PREDICTION FOR WEEK 1:
BILLS 20
COLTS 14
PLAY OF THE GAME:
Doug Flutie, in avoiding a sack, takes off from the Bills 15 and weaves through 5 astonished would-be tacklers. Finally breaking free, Flutie dashes all the way for the winning touchdown. After reaching the endzone, Flutie does some more magic and jumps over the goal post crossbar, waiving to the TV cameras as he does. After performing the incredible act, Flutie says, "People may say that I'm short, but this white man CAN jump!"
WADE'S WITTICISMS:
Wade came out for his press conference sporting tight black slacks and a silk shirt which was half way open. Before he steps up the podium, Wade puts on a black wig, brings out an electric guitar and starts belting the tune, "You ain't nothing but a hound dog." He does his best Elvis impersonation and the crowd of reporters goes wild, doing the twist.
After he finishes his tune, Wade steps up to the microphone and says, "I got tired of all the criticism that I was too laid back. This summer I went on a diet and lost 35 pounds. Then I took up guitar lessons and every week plan to surprise you with a new impersonation of a rock star.
"People kept saying I was too bland, that I had no color. Well, after talking to Marv Levy, he made it clear that I have to keep you guys entertained. You all remember the antics good ‘ol Marv went through during his years here. He would be playing a cello one week and a flute the next. Marv would pull out a different surprise out of his bag of tricks in every one of his conferences. I plan to take a page out of his book and keep you jerks guessing.
"When I had to make those final 13 cuts last Sunday, I bet I surprised the hell out of all of you when I let go Anthony Gray didn't I? Well, get used to it, this is the NEW WADE talking to you. I'm a fine-tuned, slimmed-down, mean machine! I couldn't keep Gray on the roster because he was doing too good! I couldn't let him upstage Antowain Smith or the greatest Bills running back of all-time, Thurman Thomas. We didn't even draft him, so that really embarrassed the Bills brass. No it was much better that we let him go.
"As for our victory today, my main man Doug Flutie looked smooth today, didn't he? He's the slickest quarterback I've ever seen, both on and off the field. Last year he had his Flutie Flakes, this year it's the Flutie Fruities. Dab Nab it, that man could be elected mayor of this town if he ran for office today."
With that, Wade picked up his guitar and started singing the tune "Love me tender."
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