Anyone that flirts with you on-duty won't even recognize you off-duty.

And the last Murphy's Law: Rudy Guiliani will win another term!!!