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Stories and Poems and Stuff

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Send us some of your stories and we'll post them right here. They can be about anything. You're free to write funny, scary, and gross things. They will still end up here.

SPACE GIRL AND THE BOYOUS BLUNDER: There once was a girl named Space Girl. She had a friend named Barbie who adored her so much. Of course Barbie had her Ken. What Barbie didn't know was that Ken had his eye on Space Girl. Ken was falling all over her. Space Girl had the heart of a Super Hero. That's what turned Ken on sooooo much. He felt he was slowly falling in love with her. Barbie was so oblivious to Ken's feelings. She didn't notice his drooling and his inability to keep his eyes off of Space Girl. Barbie was in her own little world. Ain't that fantastic. Space Girl wanted to create her own super hero league. One that would fight crime and protect all of the blind people of the world. Of course Ken thought this was a good idea so he wanted to be "The Boyous Blunder". Barbie heard of this and she tried to control his every move. She didn't want her "honey" to be in danger of losing his life to rabid seeing eye dogs. Space Girl finally saw the light and found her friend superficial. Barbie realized that Space Girl was getting sweet on her Ken and thought maybe the feelings were mutual. Barbie yelled at them both and Space Girl challenged her to a bitch slap fight. Of course Space Girl kicked major butt. Barbie was down on the floor with her face red with hand marks. Ken didn't know how to react. He realized that he still had feelings for Barbie, but really wanted to get to know Space Girl way better. So he followed his heart and became Space Girl's Boyous Blunder and they fell in love and protected all the blind people from falling down. Their Super Hero League recruited new super heroes (Lady Bic and The Wonderous John Slugs) and they became very successful. Poor Barbie finally met her match. It was Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit and he screwed her up even more. The End is here.

Here's a story that goes untitled:

In the deepest depths of hell I saw a woman with three arms, I asked to what do you owe the third? She replied that she saved up for it while she was in the army and by the time she served her 4 year term, she had enough for five...but she only really wanted the one extra arm so she went to the doctor and made her monatary transaction for the limb. She explained to me why this arm was so important to her...she claims she joined the witness protection program to get away from her evil ex-husband, but he still found her anyway so she thought the arm would throw him off and he wouldn't recognize her. After I heard this, I giggled to myself and told her how stupid she was. That she could have just cut her hair or something. Anyway I decided to leave her alone cause I didn't want to catch her stoopid people disease...it might have been contagious. I ran away with the speed of lightning and jumped on my horse and rode out of town. I then joined the witness protection program so she couldn't annoy me anymore. The program assigned me the name "Inga Grenwald" which I deemed perfectly acceptable and I was told to move to the beautiful city of Chicago and take up residency and start over like nothing strange had happened. So, I got me a hubby named Bubba Rotsfield and we had 12 kids and named them all with the letter "O" ... let me see, there was Otto, Oprah, Oswald, Okra, Orthel, Omar, Otis, Olea, Olay, Ona, Onette, and the youngest, Oneida. I'm so proud of my children they're all on the honor roll and do their homework as soon as they get home everyday and I limit them to 1 hour of tv a night. Sorry for bragging, but that's what us mothers tend to do. Anyway, one night in bed, me and the Mr. were chatting about our "skeletons in the closet" and he confessed to me that he was really the woman with the third arm, but decided to remove it and get a sex change after hearing i'd joined the program to get away from her. Frankly, this scared me a lot, but considering we'd already had 12 lovely children together, I couldn't very well dispose of my confused transgendered spouse, so I said, "oh,that's nice that you went through all that trouble just for me", kissed him and said good night. the end

For I dipped into the future, Far as any eye could see, Saw the vision of the world And all the wonder that would be Saw the heavens fill with commerce, Agrosies of magic sails, Pilots of the puple twilight, Dropping down with the costly bales: Heard the heavens fill with shouting And there rained a ghastly dew From the nations airy navies Grappling in the central blue; Far along the world-wide whisper Of the south-wind rushing warm, With the standards of the peoples Plunging through the thunderstorm, Till the war-drum throbbed no longer, And the battle flags were furled In the Parliament of man, The Federation of the world. There the common sense of most Shall hold a fearfull realm in awe, And the kinly earth shall slumber, lapt in the universal law. -Alfred Lord Tennyson

