My dog laid in my lap, curled up and sleeping. I stroked her gently, from the soft top of her head down to her rump. My fingers ran down her spine gently, and she almost purred in satisfaction. She wasn’t miserable in the way that I was. She didn’t miss Zac. She never had nightmares. I lived a nightmare.
When I awoke in the morning, I found myself still on the couch, this time alone. Reenie laid on the floor, watching Saturday morning cartoons and munching on chocolate cereal as if it were the best thing she had ever tasted. Her messy, tangled pigtails hung down over her tired eyes, and drool covered her face. I rolled off the couch and onto the floor beside her, raining kisses on her.
“Good morning, little princess Reenie,” I cooed, cuddling her. She giggled. “’Morning, silly Abby.” I took a piece of cereal from her bowl. “Did you have a good rest?” Her eyes got wide and she shook her head. “No. I miss Mackie.” The sunshine faded from her face. I immediately threw my arms around her. “It’s okay, honey. I miss him too. I miss all of them. And Zac. But, you know what? They’ll be back someday.” Reenie nodded. “I know. But I don’t want Zac back. I didn’t see you when he was here. You loved him more than me. I still loved you.” I put my head on her shoulder. “No, no, that isn’t true. I loved you so much, Reenie. I haven’t seen Zac in years. I just wanted time with him. That’s all. I always loved you.” She didn’t seem convinced, but she didn’t protest. She directed her attention back up to the television, where she found peace.
I went back to the beach that day. I could still see the traces of Zac’s footprints in the sand, and the imprints of our bodies lying at the shore. I swore I could still hear his voice there. It seemed like he was with me. I put my hands over the place where his body had been, and I became overpowered by the reality of the night before. He had freed me, so innocently and easily. I caressed the memory, looking out at the large rock. I imagined flying again.
Out of fear and regret, I had to leave. As I walked away, past the tree we used to sit and write under, I noticed the shiny sap dripping from a few slashes into it. I knelt down by the side, letting the syrup pool in my hands as I read the inscription. “Goodbye,” it read simply, in bold, capital letters. It was in Zac’s handwriting, but I knew that he would never have had the power to hurt that tree. Sadly, I carried the sap back to the ocean, where I let it wash away from my hands. His mark was here forever. I knew that I, too, would leave mine someday.
Chapter 15-Hurt
