It had been almost four months since the day Buffy had died. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the image of her broken body lying there, lifeless. Her death was a moment he had expected to rejoice over for many years, but all of that had changed. He almost couldn’t remember what it felt like not to love her, or to wish her dead.
He closed his eyes and took a long swallow and slammed the glass back down. I had wished her dead countless times… Stupid fool…He thought to himself.
“Be careful what you wish for…” He laughed bitterly to himself.
He was starting to feel really drunk, but the pain wasn’t fading quickly enough. He ordered another beer and slunk down low in his chair. He put his face in his hands and tried to stifle the sobs that were threatening to catch in his throat.
Stupid, bloody idiot! He thought to himself. I’m just a blubbering fool, crying for some girl who never even loved me…
He had been devastated when she died and had broken down like a fool in front of everyone. Her friends had been crying and upset too, but he knew he made a spectacle of himself, yet he couldn’t stop. Finally Xander pulled him off of her body, as he had clutched on, willing her to wake up and shake it off.
Spike knew she was tough, and he had never expected her to die. Not like that. When she had told him, not everyone would survive, he assumed she was referring to him. That he could handle. He was already technically dead, so he was ready. It wasn’t supposed to be her. It should have been him and not her.
The waitress put his fresh beer in front of him and he downed it quickly. He saw two men talking at a table not far from where he was sitting. One man was very old, and the other a young man, maybe only a teenager. Spike couldn’t help but listen in on their conversation.
“Please, you have to help me.” Said the younger one.
“Tom, I’m not sure that I can. What you ask of me is a lot.” Replied the old man, furrowing his brow.
“But I need this favor. They said that you could help me. I just need Ginny back. She’s been in a coma for two months, and I just know that she’s in there. You can use your magic to bring her out. Maybe she just needs a push.” Tom told the man, his voice trembling with emotion.
“Magic is a powerful thing, son. Sometimes, it’s not always the answer.” Said the man, his features trying to convey comfort to the boy. “But, I’ll see what I can do.”
Magic? Thought Spike. This old man was some sort of wizard. If he can heal coma victims, maybe he can bring Buffy back.
Spike watched as Tom thanked the old man and walked out of the bar. Spike contemplated going over to the man, but wasn’t sure he could stand up straight. The alcohol was taking effect now, and he was a little shaky.
The man looked over at Spike and smiled. Spike looked away nervously. Being caught staring was never comfortable. The old man walked over to Spike’s table and sat down.
“So, you think I can help you?” He asked with a knowing smile.
“What?” Spike said nervously.
“You think I may be able to help you bring back someone special to you, isn’t that right?” He asked.
Spike was confused. Apparently the old man was a psychic as well as a wizard.
“I was thinking that, yes.” He replied skeptically.
“What makes you think I would help out a vampire?” He asked, with a smile still on his face.
“I don’t imagine you would, would you?” Spike laughed bitterly. “Who are you anyway? Mr. Hocus Pocus?”
“People just call me Wolf. I’m sensing a great sadness in you, and that’s strange. No soul, yet, mourning for a… human?” Wolf said trying to understand Spike’s position.
“That’s right. Not just any human, she was Buffy.” Spike said sadly, wishing he had another beer in front of him.
“Buffy. I see. So what happened to this, Buffy?” Wolf asked.
“She died. She never should have. It should have been me instead. I tried to protect Dawn, but I failed. Because of me, Buffy died.” Spike said, pouring out his heart to this strange man. The beer was making him a little crazy and he couldn’t stop himself from blurting out the whole story.
“Guilt. Hmm…Also strange.” Wolf said shaking his head. “Are you sure you’re a vampire?” He laughed.
Spike just looked at him blankly. Truth was, he didn’t know what or who he was anymore.
“So, what is it you want? A spell to make the hurt go away? The guilt?” Wolf asked.
“No, I want her back. That’s all.”
“That’s all?” Wolf said sarcastically. “ You want her back? Well, you can’t bring someone back. That’s a bit tricky, and it never works out well. Sometimes, what’s done is done.” Wolf explained, shaking his head.
“I realize that. But you must know something. You’re a pretty powerful guy, no?” Spike said, knowing he was grasping at straws.
“Tell me why you want her back so badly. She never loved you, you realize.” Wolf asked him.
