The episode guide you've been waiting for! Not only will I give you my spin on the episodes I've seen, if I haven't seen an episode, I'll just make some stuff up! Whoo-hoo! All right, episodes I haven't seen that have been posted here: 5, 8, 17-19. And because I don't believe in stealing from other people's episode guides, I just..."rewrote/reinterpreted" these episodes! So don't expect to find factual information.
Episodes 1-20 21-40
#1. Pokemon, I Choose You!: Well...there's no Team Rocket, so after watching this episode after several dozen Team Rocket filled episodes, this one is dull as hell. Blah blah blah, Ash chucks alarm into wall, is late to get his pokemon and as punishment, he ends up with a level 600 pikachu. So, yadda yadda yadda, trashes Misty's bike(plot point! plot point! plot point!), "Spearow, I will catch all of you because I'm the spunky protagonist who will ironically end up with 6 pokemon...", teary-eyed bonding experience with originally stubborn pikachu.
#2. Pokemon Emergency: Yay! Team Rocket! Of course, two out of three TR voices are done by different people, so if you watch this episode now, everybody sounds weird. Anyway, this is Team Rocket in their verbally abusive stage. You know, before they dressed in drag every other episode and clung to each other like ivy on a Southern plantation? Anyway, Ash goes to the PokeCenter and gets crap from both Nurse Joy and Misty. The former is pissed because Ash let Pikachu "get into this condition." The latter is pissed because her bike(which probably cost 1,000,000,000 yen at the bike shop)is now a little pile of charred metal. I think the PokeCenter eventually gets blown to hell and Team Rocket discovers that pikachu is a starter pokemon(level 5, right?)who knows thunder.
#3.Ash Catches a Pokemon: Enjoy it kids! This doesn't happen very often! Ash catches Caterpie and we learn that Misty is afraid of bugs. And because Ash is such a lucky little [string of very bad words]Caterpie evolves into a Metapod at the end of this one, right? After beating Koffing and Ekans silly with string shot. Ash is shocked and appalled that Team Rocket, international crime ring, would use ::gasp!:: two pokemon in violation of official rules, but Misty tells him, "Ash, you're never going to be a pokemon master if you play by the rules!" I guess this is why Misty isn't a pokemon master yet...she's probably gotten disqualified. Yes, well, epic, dramatic battle between good and evil...good wins with a string shot. Or maybe it was the deadly combo of string shot and tackle!
#4. Challenge of the Samurai: All right, Ash and his shiney new metapod encounter one of those stupid bug catchers. Only this bug catcher has gone insane. Horribly, horribly insane. But he's got a pinsir! And Metapod shows that pinsir who's boss by...letting the pinsir's spikey bits break on his..hard shell. Mmm. Yes. Well, meanwhile, J+J build themselves a paper tank(hey, metal is heavy!)which is devoured by weedles. Stupid weedles. But before anyone can be mauled by beedrils(thanks to Ash's great trainer method of "letting beedrils steal your pokemon and plop it down next to their kakunas")Metapod evolves into Butterfree. Metapod has apparently been hitting the rare candy pretty hard...or when we weren't looking Ash made his pokemon battle each other. Yadda yadda yadda, Butterfree puts everyone to sleep then draws on all of their...wait, no sorry, that's Jigglypuff. So our heros(Team Rocket)end up in Kakuna suits, dangling from trees. Now, are they hiding from the beedrils or did the beedrils kakunize them?
#5. Pewter City Showdown: All right, Ash takes his pikachu and butterfree to Pewter City, where he marches proudly into the gym and proceeds to have his butt whupped because electricity doesn't effect rock. But not only is Ash unable to figure this out--just like he's too dumb to take Misty's multiple offers of water pokemon--he asks the crazy old rock seller Flint(who of course doesn't look at all like Brock and his ten zillion illegitimate children...)for help. So, they strap Pikachu up to a hydroelectric plant and pump him full of electricity. "I can take it if you can, Pikachu," says Ash, who only has to, oh, walk while Pikachu is inside, screaming in pain because even electric pokemon probably don't like having several million volts of electricity forced into their furry little bodies. So,Ash returns to battle and is assaulted by Brock's brats. Hey, kids, if Onix gets wet, then he can be hurt by electricity! ::eye roll:: Anyway, Brock gives Ash the badge even though Ash has a mega-guilt trip and leaves, refusing to win by sprinkler system defeault(four gyms later he'll be offering Sabrina oral pleasure for a badge, but now he doesn't want to win by a cheap trick...)and then Flint reveals that he's Brock's no good father who sucked as a pokemon master and as a rock seller and Brock can go live his dream or whatever.
