SaveAngel@yahoo.com
Spoilers: "Sanctuary"
Pairing: B/A
Disclaimer: All things BtVS and ANGEL related, including the
characters of Buffy, Angel and Faith, belong to Joss Whedon, David
Greenwalt, the WB and Mutant Enemy. I claim nothing, don't sue.
Distribution: If you want to post it somewhere else, just ask first
so I know where my work is going. But I'll say yes... if I'm in a
good mood. (lol)
My site: http://www.geocities.com/saveangel/index.html
Summary: Set after "Sanctuary" but before "The Yoko Factor", Buffy's
POV.
Dedication: To Tim Minear and Joss Whedon, for writing the
episode "Sanctuary".
I'm beginning to realise something about myself that I hadn't noticed
ever before.
When I finally confronted Angel about Faith and he told me to leave,
I did something I never thought I'd do. I put down everything Angel
and I shared by rubbing the fact that Riley was my boyfriend in his
face.
It's funny, but the whole time Angel and I were together, I took for
granted his absolute loyalty to me. He'd always put me first in
everything. No matter what the situation was, his first priority had
been me and how I felt.
But now I see his priorities have changed.
What comes first for him these days is whose ever soul it is he has
to save. And me... if I have any qualms about it, he's obviously
willing to disregard me as a "nobody".
In truth, I didn't mean a word that I spat in his face. Not literally.
Of course I trusted Angel, and there was a time when I knew him, too.
It was Faith I didn't trust and I couldn't understand why he so
easily believed in her after all Faith had put us through. Hell,
after all Faith had put *me* through.
And that was what hurt most.
Gone was the Angel who would have killed Faith simply for doing one
wrong at me. Angel has changed and now he regarded Faith of more
importance. He didn't seem to care that she'd put me through the
rings a dozen times.
At least... it felt like he didn't care.
When I went to LA, I thought that Angel and I would troop together
and kick Faith's butt. Instead, I find Angel more inclined to kiss
Faith's butt.
I'm beginning to realise something about myself that I hadn't until
now. I'm realising that I kept taking Angel's love for granted.
I thought that I could have it all. I could have Riley -- the normal
guy who offered me all the things Angel couldn't -- and I could still
have Angel's love on the side. I almost believed it was my right.
I figured... no, I knew... I could say or do anything to Angel and
I'd still be able to count on his love for me still being there. It
still is, I'm sure.
But I didn't expect Angel to actually retaliate. I didn't think he'd
have the gall to yell at me the way he did.
The thing is, when Angel takes a stance on something based on his own
morals, he's nearly always right. Simply because, he's Angel.
Which is why I can admit to myself now, that I didn't have a right to
go to him and expect him to do everything the way I wanted. Not when
he was trying to do something that was obviously very important to
him: help Faith.
Angel and I are so different now it's scary. He's got more confidence
in himself than he did in Sunnydale.
Knowing that fact actually gnaws at me. The years we'd spent together
had largely been taken up by me telling him, showing him and trying
to convince him that he was worthy of this chance and that he should
believe in himself. In the end, when he left, it seemed my words of
love had been little solace. It had, in fact, been his separation
from me that had changed him. His job and the people around him.
I'm beginning to realise how naive I've become. While my view on the
world has expanded over the past year, my view on Angel stayed narrow.
Angel is an amazing man.
I should be happy that others -- even Faith... if it means she can
turn her life around -- in the world get to share his loyalty and his
genuine heart and his love and determination.
But... wasn't he supposed to reserve those things just for me?
THE END
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