Sy: Hello RwF fans! And welcome back, to this exciting 7th season! Only starting a week ago, there is already so much action and excitement filling up the RwF! I do have a co-host for thisevening, a special guest announcer, but he has not arrived yet, obviously. And I was specifically told not to tell any of you who he is, if he arrives late.
He looks at a paper on a clipboard in his hand.
Sy: Eh, honestly, I couldn't tell you who this guy is... I've never heard of him... Whatever. Anyway! We've got quite a night up ahead of us! Only two matches tonight, but I'm sure they'll be entertaining, nonetheless! Titles are on the line in both matches! First match, the newcomer Demon Sage is coming up against our very own President GuildMaster, for the Hardcore Title, in a Barbed-Wire Ladder Match! Who knows what the outcome of this will be, ladies and gentlemen! While Demon Sage is very inexperienced, this being his first match in his career as a professional wrestler, Guildmaster is under a lot of stress, recently, due to the scandals under investigation, in the federation. And earlier, in an interview with the president, GuildMaster was quoted as saying, "...I'm just not the same without my stapler...". Then we have an amazing main event for you, folks! The stakes are high in this Handicapp Match, with Slam, the defending US Champ, taking on his old foe Side Show Cecil, surprisingly not teamed up with anyone from the Insane Clown Posse, but newcomer ninja master Shinobi. Anything goes in this match, except weapons, because both of the members of the challenging team have been known to be rather proficient in armed combat. If Slam wins, he retains his US Title, but if he loses to the tag team, Side Show Cecil and Shinobi go on to face each other for the US Title on Friday!
The lights begin to go dim and Demon Sage's entrance music goes on.
Sy: Well, ladies and gentlemen, it looks as though our first match is begining! Weighing in at 270lbs, standing at a staggering 6'7", Demon Sage is on his way out!
Flames burst from the top corners of the Bobtron, as the words "HELL LIVES" appear on the screen. At this point, the lights go completely out. A barrage of fireworks burst just above the ring, making visible the outline of a person standing in center of the ring. The lights go back on, and Demon Sage stands there, his gleaming yellow eyes piercing through all who look at them.
When the music stops, the Foo Fighters' song "Halo" plays throughout the colloseum. Although this is a new theme song for him, as he changes from season to season, the fans correctly know to expect GuildMaster's entrance. Low and behold, GuildMaster enters the ring, with Elijah, his attorney, carrying a portfolio of documents. Once in the ring, Guildmaster takes a microphone in hand.
Guildmaster: Before the match begins, I have something to show you all. Completely finalized, these documents here are my personal vendetta against Slam. Law suit is now fully set. I will see you at the district court on Monday, February 10th, 2003, Slam, if no specific and articulable evidence comes up between then, suggesting that you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, are innocent.
Elijah takes back the documents and leaves the ring. Ref Jeremiah enters the ring, and the crowd cheers, happy to see this familiar face. The bell rings and the match begins. Ref Jeremiah leaves the ring. The camera goes to Sy.
Sy: Well, folks, this looks like its going to be a very exciting match and ....
Sy stops off, mid-sentence.
Jeremiah: The new Hardcore champion! GuildMaster!!
In unison, the 10,000 fans in the crowd gasp, as well as the millions of viewers at home (but they can't be heard). The camera turns back to the ring, and Demon Sage is seen lying on the ground, and GuildMaster is standing on top of the ladder, with the belt in his hands. Demon Sage gets up and walks away in shame.
Sy: ...I'm in shock... I have nothing to say... I didn't even see what happened... That's the last time I ever blink, while on the job!
Jeremiah and GuildMaster leave the ring. "Tainted Love" by Marilyn Manson plays, and the door from the locker rooms bursts open, and all of the fans sitting in the seats along the aisle leading from that door to the ring feel an immense gush of wind, and only see a long red scarf pass by them. In the seconds that it takes for everyone in the stadium to avert their attention to the locker room door, Shinobi reaches the ring. After a confused delay of about 10 seconds, the applause begin for him.
Sy: Dammit, did I blink again?
When the applause ceases, the voice of arilyn Manson can still be heard singing, but not Tainted Love, its "The Dope Show." After jogging their memories, the fans finally remember whose entrance music this is! Side Show Cecil, followed by his train (the rest of the Insane Clown Posse), walks down the aisle, dressed in garments of the Shakespearean era. Leading the pack, when they reach the ring, Side Show Cecil hands his hat and cane to a midget at his side (Gabbo). Side Show Cecil then enters the ring, and the rest of ICP takes their seats, in an empty front row VIP section. Side Show Cecil and Shinobi shake hands, as the music changes to Disturbed's "Prayer." A very angry Slam comes running down the aisle towards the ring. As he reaches the ring, he takes off his US Championship belt, in one quick hand movement, and tosses it to Ref Jeremiah. He then jumps into the ring.
Slam: Which one of you mother
ers is first?
Shinobi and Side Show Cecil agree between themselves that Shinobi shall start it out. Side Show Cecil stands on the edge of the ring, on the other side of the ropes. Shinobi takes off his scarf, and hands it and his katana to Ref Jeremiah, who rings the bell, beginning the match.
