#21. Bye-Bye Butterfree: Mating Season is in the air(literally)and Ash's Butterfree has his eye on a cute little piece of thorax. Who has no interest in him. Fortunately, TR appears. You see, they've decided that they could use a whole net full of horny butterfrees!(why?!) So once Ash saves the day, Butterfree finally gets some thorax and is faced with the choice between sweet sweet love or his trainer. What choice? Ash is left alone on a cliff to cry and flashback to himself.
#22. Abra and the Psychic Showdown: Wow! Ash-tachi just won themselves another prize, presented by two chicks of almost identical height! And what did they win? Well, Alex, thanks to the magic of warp tiles, Ash and his friends have won an all expense paid trip to "I though they looked familiar"-land! Unfortunately, those weren't hula girls; it was Team Rocket in disguise. But before they can haul with Pikachu, this creepy little girl comes in and freezes them. Once outside, Ash decides that it's time to go to the Saffron City gym. This guy in a jogging suit warns him not to go in because of Sabrina's horrible, horrible powers...but you know Ash and his badges! ha ha ha! After a humiliating defeat from Sabrina and her creepy little doll(they bent all of Ash-tachi's eating utensils)Ash finds himself in a doll house, ready to be crushed by Sabrina's creepy little doll.("I shall call her...Mini-Me.")Fortunately, the jogging suit man rescues them, probably just for the "I told you so" opportunity. Ash is ready to head back and storm the Gym gates, but is stopped by the jogging suit man forcing him to do the pants drop hula. But then he also admits that only a ghost pokemon can defeat a psychic pokemon...so it's off to Lavender Town! And as Ash-tachi walks off into the sunset, Meowth begins dragging J+J, still frozen.(plot point! plot point!)
#23. Tower of Terror: The Tower of Terror, resting place of a great big buttload of pokemon. So Ash decides to go in at night! After a chilling scream, he decides to wait until morning, but Misty persuades him with her usual charm(giant gong)to get his butt up and in there. Meanwhile, Team Rocket is shlepping around.(Now, since TR is not know for bravery or room motivation, J+J are probably just using it for a make-out spot...)Let's see, James falls through several floors. Then a ghastly screws with Meowth and Jesse's heads until they fall through the giant hole in the floor--landing on James of course. Yes, haunted houses are full of fun! Ash decides that those screams must be a new kind of pokemon! And he finds out that when Charmander does a fire attack through the hole in the floor, this neat little fireball thing will start swirling around! I find it interesting that Jesse doesn't swear revenge until she takes a pokeball to the face...I always figured having your hair burnt to a crisp would be reason enough...But wait, there's more! A chandelier falls on Ash and Pikachu, causing them to be "temporarily separated from [their] bodies." Look how much fun it is to be dead! You can fly with ghost pokemon and play fun games like "Scare your friends" then watch them say all sorts of emotional things when they think you're dead! Ha ha ha! And then maybe, just maybe, a Haunter will be your friend and come with you! Yay!(if this episode doesn't encourage suicide, I don't know what does...)
#24. Haunter vs. Kadabra: All right, Ash has his ghost pokemon and he's ready to fight! Well, Ash makes the brilliant bet that if he loses, he and his friends will be made into little dolls! And Haunter, that little prankster! He just leaves! Ha ha ha ha ha! And Misty and Brock get turned into little dolls. But they get to meet the other little doll people Sabrina has inflicted her wrath on. Aww. Now if only the cake was real. But while Ash is avoiding wrath because the jogging suit guy(who's really Sabrina's dad)pities him, Team Rocket's on a building ledge with an invention of pure genius. That's right, a fishing net! It takes a genius to realize the full potential of a fishing net, after all...but then Haunter comes, Team Rocket falls off the building, leaving Jesse clinging to the ledge and James looking up her skirt for dear life(of course they're in love! If I was Jesse and had no interest in James, I would've kicked him off! Hey, friendship is great, but there's no way I'm dying for any special feelings of platonic loyalty...)Eventually Jesse laughs at Haunter and they plummet to their death. So, Haunter comes back to Ash, then deserts him again. Before Sabrina can finish off Ash, Haunter returns and makes her laugh. And Sabrina's inner vicious creepy person is healed and she gives Ash a badge just for healing her soul. It's really quite beautiful. And back in the large, Team Rocket sized hole in the street, TR learns about the beauty of quick drying cement. It's beauty all around!
