Author: Little Faith
Email: faded_raven@hotmail.com
Genre: alternate universe, future, angst
Spoilers: None
Warnings: character death
Summary: Oh good grief, just read it.
Feedback: Pretty Please. Pretty, pretty please with whipped cream and
rainbow sprinkles and a cherry on top.
Disclaimer: The story you are about to read is fictitious. The characters
are not mine. None of this is mine. Not even the disclaimer…wait, no, this
is mine…but that's all. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and other characters are
property of Joss Whedon et al. Lyrics, I believe, belong to Melissa
Etheridge, the song is Angels Would Fall
PART ONE
"Hey Jenny," Buffy called as she let herself into the small house. "I know
he's not back yet, but I brought over a book for Giles, he ordered it from
the store about a month ago and it finally came in." The television was on,
turned to the noon news.
"He's coming back today, I hope traffic isn't bad from here to LA," Jenny
Calendar-Giles replied as she emerged from the kitchen.
"Oh, that's right, he's flying into LAX…" Buffy remembered. Sunnydale had
an airport, unfortunately no airline regularly flew from there. Giles and
Willow had gone to England for his mother's funeral. Willow had volunteered
to lend moral support. Jenny couldn't fly as she was currently seven months
pregnant. "Are you sure you want to drive all the way up to LA alone to get
him?" She asked, and noticed that Xander and Anya were making out on Giles's
couch. "Hey guys," she remarked.
"Oh, he's got a car in LA, he'll just drive himself here," Jenny replied.
Buffy remembered that Giles was still storing that ancient Citroen in
Angel's garage. Buffy nodded and followed Jenny into the living room. Oz was
sitting on the floor, leaving a chair available for Jenny. She sat down,
smiling at him gratefully; Buffy joined him on the floor. "Guys, quiet," she
said suddenly, turning up the volume on the television.
"The plane's engines apparently went out somewhere over the Rockies. Once
again, it was flight 3371 New York to LA that went down earlier today."
Jenny paled. Her eyes widened, filling with frightened tears. "Oh my god…"
"No passenger information has been released."
"That was his flight…" Jenny whispered. She began to shake. "That was
Rupert's flight…" She shook and rocked ever so slightly until all at once
the tears came. She sobbed violently as the wide-eyed slayerettes looked on.
Buffy seemed paler as well.
'Poor Jenny,' Oz thought. He didn't even want to imagine how he would feel
if that had been Willow's flight. Sitting on the couch, he placed a gentle,
comforting hand on Jenny's shoulder. The others had clustered around her.
Buffy sat on her other side, holding the lovely young widow's hand. The news
program continued then ended, giving way to a soap opera but no one took
note. An hour passed and Jenny ranged from shell-shocked to hysterical. Then
the phone rang. Xander answered it in the kitchen.
"It's him!" he practically shouted.
"Who?" Buffy asked, confused.
"Giles, it's him!" Xander shoved the phone in Jenny's direction. Still
trembling, she took it and raised it to her ear.
"R-R-Rupert?" She asked uncertainly. The others watched her expectantly.
"It's him," she whispered to them. "He just heard about the flight. He
wasn't on it…" she trailed off, blanching again, she looked at the
anticipative youths. "Oh god…"
"What?" Buffy asked, not liking the tone of Jenny's voice or the expression
on her face. "What is it? He's okay, so what's wrong?"
"He…" The others had gotten to their feet. "He…" Jenny looked straight at
Oz. "He traded flights with Willow…" A shudder raced through Oz's body at
those words. The expression on his face was incomprehensible. Oz blinked.
His mouth dropped open but he couldn't form words. From the look in his
eyes, he couldn't form thoughts. Jenny offered him the phone and he took it,
closing his mouth. Oz was silent, listening, for a long moment.
