~ Belonging ~
~ By: Shoshanna ~
Dawn had been seventeen when she met Carlos. She hadn't even realized what he was until she had already fallen for him, then he had told her. Before that, she had just thought of him as dangerous and mysterious. Just the sort of boy she was interested in. When she found out he was another chipped vampire, she wanted to know more.
It had turned out that there was a group of them that were living together and trying to integrate themselves into society undetected. Not all of them were as nice as Carlos, but none of them killed humans anymore. Dawn loved Carlos more than anything.
He had only been twenty when he had been changed. The Initiative had captured him almost immediately. It took a lot of time and hiding out before he realized that he didn't want to spend eternity alone and hidden. That was when he met Dawn. She had changed everything for him. She inspired him to do good things and help others the way Spike had done. Her love helped make him feel alive again. Until Buffy found out.
Buffy had gone ballistic and tried to keep them apart. Dawn had grown defiant and snuck out whenever she could to meet Carlos. Dawn had tried to convince Buffy that it was just like her and Angel, but she refused to believe it.
One night, Carlos was helping a woman who was being attacked by another vampire. Buffy happened upon the scene and mistook Carlos for the perpetrator, and staked him before she realized who he was. By then, it was too late. Carlos was gone and Buffy had to break the news to Dawn.
Since that night, Dawn had grown completely distant from Buffy. It took a long time to even look at her again, but Dawn tried to move on and forgive. It was too hard. To Buffy, things appeared to be normal again, but for Dawn, the heartache only grew deeper. Things never were the same and her rivalry with Buffy grew even stronger.
Spike watched her face as he could tell she was recalling something painful.
"Carlos? You had a vampire for a boyfriend? And he had a chip?" He asked.
"Yes." She answered him.
"Well, where is he now? I wanna' meet him." Spike asked. He had always wondered if there were others, but had never heard of such a thing.
Dawn's expression fell at the memory of Carlos' fate. She wiped away the tear that started to fall from her eye.
"Carlos is dead. Buffy killed him."
"Oh." He said softly. "Your sister killed your boyfriend?"
Dawn nodded her head sadly.
"It was an accident. She mistook him for someone else. It's a long story." She said quietly, not wanting to revisit the memory.
"Well, isn't that just like Buffy. Slay first, ask questions later." He said shaking his head.
Dawn wiped her eyes and threw her head back, as if to shake off the unpleasantness of the memories.
"Look, Spike. It was a long time ago. Let's just forget it." She said shaking her head.
"Right. Well then…" He said unsure of what to say or do now.
"So do you have a place to stay? Because you can still come to my place. We have a lot of catching up to do, you know?" She said with a smile.
Spike wasn't sure if he should go with her or not, but he figured, 'What the hell', she was a grown woman and could make her own decisions.
"Lead the way, Luv." He said with a smirk.
"My car is over here." She said pointing to a red convertible.
"Nice ride." He said admiring the car.
"Yeah, it's great. It's pretty sexy, huh?" She smiled as she climbed in.
He nodded and got into the passenger side.
"So where is it that you call home now, Luv? Please tell me you don't still live with Buffy." He laughed.
Dawn's smile hardened at the mention of her sister.
"No, of course not. Buffy still lives in our old house. I've got my own place. Remember Xander? Well, I got his apartment after he and Anya moved away." She told him as they sped away.
"Xander? Yeah, I remember that bloke. He moved?"
"Yeah, he and Anya got married about six years ago. She got pregnant and they decided that the Hellmouth wasn't where they wanted to raise their kids. Can't say that I blame them. They live in Oregon now." She told him.
He glanced over at her and was in awe of how the awkward girl he remembered, had turned into such a lovely creature. Her dark hair waved in the wind as they drove along. He felt himself longing to reach out and touch her, but he didn't, not yet.
"So, what about Red and her girlfriend? They still here?" He asked off-hand.
"Willow and Tara?" Dawn asked glancing over at him.
He nodded his head.
"Will is still here. She's a teacher at the high school. Tara died almost nine years ago." She added sadly.
Spike nodded his head. He had never thought much one way or the other for Red's girlfriend. Wasn't surprising to him that she met with an unkind fate. It was amazing that more of them hadn't perished while living on this Hellmouth.
"Demon? Vampire?" He asked.
"Nope. Good old fashioned car accident. Amazing, isn't it? Living in Sunnydale fighting all sorts of creepy crawlies and she gets hit by a car walking across the street to the Magic Box. It was awful. Willow was completely wrecked." She told him.
