~* Leaving for tour day... 6am *~
Korey tossed and turned, and tossed and turned.....and tossed some more. The entire night had been nothing but cold sweats and frightening dreams.
"What time is it?" She asked into the morning air of Chris's apartment. Her head fell back to the pillow like a 50 pound weight when she realized what she was in for today. Saying goodbye. She didn't know how tough it would be, she'd never said bye to anyone, never had a chance to, but she knew she would see them again. It still wasn't the same. The knots in her stomach through the night had been partially from the fact that her and Justin weren't speaking to eachother. She was more than embarrassed at her behavior. She knew Justin was too, in the little time she had known him, she could always tell why he would avoid her in certain areas. This time she knew she had really hurt him. He hadn't come around all Sunday and now it was Monday morning, the day they left, and she had no idea of where on earth he could be.
"Grrr" Korey groaned slipping the covers off her as she walked out into the cold hallway. She sat on the couch in the silent living room for a few minutes before Chris's alarm clock sounded. About five minutes of useless thoughts later, he barged out wearing only scooby doo boxers. "Your up early for someone that doesn't need to be." He cheerfully greeted. "Goodmorning to you too Chris." She smiled "So...your definitely stayin behind huh." "Yep, it's life, not a game, I can't do what I know Justin wants me to. I don't get it Chris." She turned her head down as she felt tears unexpectedly forming, "He's been nothing but here for me from the minute I met him." "Honey, sometimes things seem hard, but everything happens for a reason, he obviously has a little more feeling for you than you do for him, he'll get over it he's a toughie...just concentrate on being friends and he'll slip into the groove in no time. He's been hurt before, he knows how to deal." "But thats the thing! im not meaning to hurt him! I think it would hurt us both even more if we got something started and I couldn't be with him, it would tear me to shreds Chris." Korey sobbed "Kor, im sure he didn't mean what he said yesterday, just forget it, say bye today be all happy and we'll be back to visit in Just about a month!" He exclaimed pouring a cup of apple juice, "Besides, how do you think he feels? is it really fair to him that every perfect girl that comes along he just has to ditch because of his job? Love is love and no game when it comes to Mr. Timberlake. A knock sounded on the door as Korey absorbed Chris's words. Chris swung it open to find Lance Jc and Joey with hot chocolate in their hands and wide grins pasted across their faces. "Tour Tour tour day!" Jc entered the apartment jumping. "Ya hoo, finally...no more conventions! Its here buddy!" Joey spoke hitting Chris on the back excitedly. Korey watched how happy they were. She knew they must have been totally devoted in their work. It made her smile, the sincere kind, from the bottom of her heart. She would definitely miss them...and Justin. But where was Justin she thought, looking around as she realized his familiar face wasn't gracing her with his presence. "Oh God, he's still angry with me isn't he?" She asked out loud "Steamy ya just gotta give the boy time, he's upset, and embarrassed. Thats it." Joey explained noticing her tenseness. "Yea." Lance chimed in, "He's on his way...he just needed some air." "Hey bud why arent ya dressed?" Jc asked Chris noting his boxers. "The question is why ARE you? We don't hafta leave for another two hours." Koreys attention was pulled from the four guys conversations. Their voices trailed off in the background as she staired at the door still ajar. She pictured Justin coming through that door and swooping her off her feet, or prancing over to the couch and grabbing every last bit of her delicate body in his arms like he had...so many times. She had to blink twice when suddenly his tall figure did appear in the hallway. They're glances met eachother and quickly parted. "Hey man." She heard the rest greet. He seemed quiet. Like he was tiptoeing behind her so he would stay out of her way. It seemed as if everyone had forgotten she was still on the couch as they re-discussed their plans. An hour had passed, Chris just got out from his shower and once again all the guys sat in the kitchen eating breakfast as they gabbed over the upcoming events. Korey realized she hadn't been alone besides her park walks in a long time. Then she realized she had never been alone, completely. Her ears strained to capture every last voice she wouldn't be hearing and all their silly priceless expressions she wouldn't be seeing for so long. She shivered at the thought of long cold nights with no one to joke with or see a movie on a Sunday when she was bored. She knew her and Justin's talks wouldn't be the same, now that he expressed his feelings. She