The rope that's wrapped around me
Is cutting through my skin
And the doubts that have surrounded me
Are finding their way in
The phone fell from his hand and he staggered backwards, dropping onto the
couch. He sat there, trying unsuccessfully to speak. He couldn't even
breathe; his throat had closed up. Pressure was building in his chest and
his heart ached. Jenny picked up the phone.
"Rupert? Rupert, what's going on? What did you say to him?" Jenny demanded.
Her face went blank. "Oh…" she whispered breathlessly. "I'll see you
then," she said as she hung up the phone. She looked at the others as they
awaited explanation. "Apparently, there was a reason Rupert and Willow
switched. He had some more business to take care of so he offered to take
tomorrow's flight, the one she was supposed to be on. She wanted to get home
as soon as possible to tell Oz that…she…" Jenny's speech slowed
"was…pregnant." As she spoke the final word, shock spread over the faces of
the slayerettes. A strangled noise escaped from Oz's throat, he got up
quickly and fled from the house.
I keep it close to me
Like a holy man prays
In my desperate hour
It's better that way
**********
[Cue Flashback…]
"When is your flight again?" Giles asked as he neatly repacked his
suitcase. Willow sat next to it.
"Not until tomorrow," she groaned. "I can't wait to get home."
"Are you in some special hurry?" Giles asked as an idea struck him.
"Well…sort of…I really want…" She smiled shyly. "I think there's something
I want to tell Oz but I'm not really 100% sure yet but I still want to get
home and tell him what I think has happened and find out if it really did…"
Giles gave her a befuddled look.
"I was only asking because, well, I'd actually like to stay on an extra
day. I have a few more things I'd like to do while I'm here. We could
trade…" he suggested.
"Would you?" Willow asked excitedly. "I…I may as well tell you. Yesterday I
bought one of those tests from the drug store and I know they aren't always
accurate but it said I'm pregnant…" She smiled broadly, giggling a little.
"Willow!" Giles gaped. "Congratulations. That's wonderful. You should get
home right away."
"I know," she replied happily. "I just hope it's true…you want to trade
flights?"
"You'd better start packing," he answered.
*~*
"The connection in New York is pretty tight, you'll have to hurry to catch
the flight for LA," Giles reminded Willow as he saw her off at the London
Heathrow Airport.
"Thanks, I won't miss it," she promised.
[End flashback]
So I'll come by and see you again
I'll be such a very good friend
Have mercy on my soul
I will never let you know
Where my mind has been
**********
PART TWO
Oz pulled a locked steel box out of his trunk and slid it onto the
passenger's seat before he drove off. He needed somewhere quiet; he needed
to be alone and to think. He didn't want to think. He wanted to stop
thinking. His chest ached; it was hard to breathe. There was a lump in his
throat that he couldn't swallow and it was choking him. He drove past the
Sunnydale city limits. The highway passed beneath his tires as he approached
a place that could only be described as nowhere.
Angels never came down
There's no one here they want to hang around
But if they knew
If they knew you at all
Then one by one the angels
Angels would fall
**********
Willow was bustled off the plane along with fifty odd other passengers. The
backpack she used as a carry-on was slung over her left shoulder, her purse
was slung over the right. As she checked the screen labeled 'Departures',
she pulled her backpack onto both shoulders, distributing the weight from
her books and magazines more evenly before she hurried off to find the gate
for her flight home. Home, what a wonderful word. She wanted nothing more
than to be there, with her friends, with her husband, with his arms wrapped
around her. She smiled softly to herself as she took an escalator down to
the train that would take her to terminal B.
She had arrived in terminal C, meaning that the train had to go to
terminals D, E and A before it would deliver her to terminal B. She sighed
impatiently. She got off and hastened to the escalator up to the gates.
**********
Oz pulled off to the shoulder of the highway and put the car in park. He
killed the engine and stared at the box on the passenger's seat. He thought
of Willow; he could easily picture her beautiful face, her auburn hair
gleaming in the sunlight. He had grown up in New York City and remembered
vividly an annual car trip out of the city, into the countryside to see the
foliage in the fall. That was the memory Willow had brought to mind the
first time he had seen her and every time since. The autumn leaves that so
perfectly reflected the color of her hair. Tears rose in his eyes and fell
down his cheeks. Oz reached into the glove compartment and found a small
brass key. He unlocked the box and stared into it.