#25. Primeape Goes Bananas: While Brock cooks up some delicious..."donuts," Ash laments the fact that all he's gotten are pity badges and that everyone else has at least 30 different pokemon and got an itemfinder from Professor Oak's aide...but fortunately a jolly little mankey comes and steals his hat! While Ash is struggling to get it back, Team Rocket appear, hoping to get Pikachu. Mankey makes the personal growth inducing mistake of getting between Pikachu and James' foot, and is kicked into being a very pissed off Primeape who decides that his goal is to beat Team Rocket bloody. Ash eventually gets his hat back and a brand new shiney po'd pokemon, while Team Rocket gets another trip to the emergency room! Huzzah.
#26. Pokemon Scent-sation: In what is probably the most repeated episode, Ash and friends stumble into another city. At a perfume store, Ash brilliantly insults...Erika the mistress of plant pokemon and local gym leader! So, how is the little putz supposed to get into the gym now? Fortunately for him, Team Rocket was caught trying to steal perfume secrets and it currently tied up in a tree with giant red X's on their faces and with Jesse trying to snap James' neck with her thighs. Ash is presented with another great opportunity--Team Rocket'll help him get into the gym! And all he has to do is dress like a girl. So, little "Ashley" enters the gym with his "parents" and a whole cartload of emotional baggage. And even better, Pikachu can see what's in Ash's heart and takes off his wig. Just in time for the Team Rocket motto and blowing up of the gym. They blow themselves up, of course, but the gym also bursts into flames! Since fire and plant pokemon don't mix, it's rescue time. Afterwards, despite being the one who got TR into the gym in the first place(although you know they could've gotten in like that without him, acutally)Ash gets a badge for...dragging out Gloom! Team Rocket gets essence of gloom and a terrible stench that shall painfully linger.
#27. Hypno's Naptime: Children are vanishing...just like in Blair Witch! Only these children aren't brutally murdered...they're whacked out on Hypno vibes! You see, there's this club of insomniacs who use Hypno to get them to sleep. They're not the only ones who think this is a great idea: TR needs some time off, and what's the best way to do it? Put Giovanni to sleep, of course! Best way to do that? Steal a hypno! So bring out the hang gliders and the mirror, it's time for pokemon stealin'! And if the mirror gets cracked, official Team Rocket issue whips will do just fine(they would've used those in the first place, but they do have a half hour to kill. Sadly, Team Rocket blasts off empty handed and doesn't get any time off. :'-( But they're probably not as bad off as Misty, who gets Psyduck.
#28. Pokemon Fashion Flash: At the next town, Brock starts doing some major sucking up to a pokemon masseuse while Misty takes Psyduck to Salon Roquet(maybe they were all pronouncing it "ro-kwet" and that's why they didn't get it)for ::gasp::make-overs! Little does she know that Salon Roquet is actually a cover run by Jesse and James...only they seem to be enjoying the cover operation a bit too much. Now, their make-up skills a bit bad, but Misty's hair does get improved...not that that takes too much. Meowth, subtle being that he is, blows the entire thing by ripping off J+J's disguises and turning Jesse's heels into boots(he's got magic claws!)The whole thing looks really weird, because, quite frankly, seeing J+J in their uniforms minus gloves tends to freak me out...so Misty gets tied up and has to wait for her friends to come to the rescue. They arrive just in time for The Scary Drag Queen Floor Show! In what we all hope was a mix-up, Jesse's in her little soldier boy outfit(notice that when Jesse's the man, she usually wears tight pants? Hmmm...)and James has gone full Southern belle. Complete with ringlets. After the new, improved motto and exchange of shallow world views("Inside counts!"), Ekans and Koffing trip over their pretty dresses(how?!) and Vulpix fire spins them and Pikachu thundershocks them all to hell. Then, Brock makes a move on the masseuse and gets...lucky? Yes! Well, if you consider getting a vulpix lucky! Meanwhile, thanks to Meowth's big mouth, Team Rocket finds themselves on the run from bitter people who feel cheated.
