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Dear Diary

E-mail: Shirlz@madmail.demon.co.uk
Rating: PG
  Spoilers: Blood Ties
  Content: A bit of blood!
  Distribution: Go ahead but please LMK where
  Feedback: Anyone out there???  You all been sucked into the Hellmouth???
  Summary: You can tell your diary anything…
  AN’s: First time I’ve ever written for Dawn, and I think that maybe I’ve written her way too mature…it’s a long long time since I was 14…but this idea just wouldn’t go away…it may suck like a Dustbuster so I’d kinda like to know *nicely*!
  Thanx: http://www.mustreadtv.com/buffyscripts/ for dialogue and getting things in the right order!
  Dedication: Michelle Trachtenberg for her moving performance


My whole world got blown apart two nights ago.  One minute we were celebrating my annoying sister’s birthday (trying to take her mind off fish boy and Glory this demony Goddy thing she has to fight) and the next I’m finding out that I’m a…a…a Key.  

I guess I first noticed that people were being a bit funny round me, either stopping talking completely or changing the subject.  Normally I would believe Anya when she says that she and Xander were talking about sex, I mean, that’s all they ever do, ewwwish PDA’s left right and center, but this time they weren’t convincing.  

Buffy tried to hush them up and that’s when I got annoyed, I knew they were hiding something.  I slammed off to my room, and while I was up there I stewed, I had to know what was going on.  It was then I remembered how cagey Giles got when I came into the Magic Box, hiding those books as if they contained some deep dark secret.  How little I knew.  

Spike helped me break in.  He’s got it bad for Buffy, and will do anything to get on her good side, so I know that’s the only reason he came along to protect me.  Getting the Slayer’s sister killed would not earn him her undying devotion.  

The Slayer’s sister.  Guess if he’d known what was in those books he wouldn’t have bothered.  Then again, he did manage to get himself some bargains for his crypt, five finger discount specials.  

Everything fell into place when I read that book.  What everyone was whispering about, why people were being funny around me. It wasn’t that they wanted to exclude me from the Slayer stuff – I *was* the Slayer stuff.  

I don’t know how I got home.  Maybe Spike took me or maybe I found my way there myself.  The next thing I remember is standing in the living room, dripping blood on the carpet, the cake knife still in my limp grip.  Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew Mom would be angry with me for getting blood on her clean floor, especially when we had company, but that was the least of my worries.  

That’s when things really did get crazy.  Everyone left and Mom and Buffy tried to talk to me but I didn’t want to know.  What could they possibly say to me that I would want to hear?  They had lied to me for six months, why should I believe anything they had to say now?  

I coped the best way I knew how, shutting them out, guess I really am like my ‘big sister’ in that respect.  Mom tried to be nice to me but all I did was shout at her and then storm out of the house to school.  Managed to get suspended, I didn’t even know I knew the words I used at that teacher.  

What hurt me the most was Buffy, telling Mom that we weren’t family because I wasn’t real and they didn’t even know what I was.  It was then that I knew I had to get away, I wasn’t staying where I wasn’t wanted.  

I found myself wandering through Sunnydale, the town where I didn’t grow up, reliving memories of things that never happened, finally ending up at the hospital.  I knew what I had to do; I guess I just had to find out if what I had read was true.  

The Psyche ward gave me a major wiggins, but Spike had said that people with second sight and, how did he put it, run of the-mill lunatics would recognize me as the Key.  

And one of them did, and I tried to ask him what I was but all he wanted to do was hurt me.  He kept muttering about the Key being the link and the link needing to be severed.  I turned and fled, and ran straight into Ben.

  I like Ben.  When Mom was sick he was nice to me.  He was nice to me now.  He brought me hot chocolate, apologizing for not having any marshmallows.  I started trying to explain to him, and the next thing he is wigging and telling me to run before Glory finds me, and then Glory is there and Ben is gone.  

I was scared, and more than ever I wanted my Mom and I wanted my sister.  I wanted them to make the bad go away, to hold me and tell me that everything was alright.  Instead there was this crazy thing holding me hostage, threatening to rip out my spine if I made a run for it.  I knew I was on my own, and that scared me even more.

  We’re interrupted by a guard, who Glory kills as if he were nothing more than an annoying bug, and then she drags me off somewhere so that we can have an uninterrupted chat as she put it.  I didn’t want to go but what could I do?  I may well be the Key but I have no idea what that means.  What kind of powers do I have?  Why does this crazy woman who says she is a God want me?  In a moment of insanity I decide to see what she will tell me.

  So I bluff it, pretending that I need more information.  I may have seen the Key but how can I tell her where it is if I have no idea what it looks like?  

She seems happy and thinks that I am cooperating, but then something happens, a change comes over her.  She is just about to drain my brain when I hear a voice, my *sister’s* voice.  I have never been so pleased to hear anything or anyone.  

Buffy pounds on her, with the help of the others.  Willow is here, Tara and Xander, Giles, even Spike.  Willow and Tara are chanting something whilst the others try and keep her occupied.  They are getting battered, Buffy even takes a crowbar in the shoulder to protect me, and suddenly I wonder if everything they have been saying about loving me is true.  

And then, just as Glory is about to do Buffy some serious damage, Willow and Tara throw some glittery stuff over her and she vanishes.  And Buffy pulls me into her arms and tells me that she loves me.  

I’m home now, in my bed.  I should really be asleep, and if Mom sees the light under my door I know that I will be in trouble.  However glad she is to have me back there is only so far I can push it.  But I need to write this down.  I wish I hadn’t burnt my other diaries.  So what if my memories aren’t real, they are to me.  I have a Mom who loves me, a sister who annoys me but is prepared to fight for me, even die.  

Who says Dawn Summers doesn’t really exist?

The End

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