HERE'S A STORY DEDICATED TO MR. DURINKA:

HENRY THE ALKANE: Well organic compounds are divided into three basic types: alkanes, alkenes, and alkynes. Alkanes are saturated hydrocarbons (they contain all single bonds), alkenes and alkynes are unsaturated hydrocarbons (alkenes contain double bonds and alkynes contain triple). My favorite type of organic compound is the alkane because it can easily be transformed into the other two. This is the information you must know in order to hear my story about Henry the Alkane.

Henry the Alkane was a lovely fellow. He was weird in many ways. He liked to snort pepper and complain about the pain. He wore a crucifix around his neck, but he always claimed he never believed in God. Yes, he was quite a fellow. He loved to cross dress when the sun went down and he loved to party with the quys. He would go to drag queen hang outs on Allen St. and party til' the break of dawn. This is how he transformed so easily. During the day he was the neat business type, during the night he was a raving drag queen. Then one day I fell in love with Henry. What a day that was. He came over to borrow a top and bam!! It hit me. Henry had to be mine. When Henry was mine I gave him hell. I didn't want him to cross dress anymore. I controlled his every move yes I did. Then he killed me with his six inch pump. He stabbed me right in the chest. Damn that night! I remember it so well he wanted to go out, but I wouldn't let him. I'm so glad I was given the chance to tell this story to you people. Oh the mysteries after death. Word of warning: "If you ever date a man named Henry the Alkane he's going to be wearing your underwear while you're sleeping." THE LEARNED LESSON: Don't try to change a drag queen. Or anyone for that matter. Just remember he's going to always want to use your razor and your shave gel. Henry I hope you rot in hell!! May God save your soul!! Don't get me wrong I have nothing against drag queens.

CALL TO THE SKY

If you are taking the time

to listen to my rhymes

Think of the things I say,

fot you'll here them again someday.

As I look up to the sky,

sometimes I wonder why,

we were placed here on this rock,

to eventually leave this barren dock,

and always think of what,

God put us here for.

But when you think of what waits above,

sometimes I think can we really love,

what might come and kill us all,

or ahare their secrets strange and tall?

Or will we crack before they arrive,

with our world today will we be alive?

And if we are will we try to attack

or ask the question,

Why can't you leave us be?

Because everyone knows who will come,

God in all his triumph,

To end this world of death and pain,

to bring back love so we can live again.

So next time you look to the sky above,

say a prayer for us, for hope and for love. -Matt Sacca-

Here's a Poem:PERFECTLY ALIGNED

perfectly aligned

My hand ponders the page

perfectly aligned

Is why I try to stray away

perfectly aligned

a sight of an eclipse

perfectly aligned

is why I do not fit.

-DefAni@aol.com

A day with my boyfriend

Yeah, like, one time I was walking through the cafeteria and I saw my crush, so I tried to look really cool by walking sexy. And I tripped and dumped my jello cup all over his lap!! It was so humiliating! Name and Email Address Witheld

The Farmer's Wife

There once was a farmer named George. He lived in NY state near a gorge. On his farm he raised sheep and cattle. He also grew massive amounts of corn. His wife accompanied him one day on the farm. They went out near the Gorge with their dog Scrappy. So they could make sure the grazing cattle didn't get too close to the edge of the gorge. His wife was a little slow, but that's the way he liked it. He loved having the advantage in a relationship. He despised disadvantages. He was one of those old-fashioned men. Well while they were at the Gorge their dog Scrappy nipped and bit the hind legs of the cattle so they would run away from the edge of the Gorge. Well Scrappy failed when one of the cows did a hind kick and made Scrappy fly right over the edge of the Gorge. Poor George screamed out with pain as he watched Scrappy fly right over the edge for he loved that dog so much. Well his wife was also very attached to Scrappy and she began to cry like a little girl. She bawled and bawled. George saddened by his loss slowly went over to his wife and tried to soothe her. She finally stopped sobbing wiped her nose and said "Dear what will Scrappy eat down there? Maybe we should push one of the cattle over."