#29. The Punchy Pokemon: After seeing a Hitmonchan on the road, Ash teaches his Pikachu how to wear little boxing gloves while getting beaten up by a fighting pokemon. Then, after meeting Hitmonchan's trainer's distraught daught, Ash and Brock decide to enter the P-1 tournament with Primeape and Geodude, who isn't a fighting pokemon. Elsewhere, TR sees an ad for the P-1. And realize that a championship belt can be pawned for good money...good buffet money according to James and Meowth. Jesse smacks them both upside the head, and after being asked(in what sounds like a pretty pissy tone from James)what she'd do with extra cash, mentions shopping, spas, and a "party with a few of [her] closest friends." Apparently Jesse's closest friends are scantily clad fem-boys(Oooo!)But they don't have any fighting pokemon...good thing they "ran into" the Giant in the men's room and were able to strip him down(he was just wearing a trenchcoat, oh ew!)and steal his clothes and pokemon Hitmonlee(Hitmonlee!! Whooo!!). But the Giant is a rather tall man(duh)so Jesse has to get on James' shoulders. Throughout the battles(Geodude loses his first match, probably because he isn't a fighting pokemon)James doesn't seem happy with his position("It's really hot in here," "Can we trade places now?", "Why do you always get to be on top?"), earning him another attempt by Jesse's thighs to snap his neck. Finally, Ash realizes that the Giant's midsection is talking because--the Giant is really Team Rocket! To protect the world from devas...oh, god, Jesse must weigh a ton! After a brief collapse, they manage to finish the motto. None of the judges seem to care that the Giant just turned into two people, both of whom are criminals or that said criminals are cheating violently. Good thing Pikachu was there to take the bomb that was designed to blow up Primeape just in time. So Primeape wins, and Pikachu returns TR's bomb...blowing them up. Hitmonchan's trainer decides family's more important, group hug, and offers to make Primeape the P-1 champion into a P-1 champion! And Ash doesn't see anything wrong with this, so gives away his pokemon. Ha ha ha!
#30. Sparks Fly For Magnemite: Pikachu's got the sniffles...and a "streaker!"("Ash, that's stalker!")Yes, love is in the air! Magnemite wants Pikachu, but Pikachu is...shy. As if that weren't bad enough, Ash-tachi is in the sewer. Meowth is meanwhile trying to get Jesse and James to go in the sewer using their special anti-stench suits...which fail and nearly choke them dead. But they can improvise: since Pikachu's magnetically charged(cold side effect or something...I sure as hell don't get it)they can use a giant magnet! Unfortunately Pikachu stops being magnetic and TR ends up with a giant magnet full of angry magnetmites. Ooops. Ash gets himself a muk, but it smells too freaking awful for him to keep...ha ha, that's what Professor Oak is for!