wanted so badly to express hers. She knew the first time she set eyes on him in his car that awful night, there was something special about him...but she couldn't find it in herself, or anyone else to help her admit it. "Well looks like thats about it." A tall finely dressed man informed from the door. Korey hadn't noticed but they were bringing Chris's bags out to a trailer. The quantity of accessories he was shuffling through the door only reminded her how long they would be gone. "Well steamy, all the numbers are on the fridge along with our schedule and addresses of hotels...think u get the point...anyway, I hope you have fun...im sure this place could use company besides me a little more, but if ya find your own place feel free sweetie. In the meantime PLEASE help yourself to more than everything." Chris comforted as he rubbed her back gently from the position he was on the couch next to her. "Thanks so much Chris. All of you, thanks again!" She exclaimed fakely "Don't forget to call!" Warned Lance. "As much as you want." JC added "Day or night!" Joey exclaimed laughing "OK i think she gets the point, c'mon guys." Justin whined watching them repeat their embraces. They all started shuffling out the door, blowing her kisses. Her heart stopped as Justin turned back to her direction. "Bye sweetheart." Was all he could manage as he smiled lightly, backing out of the door. She sighed and smiled fakely back at him. "Bye Justin." He put his fingers to his ears and mouthed, "Call me." The door shut and she was lost. She didn't know where to begin or end her thoughts, all she knew was she wanted to sink into the couch and become a part of it for the rest of her life. She wondered dazedly around Chris's apartment and on into his bedroom. He had a waterbed. It was warm and knowing he wouldn't be back to find out, she gently stretched across the wobbly frame. Her attention directed her towards his collection of cd's. Music had to be the one thing they of course all couldn't get enough of, but she was stunned by the variety and quantity of his selections. She hit play curious as to the last thing he was listening to. "God must have spent" came on and she had to stand back for a minute to catch her breath. she thought for a few minutes before reassuring herself it was them. more importantly why in the world were they listening to themselves? "Probably to remember or get some ideas." She shrugged. The song continued, she remembered when she'd been all alone in her room after her her fight with her mom. She thought to a time before that. She couldn't understand why this memory had been brought up to her but she soon realized this very song was playing in the background when her mother and her went to a friend's wedding. Echoes of her mother laughing and saying, "This is a gorgeous song, someday you'll find a man to sing this to you Korey." rang through her. Her mother then kissed her forehead and proceeded to mingle with the other adults. She stopped the song and laid back on Chris's been breathing deeply. "My mom was a good woman. She loved me, If you can hear me mom, I miss you and I love you...please guide me in the right direction." She whispered confusedly. It seemed like in that exactly moment she had fallen asleep. Some time later she had been woken up by a familiar muffled ring. She danced around the apartment rapidly to find the phone. She knew it was her cell, and that meant one of two things: Either one of the guys was calling, or it was someone from the dance academy giving her a job. Finally, under a chair in her room, she spotted her phone. "Hello?" she pronounced quickly, sweeping her hair out of her face as she stood back up. "Um yes this is Dan Harvey, we've gotten your request and demo video...we'd be honored to have you as one of our very own Arch instructors." She immediately sighed relief and spun around her room in relief before realizing the man still on the other end of the phone. "Thank you so much sir, when do I start?" She asked calmly "We'd love to assign you a room and class at your earliest convenience...hows tomorrow sound?" She lost her excited breath again thinking about starting her career so soon, and swiftly. "Yes Sir that would be wonderful, i'll be there...7?" "Seems like you've got more than enough down pat already ma'am, yes 7, see you then, mmbuh bye." The man quickly hung up before she could respond. "Whoo hooo! Isn't this great!?" She screamed to the vacant walls. Soon enough though, reality set back in. "Oh my God, clothes? shoes? I have nothing!" She babbled again to the air. She sunk into the couch like so many times before, distressed. "Come on Korey your strong you can do this." She encouraged herself thinking about going back to her mothers home. She wondered if anyone had bothered to clear it out or find her will. Koreys thoughts disappeared as she fell into a deep sleep on this quiet Monday afternoon. Obnoxious honking sounded. Koreys