The Indianapolis Colts came into Buffalo knowing that they would be facing winter conditions, but little did they imagine these conditions! Not only was it snowing about an inch an hour, but the wind was whipping off Lake Erie producing a wind chill of -20 F. But that was the least of the problems. The Y2K bug had struck Western New York and the power was off! Lights out on the game. However, the game went on anyway, with Doug Flutie relegated to being the timekeeper. Every minute, he had to announce the time and also had to signal with flags for the two minute warning. Fans were issued high voltage flashlights to shine on the field to keep the playing area lighted in case of dark conditions. They also had to employ them when using the stadium facilities. All in all, the Bills management proved that they were Y2K compliant and the game was completed under conditions similar to those of a century ago.
Even Wade Phillips said that he was Y2K ready. He had been grooming himself the past two years for this by not wearing his headset.
Rob Johnson, starting his first game since early last season, avoids being sacked in the first quarter and takes off in the blinding snow. He weaves his way through 6 would-be tacklers and rumbles down the field for a 76 yard touchdown run. After scoring, he lobs a snowball that hits Flutie right in the back of his head.
"Hey Flutie, I can scramble as good as you," shouted Johnson at the snow-covered midget.
Wade comes out sporting his New Years Eve hat and blowing his noisemaker.
"Happy New Millennium! Welcome to NFL 2000! What a century of football this nation has experienced. From the humble beginnings to what it is today. I can only compare it to the beginnings of the airplane and the automobile back 100 years ago. Look at the Wright Brothers plane and the huge streamlined passenger jets of today and that serves as a good comparison of our game and how it has advanced this past century.
"To honor the great game of football and Buffalo's role in making the NFL game so exciting, I want to introduce a man who is almost a century old himself. Heeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrreeeee's Maaaarrrrvvv!"
Marv walks up to the podium wearing a black tux and an Abe Lincoln style top hat. He steps up to the microphone and says, "Football to me this past century has been a way of life and represents the cosmic structure of the entire Universe."
"Let me give onto you reporters the lessons in life that football has taught me these past 100 years. A dew drop on a blade of grass," Marv whispers into the microphone as he wipes away a tear, "a cry of a baby, lonely for its mother. A forest fire killing life in a wave of devastation. The smile and gentle touch of a lover. The Galactic Order of the star formations. All this is life, and more! The presence of NOW is life enmeshed with death. The food we eat is another man's starvation. Just as we are the food of future plants when we return to the Earth we came from, we sacrifice the lives of plant and animal for our continuance. The circle has no end. Our dreams are as real as reality is fantasy. The Cosmic Dance of life and death is eternal. They waltz to the music of paradoxical laughter. It is this laughter, the humor of omnipotency, which binds the Universe. Love and hate are only the opposite poles of the grate galactic comedy. Like drama's famous masks of Ecstasy and Agony, you cannot have one without the other. Pain and happiness help define each other. They are just variations of the same theme. Football to me has been a great religion."
The crowd gives Marv a standing ovation as he steps to the side of Wade.
"Now I would like to introduce to you the rest of the great minds who coached the Bills this past century," Wade says. "Next is the man who guided the Bills to back-to-back league championships and had two different tenures as Bills coach .... LOUUUUUUUU SAAAABIN!"
The crowd of reporters goes wild and Lou Sabin steps up to the podium and waves to the receptive audience.
"Thank you all. I've got to thank Cookie Gilchrist, Billy Shaw, Jack Kemp and all the rest of the great players I coached here. May the new century be great for this franchise!"
One by one the former head coaches were introduced to the crowd: Buster Ramsey, Joe Collier, Hank Bullough (who received jeers from the crowd), Jim Ringo, Kay Stephenson (who also got booed), and Chuck Knox, who received a warm round of applause. All the coaches squeezed in around the microphone and started to sing a song, led by Marv himself....
"Go Bills, for we are here to cheer for you. Go Bills, we are your fans so true. With victory in sight this century, we'll yell with all our might, so Go Bills, Fight Bills, Go! Come on lets win in the new millennium for Buffalo!"
Copyright © 1999 Wild Bills' Prognostications, all rights reserved
