Author: Emily
E-mail: DoylesPrincess@aol.com
DISCLAIMER: All characters in this story belong to Joss Whedon, the song "You Wanted More" belongs to Tonic. Please don't sue me!
RATING: I'm going with a G... possibly PG? But I seriously doubt it...
NOTES: Takes place during "Prophecy Girl" after Xander asks Buffy to "Spring Fling", and Buffy's feelings about that.
You walked away from me, and I could do nothing but feel guilty. You were one of my best friends… and I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to go with you to the dance, to make you feel like there might be something between us, when there wasn't. And you knew that…you called me on it. Said it was because of Angel. And you were right.
I felt so badly about how I must have made you feel… your eyes lost that sparkle, and you could say nothing but harsh things to me… stuff I knew you'd regret later, but you had to get out. And so I forgive you for that…I suppose I deserved it. You said you should be used to the rejection already…but that wasn't right. You don't deserve to be rejected like that - if people would only give you the chance, they'd see that you were so much more than everyone perceives you to be.
But now I can do nothing but sit here on this bench and feel bad, knowing how you must feel, knowing how much you probably hate me now. I don't want that…I never did. But if that's the way you gotta feel…
And yet those words still sting. "I guess a guy's gotta be undead to make time with ya…" I had never known that you, Xander Harris, could say words that would hurt me so badly. But I guess you could. I get cuts and bruises daily, but those wouldn't stay with me. I'd get over them, get new ones. But the things you said… those may never go away. Things may never be the same between us. And I'd hate to think that…
I can't create something that isn't there…that I don't feel. Kind of like how you feel about Willow. Then again, you're about as blind to her as I was to you. We both had our own agendas, me thinking about Angel, you thinking about me. And at the same time, we were both hurting people that were so important to us. I never knew that love could be so hard… and I've never had to turn anyone down that was as important to me as you are. And maybe that's the thing that's bothering me…even more than what you said…
But I guess I have to move on, get on with the rest of my day, try to act as though I didn't kill you, try to act as though you didn't kill me. Maybe someday you'll be able to forgive me, and I you, and I know I will do everything in my power to make that happen.
*Love is tragic, love is bold
You will always do what you were told
Love is hard, love is strong
You will never say that you were wrong
(Bridge):
I don't know when I got bitter
Love is surely better when it's gone
(Chorus):
'Cause you wanted more,
More than I could give,
More than I could handle,
In the the life that I can't live
You wanted more,
More than I could bear,
More than I could offer
For the love that isn't there
Love is color, love is loud
Love is never saying you're too proud
Love is trusting, love is honest
Love is not a hand that holds you down
(Repeat Bridge)
(Repeat Chorus)
I gotta pick me up when I am down
I gotta get my feet back on the ground
I gotta pick me up when I am down
(Repeat Bridge)
(Repeat Chorus)
You wanted more,
More than I could bear,
More than I could offer
A part of you to share
'Cause you wanted more,
More than I could give,
More than I could handle,
In the the life that I can't live.*
The End
Go to:
Main Page
Angel Fanfiction
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fanfiction
Crossover Fanfiction