#6. Clefairy and the Moon StoneA new friend for Ash, Misty, and Brock--Seymour the Whacked Out scientist! Meanwhile, Team Rocket is conveniently in the area trying to get the moon stone meteor thingie(I think this is the one where ekans and koffing get tangled up while "fighting")to make their pokemon stronger...I guess so Giovanni can evolve his nidoqueen into a...uhm...wait...but thank god those pecious little clefairies metronome all the bad people into oblivion. They also blow up the giant meteor, whichs rains moon stones from the sky! Ash-tachi and Seymour watch in amazement(I would've been running around with a giant sack, gathering up all the moon stones)and then Seymour decides to live with the clefairies and clefables, who probably eventually drove him to insanity from their cute chirpings.
#7. Waterflowers of Cerulean City: Misty is naturally upset about going to Cerulean City. Why? Like, because her sisters are like the gym leaders there, okay? So Brock and Pikachu think the sisters are like mucho sexy, total bettys, you know? But Ash just cares about getting badges. Isn't that like such a boy thing? But the sisters are like all bummed because these three Pallet dweebs just totally kicked their butts, so they don't want to fight, but Misty's got like major tomboy issues, so she's like, "I'll fight you, Ash" but there's like this big problem because Team Rocket like stole this giant vaccuum and use it to suck up all the pokemon in like the entire gym after saying their totally radical motto. But then pikachu like thundershocks the water and Team Rocket blasts off. Bummer. And Ash gets a cascade badge because Pikachu saved the gym. Shouldn't Pikachu get the badge then?
#8. The Path to the Pokemon League: Hurrah for rednecks. For some reason I never quite understood, Team Rocket needs a new motto. But that can be taken care of once Meowth stops playing with the giant red rubber orgy pleasure ball. Meanwhile, Ash-tachi gets to meet--and lose to--a leather bondage fun whip wielding redneck. And then later we're all forced to learn a valuable lesson about how AJ the Whip Wielding Redneck is like Ash...only with a whip...and who's won 100 battles...but everyone does things differently. So, J+J grab sandshrew by mistake, come back, say motto, realize that their old motto is best, insult sandshrew, try to get Meowth to fight sandshrew after ekans and koffing are beaten to bloody pulps(as usual), but Meowth flees in terror because, gosh darnit, Team Rocket needs a theme song!
#9. The School of Hard Knocks: Ash-tachi stumbles across Pokemon Tech, the scary institute of fog machines and treadmills. Now, if you go to Pokemon Tech, you don't have to earn badges! Of course, Pokemon Tech will work you like a dog and break your spirit! Jesse and James reveal the first of their little past tidbits: they went to Pokemon Tech and "partied"(oh, is that what you kids are calling it these days?) the night before the final exam instead of studying. But despite this disappointment, James is in good enough spirits to check out Giselle. And in the end, we learn a valuable lesson because Giselle, after years of hard work and study, loses to Ash who needs to use a pokedex to figure out what a rattata is.
#10. Bulbasaur and the Hidden Village: Ash and friends see an Oddish peacefully drinking water from a little stream. So, what do they do when the see the beauty of nature? Try to catch it! But who gets to go after it? Well, Misty rationalizes it like this: since the oddish is drinking water and water is Misty's specialty, she should catch it! Things go okay until a very pissed off bulbasaur knocks the poke-ball away...apparently the Oddish belongs to Happy Pokemon I'm A Little Wuss Camp where wussy little pokemon go to get better. So then Team Rocket comes and tries to do something, fails, and Ash gets a starter pokemon handed to him.