The match starts out with Slam being very agressive towards Shinobi, who dodges every move that Slam makes towards him. Then, in one swift move, Shinobi makes a sweep to Slam's leg, knocking him over. Shinobi now has control of the match for a minute or so. After this minute or so, though, Slam reverses a move that could have been fatal, and now has total control over Shinobi, who is now begging for mercy from the raging Slam, who is probably using this opportunity to take out all of his built up anger at those who are accusing him of stealing GuildMaster's stapler.
Seizing a brief opportunity, Shinobi tags Side Show Cecil into the match, and sits on the edge of the ring. Side Show Cecil is a much easier opponant for Slam, now that he's all worked up. Side Show Cecil doesn't have a chance against Slam, if this trend continues. After beating down Side Show Cecil really badly, Slam performs his finisher on him, the Stone Cold Stunner!
Shinobi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Side Show Cecil lies limp on the ground. Slam pins him, and Ref Jeremiah comes over to count.
Jeremiah: ONE!
......
Jeremiah: TWO!
....Just then, the colloseum goes dark, and strobe lights turn on. The massive soundsystem begins to play Mudvayne - "Not Falling."
Sy: What the ?!?
As the song reaches its chorus, Ref Jeremiah is distracted, and looking towards the locker room, from the opposite direction comes a man wearing a black trenchcoat, black boots, and black sunglasses. He runs into the ring, breaking up the pin, and throws Slam into the turnbuckle. When Jeremiah turns around, hearing the sound, a strobe light flashes right at his eye, temporarily blinding him. Noticing this, the man in the trenchcoat goes up to Slam, gives him a sidekick to the head, then picks him up and turns him 180 degrees, in the air, and then finishes him with a legdrop. The man then runs away, and the strobe lights turn off.
Sy: Who was that!!!!!?
Voice behind Sy: My name is d-O-b.
Sy: Huh, what, wait, who? Wait, when... how did you get in here? Wait, what... d-O-b? You were supposed to be my co-announcer tonight!
d-O-b: Yes, I'm sorry, I couldn't make it earlier. Funny story. I thought all of the RwF events took place at the Amish Colloseum. I was sitting in the announcers' booth there at 8pm, thinking, "Hey, the audience is pretty empty....." Luckily that janitor was there.
Sy: Yes, you see, Monday Night Blizzards take place here, at the Billy Bob Memorial Colloseum, in Cold Spring Harbor, NY. Friday Night Lightnings take place at the Amish Colloseum, in Philladelphia, PA. Saturday Night HZCs take place at the Czech Colloseum, in Chandler, AZ. So, as you can see, we do a lot of travelling. But on days when we don't have events, we are usually at the Amish Colloseum, since that is our HQ. Also, PPVs take place at different stadiums all across the world.
d-O-b: Oh, I see
Back in the ring, the half-dead Side Show Cecil has been using this time to build up enough strength to crawl 2 feet to the edge of the ring, and tag in Shinobi, just as Ref Jeremiah regains his eyesight. Shinobi dashes into the ring, and pins Slam.
Jeremiah: ONE!... TWO!... THREE!!!
Sy: And Slam is defeated! Who would have thought it possible! Hell, it wouldn't have been possible without you, d-M-v!
d-O-b: It's "d-O-b," but you were close.
Jeremiah: THE WINNERS: Side Show Cecil and Shinobi! They will go on to face each other on this Friday at Lightning, for the United States Championship Title Belt!
The event over, the crowd starts to file out.
Sy: d-O-b, you're a new member of the RwF family. None of us have ever even heard of you before. What made you interfere in this match?
d-O-b: Well, I have a tape to show you all, to end off the event.
A video starts playing on the massive screen of the Bobtron.
GuildMaster is sitting alone is his office, doing paperwork. He reaches out to grab his stapler to staple two pieces of paper together, but then he remembers that its not there. He begins to cry like a little girl, and he connects the two pieces of paper with a red paper clip. There is a knock at the door. He wipes the tears from his face.
GuildMaster: Come in.
d-O-b enters the office, and takes a seat opposite the president, as GuildMaster gestures for him to sit.
GuildMaster: Ah, so, you are the man who wants to join the federation?
d-O-b: Yes, it would be a great honor, sir. But, I haven't been in any feds before, and I could use a mentor, or a role model, to teach me how to become popular.
GuildMaster: Well, son, all I can tell you, from my years of experience, is that being new to a fed is like being new to a federal prison: The trick is to kick somebody's ass on the first day, or to become someone's bitch.
d-O-b: With all due respect, sir, isn't that a little eccentric?
GuildMaster: Of course it is! I was just joking around. Damn Cablevision! I've been making Office Space references since my stapler was stolen! The real trick is to, as soon as you can, do something to make the fans either love you, or love to hate you. Do you want them to love you, or love to hate you, Tommy?
GuildMaster spins a beach ball in his hand.
d-O-b: My name isn't Tommy, sir... It's d-O-b... And I would like to be on the good side of the fans. And I am sorry to hear about your stapler. And... do you have any advice on how I could make the fans love me?
GuildMaster: Oh, I'm sorry, I must've been looking at your application upside down... I swear it said Tommy... Anyway... yes... stapler? Oh yes... fans love you... hmm... Say, that gives me an idea... Right now, the fans hate Slam, because he is the number one suspect for stealing my stapler... But it is almost positive that Slam will defeat Shinobi and Side Show Cecil, tonight, and retain his US. Title... If you interfere in that match, and make sure Slam loses... the fans will adore you!
d-O-b: Thank you sir!
d-O-b exits GuildMaster's office.
The video ends...