I've crept into your temple
I have slept upon your pew
I've dreamed of the divinity
Inside and out of you
***********
As Willow stepped onto the moving staircase, someone brushed past her,
knocking into her backpack and sending her off-balance. The slight push
combined with the movement of the escalator knocked the redhead off her
feet. She fell gracelessly, cutting her head on the metal steps of the
device. "Ow!" She moaned. She pressed her hand to her forehead and
discovered that she was bleeding.
"Miss?" a grey-haired businessman said as he helped her to her feet. "Are
you alright?"
"Yes, thank you," she replied awkwardly.
"You might want to get your head examined, it's bleeding pretty badly."
"Oh, I'm alright," Willow insisted.
"You could have a concussion, I'm calling for an ambulance," he replied.
"No, please, I'm fine. I don't want to miss my flight." Willow tried to
convince the concerned gentleman that she was uninjured, but her head hurt
and it was bleeding.
**********
Oz pulled the gun out of the box. He stared at it as though he had never
seen such a thing before. Willow, his Willow, was gone. His hands trembled
as he picked up a single silver bullet from the steel box and loaded the
gun.
I want it more than truth
I can taste it on my breath
I would give my life just for a little death
**********
The man insisted that Willow allow him to take her to the hospital. "I'll
miss my flight," she objected.
"Dear lady, you'll miss more than that if you've got a concussion. I think
I've already missed mine." Willow's eyes fell on a clock on the wall.
**********
Nothing made sense anymore. Oz needed Willow, as long as she had been with
him, everything had been alright. With her gone, nothing was right. He
didn't think it was even possible for him to be sitting in his car by the
side of a desolate highway with a gun in his hand. If Willow was dead, then
he was dead, it was that simple. He was merely setting things right. He
placed the barrel of the gun between his lips.
**********
Willow sighed. She may as well go to the hospital; she had already missed
her flight. "Okay," she said. "Thank you, let's go."
**********
Oz pulled the trigger.
**********
"I think we should try to find Oz," Buffy said.
"He needs a little time alone to sort things out," Jenny insisted. "It'll
be okay, he just needs some time and some space."
"I don't know," Buffy replied. "He's very upset. I don't think we should
have let him leave."
"Okay," Jenny submitted after some thought. "Let's go after him."
**********
Willow sat in the emergency room waiting area; there was a television on.
She was watching the news half-heartedly. She had been waiting for hours but
at least her savior in a suit had stayed with her. He was very polite, very
concerned. "Oh my…" she murmured as an image of a wrecked plane appeared on
the television screen. At the bottom of the screen were the words 'Flight
3371 to LA'.
"What is it?" her companion asked.
"That…" she pointed to the screen. "That's my flight…"
So I'll come by and see you again
I'll be just a very good friend
I will not look upon your face
I will not touch upon your grace
Your ecclesiastic skin
"Looks like falling on that escalator saved your life," he remarked. Willow
was too shaken to respond. Her flight had crashed. That meant…
"I have to call my friends," she said suddenly. Giles would think she was
dead. She hurried over to the payphone, digging the number of Giles's hotel
out of her purse along with her calling card. She dialed with trembling
fingers. "Room 271, please." It rang. A voice answered. "Giles?" Willow
asked, suddenly breathless.
"Yes?"
"It's Willow," she said.
"Willow," Giles sounded stunned, he must have heard. "How…I mean, I saw the
plane crash on the news."
"I missed the flight. I fell at the airport in New York, I'm still at the
hospital here."
"Are you hurt?" Giles asked.
"No, just a little cut on my head. I wanted to let you know that I'm
alright."
"You'd better call Jenny, I called as soon as I heard. I told her we traded
flights…and Oz."
