by QYBA

He couldn’t remember how he got in the land of Small-Tasty-Hams, but he was there. Ringo remembered walking out of the bathroom after Paul put extra powerful exlax in his coffee. He thought it had tasted funny. And he was about to leap and latch onto Paul’s jugular, when he was sucked into a void. Probably Paul’s ego. He spun and spun and landed hard on his ass. There was a billboard next to him, a really small one, about two feet high. It said: "Welcome to the land of Small-Tasty-Hams."

Now that we’ve all been up dated, back to the present. Ringo got up and rubbed his butt and began walking. All the trees were only up to his waist, yet they looked old. He walked for a bit, finally, the first time in his life, he felt big.

"Stop!" A voice cried from below. Ringo looked down upon a small ham with eyes and appendages. Ringo bent down.

"How did you talk?" Ringo asked it.

"None of your business! You are far too tall to be wandering around Small-Tasty-Hams! I’m arresting you!" The thing pulled out some hand cuffs, then figured they were too small for Ringo’s wrists.

"You listen here, you pig (oh, that was a good one)! I’m bigger than you! I can do what a damn well please! I demand that you tell me how to get home!"

"I don’t know where you live! But the high priest probably does! Follow!" Ringo followed the tiny ham to a castle not much bigger than the trees Ringo brushed past. Another, bigger ham came out of the tower to face Ringo.

"What do you want, monster?" It asked Ringo.

"Monster? At least I’ no talking delicacy!"

"Silence! You came from above, yes?"

"Yes."

"You must go back, you are far too big for this country!"

"I can’t! I fell from the sky! Do you know how high up that is?" By this time Ringo was getting ticked off. He didn’t want to be here and he didn’t need a lesson from any ham!

"You can’t hurt us, monster! We have powers greater than yours!"

"Let’s see you eat me..."

"Uhh...."

"That’s right! I eat hams! I love hams! They’re especially good with honey, and glazed stuff....and juice....." All this was giving Ringo some hunger pains. Could he or would they throw little toothpicks at him? Eh...

"Where’d he go?" Paul said, relieving his muscles after getting ready for Ringo’s vicious attack.

"I dunno! He vanished before he hit you!" George said, examining the scene. John was laughing.

"Exlax in his coffee! GENIUS!" John laughed.

"Hmmm....Geez, I hope this isn’t one of those stupid adventure things where we have to go and find him...." George said. "My feet hurt..."

"Well, it just might be one of those. You try jumping into me. Go on.." Paul said. George took a running position and leaped.......throwing Paul to the floor.

"Get off me!" Paul cried beneath George.

"Look! George! Your shoe!" John cried. George’s shoe had fallen off, but was hanging in mid air, half of it gone. George grabbed it and the rest appeared. George stuck his hand in where his shoe had been. His arm disappeared.

"GGRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOVVVVYYYYYY......." Paul said, making circles with his hand in the dimension.

"A portal! That’s how he got in!" John said. "Let’s go!"

"But my feet..."

"I don’t care, George! Go!" Paul went in first, then George and....hey! Where’s John sneaking off to?

"You’ll see....."

"OOOFFF!! Get off me! Geez! Ever hear of SlimFast?" Paul groaned, shoving George off him.

"Where’s John?"

"I don’t know, probably chickening out."

"Halt!" said a voice. They looked down. A small ham was standing and looking at them.

"You’re that giant’s friends aren’t you? I’ve been told to shrink you guys and anyone else who is far too big for this place."

"But...Where’s Ringo?" George asked, confused and angry with himself, talking to a ham.

"The Hungry One is at the castle tied down. He ate the high priest! Bastard!" The ham pointed to them and they began to shrink.

"Now, you are welcome. Come, get rid of your friend!" The ham said, now bigger than Paul and George. They trembled...

"HMMPPPHHHFFFGGHH!!!!" Ringo said. They had him gagged and tied down to the ground. A couple of hams had scalpels and were ready to cut him open. Ringo hated operations, especially without gas. "MMMMMPHH!!!!"

"Stop! I brought his friends! They can help!" A ham said. Everyone looked to a ham being followed by two tiny men. When Paul and George got a look at Ringo, they were no bigger than his eye, which was now filled with tears.

"How can they help? These guys have done enough damage! And how come they’re so small?" Another ham asked.

"I shrunk them. Now watch." The ham turned to the guys. "Just go in and get him."

"Who? Where?" Paul asked.

"The high priest! In your friend..."