head jerked up as she looked out the back sliding glass doors across from her. She saw nothing, and realizing the time gathered herself up from the couch. Without thinking, she walked out the door before she would stop herself. Chris's car was in a garage. He'd asked her to watch it and she knew he wouldn't mind since she had no other transportation, so she was off to the house. *~A few house passed*~ Korey found herself at 9pm, in her run down hallway, in the center of piles and piles of old family pictures. She had been lost hours ago, capturing all these old memories. She had laughed and sobbed her way through about ten boxes when her phone rang once again. She crossed her fingers..."Please don't tell me they don't want me to come tomorrow." She sighed before clicking her phone on. "Hello?" She answered much like before "Hey!?" An excited voice poured. "Im sorry I think you have the wrong number..."Korey responded unknowingly. "Silly im on a payphone, its Justin." The minute his name popped out, her heart stopped and mixed emotions poured back into her. "Hi." She finally replied "Look, we have a meeting in about 10 minutes and everything, we got our bus, it's so cool i'll show ya sometime. But anyway I just wanted to say I was sorry for being such a.....such a dick to you earlier." He spoke sincerely Korey giggled at the word he used for himself, "No Jus it was just as much my fault. But listen, I got the job!!!" She cried "Thats great sweetie! When do ya start?! Do you have time to.....oh" He responded as she informed him she started tomorrow. "What were you gonna say?" "Oh nothin, anyway you have a great time, i'll call you when I get done, or maybe tomorrow if it's too late, hey where are you Chris's phone must be off the hook." He asked hurridly "Oh I'm at home, I decided i'd need my stuff and I have to get over it sometime so might as well be now." She answered "Oh ok, im so proud of you...and Korey once again im so sorry for making you feel so much pressure. Be good Sas." He finished as the phone clicked loudly in her ear "Yea..." She replied but only to herself. She decided she should get back over to Chris's, it was getting late. She walked into her room. The smell of her sheets and pillows made her want to wail again, but she kept calm as she quickly as possible gathered more of her things. She stood at the door before long, looking back into the cheerfully painted room. She remembered writing in her journal for years on that very floor, watching her favorite tv show for centuries on that tv, and being tucked in during cold nights in that old warn out bed. She scooted her bag further up on her shoulder and turned back to walk out. She stood at the main door a few minutes before turning back again. "Oh my God, I could just live here if im getting a job!" She cried to herself, "This is so perfect! All our memories, and I don't have to go apartment hunting...duh!" She yelled throughout the house as her bags flew from her arms. She was again lost straightening up ever room before the garage door painfully struck her sight. She hesitantly slid it open and when she did so, all she found was a sickly thin kitten. She held her heart for a few minutes before swooping the cat into her arms "Oh my goodness baby, we need to get you some food!" the cat purred back to her, content with her long lost company. It was now 1am, she looked around tiredly from her place on the couch. She had gone absolutely nuts, renewing and cleaning everything in every room. "It's livable," She sighed happily before driving over to Chris's to lock up and take her bags back. ~*5:45 am next morning*~ The second snooze had ended. Korey stumbled up and into the bathroom. She rubbed her eyes tiredly as she looked in the mirror. "Yikes" She commented. She couldn't get enough of the smell of Home. She was grateful her house wasn't far from Chris's at all though, she knew she'd be spending more time, especially since Justin had called all the way from his first day on tour even though he was upset. Her shower went by quickly as she livened up beginning to feel her first day excitement. She wrapped the towel around her as the phone rang. It seemed she kept it next to her at all times. "Goodmorning!" She exclaimed to the unknown "Wow, im glad your so perky today...goodmorning." She sighed once again in disbelief it was Justin. She was more than grateful he hadn't left her alone after all she'd said so rudely. She had expected him to cut off all connections. "Oh hey Justin." "Well didn't want to interrupt anything but I just needed to say goodluck! Im so glad things are workin out and Ive still got your friendship. My girlfriend says hi...well have a nice day, i'll talk to ya later babe im goin back to bed." He quickly rambled Korey couldn't find her voice. She became sweaty and her excitement drove straight down without looking behind. "Girlfriend?" she gasped trying to stay sane "Oh....Audrey, you haven't