AUTHOR: Emily
E-MAIL: DoylesPrincess@aol.com
DISCLAIMER: All characters in this belong to King of the crackheads, Joss Whedon. Please..if these were my characters, I wouldn't abuse them! Don't sue me, k? I have no money...
RATING: Nothing worse than the show
SPOILERS: For "Hero"
FEEDBACK: It gives me happies.
DISTRIBUTION: Just ask.
NOTES: Okay, I've been working on this story since December 1, 1999. (yeah, the day after Hero didn't air...) and a lot of people have come up with this idea, but..well...I didn't like Rief. He annoyed me to no end. So let's put it this way - I took care of him.... :-)
"Too bad we'll never know..." Doyle paused, smiling as he got the courage to allow his face to change. He wasn't sure if he was more afraid of leaving Cordelia with that image of him or of what he was about to do. But Cordelia looked at his face in shock - not in disgust. She wasn't appalled by it, or afraid. "If this is a face you could learn to love." Cordelia was frozen, as was everyone else on the ship. Waiting to see what would happen next. Doyle turned, gathering all of his strength and courage in order to make the ultimate sacrifice. Below, Rief's eyes widened in horror - Doyle was going to give his life to save theirs. And it was his fault.
"No!" He cried, breaking Cordelia's silent spell, the initial shock gone thanks to Rief's cry. She stepped in front of Doyle, tears spilling down her face.
"What the hell are you doing!?!?" She cried, her voice wavering on hysteria. "You can't just ask me out, then kiss me like that, then go and kill yourself!" Her scolding gave Rief time to get to the top of the ladder. Doyle saw him standing, prepared to jump.
"Rief - no!" Doyle cried, Rief smiled at him, then jumped, landing on the platform. Doyle stepped forward, about to go after him, when Cordelia's hand on his arm stopped him. He looked over at her helplessly.
Rief was struggling furiously with the plugs, suddenly afraid that he wouldn't succeed. Doyle didn't deserve to die - it was his fault they didn't get there in time, and he had to make up for his mistakes. Cries were heard from his family below, as his body began to deteriorate - burning from the inside out.
Doyle's face was filled with anguish upon hearing them, the guilt almost too much to bear. But part of him was happy he was there - watching what might have been him, instead of being able to be standing next to Cordelia at that very instant. He looked over at her, saw the tears brimming at her eyes, and knew that she was thinking the same thing.
Rief pulled the plugs apart, screaming out as the light flashed once, and then he was gone. The cries from Rief's family ceased, and the room was silent, everyone trying to let what had just happened to sink in. No one could take their eyes off the spot where Rief had stood moments before, smoke rising from where his body had literally melted before their eyes.
"Rief..." Doyle's voice quivered - he had done so much to save that boy, only to fail in the end. It was what he was supposed to do - his atonement. And he had failed in his attempt to do so. He may never get another chance to do that, and knew that he'd have to live with this guilt for the rest of his life. Cordelia put her hand on his face, forcing him to look at her.
"Doyle..." Her voice was shaking, full of fear and pain. He was speechless, unable to do anything but look at her. He was thankful he was alive, but upset about the life that had to be taken in order for him to live. He pulled her to him, hugging her tightly. Angel made it up the ladder to them, looking down at the grief-stricken family. He put his hand on Doyle's shoulder.
"We should get them out of here - " Doyle pulled away from Cordelia, sighing heavily.
"Yeah..." He nodded, swallowing, trying to maintain his composure.
**********
They arrived back at the office about an hour later, after making sure the family had gotten away safely. No one had said anything on the way back; no one knew what to say. Both Angel and Cordelia knew that Doyle would need time to grieve about this night, the one he was to be labeled a hero.
Doyle sat down heavily on the couch, Cordelia on a chair, Angel behind his desk.
"Are you all right?" Cordelia asked, finally breaking the silence. Doyle didn't respond immediately, but finally looked at her.
"That should have been me." He stated flatly, staring at the floor. Cordelia and Angel exchanged glances, unsure of what to say or who would speak next.
"Doyle - " Angel sat forward, Doyle still refused to look at him. "It was meant to happen the way it did." Doyle looked up at him, his eyes flashing angrily.
"No, it wasn't. It was my job - my atonement. You should know that. Of all people, Angel.. you should be able to know that feeling. Fighting everyday of your life to make up for the crimes you've committed in your past." They looked at him, amazed by his outburst of anger.