"I’m going to be sick! I’m not going down no body’s throat! That’s just gross!" Paul said.

"I went down Pet’s throat, ‘member?" George said.

"Shut up! Pet’s at home and he’s the size of a human now! Off married to Ellest and with 600000000 children! Leave him outta this!"

"Hypocrite....." George mumbled. By then, they were being forced into position, a top Ringo’s nose to be shoved in. They ungagged Ringo.

"Guy, I’m sorry..." Ringo whispered. Something wet slammed Paul in the back and sent him into Ringo’s mouth. The wet thing was Ringo’s tears. Another smacked George and sent him following after Paul....

"Ringo? I have nothing to do with master any more. Now that I’m married and Ellest is pregnant three fourths of the time...." Pet said, sitting in an armchair and reading the newspaper. (Remember now, he has the body of a human now, only he has a tail and funny ears still.) Ellest peered out of the kitchen.

"Do it, Pet. He did do a lot for you. Just help him out," Ellest said. Pet sighed.

"Alright, John. But this had better be good or I’m not wasting my time on it."

"Can you be more scary looking?" John asked him.

"Yes! I’ve found that I can go back to my original small animal state and back again! Funny, huh?" Pet crouched on the floor and transformed back into the small animal that he used to be.

"Let’s go!" John and him said together.

"Be home before 6, we’re having dinner then..." Ellest said.

"What are we having?" Pet asked.

"Hams! Damn you bloody hams! Now you have your revenge! Let me go!" Ringo cried. The hams were laughing, but one ham actually sent them down into Ringo to get the high priest out.

"GGGRRRRROOOOOOOOOOVVVYYYY!!!!" Paul said, sliding down the disgusting esophagus. They landed on something hard and groaned.

"Oh god no! We’ve.....we’re....oh geez...." Paul rambled.

"Yup....we’ve been swallowed. I’m used to it, but at least Pet’s tummy was much cleaner than this..." George said, brushing himself off.

"George! We’re gonna be stuck here forever! We’ll be digested and....EEEEWWWW!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Paul screamed and ran around in circles. George clothes-lined him and stopped his running.

"Relax! We’ll find the high priest and go back up his neck. Just hope that Ringo doesn’t get up, then we’ll be stuck here forever..." George said coolly.

"I hope you’re right...."

"They went through this portal, Pet." John said, putting his hand in it.

"Hmmm...odd place for it, in EMI. Oh, well. Let’s go." Pet went in first and John followed. They went sliding down a multi-colored vortex and landed hard on the ground. They read the sign and saw the ham.

"I have to shrink you, because you are far too big!" It said. Pet licked his face.

"I hope its glazed..." Pet said, before devouring it. Now that he had his animal body back, his teeth were razor sharp to the touch and he could swallow things better. He smiled.

"Needed some cranberry sauce." John looked at Pet strangely.

"Well, you might be happy, but we still have to find Ringo and the others." John said. They ran through the forest and came to the castle. They found Ringo tied and gagged, and crying to himself, while the other hams laughed. Pet roared and pounced on them, devouring them. There was one left standing next to Ringo.

"No! I’m on his side!" It said. John pulled Pet away from it.

"You may be hungry, but he’s helpful. Let him live..." John said. Pet pouted and went to the ham.

"Where are Paul and George?" Pet asked.

"The hams made Ringo swallow them to find the high priest." It said. Ringo still cried. John looked at him.

"Ringo, you and you’re big mouth. Do you have to eat everything?" John asked.

"HHHMMMPHHHGHRTHHT!!!!" Ringo said. John pulled the gag out of Ringo’s mouth.

"Yes?" John asked.

"GET THEM OUTTA ME!!!!!" Ringo yelled. John found one of the scalpels the hams had. "Not that way! There’s no gas or anything to knock me out!" John looked around, shrugged and punched him. Ringo was out cold.

"Patient is ready..." John said, removing Ringo’s shirt.

George and Paul wandered around. They couldn’t find the high priest.

"I guess we’re too late. Oh well...let’s go..." Paul said.

"Paul! This is the only way to get out of here! Help me find him!" George said. A light above them appeared and John’s face too.

"Ello...." John said. The two of them smiled.

EPILOGUE

Ringo had another scar and indigestion after the ordeal, George smelled funny, Paul had a nervous break down, John had a head ache and Pet had hams for dinner. Ellest was not harmed in the making of this film....

THE END!

Write me some time! Loveta hear from ya!!