Disclaimer: If I owned 'em, they'd be in character.

Rating: R. Challenge fic for the anime adult mailing list, so that should give you an idea. And men's division three college basketball is used as a sex aid. Use your best judgement.

Other: Well, it's a challenge fic, the challenge being to write about any anime couple...but keep it under two pages. I don't think this technically filled any requirements...

“Oh, Ash, I’m so glad you’re here,” May said in her soft, sweet voice. “I’ve missed you so much…” Ash grinned at her. “It’s nice to see you too, May…how’s Gary? Did he catch any more pokemon?”

Before she could answer, Gary entered. “Hey, loser,” he nasally purred, “I just caught the legendary giant onix…want to see?”

“Sure!” Ash exclaimed. “Wow!”

“What’ve you caught lately?”

“Uhm…I caught a lot of Tauroses back at the Safari Zone…” Ash started turning red. “But you don’t need a lot of pokemon to be a pokemon master!”

“Ha! You’re not even master of your own domain!” Gary looked closely at Ash. “Come upstairs, Ashy-boy. I’ll show you how to really catch a pokemon!”

“You will?” Ash asked, his eyes wide with excitement.

“Don’t worry…I’ll teach you everything you need to know…”

“Ash! Wake up!” snapped Misty, shaking Ash out of what was probably going to become a dream to ponder. "Brock still isn’t back yet!”

Ash sighed. “But Misty, I’m tired!” he whined. “And Brock can take care of himself…” Misty crossed her arms over her feeble attempt at a chest and glared down at him. “What if he’s propositioned another undercover cop?”

Ash yawned and pulled his blanket over his head. “Brock just needs to learn the difference between a real prostitute and a cop in fishnets.”

Misty stood up and kicked him. “Ash, this is serious! What if we can’t afford bail this time?”

“Misty, he would have used his phone call by now. Now let me sleep…”

Pikachu, who had also been interested in the pursuit of slumber after a hard day of being forced to settle all of Ash’s whiney pre-teen disputes, decided to shut the humans up the old fashioned way: electricity. And lots of it.

Tracey was crouched outside a window, playing voyeur as usual. It was times like these that he wished he was ambidextrous.

“Uhm…” said Brock, “Can you let me go now?” He was currently tied naked to a chair that made him both frightened and horny at the same time. Although he seemed to be perpetually horny, so he could have just been frightened.

“Are you sure this is such a good idea?” asked Butch.

Cassidy glared at him. “Butch, do you ever think of anyone but yourself?” she asked. “Everything’s about you! You need more cigarettes! You want to use my pokemon instead of getting some of your own! You need to have sex every six hours!”

Butch glared at her. “Well, you just lie there!”

“Can I please go home now?” Brock asked in a small, mildly terrified voice that also held a hint of horniess to it.

“But now,” Cassidy said in her best evil bitch voice, “I’ve found someone who’s desperate enough to care about my needs!”

Butch sighed. “Look, Cassidy, I told you. Whenever you feel all needy and crap, you can feel free to hook up with Jesse and all I ask in return is that you let me watch.”

“Jesse doesn’t understand my needs either!”

“Well, maybe if you weren’t so demanding…and if you did something other than just lie there…”

Brock stared in amazement. He’d finally found a couple more dysfunctional than Ash and Gary. Even though they weren't technically a couple.

“Accept it, Butch,” Cassidy snapped. “I’m starting over. After all, why should I stay here and listen to you when I can be with…Brock?”

“Yeah, well what are you going to do for money?” asked Butch. “Have you ever heard of ‘Brock Cassidy’? No! You need me!”

“Someone…wants me?” asked Brock. The last three drops of blood that had been attempting to keep his brain running decided to head south for the winter.

Butch and Cassidy both looked down. “Beat that,” said Cassidy.

“Can I watch?” asked Butch.

“No. I told you, I want you out of my life.”

“But, Cassidy! It’s been four hours already!” Cassidy thrust an unlabeled videotape into his hands. “What’s this?”

“Either Jesse and James doing it in their school girl outfits or college basketball,” said Cassidy.

Butch raised an eyebrow. “What teams?”

“The Ithaca men’s team versus Cortland.”

“Either way!” Butch said as he happily frolicked into the next room. He slammed the door and locked it behind him.

Cassidy turned back to her captive and leered at him. “It looks like we’re finally alone…”

“You have videotapes of Jesse and James doing it?” Brock asked with growing excitement. “Wow! Can I see them!”

They both turned towards the door Butch had vanished through. “Oh…yes! Make that basket! Go Blue Bombers!”

“God I hate him,” muttered Cassidy.

Brock’s eyes began to sparkle as best they could. “I have a new role model!” He looked at Cassidy, a combination of lust and arousal appearing in his eyes. Not that anyone could really tell. “And a girl who wants me who isn’t a hooker!” He struggled for a moment in an attempt to hold his arms out, but soon gave up. “I...I love you, Cassidy!”

Cassidy made a scoffing noise. “Love nothing. Butch’s middle name is ‘premature ejaculation’ and I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands!”

Brock sniffled. “And you chose me!” he sighed with tears of joy streaming down his face.

Cassidy shrugged. “Jesse said she was busy.”

“But I was still your second choice!”

Cassidy decided not to tell him the truth. She looked at Brock again, then towards the locked door. He was actually closer to her seventh choice, mostly because he was the easiest to capture. Second had been Misty, in case you were curious. Now that she thought about it, even Butch, perverted, horny, bad-voiced Butch who was masturbating with great enthusiasm to men’s division three basketball, was her fifth choice. And while his middle name might have been “premature ejaculation”, he was damned good with his tongue. Not as good as Misty, perhaps, but then Misty needed something to compensate for the fact that she was built like a boy. Cassidy gave Brock one last glance. He was grinning like he’d single-handedly won the Super Bowl.

Just then, the door opened. Butch appeared in the doorway, pants at his ankles. “Cassie,” he said in the sexiest voice he could manage, “it’s almost half-time.”

Cassidy sighed and walked towards him. It had been almost four hours, after all, and it wasn’t like Brock was going anywhere. She smiled. Maybe they could break him in together. Because despite the arguing and selfishness, that was what love power was all about.

As the door shut again, Brock was still staring, his jaw hanging open slightly. Not only had he just been given a brand new pick-up line and an innovative method of delivery—god help Nurse Joy—it was also the first time he’d ever seen blueish-green pubic hair…