"Life sucks, don't it, Luv?" He responded shaking his head.
"We're here." She said proudly, pulling up in front of her building. "You are so gonna love what I did with the place."
He smiled not really caring about what her apartment looked like. He had never been there before anyway, so he wouldn't know the difference.
They walked up and entered the building.
"Here it is." She said, opening the door. "Welcome to my humble home. Come on in."
He walked in and glanced around. Everything was decorated in red and black. Very modern and very unlike what he expected. He expected frilly, flowery things and not the harsh décor that he saw before him.
"Very interesting." He said as he sat down on a black leather sofa.
"Yeah, well red is my favorite color." She said beaming.
"It's nice." He said growing somewhat uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry I don't have a blood or anything. I wasn't expecting any undead company, but I have wine." She told him as she went to the kitchen and got out a bottle of Merlot and two glasses.
"Wine is good." He said glancing around the room.
He noticed pictures of Dawn and some of the friends he met tonight, and some of Dawn with Xander and Anya at what was apparently their wedding. There was a very well framed portrait of her mother on the coffee table and he smiled when he noticed it. He also noticed a particularly large picture of Dawn dressed in a graduation uniform with Giles beaming proudly at her side. What was missing from the room were any pictures of Buffy. He took a mental note of that fact.
"So, Luv, what about Giles? That old man still around?" He asked curiously. He had always liked that man, even though by the time Spike had left Sunnydale, Giles despised him more than ever. Spike always remembered living with him and watching Passions. Giles never wanted to Spike to mention those times, but they made Spike smile.
Dawn laughed. "He'd love to hear you refer to him as an old man, I'm sure. Giles still owns the Magic box. That's where I work, actually. Once Anya left, he needed someone and since I was newly out of school, I got the job."
"Hmm. So, is he still Buffy's watcher?"
"No, actually, Buffy isn't really a Slayer anymore." Dawn said pouring the wine.
"What?" He asked.
"Well, she doesn't do it officially anymore. She sort of retired. After Faith died, another Slayer was called, and Buffy just sort of decided that she had had enough. That's when Giles retired from the council. Buffy wanted a normal life." Dawn said taking a sip of her wine.
"A normal life, eh?" He said gulping his drink down. Thinking about Buffy still made him crazy. He could only imagine how thrilled she would be to know he was sipping wine with her baby sis.
"Crazy, huh? But that was what she had been wanting forever. She figured once she made it to twenty-seven, she was getting too old to slay all the time. She wanted to get married and have kids. You know, the whole fairytale. That's when she met Brandon."
"Brandon?" Spike asked mocking the wholesome name.
"Yeah, he's a teacher too. Will introduced them. To tell the truth he is dull and boring beyond belief, but he's nice, I guess. He's forty-two, so he's like, kind of old for Buffy. But considering Angel is like almost 300, I guess it's a step down." Dawn said without much enthusiasm. Talking about her sister always put her in a bad mood.
"Angel. Is soul man still alive and repenting all his sins?" Spike asked refilling his glass. He had gone to work for him for a short time after he left Sunnydale.
Angel was none too pleased to have Spike show up on his doorstep, but eventually, and after a lot of beating each other half to death, Angel decided to let Spike work for him.
They actually became reluctant friends, but it all came crashing down when Spike had failed to protect Cordelia one night. It wasn't as if he meant for her to get killed, but he was distracted by another demon. He didn't even see the one that attacked Cordelia until it was too late.
Angel almost killed him that night, blaming him for letting it happen on purpose. Spike left LA that night and never looked back. Truth was, he had cared for Cordy, but she never even gave him the time of day.
He learned from his mistakes with Buffy, to just keep his mouth shut about his feelings, so that she would never know. He was extremely upset by her death and destroyed his apartment before he left. From that moment on, he vowed to keep to himself and work alone. Attachments, especially to humans, were only troublesome and painful. But here he was now, with Buffy's little sister, of all people.
Dawn finished off her glass and nodded her head.
"Angel, I'm sure he's still around, somewhere. Haven't heard from him in a long time." She told him.
"He's not in LA anymore?"
"Nope. After Cordelia died, he sort of freaked out. I think he was in love with her, or something. Buffy didn't believe that, though. She always selfishly deluded herself into thinking she was the only girl he'd ever love. But anyway, after she died, he disappeared." Dawn retold the tale.
"Really?" Spike asked. "Never to be seen again?"