met her, see we were goin togetha before the last tour, we decided to take a break and now that tours back on ive got someone to be here." He thoughtlessly replied. It shocked her how sickened she felt by this concept. "Oh, well have fun." She replied sourly before throwing the phone as far away from her as she could. "Whats happening to me? I thought I would have more time than this! Oh my God what have I Just lost?" She shook her head, took a breath, and pulled her hair back after she finished dressing in black velvet shorts covered by tear aways and a T-shirt. She suddenly didn't care about her appearance, much less her whole first day. The phone unexpectedly rang once again. "It cant be Justin, so this can't be that bad...please no more bad news." She silently chanted before searching the other side of the room. "Hello." She tiredly repeated. "Haha!!!!" an obnoxious laugh belted "Huh?" She asked feeling like any minute she was about to send the phone shooting through the window. "It was a joke! You were mad! admit it! a-d-m-i-t it!" "A joke?" "Yea I was wonderin what you would think but you didn't seem to care, it was just a test but I wanted to see how our terms were. Your still a great friend i just don't have a girlfriend." he laughed "Justin if I was there right now I swear to God boy you'd be on the floor." She smiled brightly as the blood flowed back to all parts of her. "Ohhh...frisky." he teased, "Anyway thats all the harassment this morning I think you need. Just had to get the juices flowin." She laughed confusedly at his comment, still grinning brightly, "OK thanks so much...your the best ever." She sarcastically replied. The phone call ended and she applied a thin layer of makeup before strolling confidently out of the house, shaking her head at her the little instant heart stopper she just experienced. The day had been going great, the little children amazed her with their beauty. She always recognized beauty. It had only been the first day of her job, but she could tell she was going to grow fond of these small girls, the oldest being 12. She had even managed to make a few friends around the place with other instructors her age. They had all complimented her on her talent and even invited her to lunch the next day. She flew through her last classes routine worry free, excited to go home and do some more "improving". ~*4pm*~ As she walked up to the door, exhausted yet full of energy, she expected to be greeted by hugs and warm embraces after her restless day. Her position snapped back into place as she entered the small chilly home greeted by simply the kitten. "At least you love me." She smiled wedging the kitten into her neck as she took a rest on the couch. Almost all the bad memories were gone, she was ready to save the good and make new. It was still new having time to herself to think. During the course of her rest, she could hear voices...particularly the guys...and giant hands resting on her shoulders, smiling faces and all those singy voices that had brought more joy than she ever realized to her life. "Snap out of it Korey, your little fling is over." She scolded herself and went to the kitchen to prepare something for dinner. She couldn't find anything small enough to feed just her. She used to make meals for the guys, and before that, her mom. The pain grew every minute she thought about it. She began questioning what her life was worth. After being too aggravated with herself, she ordered a pizza and sat down to plan her next class. She had trouble focusing. The pizza man came to the door at a bad time, her nerves were jumbled and she had to bring a knife to the door for protection. Every noise, every beep or voice on tv, made her jump a mile. Finally after long useless thoughts, she cried herself to sleep. Dark days flew by, Justin would call, getting only the answering machine when he figured out she was staying at her house. She knew when he called and listened to her mothers voice telling to call back later. She didn't want to erase the message, it was all she had left of her. It seemed like all she did was get up go dance come home eat and sleep. Even dance, her inspiration for so many years, couldn't heal her pain. She missed her mother so badly...and the fact that the souls she had grown most close to, weren't around anymore, was another huge factor. ~8 days later~ Korey woke up extra jumpy. She had been excited about the new routine some of her older students, she had gained over the days, had put together. She was eager to get to the studio this morning. She looked confidently in the mirror. She had some rose to her cheeks. "Im gonna have a DAMN good day," She thought to herself. She strolled into Arch greeted by the bright smiling 7 year old faces. "Lets stretch ladies." She ordered, setting down on the floor herself. Something felt different, strange...not a normal day she knew, but ignored her thoughts. "Ok everyone now lets practice