LESSON: You shouldn't like them as dumb as they come.

-ANONYMOUS(but take a guess)

A pointless Story?

ok...this page needs more stories, so here...read: Once upon a time, back in 12 BC, there was a little rumpasaurus rex named Morton. Now, Morton decided he wanted a wife so he went to Tops International (the expensive Tops for the rich people) and bought The Buffalo News. He went home, popped open a half gallon of Heavenly Hash ice cream and began to watch his favorite movie, "Emanuel in Space" that he taped off of cinemax, as he flipped through the newspaper to the classified section to find his solemate....mind you, their was no heavenly hash ice cream in 12 BC, but for the purpose of educational litterature and for the pure benefit of expanding your vocabularic horizons, he was eating Heavenly Hash ice cream and it was good, he thoroughly enjoyed it. He skimmed half way down the paper until he spotted the first add worthy of his attention and pink highlighter. It read: Lookin for love? Look no further. I'm a 10 year old migrant farm worker and I'd love to hear from you....call 555-FARM and ask for Olga. Young Morton, being ever so lonely, highlighted the add, and read on but still found no offer more tempting, so he opted to call the young child. Olga answered in a shy voice and Morton filled with emotion blurted out, "meet me at General Mills downtown at 1400 hours" and she said ok, so it was settled. They were meeting at the cheerio factory in 1 hour. Morton had minimum time time to prepare, granted his hippo could only travel at acceleration due to gravity (9.8 m/s^2), so he splashed on some "dollar tree" cologne and skipped out the door like the beautiful fairy princess he is. Arriving at general mills, he fed the hippo some pork rinds to slow him down, and a magazine to occupy him should nature call when Morton was with Olga. Olga spotted Morton first and blew him a kiss. Morton gave her a funny look, caught on, and then blew her two. She reciprocated in blowing him three...and so on. They finally realized how pathetic they looked, sat down, and played a game of truth or dare. Olga confessed to licking a dog's tumor, and Morton said that he'd been eating his toenails since the ripe old age of 5. Olga told him how she performed at home surgery on her brother's busted blood vessel, and Morton showed her the scar shaped like chicken little, on his back. Soon they felt as if they knew each other's deepest darkest secrets.....which was true so they figured they'd consider they're conversation over a candle-lit dinner. They when to Chez Fruit Barn and ordered the watermelon for two. How romantic it was for them to split the melon between the both of them and spit out the seeds. So they did that and had fun. Eleven o'clock rolled around so Morton busted out with, "Dude, it's almost 12....my hippo's gonna turn into a crusty taco shell should i not tend to him by 12". He went to the place where he'd left the hippo, but the hippo was nowhere to be found. He looked high, he looked low, he looked in the Holiday Inn down the street, but no hippo anywhere. He asked the locals if they'd seen a hippo, but they laughed and threw things at him so he scratched his head and ran away really fast like one of the tech running team members and stuff. Now that he was gone, Olga couldn't find Morton, so she cried. Then she found an even better looking rumpasaurus rex, hitch hiked to vegas and hooked up w/ him in the love chapel. The next day she realized she shouldn't have married that stranger, so she filed for divorce, and picked up a new newspaper for the classifieds. As she flipped through, an obituary caught her eye....not just any obituary...but morton's obituary. As it turns out, the hippo had repressed anger all bottled up inside him from waiting too long for Morton, so when he saw him he ate him and that's it. All done. No more story. i know it's pointless, but thank you for reading. i love you all -Valerie -- Valzz@Aol.com

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Email: caniwin@aol.com