"Oh…my…I'd better call them right now, bye!" Willow hung up before Giles
had a chance to say good-bye. She dialed Giles's house in Sunnydale but
there was no answer. She tried her own home with the same results. There was
nothing more she could do from the waiting area of a New York City Hospital
emergency room.
************
PART THREE
"How long does he have be missing before anyone starts to care?" Jenny
yelled at the desk sergeant. He hung up on her. "So much for Sunnydale's
finest," she remarked bitterly. Buffy was still out searching for Oz but
Xander and Anya had given up. They were making out on Giles and Jenny's
couch. The phone rang and Jenny grabbed it before the sound had faded away.
"Hello?" For a record third time that day, Jenny paled. "Oh my…Buffy, calm
down. What is…oh…my…" Xander and Anya stopped kissing and looked up at her.
"What happened?" Xander mouthed.
"Where are you, sweetheart?" Jenny asked. "Where?" The answer was repeated.
"Okay, we'll get right out there, it's going to be okay." She grabbed her
car keys as she dropped the handset back into its cradle. "Come on," she
said to Xander and Anya. "Buffy's at a gas station along Highway 43."
**********
'Uncle Bob's Discount Gas,' the dusty sign read. Buffy stood beneath the
sign, next to the payphone, leaning against the side of her car.
"Buffy!" Jenny parked and jumped out of the car, running towards the blond
slayer. "Buffy, are you okay? What happened?" She had sounded hysterical on
the phone and she looked the same. Her mascara ran in black rivulets down
her face, her eyes were red and her face was tear-streaked. She was quaking
violently.
"I…" She took several deep gulps of air. "I found Oz…" Her shaking finger
pointed further down along the highway. She had backtracked to call them.
"He…he's in his car…blood, he's…" Buffy began to stammer uncontrollably.
"Dead," she spat the word out before collapsing into helpless sobs. Jenny
picked up the payphone and dialed 911.
Angels never came down
There's no one here they want to hang around
But if they knew
If they knew you at all
Then one by one the angels
Angels would fall
***********
An ashy pallor marked the stricken faces of the four friends. Their black
garb did nothing to dispel the image of death warmed over that they brought
to the minds of the other mourners. Buffy, Jenny, Xander and Anya stood
close together. The funeral arrangements had been made quickly and Giles was
unable to return to Sunnydale due to the shut down of British Airways. He
had managed to get to Munich by ground transportation and was arranging a
flight home from there. Willow had been treated and released in New York but
had been unable to reach her friends. She developed a sudden fear of flying
and was seeking alternate transportation cross-country.
**********
Willow made it to Sunnydale. She walked across town from the bus station
towards home but to her surprise the house was deserted. She headed over
towards Giles's. She had heard about the airline difficulties but at least
Jenny should be at the house. Willow knocked on the door a bit uncertainly
as a bad feeling crept over her. She knocked harder. Jenny opened the door.
Her jaw dropped. "Wi-Wi-Willow?"
"Jenny, I tried to get a hold of you before," Willow began. She entered the
house and saw Buffy, Xander and Anya in the living room.
"Willow?" They all seemed so stunned to see her. "We thought you were…dead…"
"The plane crash, I know. I missed my…" she stopped. Something wasn't right.
"I missed my flight, the one that crashed." Then it struck her. "Where's
Oz?" Xander looked down at the floor. Buffy's lower lip trembled and she
turned away. Jenny disappeared into the kitchen.
"I'll take you to him," Anya offered.
"Anya, no," Xander objected but she silenced him with an odd look. Willow
was concerned. The others followed as the former demon led the witch across
town to one of the newer cemeteries. The bad feeling in the pit of Willow's
stomach grew and grew as they approached square of fresh sod. Anya stopped.
Willow looked at her.
"Wh…" she stuttered. Anya gestured to the earth. Willow's eyes widened.
"No…" she whispered. She looked from the ground to Anya then to the others.