"No, Doyle. It wasn't your job. Your job is here. With us. You did what you could - you can't save the world by yourself!" Her voice rose with each word that she spoke. "And you must never scare me like that EVER again!" Cordelia said, reaching the same level of anger as Doyle had used only a moment before.
"She's right, Doyle. We need you here." Angel said, Cordelia got up and sat down next to Doyle.
"I just feel like.. like I let his entire family down..." Doyle said softly, Cordelia reached over and put her hand over his.
"And what if that had been you? What would that have done to us?" Cordelia said, her voice filled with more compassion than either one of them had ever heard her use. Doyle was silent after her question, having no answer to give her. "Doyle - you are one of the key figures in this office... and in our lives. We need you." She finished, Doyle attempted a small smile at her.
"Thank you." She smiled back at him, then looked over at Angel.
"So...what now?"
"We keep doing what we always do. But first - Doyle... you have to promise you won't do that again. Next time, things may work out differently - " Doyle nodded.
"I promise..."
"Good." Cordelia stood up, then grabbed Doyle's hands, pulling him to his feet. "Now...you asked me out to dinner. Or, you were in the middle of it when Angel had to interrupt. So...what I'm trying to say is...I guess we need to pick a day...right?" She looked at him, somewhat shyly.
"Well... uhhh... tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow's good. If Angel'll give us the night off - " Cordelia and Doyle both looked over at him, Doyle's expression pleading with him.
"Yeah, okay..." Angle said, knowing he'd never escape either one of their wrath if he had said no.
"Thanks!" Cordelia said, then looked over at Doyle. "I'm gonna go home... I'll see you tomorrow?"
"I could..uhhh...I could walk you, if you'd like..." Before Doyle knew what was going on, Cordelia had grabbed his arm and was dragging him towards the door.
"Night, Angel!" She called back, Doyle waved at him. Angel shook his head, relieved that Doyle was still with them. The lights went out as the door shut behind them, and he sat back in his chair.
**********
Cordelia and Doyle walked down the street in silence for a few minutes, until Doyle finally spoke.
"Did you really mean all that? Back there?" Doyle stared at her, trying to read her expression.
"Of course I did..." He dropped his gaze to the ground, smiling to himself. "What?" She asked.
"It's just...well, no one's ever said anything like that to me before. Never made me feel that important." He replied, Cordelia stopped walking.
"Not even Harry?" She asked, surprised by this. By the way the two of them spoke to each other, look at each other, all she had was this picture of how disgustingly in love the two of them were and how much they depended on each other.
"She never said it. There was always this unspoken thing about her... maybe it was because of me that she never really opened up."
"Oh..." Cordelia began to walk again, Doyle beside her. She thought for a minute, not wanting to bring up his past once again, but she had to know who he was.
"So...uhhh...what about this half-demon thing?"
"You were just dying to bring that up, weren't you?" Doyle asked, refusing to look at her.
"Well...it's part of who you are. And...you know...if we get involved... I think I should know..."
"Does it scare you?" Doyle was almost afraid of her answer. For all the times she had complained about how disgusting demons were, he didn't really know what she was going to say.
"No." She answered, surprising Doyle. "You're a good demon. I just wish you had told me sooner."
"Yeah, me too. You were just always saying how disgusting they were, and I didn't want you to think that of me - "
"Do you really think I'm that superficial?" They reached the door to her apartment, and they turned to face each other.
"I was just scared." Doyle finally replied, avoiding her glare for a minute.
"Well, don't be."
"Thanks, Cordelia." They stood in an awkward silence, until Doyle spoke again. "I guess I should get going..." He turned to leave, Cordelia stopped him.
"Doyle - " She searched for something to say. "I'm glad you're okay." He turned back, facing her.
"Thank you for stopping me."
"And Doyle -"
"Yeah?" He looked at her, and he could tell that she was trying to say something but didn't know how exactly to say it.
"I have time now..." Doyle looked at her, confused.
"For what?" She swallowed, looking down at the ground.
"To learn to love you? Demon or not..." She refused to meet his gaze, afraid of how he'd respond to that. She could feel her face getting hot, embarrassed when he didn't say anything. Instead, he walked up to her, putting his hand under her chin and made her look up at him.
"Good night, Cordy..." He smiled at her, then turned and walked away. She stood on her doorstep, watching as his figure got smaller and smaller until she couldn't see him anymore. She smiled to herself, then turned to her door and let herself into her apartment.
THE END
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