Doug Flutie rolls out of the pocket and throws to Peerless Price, who catches the ball in the crowd over the middle. The rookie receiver then weaves through 4 would-be tacklers and breaks loose down the sidelines for a 63 yard touchdown play.
Wade comes out for his press conference wearing a head set. As he walks up to the podium, the crowd of reporters give him a standing ovation for finally putting on the earphones.
"I have decided to wear the head set just during my post game conferences. This way I can be sure to answer you clowns properly. I have a special coach giving me the expedient answers to your questions.
"Death awaits us impatiently. It will tap our shoulder gently. Adding chapters to our story, we are delaying Doom's Glory! Fear causes your mind to contract, when nothing will remain intact. Everything becomes unanswered, when reason melts into absurd. When Super Bowl goals are beyond eternal, blazing souls become nocturnal!"
After saying that, Wade answers a question by Larry Felser.
"Seems to me I've heard that one before, Wade," said Felser. "Who is giving you the coaching?"
Wade motions with his hand to an area to his right. From behind a black curtain comes Marv Levy, the wise old sage of the Bills glory years. Marv steps up the microphone and says, "Mental projection is the key to constructive football existence. If we don't conceive the future and superimpose a goal on the screen of forthcoming games, it would be just as well if the Bills didn't exist. Life is HOPE! The future is what stimulates our motivation. The symbolic image of the DEVIL is only a personal mirage. Satan is only a manifestation of our contempt towards ourselves. (Actually, I think Lucifer is really Jimmy Johnson!) There is no one we despise more than our very own entity. To free ourselves from torture, all our hates, frustrations, jealousies and disappointments, we project them onto unsuspecting subjects (i.e., Bill Clinton, Jim Gray). They become our scapegoats for our own failures. Why blame ourselves when the whole world is available?
"Evil is just the transference of guilt onto another entity. One cannot be free from self contempt until he fills himself with HOPE! As the old prophet Ross Perot once said, 'Our commitment must be to become ONE team again. On a team, every member contributes. Only a team intent on losing tells some of its members to sit on the sidelines. We need to bring everyone off the bench and onto the field. Whatever it takes, we should do it. In the long run, it's the only way we are all going to win. Our position cannot be improved by making excuses or berating others who out compete us. Our leaders respond only by complaining. They whine and bluster. That's the response of losers!' Those are profound words spoken by Ross! They bring a tear to my eye."
With that, Marv rolls out his Hammond organ and plays "We are Family" as the reporters dance and frolic around the conference room with Wade and Marv leading the way.
Copyright © 1999 Wild Bills' Prognostications, all rights reserved