positions." She raised her voice slightly over the tiny chatter. As she bent down to touch her toes, finishing her own stretching, a sharp pain jabbed into her stomach. She jerked quickly up and caught her breath before trying the same again. When the pain occurred over and over, she decided to take it easy and sit down. She taught the remainder of the class from her position on the floor. "Hey Korey." a voice yelled into the door. "Come see me after class." She cheerfully yelled. Korey could only nod. She realized maybe she shouldn't continue her classes for that day, but soon found herself feeling revived and back in the groove. "That was strange." She shrugged as the little girls hugged her legs excited she was back to life. After first class, she remembered her friend Nikki telling her to see her after class. She headed towards the office when she tripped over a medium sized cardboard box. She wouldn't have stopped if she hadn't spotted her name on top. She was confused at why it would be for her, but took it into her small desk area and cut it open as fast as she could. Her stomach churned, she hated surprises...good or bad. The past few days maybe even weeks she had been with and without the guys, had been horrible, she thought about them as she looked down in search of thoughts for what was laying before her. He never ceased to amaze her. Justin of course. She counted as she removed the objects, still absently from the box. She shook her head in disbelief as she whispered to herself, "58 dried roses, for every day ive known you." Thats what the card said deep down inside the bottom of the box, and the P.S message was "Shhhh." She felt inspired, she knew that day would be a good one, it turned out to be great. Her classes flew by and she wandered out, telling no one about her possessions. It was early, about 3:30 she had gotten home. She decided to give Justin a call. She knew she shouldn't even try to express how she felt about these roses, so unbelievably meaningful to her, but she had to say something. "Hello?" A soothingly familiar voice answered, after nearly two weeks of her pained ears being without it. "J.....Justin." She stuttered "OH my dear lord, Korey! where have you been? Ive been worried sick! You wouldn't answer the phone you wouldn't call you wouldn't write. whats going on?" He demanded an answer. "Justin, I called because I need to tell you ive been thinking." "Thinking about what?" He asked "About the relationship thing." She answered softly "OH no worry, everything's fine, we're good friends thats all that ever will matter sweetie, rest assured. "No Justin, I mean in a different way. Listen, im not gonna hold back anymore, ive done that too long, and I have nothing to lose anymore! So...well its just...OH my God Justin I miss you so much!" she broke down, tears streaming freely down her face as she cleared her throat to disguise them. "I don't know what to say sassy, I thought everything was going good. I miss you too though remember that." "Justin is it too late? Is my chance gone?" She asked shakily "What chance Korey? Think about this ok? You know I care a lot about you, don't do this to yourself or...well...or me." He answered as sweetly as possible. "Do what Justin? Just answer me! Is it gone?!" she raised her voice "Korey I said think about it, we both need time, maybe wait for the right time now." He sighed painfully "Justin...." "Korey I cant go through this right now! Ive just gotten over this whole deal, I can't be sure you'll ever be secure in a relationship, ive realized and accepted that." "Justin you think just because I got RAPED it means I dont want a man to make me feel wanted? Im so alone, all I do is cry, I dont even like to dance anymore...you know why? BECAUSE OF YOU JUSTIN!!!" She screamed into the receiver gripping onto the phone with her sweaty palms. "Korey there's really nothing I can do about it, im here your there....I just can't sweetie, you KNOW damn well how I feel, ill always be here, but lets calm down...we can't be too sure about anything, your in a fragile condition." He still spoke calmly "Justin I have to go." She hung up the phone frantically. He didn't understand but knew she'd call back later. She raced around the house and flung everything in site out of her way. Tears still streaming, she yanked a large old suitcase down from her closet. She gathered all the money she owned from a small glass jar on her dresser, threw any clothes she could find in and pulled some papers from off the fridge, Violently throwing them into the suitcase. The next three hours were a blur as she did what for herself was the unthinkable. It was like she was possessed, demons inside her. "Im doing the right thing, for once in my life, im following my heart." She whispered. She hadn't even known what day it was, or how she looked, what she was wearing or who looked at her. All she wanted was to be in the place she was trying to get to.
