"If you love enough, you lie a lot." There were so many beautiful words to that song, but for some unexplainable reason, those were the only lyrics that I was able to pick up. The gentle, potentially harmless lyrics that managed to find a home in the back of my head for the next few years. The lyrics that played all day and all night, like some broken record. They had seemed so insignificant to my life at the time I had heard them. How should I have known that, in merely two years, they would control me completely?
Allowing my eyes to linger on the cool, gray cement sidewalk, letting my limp, stringy brown hair hang down over my sunburnt face, I kept the warm evening sunshine away from my oversensitive eyes. Waves of gentle summertime washed serenity over me, the same way the waves of the beach had earlier that day. My damp, sand smothered friends and I strolled casually down the street in our bikini tops and cut offs, our arms and legs aching pleasantly from all the swimming we had done that day. We were heading over to Starlight's, a popular fast food hangout in our tiny oceanside town. Even though we had a destination, our walk felt aimless to us. Cloe Tyler and Amber Potter were all too busy talking to care where they were going, while all I, Abby King, wanted to do was escape.
"So, Abs, what'cha doin' tomorrow?" Cloe, the intelligent, shy, pretty girl in our clique, pulled herself away from her conversation with Amber and forced me out of the solitary, yet colorful dream world I had locked myself into. Amber too turned her attention to me. I hated being the center of attention.
"I'm...well, you know, the usual. Hanging out and listening to the radio. It's fun." Amber rolled her eyes at my sarcasm. "Awe, you poor thing. Abby, girl, you need some action in your life. You're so sad and bored all the time. Get a life." I shrugged, wincing at the pain I felt due to my burnt shoulders. "I'm happy with my life." I replied flatly. I raised my head slowly, looking into the direction of the sun. Through the blinding light, I could make out the metallic silhouette of the restaurant.
"For some reason, I highly doubt you will ever be happy, Abby." Cloe said, a playful smirk on her face. "But, anyway, we heard there's a concert going on tomorrow night. It's outdoors, so we thought we'd sit outside the gate and listen. You're coming with us. We can't let you spend another depressing night alone, can we?"
We entered the restaurant, about the same time as Amber and Cloe re-entered their conversation. We sat down at a booth and waited for the waiters to come take our orders. I folded my hands in my lap patiently, waiting for something to do, anything. Everyone completely ignored me (not like I wasn't used to it). There were times when I actually had to believe my strange, suicidal notion that I was fading away. Or that I wasn't real, or just a ghost that no one could see. I didn't know what to believe in at times like these. I felt so all alone.
I jumped about a foot when I heard the screams. I turned to see a adolescent girl, only slightly older than me, jumping up and down in a circle with her friends. They were pointing to the drive-thru window, their eyes wide. The group immediately darted outside as fast as they could, for reasons I had yet to understand.
"Oh my God." Amber turned and froze, shocked by what she was seeing. She rose to her feet, followed by Cloe, who also stood petrified. "Is that who we think it is?" I looked up, still unable to realize what the fuss was all about. "What are you guys talking about? There's nobody out there." Before I could make a move, my companions ran out the door, smiling. The second I stepped foot out the door, I had to plug my ears to block out the screaming.
"Oh, my," Amber laughed. "So this is what the teeny crowd's all about." I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The sun settled down gently on the long blond hair of what seemed to be a stranger, but a popular stranger, surrounded by teenage girls. At the sight of him, my eyes began to flood, and the painful memories that I had blocked out entered my head once again. "If you love enough, you lie a lot." It was that moment that I wished I could die.
I let out a helpless cry as I brought my hand to my mouth, trying to hide my emotion. I didn't know what to do. I just stood, staring at his body, tears rolling down my face. Amber and Cloe, confused, backed away. They, as well as a few girls around me, were whispering about me. Then, suddenly, without warning, he directed his gaze, his once warm, familiar, caramel colored eyes, at mine. I looked at him the way I hadn't been able to for years, but I didn't see him anymore. The pain, guilt, regret, and joy in his eyes melted me. In my mind, all I could see was the vision of our two terrified bodies, lying together in the snow, melting together. I could see it in his eyes.
I had no choice but to turn away. He was still staring at me, I could feel it. I couldn't stare back. He was burning me. Suddenly, even shocking myself, I ran. Crying and wanting to die, I ran away on feet made of lightning, not able to look back. No one tried to stop me. I didn't even no where I was going. I told myself I was flying away that day, and never going back. Then, I realized, I had told myself the same thing that very night two years ago. I only wished I wasn't having to live out my lust again.
Chapter 2-Denial