They all looked away except for Jenny, who held her gaze sympathetically.
"No," Willow whispered again.
I'll come by and see you again
I'll have to be a very good friend
If I whisper they will know
I'll just turn around and go
You will never know my sin
"There's no headstone yet…I'm sorry, Will," Anya responded.
"No…" she wailed. Tears began to flow down her cheeks. "How?" she asked
meekly.
The others exchanged glances. "Suicide," Anya answered. "He shot himself in
the head…"
"Because…"
"He thought you were dead. We all did." Willow fell to her knees on the
grave, unable even to cry. One by one, the others walked away. There was
nothing they could do.
**********
Willow balled her hands into fists; her fingernails dug into her palms,
leaving little crescent moon shaped indentations. Her shoulders shook with
sobs but no tears came as she rocked back and forth. She wanted to curl up
into a little ball and die. "No-oh-oh," she wailed, her trembling broke the
word into three syllables. She whimpered wordlessly. She made an odd,
choked, low-pitched weeping sound in the back of her throat. "Oz," she
squeaked his name and her tears were released. They flowed from her eyes
like endless rains. She stayed at his grave for hours until at last the sun
rose, disturbing her grief.
She stood and walked back to her house. It was the house she had once shared
with Oz and it felt empty. The rooms were as cold as tombs; the house was as
silent as a crypt. She went up the stairs and found a bottle of sleeping
pills. She stared at them as if their label were written in hieroglyphs. She
opened the bottle and looked at the baby blue pills inside. She put them in
her purse and went back downstairs. Willow went to the kitchen next, acting
without thought. She took two bottles of beer out of the refrigerator. These
she put in the oversized pockets of her jacket. She put a bottle opener in
her purse. After a moment of deliberation, she took a butcher knife from one
of the drawers and carefully put it into her purse as well.
Willow left the house, not bothering to lock the door. She walked quickly
and purposefully back to the cemetery and found her husband's grave. She
looked at it for a long moment then took the knife out of her purse. She cut
through the freshly laid sod and began pulling it up piece by piece. She
tossed the clumps of soil and grass aside until the dirt of the grave was
exposed. She wiped clean the blade of the knife and set it next to the patch
of dirt. She pulled both bottles of beer out of her pockets and set them
carefully on the cold earth. She sat down, not caring if the dirt ruined her
clothes.
She took the bottle of sleeping pills out of her purse and set it on the
grave. She opened one of the beers and pressed the bottle upright into the
earth so it wouldn't spill. Then Willow picked up the sleeping pills again
and opened them. She poured a few into the palm of her hand and, not
bothering to count them, tossed them into her mouth and took a drink of the
beer. The pills slid easily down her throat. She continued until both the
pill bottle and the beer bottle were empty. She opened the other beer and
drank it quickly.
Angels never came down
There's no one here they want to hang around
But if they knew
If they knew you at all
Then one by one the angels
Angels would fall
Willow laid down on the frigid brown soil and gazed up at the sky. She
wanted to fall asleep, just to fall asleep and wake up in his arms. If she
closed her eyes, she'd wake up in his arms and it would have been a
nightmare. She stared at the pale blue sky. Dead, her husband was dead. She
would never wake up in his arms. Willow reached over and picked up the
knife; the redhead placed the tip of the blade against the pale skin of her
chest, just left of center. A tear slipped down her cheek and ran towards
her ear. "I love you," she whispered, closing her eyes. She pulled the knife
into her chest. Lifeless, her hand slipped down, covered in blood, and
rested on the earth of her husband's grave. Blood flowed down and mixed with
the dirt.
The End
Author's Notes: I really must apologize. It's really a very bad, sadistic
sort of thing…I can't seem to write a fanfic without killing, maiming,
wounding or traumatizing Oz. Sometimes all of the above. It's really a VERY
bad thing. But I'm good at it! *evil maniacal laughter* Er, sorry about
that…We always hurt the ones we love.
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