"Mask", by Some Guy

I see myself growing up to be a very bitter man. I don't want to, though. If I had a choice I would continue my cheery, happy visage, but frankly that's the problem. It's only a visage.

The crowd watches the movie happily. I just try to get comfortable in my backwards seat. Sorry, could you please move? I'm sorry, I didn't realise I was in your way. We watch the movie some more. We laugh. At least it comes out as laughter. Someone speaks to me. I turn to her and we share a laugh. Can you move, your head's in my way again. Unbelievable. I barely moved.

Later that night we all go out. We have an amazing time. Our waiter is hilarious, and the company is good. The mask is off, and I'm honestly happy.

Down in the pool, we playfully throw the ball and each other around. The ball is falling apart, but we don't care. I almost get sacked three times, but I really don't care.

What's funny is that it's sunny today.

The crowd is back to watch more movies. Who brought a movie? I have one. No, let's watch Holy Grail. But we've all seen it before. Okay, let's take a vote. I'm not surprised. How about we promise to watch yours after? We won't have time for mine, and I know they know that too. I don't have faith in this promise.

We watch Holy Grail. It's funny, and I laugh. It's tainted laughter; the mask doesn't let my frustration show, though.

I put on my movie.

Why are we watching another movie? This movie sucks. Nobody wants to watch this. Why don't we just listen to some music?

We take a break and get food. I spill some sauce on my pants. It's also funny that it's raining today.

I suppose I could complain. I could speak out and tell people to give it a try. Hmm, "try" is funny. I've tried for three years to try to get people to watch these movies. It's sad to be beat by the numbers. Even now, I can see the reaction I'll get if I complain. Behind the mask, I watch the words come.

What a baby. Why is he making such a big deal? Why does he care so much? We come back from our break. We listen to music.

Elsewhere in the world my friends come over. They bring a case of their own CD's. It seems like they don't trust that I'll have my own music. Do they always have to listen to theirs? My mask gives a smile and I show them to the stereo.

I can't understand. Am I being selfish about wanting others to share in what I like? Should I just put on my stuff so I can watch it for myself? No, that's not the point. It's not my point.

Later my friend finds a foam peanut. He crushes it triumphantly between his righteous fist and my couch, shouting proudly. As I watch the foam shards scatter across my house's furniture - no, across my furniture - I take my mask off. What the hell are you doing? He sweeps up the pieces. Aww, poor couch . . . He pets the couch tenderly so I can see he didn't hurt it. I have to try hard to keep my mask from jumping back on. With his actions, he tries to make me out to be the asshole. I won't believe it.

I think I can really accept that nobody cares. Just once, I'd like to have someone come to me and say hi, how are you doing? What have you been up to today? But no, I am to only say hello and then fall back as scenery from them and listen to their conversations pass around me. My mask becomes a locker in the hall - I become a locker in the hall.

As I age, my body gets bigger, but the mask stays the same size. It gets tighter on my face. Someone has to cut it off before I'm trapped forever, but they're all away, talking around me.

For the crowd: fuck you. For my so-called friends: fuck you too. I'm not your jester, to entertain you when you want me to.

Please God, let me grow up with a face I can say I like and want.

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