Spike looked at him, disbelieving how much this man knew just by looking at him.
“I know she didn’t love me, but I don’t care. I love her, and she didn’t deserve to die. If only I had killed Doc when I had the chance. None of this would have ever happened…” Spike said remorsefully, wishing that he could change the past. Then it hit him.
“That’s it! If I could just go back and stop Doc from starting the ritual, none of this would happen. Can you do that? Can you send me back?” Spike asked excitedly.
“You mean time travel? That’s pretty tricky too. Not good to mess with the past. It could have dire consequences… Are you sure don’t want a nice anti-grieving spell?” Wolf asked, trying to steer Spike in another direction.
“I know the consequences. I’ve seen Back To The Future, you know.” Spike said sarcastically. “I just want to know, can you do it?”
Wolf pondered the idea for a moment, knowing it was dangerous.
“Well, I don’t have a time machine, if that’s what you’re asking, but yes, it is possible. Just not advised.”
“Do it then. I want it done.” Spike said determinedly.
“Well, it will take some time. I don’t exactly have that sort of thing on hand. Plus there are supplies to be bought…” Wolf said scratching his head.
“I’ll pay you, whatever it takes. Just say you’ll do it.” Spike said quickly.
“I’ll do it. Against my better judgment, mind you, but I’ll do it. This is a most unusual request, but I sense that your heart is in the right place, even if it isn’t beating.” Wolf said with a small smile. ”Give me a few days and meet me at this address.” He said handing him a piece of paper.
“I’ll be there.” Spike said, a smile on his face for the first time in months.
Wolf got up to leave and Spike paid his bar tab and hurried out. He had to check on Dawn anyway. He had tried to keep his promise to Buffy and look out for her, but it seemed to be the other way around.
Spike had all but given up after Buffy died, and Dawn gave him a reason to go on. All of the Scoobies accepted him now, and were marginally nice to him, but Dawn was the only one who actually seemed to care about him.
Dawn was living with Giles, for now. Getting around the social services had been a challenge. Dawn’s father had never surfaced again, so Giles called in a few favors and was able to get custody, at least temporarily. Spike tried to stop in every day, just to make sure she was getting by.
Tonight, he hadn’t planned to go. He didn’t want to show up drunk, but his conversation with Wolf had sobered him up. Spike wanted to let Dawn know that he had a plan. He wouldn’t tell her what, in case it didn’t work, but he wanted to give her some hope that things would get better soon.
Dawn greeted him at the door and he walked into the house. Giles was cordial, but still leery of Spike. They had an understanding, that Buffy had wanted Spike to protect Dawn, and Giles honored that agreement.
“So, Nibblet, how was your day?” Spike asked, almost cheerful.
“Fine. Why are you so happy?” She asked curiously. She had gotten used to seeing him hanging on by a thread most days. She thought she even saw a smile on his face which was odd.
“No reason. Look can we talk for a minute. I know it’s late.” He said, looking over at Giles for permission. Giles nodded his head and went back to reading the paper.
Dawn and Spike walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table.
“So what’s up? You’re all, like cheerful and stuff. Are you drunk?” Dawn asked him.
“Well, a little, but that’s besides the point.” Spike said excitedly. “Now, I can’t go into detail, but I have an idea. A plan actually. Things are going to be okay again. Trust me.”
Dawn stared at him, having no idea how drunk he really was. He wasn’t making much sense.
“A plan for what?”
“A plan to make everything that’s happened in the last few months, disappear.” He said with a huge smile.
“Okay, you’re a little nutty tonight. Maybe you need to sleep it off, Spike.” Dawn teased him, still confused.
“Just trust me. If I could tell you, I would, but I can’t. You’ll like it though. We all will.” He told her leaning back in his chair.
“Okay. So…when are you gonna tell me what this master plan is?” She asked.
“Soon, I hope. Very soon.” He said.
“What do you mean, I’m the only one who will know about this?” Spike asked as he sat in Wolf’s apartment.
“Well, that’s the catch. You’ll go back to the exact time when you first ran up the scaffolding. You get one chance to make things right. If you fail again, that’s it. If you die trying, that’s it. This is a one shot deal. No one else will ever know that you went back, or that time was altered. You’ll remember, but they won’t.” Wolf tried to explain.