"Well, he wrote Buffy once or twice, but it was useless. That whole curse thing, you know? Buffy moved on, I guess."
Spike decided that Dawn didn't know that he was partly responsible for Cordy's death. He wasn't going to tell her. Angel had never mentioned to any of the Scoobies, Buffy especially, that he was working for him. I guess he didn't tell them about the night Cordy died either.
Dawn put her glass down and moved closer to Spike.
"You know, all this talking is making me sleepy." She said touching his face. "Are you tired?" She whispered in his ear.
She just wanted to stop talking about Buffy and the past. Most of the memories were painful. Besides, she had other things on her mind. She wanted Spike.
She had fantasized about him for years, and never told anyone. She always hoped that one day he would some back and they could get to know each other properly. Her infatuation with him was one of the reasons she fell for Carlos and why she always sought out bad boy types.
"Actually, I just woke up a few hours ago, Luv." He said nervously. The male part of him was dying to take this beautiful girl to bed, but somehow it just didn't seem quite right. When he looked at her, he still saw a little girl, even though her appearance suggested none of the innocence she once possessed.
"Oh, even better, because sleep wasn't really what I had in mind." She said kissing him full on the mouth.
Spike tried to resist her, but it was futile. She was just too damn gorgeous and her lips were so warm. They tasted like wine and honey to him.
She crawled onto his lap and continued kissing him. He returned her passion. Her long graceful limbs intertwined with his and the warmth of her supple body made him ache.
"Let's go to my room." She whispered into his ear.
Spike picked her up in his arms, made his way to her bedroom, and tossed her onto the bed playfully.
She giggled and for an instant, he caught a glimpse of her former self, but it was gone once she grabbed him and pulled him down onto the bed with her.
Clothes were being ripped off and the sounds of their passion were clearly audible throughout the building. Spike only hoped that her neighbors weren't light sleepers.
He hadn't been with a woman in a long time. He had gotten involved with other women over the years, humans for the most part, but he never allowed himself to fall in love again.
He had loved Dru more than anyone and anything in the world, but he had been long since over that. Buffy had come next. He still loved her, he figured he always would. But then there was Cordelia. He had cared for her, but it wasn't the same way as it was with Buffy. She was a friend, at least he believed that. He never knew if she returned the affection or not.
After Cordelia died, he bedded a string of women, most never even knowing what he was. They would wake up in the morning to an empty bed and by then he was long gone.
Dawn was different. He sensed that if he tried to slip out undetected, she would hunt him down. She was that relentless. He decided then and there that this girl was special. She knew exactly what he was and she still wanted him, needed him, maybe even loved him. He couldn't resist her.
Afterwards, they lay spent in each others arms. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and pulled the red comforter over their nude bodies.
She sighed contentedly. "Spike, that was perfect. Better than I had imagined all these years."
Spike turned his head to face her.
"You imagined this?" He asked.
"Of course I did. God, you don't know how I wished that I was Buffy all those years ago. She was so stupid. You loved her and she was so cruel to you. I hated her for that." Dawn said with irritation.
"There was a time I though you hated me for it too." He told her.
"Well, I did, sort of. I mean, at first I was mad. Not because I thought it was creepy, the way she did, but because I was jealous. Also I had to play along to satisfy her. But remember, I came to you many times after that. We talked and you helped me get over my mother's death. You were my friend, Spike. Buffy never knew about that." Dawn told him.
She knew all of that would have to change. It was about time that Buffy realized that Dawn was her own person, and now that Spike was back, Buffy would find out about this. Dawn smiled at that thought. Watching her sister freak out was always fun.
"Of course I remember that. You made me swear never to tell anyone. We were friends, but this? You actually imagined this?" He said gesturing towards the bed they now lay in.
"Yes, silly. I know I was too young then, but I still hoped that one day when I was old enough, you'd find me again."
"Well, here I am, Luv." He said pulling her close.
"Oh, Spike. I'm just so glad you came back." She said kissing him.
She had fantasized about this moment, and she never stopped carrying a torch for him, but she had to admit part of it was getting back at Buffy. She was forever trying to do whatever she could to shock her and make her mad.
Sleeping with Buffy's biggest enemy was the perfect plan. She was able to kill two birds with one stone. She got to be with Spike, whom she had always wanted and the bonus was that Buffy would have a conniption fit.
They both soon forgot everything else as they began to make love again. The sun began to rise on the horizon behind the heavy drapes in Dawn's bedroom. Neither of them realized they had been up all night, and neither cared.
Part 3