Trailing 14-0 right before halftime, Doug Flutie attempts to stage a rally. He gets the Bills to the Arizona 45 yard line and on 3rd and 7, goes back to pass. He's rushed by Cardinal defensive tackle, Eric Swann, who's 6-5 and weighs 317 lbs. Flutie attempts to pass over the outstretched hands of Swann, but the ball is batted away and right into former Bills linebacker Mark Maddox's hands. Maddox races down the field as Flutie tries to catch up to him. When Maddox reaches the 10, he turns around and waltzes in backwards to score the third Arizona touchdown. After scoring, Maddox runs up to Flutie and pats him on the head.
"Atta boy, shortie," chides Maddox. "The way you are playing, you couldn't get the ball over the hands of a midget!"
Wade comes out wearing a night gown and a old fashioned stocking hat.
"I'm in a very relaxed mood, so I'm wearing this night gown in case I go to sleep at the podium. You know my press conferences are boring and I find myself not too inspiring at times. So if I start dozing off, I expect Larry Felser to jolt me by hitting me with something.
"Today's loss is a result of poor officiating and a terrible schedule. Gosh, golly gee, we have been handed the toughest schedule in the entire NFL. I cannot believe how these teams we are playing are all coming up and playing their very best games against us. It can't be anything we are doing."
"Are you going to start Rob Johnson next week, as you are now out of the playoffs," asks Felser.
"I said before and I'll say it again, Doug is the starter here as long as he's healthy. He's my main man and he calls all the shots around here. He's such a take charge guy, I'm in complete awe of him. He has this air about him that you want to please him in every way possible. I made sure he got a much bigger contract than he actually deserved under normal circumstances. But Doug is not normal. He saved this franchise and he HAS to start, no matter how he plays. He is actually the real head coach on this team. I'm just a figure head and bow my head every time Doug enters the same room as me. I worship the very ground he walks on. In fact, when and if he ever retires, I will make him the head coach and I will go back to being the defensive coordinator. There's no way that I can coach without him and he has to be the leader of this team."
With that Wade suddenly dozes off and falls off the podium, only to be caught by Doug Flutie himself as he races in to save the day for his commander-in-chief once again.
Copyright © 1999 Wild Bills' Prognostications, all rights reserved