Spike contemplated that for a moment, then nodded his head.
“Okay. Let’s go. If I die, I die. But if I can change things, it will be worth it.” Spike said confidently.
“She’s a lucky girl.” Wolf said preparing a potion in a cauldron.
“Buffy?”
“Yes. To have someone willing to alter time, and maybe die, just to bring her back. That’s love, pure and simple. Too bad she’ll never know what you did for her.” Wolf said with a smile.
Spike shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t mind. When she died, it was terrible. So many people loved her, not just me. The world needs her. You know, she died to save her sister and the world. It was incredibly foolish and heroic. It was what I wished I had done. If I had died, no one would have cared. Probably not even her. So it doesn’t matter. I just have to do this.”
“You are an anomaly, you know that? You aren’t like any vampire I’ve ever come across. You love and you care about humans, no less. It’s fascinating, really.” Wolf said as he put the finishing touches on his potion.
“Great, you can ponder the existence that is me later. Let’s just get on with this.” Spike said impatiently.
“Okay. Remember, there is no turning back. One chance, so do it right. Good luck” Wolf smiled as he began the incantation to start the ritual.
Wolf began reciting something in ancient Egyptian. Spike closed his eyes and felt Wolf sprinkle him with whatever concoction was in the cauldron. Wolf’s voice got softer and softer until he suddenly heard Willow’s voice in his head.
“Spike, is someone up there with Dawn?” Spike snapped his eyes open suddenly. He was back, and Willow was talking to him again.
“Yes.” Spike answered.
Willow urged him again to go up and save her. The crowd of crazies parted and he dashed up the stairs. One chance, you bloody fool! Don’t screw it up again…He thought to himself.
He ran quickly until he reached the top. He hung back for a moment and saw Doc standing before Dawn with the knife. Dawn noticed him, and he quickly put his hand to his mouth to signal silence on her part. Dawn held her tongue and said nothing this time. Spike crept up behind Doc and he suddenly turned around.
Spike was ready this time, and there would be no small talk. He wasn’t going to waste time. He grabbed Doc by the collar and hurled him over the edge of the scaffolding. No fuss, no muss. Doc landed with a loud crunch and Spike peered down over the ledge to see Doc’s broken body.
“Oh my God, Spike! Help me!” Dawn shouted with tears in her eyes.
“It’s okay, Nibblet. I’m here now. You’re gonna be fine.” He said going to her and undoing her arms.
She threw herself into his arms and cried.
“Buffy! Oh god! Is Buffy okay?” Dawn asked frantically.
“She’s fine, Dawn. Let’s get down from here.” Spike said, barely able to contain his excitement. If he remembered correctly Buffy would be coming up here shortly, so he wanted to get down before she ever went up. Just to be safe, he wanted her no where near the tower.
They walked down quickly and everyone was standing around, anxiously waiting. They had witnessed Doc’s plummet to the ground and hoped that it hadn’t been too late.
Buffy rushed in, just in time to see Spike and Dawn coming down the stairs. Dawn ran quickly over to Buffy and Spike hung back in awe of seeing Buffy so alive again. He felt tears in his eyes and tried to be a man this time and hold them back.
He wanted to grab her and hold her and never let her go, but he realized she would think he was crazy. Everyone would. No one knew where he had been, or that Buffy had actually been dead.
“Dawn! Thank God you’re okay! Are you hurt?” Buffy said embracing her sister.
“No, I’m okay. Spike saved me. This guy was going to cut me, but Spike…He stopped him.” Dawn said looking over towards Spike who still hung back at the bottom of the stairs. She turned back to Buffy. “What about Glory?”
“She’s not going to bother us anymore. I took care of it.” Buffy said as she looked over at Spike.
He smiled at her and she continued to stare at him with tears in her eyes. She let go of Dawn and walked slowly toward him.
“Spike…Thank you.” She said softly and sincerely.
“I made you a promise, didn’t I?” He said softly, almost afraid to look at her, for fear that none of this was real.
“Yes, you did.” She said looking into his eyes. She reached over and touched his arm and he looked down at her hand.
“Buffy…” He started to say but she stopped him.
She leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips. He nearly began weeping at the feel of her soft lips. Lips he never expected to taste again, or ever for that matter. She pulled away gently and looked into his eyes.