#31. Dig those Diglett: A group of spiteful diglett known as "Diglett-Dan" cause a town to fear for their lives. Meanwhile, Jesse and James are suddenly overcome by the urge to have their pokemon evolve. Unfortunately, your pokemon can only evolve without experience points if you're Ash. So, Jesse and James guilt trip their pokemon into evolving by crying and saying how they'll miss their pokemon once they have their new evolved personalities(although most pokemon on the show don't seem to change a bit...well, metapod was quieter than caterpie, but he was also in a cacoon...)and their pokemon do. Group hug! Meowth then announces that he's never going to evolve, so Jesse and James give up on their plan to capture pokemon and spend the rest of the episode trying to evolve Meowth through crying, threatening, and slipping rare candy into this food. Ash-tachi never appears because they got lost again.(Didn't see this episode)
#32. Ninja Poke-Showdown: Koga and his poisonous pals live happily in a building that looks like a Japanese restuarant. This inspires TR to invade Kabuki-style! I'm sure it's completely accurate since I know nothing about Kabukis(I remember having to do "Kabuki squats" in a drama class...and they're just as stupid as they sound)but I do know that Jesse reminded me of Zsa Zsa Gabor for some reason...anyway, Kabuki suits are apparently very heavy, so TR ends up collapsed on the floor, unable to move and forced to change. I think this is mid Ash's battle with Koga where the Venonat changed into Venomoth. So, Team Rocket steals all the pokemon except Psyduck, because nobody wants Psyduck. Psyduck then remembers how to do confusion and blows TR away. Ash gets a soul badge out of this...somehow...and Misty gets an offer to trade Psyduck for Venomoth(say yes, say yes, say yes!!)She declines because of Psyduck's natural defense mechanism of not sucking when it's in danger of being given away...
#33. The Flame Pokemon-a-thon: Of all the pokemon that probably aren't a good idea to ride, I'd have to say that fire pokemon are pretty high on my list. All right, y'all, here's what be goin' down: Ash makes friends with Lara who is going to race her ponyta in an upcoming race...until a shiney metal object scares Ponyta(yeah, that thing was well trained...) and Lara falls off and breaks her arm. The shiney metal object is Meowth's coin, which, like the rest of Team Rocket, has been rented out by Dario, a trainer determined to win the race. Okay, so, actual race time, Ash is riding ponyta, Dario is riding his Dodrio(Dario and Dodrio...god...)and Brock is riding Onix. Now, the stupid things to ride. Misty is riding Starmie, you know, a pokemon without legs? And Pikachu is riding Squirtle. Team Rocket isn't riding anything(won't comment...must resist...urge to make...sick comment...)They're setting booby traps! But Ponyta evolves mid-race and Ash wins anyway.
#34. The Kangaskhan Kid: The Safari Zone! Don't worry, there aren't any guns--just a little boy raised by Kangaskhans! You see, Tommy's dad thought young Tommy needed a better view and, ooops! Butterfingers! So, Tommy was raised by Kangaskhans. While Ash and friends are learning about this wonderful, touching story of parental neglect, Team Rocket's built themselves a gigantic kangaskhan robot! Jesse shows who has the testosterone in this team by doing a kangaskhan imitation that's frightening in its accuracy. Even more frightening than the imitation or the fact that the kangaskhans think a giant metal robot is the real thing, the robot gets badly flame throwered and thundershocked. So, Team Rocket is defeated, and Tommy's family decides to live in the Safari Zone, loincloths and all. Awww.
#35. The Legend of Dratini: It's guns day! More guns than you can shake a stick at! More guns than Keanu Reeves used in that one scene in The Matrix! Now, who aims at who: the Warden starts firing at Ash("Wheerf mmm teef?!"), J+J hold the warden at gun point, J+J hold each other at gun point after a bitter argument over who the cute one is, and finally, J+J have a duel(still over who's the cute one)in which they both fire in the air and end up killing a very rare exeggcute(those things are everywhere...)that was sitting in a nearby tree, waiting to pounce on a Safari Zone visitor hoping to find a dratini. Speaking of dratinis, TR fails to capture one because the dratini they go after happens to have a shotgun...and knows how to use it! Ash gets 300 tauroses and a chaos emerald...oh, wait, no, you get those at the Chaos Zone, not the Safari Zone(I didn't see it, and neither did you.)
