Author: Lily
Email: arpoe@aol.com
Disclaimer: Yes. I bought Buffy. And yes. I'm lying.
Spoilers: NMR and The Body. Everything after Tough Love, I guess, didn't
happen.
Feedback: I'd be much obliged
Rating: PG? I'm bad at ratings...
Dawn had started coming right home from school, going upstairs, and
falling asleep. Buffy let her, although the fact that sleep did not equal
homework being done wasn't exactly comforting. While Dawn slept, Buffy would
sit on the couch, in the afternoon light, and try not to think about her
sister, or the fact that she had found her mother--dead--on the very same
couch that she was sitting on at that moment, or anything else.
Not thinking often required zoning out, so the doorbell didn't register
immediately. Buffy shook herself and slowly stood. Drowsy-Buffy was left
behind as the slayer sense switched on. In a split second, she knew that
whoever, or whatever, was behind the door was not Willow, or Giles, or
Xander. It was bigger...more important. Not necessarily bad, just different.
Maybe not human. Social Services! And Dawn was asleep upstairs instead of
working! Buffy managed a deep breath--it would be better not to leave a
social worker stranded on your doorstep. Okay.
"Oz." It was Oz. Not Social Services! Not what she had been expecting.
"Hi Buffy."
He stood there, looking very much the same as he had the last time she
had seen him. She didn't really understand why he was there.
"I saw the notice in the paper, Buffy. I'm so sorry." He looked her in
the eyes serenely. "I came as soon as I could."
And then she understood why. A death in the family...old friends ringing
your doorbell at random times...condolences...
"Well," she paused before continuing, "come in." As she stepped back to
allow him entry, he handed her a large brown shopping bag. She could feel
something heavy and rectangular--a book, maybe--settled at the bottom. She
raised her eyes, questioning him as he closed the door behind them.
"Casserole. It seemed appropriate."
"Thanks." Buffy had plenty of casserole. But Oz had come from who knows
where to give her casserole, and at that moment the casserole was more than
noodles and stuff. But, on the other hand, it was noodles and stuff and it
needed to find a place in the fridge.
Buffy started towards the kitchen, deciding that the casserole could stay
on the counter until she felt like dealing with the packed refrigerator.
Standing by the door, hands in his pockets, Oz watched Buffy place his
offering next to the microwave and carefully fold the brown paper bag into a
thin rectangle, blocking out the world as she slowly stacked that bag with
all the other carefully folded brown paper bags under the sink. She turned
back towards Oz and sighed.
"Do you want something to drink?" she offered.
"No thanks, I'm good."
"Okay."
Buffy paused for a second and walked out of the kitchen. Not knowing
where she was going, Oz followed, and when she sat down at the head of the
dining room table, he sat to her right, not questioning.
"Thanks for coming." Buffy wasn't really sure what to say to him. All the
other people who had come had done most of talking, even her closest friends,
even Dawn--she had had to initiate very few conversations. But it was also
nice to know that Oz didn't want to push her to talk about anything.
"We're friends. It's not an issue." Oz smiled slightly and suddenly Buffy
felt closer to him than anyone else in the world. "How are you doing?"
"I'm...what can you expect? It's hard. It's really really really hard.
But I have to manage everything because my dad is off doing who knows what,
who knows where and Dawn...is here. I'm kind of getting back into a routine
though, which is good I guess. The gang's been really helpful, but at this
point I'm having to be all business around them too most of the time,
just...because I do. I'm not cut out to be the mother and sister figure of an
adolescent girl, plus the slayer, and deal for myself too. Sometimes it's
like it still hasn't really registered yet--after that is the worst. But I'm
still here."
Oz didn't say anything and Buffy was glad for it. Because he was the only
Scooby who hadn't been kept up to date about Joyce's health, she found that
speaking to Oz was easier for her. He knew nothing about what had happened
weeks since the death, and the times before it, so she could tell him things
that she couldn't tell anyone else. There wouldn't be a "Why didn't you tell
me before?" or a "How could I have not known?" with the werewolf who had left
their lives months ago. He was still sitting silently, gazing at her and
managing to convey regret and friendship without a word.
"Was it sudden?" When Oz finally spoke, his question only reminded Buffy
even more of how much he had missed.
"We...we thought she was going to be okay." Buffy took another deep
breath and started from the beginning. She told Oz everything that had
happened, right through the funeral, Angel, and taking care of Dawn. Oz just
listened.
"Oz, Something happened earlier in the year, not related to all this, but
I wanted to ask you about it," Buffy mentioned when she had finished.
"Shoot."
"You know Dracula?"
"I know of him."
"Of course. Well, he was in Sunnydale. Which figures. Anyway, I...dealt
with him. The thing is, he kept talking about this darkness inside of me. I
still don't know much about the origin of slayers--I was researching it a
bit, but that never really went anywhere. When Dracula was here, I knew he
was right. I had always thought that slayers were just forces of good, but
there's obviously more. It kind of scares me, and I just thought you might
have some advice or something, since there's also something dark inside of
you, and you've handled it pretty well."
"I wouldn't say that, exactly..." Oz said with a bit of bitterness, "you
seem to be doing better than I did. I hurt the person who meant, and means,
more than anything in the world to be, I thought that I had finally found
what I needed to know, and I came back to find that I couldn't have been more
wrong."
"But how did it work, when you thought that you had figured it out?"
"The only advice I can give you, Buffy, is to accept the fact that there
is darkness in you. Don't pretend it's not there, but be careful not to let
it control the rest of you. I can't tell you how to do that, but I'm sure you
will." He looked at her and shrugged slightly. "Sorry I can't offer more."
"That's okay. Thanks anyway--it helps," Buffy said. She looked at the
clock and noticed that they had been talking for over an hour. She was
expecting Xander, Willow, and Giles for dinner in a half hour. Dawn had to
get up and start working. "So," she continued, "are you planning to see her
while you're here?"
"Willow?" Oz's tone of voice changed with her name. "I don't think so.
I'm guessing it wouldn't be a good idea."
"You're probably right. She's coming over tonight, kind of on the soon
side, so I thought I'd...warn you."
"Yeah, I'd better get going then." Oz stood as he spoke and ran a hand
through his hair.
"Are you just leaving town then?" Buffy stood also.
"I'll stop home for a bit, probably leave in the morning."
"Okay," Buffy replied as they walked towards the door. She stepped out
onto the porch with him.
"I'll call you sometime," Oz suggested.
"Great. So, uh...have a safe trip." Buffy stepped towards Oz, uncrossing
her arms, and they hugged.
Letting go of her after a few moments, Oz nodded once and walked off of
the porch slowly.
"Oz!" Buffy called after him. He turned around expectantly. "Thanks, I
mean," she continued, quieter, "...for the casserole."
FIN.
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