“You aren’t a monster.” She told him quietly touching his face. “A monster wouldn’t do that.”
Spike didn’t know what to say so he just looked at her trying to convey what he felt to her without words. She nodded her head and let go of his arm. She walked slowly back over to Dawn.
Spike closed his eyes and savored the feeling of Buffy’s kiss and her admission that she didn’t think of him as a monster. He could hear everyone talking but their voices got softer and softer. He began to feel a little dizzy. Suddenly he heard a loud voice in his ear.
“Wake up…It’s getting late.” He heard the voice echoing in his head.
Wake up? Please tell me I wasn’t dreaming all of this. He thought to himself.
He tried to open his eyes, but everything was blurry.
“I know generally vampires sleep all day, but come on.” The voice said in a teasing manner.
Spike tried focusing his eyes and noticed that he was not in his crypt. A woman was standing there and as his eyes focused, he saw that it was Buffy.
“Buffy? What are you doing here?” He asked, completely confused.
“I live here. Come on, get up.” She said trying to pull him out of bed.
“Well, then what am I doing here?” He asked quizzically taking in the sight of her bedroom.
“Sleeping way too much, by the looks of it.” She said with a smile.
Spike shook his head to try and un-jumble his thoughts. The spell. It had worked. He remembered going back and saving Dawn. He remembered Buffy thanking him and telling him he wasn’t a monster, but that was it. Now he was waking up in her bed. This couldn’t be right.
“Buffy, are we…I mean, you know?” He asked not making much sense.
“What?” She asked dumbfounded.
“Are we together?” He asked.
“Uh, yeah.” She answered giving him a strange look. “Are you okay? Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast or something?”
Spike let this bit of information sink in. He and Buffy were together. In every sense of the word from the looks of things. He suddenly realized that he was not clothed under the sheets. He smiled a broad smile.
“You and me? Are you serious?” He asked her.
“Spike, you’re starting to freak me out. Did you hit your head or something? I know you said last night that I blew your mind, but I didn’t think you meant literally.” She teased him
“I’m fine.” He said some of the memories coming back to him now. “I’m more than fine. Come here.” He said to her as he pulled her back down on the bed with him and kissed her. She laughed and pushed him away playfully.
“Come on. Dawn’s waiting for her breakfast. I need to get back down there.” She told him.
Spike gazed at her, still trying hard to absorb all the thoughts that were filling his mind. He suddenly remembered that after he had saved Dawn, Buffy had warmed up to him.
They had decided to be actual friends, and not just business associates. Buffy had finally admitted that she was drawn to him. The fact that he came through with his promise and saved Dawn only strengthened their bond. Eventually Buffy had to admit that she cared for him and they soon started a real relationship.
Spike smiled at the memories that flooded his mind. He felt like he had missed so much, but the memories were there. He still remembered what had actually happened the first time. The pain of Buffy’s death. He pushed that out of his head, and smiled at her.
“Buffy, I love you.” He said softly.
“I know. I love you too.” She said softly. “You seem a little off today? Are you sure you’re all right?” She asked.
“I had a bad dream, that’s all, Luv. A nightmare actually.” He said shaking his head.
“Want to tell me about it?” She asked.
“I dreamed that you had died. That I didn’t save Dawn and you died. You died in her place.” He said sadly, still feeling the pain.
“Well, it wasn’t real. I’m here. Dawn’s here, and she’s probably starving, so get up and come downstairs. I promised to make her waffles.” Buffy said with a smile as she gave him a quick kiss and walked out the door.
Spike watched her go then laid back down on the bed.
“It wasn’t real.” He smiled softly. “If only she knew…” He said to himself as he got up to get dressed.
He pulled on his clothes and headed for the stairs. He reached into his pocket and found a slip of paper. He opened it up and read it.
I hope things turned out better this time around…Wolf
Spike read to himself and smiled. Wolf. He didn’t know why the old man agreed to help him, but he couldn’t thank him enough.
“I’d say things turned out a bit better. I got it right this time… “ Spike said to himself.
“Who are you talking to?” Buffy asked as she stood on the stairs watching him.
“No one, Luv. Just talking to myself.” He smiled, then put his arm around her and they walked down the stairs together.