#36. The Bridge Bike Gang: Ash and friends find themselves in Sunnytown, with a great big "no pedestrians" bridge keeping them from going anywhere. Fortunately Nurse Joy needs to get medecine to some sick pokemon on the otherside of the bridge...and she'll even give our little opportunists bikes! Gee golly! Team Rocket, still after Pikachu, decides that they have the hometown advantage, since they used to be little bike gang hooligans too! Despite their unicycler outfits(ooo, James especially...if I were a cartoon in Pokeland, I would so do him when he's dressed like that..)and heart rending flashback(ha ha those little scamps! I wonder how many times Jesse hit herself in the head with that chain...)Ash-tachi isn't impressed. The cops break up any battle, but Ash and pals have to cross that bridge sometime, don't they? And now there's a giant storm! And of course the bike gang wants to see how well J+J can ride and they know that J+J aren't afraid of anything(these kids really don't know J+J too well, do they?)so guess who else ends up in that storm? And guess who rides over their heads? Yes, after seeing their idols run over by three little twits, the bike gang decides that Ash-tachi is so cool and even gives them an escort to the next town. Fickle little...
#37. Ditto's Mysterious Mansion: Duplica and her ditto live in a happy mansion. Duplica dreams of stardom but, alas, Ditto can't do faces worth a damn. ::sighs:: And Team Rocket, after failing to catch a dratini(when was that?), decides to go for the next best thing: a ditto pretending to be a dratini! Now, J+J have their priorities straight, so, the first thing Ditto's going to do is transform into a dratini, just like the one in this book...well, actually, Jesse wants to know what her first love would look like now(she said first! And he's got blue hair too, my god, it's a fetish...)And, well, eventually Ditto's scared into transforming the right way! Once he's a perfect Meowth duplicate, J+J give Duplica back what looks like her pokemon. Okay, they give her Meowth. Duplica is po'd and once she gets Ditto back, she has him transform into a cannon and blast TR off. Now that's misty eyed gratitude!
#38. Electric Soldier Porygon: All right, Ash and friends step into a magical time warp that takes them to December 31, 1999 at 11:45 pm. TR naturally follows. As the clock strikes midnight, lights beginning to flash wildly, giving everyone seizures. Porygon, master of the Y2K bug, appears and laughs maniacally before taking over the world.(Didn't see it. You didn't either.)
#39. Pikachu's Goodbye: Wow, a whole wild pack of pikachus! And while Pikachu's living the good life with his species(i.e. doin' it)Ash begins to worry that his favorite pokemon is going to leave him. And I think TR decides to steal all of the Pikachus...with a big net! But of course the pikachus chew through it, thunder-shock TR to hell, then sing the magical pikachu song!(god, is there any pokemon that doesn't have a stupid little song?)And Ash-tachi leave, Ash thinking that Pikachu doesn't love him anymore. Just in time for Pikachu to come back! Group hug!
#40. The Battling Eevee Brothers: Ash-tachi finds themselves an eevee...naturally, they have to fight over what they'd evolve it into! Ash says jolteon(duh!), Misty says vaporeon(vaporeons rule! and major duh), and Brock says flareon(minor duh). It turns out that little Mikey wants to keep his eevee from being evolved by his brothers, who have a flareon, a vaporeon, and a jolteon...which matches their hair. Mikey can't evolve his eevee because he has brown hair. Or maybe because there's already one of each evolution in his family. Still, Team Rocket feels obligated to storm the evolution party and after hitting the buffet(they are so bulimic)steal all of the pokemon! Good thing horsea left an ink trail. Of course, now that TR has a eevee, guess what they have to argue about? Jesse wants a flareon, James wants a vaporeon(basically proving the Eevee brothers' "match your hair with yer evolved eevee" philosophy), and Meowth wants a jolteon. But then Ash-tachi arrives, complete with Battling Eevee Brothers! TR is ultimately defeated by tackle. From Eevee. Who doesn't get evolved afterall.(Mikey just didn't have the hair for it...)