#11. Charmander the Stray Pokemon: Can you say "abusive relationship"? No, not Jesse and James! Damien and his charmander...Charmander. Not only does the little British jerk not name his pokemon...oh, wait, do any of the main characters name their pokemon? Well, Ash and friends find Damien's charmander sitting on a rock, try to catch it, fail, and hike down to the PokeCenter where they find out that Damien the scumbag can not only carry 20 pokeballs on him at a time, he's also mean to weak pokemon!(don't abandon your sucky pokemon...just stuff them in Bill's PC!)So Ash and friends rescue Charmander, wait up all night to make sure he's okay, and then the little orange jerk runs away! Brock, in a rather common display of his sensitive side, says Charmander knows they care for it but blah blah blah inner beauty, yeah whatever. Meanwhile, Team Rocket has used their gigantic whatchamacallit thingie to drill a giant hole in the ground! Pikachu walks easily over it, but Ash, Misty, and Brock have been eating too many riceballs/donuts. Their tremendous weight causes them to fall into the hole. Team Rocket, clad in their snazzy rubber suits, use their magical balloon gun to catch Pikachu. And they would've gotten away with it to, if not for those meddling kids and their charmander! Well, just the charmander, actually, who burns them to a crisp. Jesse and James show that they do have some intelligence by running. Very fast. Damien is so impressed that Charmander beat Team Rocket--adding another note to the list of "weak things that have defeated Team Rocket against all possible odds"--he decides to take it back. Charmander doesn't say anything, but tells Damien to go to hell nonetheless!
#12. Here Comes the Squirtle Squad: A bunch of very mean squirtles keep a town in terror. God knows how since they're just little turtle things...the Blastoise Squad, that would be scary! These little blue bastards even steal Team Rocket's picnic lunch! So Meowth tells the squirtles that he owns Jesse and James, who're naturally no happier about this than Meowth would be if J+J said they owned him.("Don't you ever raise your voice to me again, you bad human! Bad, bad human!" is the best error sound I've ever had) But eventually TR and their new buddies the Squirtles kidnap Ash-tachi, tie 'em up and brutally sodo--wait, sorry, that was the Hentai re-write I read the other night...okay, so Ash-tachi is tied up, and Ash is allowed to go get healing potion for Pikachu. And if he doesn't come back in an hour, TR is dying Misty's hair purple. Misty tells Ash he'd better be back in time. Naturally Team Rocket eventually offends the squirtles, who water gun them to oblivion, then it's group hugs all around. Yay. And guess what pokemon Ash manages to get without much work?
#13. Mystery at the Lighthouse: Bill, great pokemon knowledgeable guy. Also little fop who likes to wear pokemon costumes(well, whatever floats your boat...)Team Rocket decides to scale a gigantic cliff instead of taking the road. Sadly, evil conventions have no sympathy for the acrophobic. And as a massive pokemon appears, James remarks to himself, "So size does matter." Maybe that's why Jesse was so depressed the other day.. . ^_~ So they shoot at it, we all learn a valueable lesson, and Ash-tachi continues being lost.
#14. Electric Shock Showdown: Ash goes for his thunder badge and is sexually harrassed by Lt. Surge. As if that wasn't bad enough, he also gets the crap kicked out of him by Surge's [sexy] raichu! Poor Ash. But Pikachu, bless his fuzzy yellow heart, decides that he's not going to evolve...he's going to show that raichu what a pikachu can do! Team Rocket is so moved that the waste the entire episode cheering for him. It was probably Meowth. You know what an anti-evolver he is. And Pikachu, using nothing but spunk and determination, wins. Surprise, surprise!
#15. Battle Aboard the St. Anne: This is the beginning of Team Rocket's "Cross-Dressing and Feel Copping" phase. So, they dress up in their little school girl outfits(this is before James started getting womanly hips and boobs whenever he wears a dress)give Ash and friends tickets for the ship, and sit back and wait for the pokemon to come rolling in! Well, by sit back I mean blow a large amount of money on a Magikarp...and Ash trades Butterfree to a distinguished gentleman for a Raticate. But Raticate is too ugly to be one of Ash's pokemon, so they trade back after the epic battle between good and a bunch of generic Rockets...all of whom do exactly what J+J tell them...hmm. Then the ship...hits an iceberg or something and sinks. Guess who gets trapped inside!