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"Holy shit!" Justin exclaimed pounding his breaks. He swerved to the right and then left, having no luck with the escape of this out of control vehicle's path. Before he could blink, he was empounded into a small car. He thanked God for getting out of this incident unharmed, but as he peered out the front window again, he was mortified. The car was now flipped on it's side, metal and glass tonado's surrounding. He knew he was already late for the appointment he was trying to make it to. He pounded his head on the steering wheel. "Why me!" After sitting for about ten minutes as police and ambulances surrounded the area, he crept out of his car. He stood in front, watching fast paced people scramble to get the car back to it's wheels carefully. "Excuse me, is there something I can do?" He asked an officer passing by "Huh?" "Well I was involved in this accident, so what do I need to do?" He asked impatiently "The surrounding traffic agrees it was fair and square both of your faults, so there will be no fines. You can leave your number with me and head home." Justin nodded and handed the paper back to him, before turning back to his car. He turned back around hesitantly, noticing the man still standing there. "Sir? Who was in that car?" He asked "No identity, young girl." He answered "Oh." Justin replied, head down. "Well is she gonna be transferred anywhere?" He asked feeling the guilt for getting out of this unharmed. "You mean a hospital? Eventually Riverview North." The man mumbled as he walked back to the scene. "Thanks." Justin replied under his breath He proceeded back to his car. After climbing in, he took another wide look at the commotion. "I should visit her, make sure she's ok when she gets there" He thought before pulling backwards away from the scene.
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A while later Korey realized her destination would soon appear. She shuffled through her bag, finding the papers she had previously thrown in before absorbing the information she needed, and flinging them behind her, sending them in every direction on the back seat. She figured she had about an hour left to drive. She turned the radio on softly and was on her way. The next thing she knew, she pulled into a strangely familiar, yet so unfamiliar parking lot. Her heart beated out of her chest as she raced out of the car and through the large venue doors. She searched all around, knowing she would soon see her angels. She got a bit frantic when she didn't find them after a while, even more frantic when she didn't at all. She sat back in her car and pounded her head against the steering wheel. "Why me! Is that the question of my freaking life!? I just want to get out of this body!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. "Justin...Justin help me.." She whispered to herself. She was lost in the middle of nowhere, not finding what she expected to, no money left and certainly not a hope to her. Every thought she had put herself down. She could have been at home right now in the warmth of her house. She could have even been in Chris's cozy reminding home. Worst of all she could have been with all five guys, joking, cuddling, loving, eating, and laughing constantly...on tour with them as they had invited her. Her life had fallen apart literally more than ever, which she didn't think was possible in the first place. Korey sighed and st back, realizing there was nothing left to do but go forward. Several times before she had said she would only be positive and get back into her life, but it hadn't happened. For some reason, this incident made her calm down, but also she became more determined than ever to get what she wanted. "It will just take time," She reminded as she pulled out of the parking lot. A few minutes into her return home, the phone rang. This time it was still next to her so she grabbed it instantly. She let out a sigh of hope. "Hello, it's Korey." She answered
"Korey, I really need to talk to you sweetie." A woman's voice explained
"Mrs. Linkwood?" Korey wondered
LiNKS