#16. Pokemon Shipwreck: The St. Anne is a magical ship! After it sank, it didn't fill with water! So, our heroes(and those little brats)have to find a way to escape. After getting past the vicous obstacle death course that is a sunken ship. Thinking they're going to die, Jesse and James begin their pattern of ruining their romantic moments for the rest of us by saying utter crap! When they reach this fiery part, Ash-tachi walks over using Bulbasaur's vines...uhm, wait, walking over fire with overgrown twigs? And James tells Jesse that he can't make it, so Jesse says, "You're going to make it! You're going to die an old woman warm in your bed. Just promise me you'll never let go" and James says, "I'll never let go, Jesse. I'll never let go..." Then Jesse freezes to death while Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" plays. Ash later shoots himself during the stock market crash, and James drops the Heart of the Ocean back into the sea, before dying an old man warm in his bed and returning to the Titanic...I mean, St. Anne to be with Jesse and those dancing immigrants and dead rich people forever. ^_^ All right, all right, I know that didn't really happen...yes, boys and girls I finally saw this episode thanks to Cliffhanger Week on the WB! So J+J make it across during the commercial(Ash-tachi has no sympathy for tearful good-byes and such...)just in time to flee the sinking ship with water pokemon. Misty, despite loaning Brock Starmie conveniently forgets that TR has no water pokemon. Oh well...but wait, maybe that magikarp wasn't such a stupid idea...magikarp can save Team Rocket! James' moment of glory ends as soon as we all learn that magikarp can't swim. Ash and his friends somehow make it to a raft where Team Rocket washes up in front of them for the second time that day. Looks like it's burial at sea time! Sorry, Pikachu, they're not dead yet! So everyone ends up on the raft with magikarp, attempt to eat magikarp, magikarp completely inedible, James kicks magikarp, magikarp evolves, new gyarados summons brethren, gyaradoses open up a can of dragon rage as Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" plays in a soulful reprise.
#17. Island of the Giant Pokemon: After their three hour tour of the bowels of the St. Anne, Jesse and James end up on a deserted aisle. Noticing that they've lost their pokemon, including Meowth, Jesse and James build a gigantic telescope out of coconuts to look for them. Then they realize that Meowth isn't there for chaperoning purposes and decide that despite what wonderful dressers they are, their clothes would look so much better on the sand. Their pokemon are similarly inspired. Meowth tries to order Ekans and Koffing around and is informed that E+K could care less about him. Apparently Meowth orders a few too many pokemon with opposable thumbs around and gets tied to a tree. Pikachu and the others then discuss how Charmander could survive being completely submersed in water if he's supposed to die when his tail flame goes out. Eventually everyone finds their pokemon--group hug!!--then Ash has Gadzooky summon Godzilla to carry them to the next island.(Didn't see this one either.)
#18. Holiday at Acapulco: This episode was never translated, because it shows James with hooters. Team Rocket finally decides to put beauty and strange lesbian fantasies before the viewers mental health as James gets an operation. Okay, fine. It was just an inflatable body suit. With a built in corset, since James apparently has some very womanly hips...still, just so the gender bending doesn't make us all wretch or, in some cases, find ourselves strangely attracted to James with ta-tas, the bikini comes with a tasteful beach wrap to uhm...well, there are somethings that even the best inflatable body suit can't hide. Misty is naturally pissed off because James is more endowed than she is. Of course, James is better endowed than Jesse...and most women...I'm sure some non-breast related things happened in this episode, but I only understood the clip of the swimsuit contest. Mostly because the humor there wasn't exactly verbal, if you get my drift.
#19. Tentacool and Tentacruel: Ash and friends are unable to get a ferry back to the mainland, so to pass the time they fill in for the Power Rangers who aren't feeling very well that day. They fight a Tentacool that looks like a man in a bad foam rubber suit. Team Rocket is watching from their kingdom on the moon, and once their monster starts losing, Jesse aims a big wand thingie at the Tentacool monster and yells, "Make my monster grow!" It does, and starts taking out buildings. So Ash-tachi hops into their mega-zords, form the Uber-Transformer, and kills the monster.(Another one I haven't seen, obviously...)
#20. The Ghost at Maiden's Peak: A sexy dead chick seduces James and Brock. But that's why we have magic charm stickers! Jesse and Meowth go for the free ones, and covering your partner with "no evil" stickers is the perfect excuse for a butt slap! Unfortunately, free magic charms doesn't work(voo-doo seems a bit stingy, doesn't it?)and James is none too pleased that his loving teammates didn't feel like spending some cash to keep him from being dragged off by Casper the lonely and desperate ghost. Jesse then seems surprised that he doesn't want to leave...hmm, Jess, let's think...who wants to be dragged off to their (very likely) death by some needy dead chick? Then the ghostappears and Jesse, already distraught from having to say the motto by herself, blasts it with a bazooka, then says her vicious jealousy had nothing to do with James--she just hates chicks who sit around waiting for their men...after all, there are plenty of fish in the sea and why should some girl waste her entire life shlepping around with some unappreciative guy? Hmm...yes, well, the ghost isn't a chick but a mean ghastly. Eventually it's defeated, everyone gets back to normal(not really)and it turns out that the ghastly is buddies with the actual ghost chick and helps keep her legend alive. Group hug!