Other: Still inspired by a Rocketgang mailing list challenge...but this one morphs into another challenge I got...(all the people not on the list who just want more genuine Unaired Episodes are probably ready to kill me by now...)

Jesse and James managed to stagger to their feet, badly burnt from the thunder-shock and with their hair doing that static frizzy thing lightning attacks always seemed to make it do. They looked at the Arby's, half of which was soaked and all of which was completely fried. "Yes!" they cheered. Jesse pulled out their official check list of buildings. All 8 gyms had already been crossed off.

As she scratched off Arby's she asked her partner, "Where do you want to eat tomorrow night?"

"Did somebody say McDonalds?" asked James. They both started laughing evilly.

Meanwhile, as the Ash-tachi booth slowly recovered, Meowtle was glaring suspiciously at Pikachu. "What did you do, you thtupid yellow wat?" he asked.

"It wasn't Pikachu," said Ash.

"I thaw him hit Togepi! He's evil! Just like you!"

"Hey, I'm not evil! I'm not the one with an evil father!"

"Really?" asked Misty. "I heard somewhere that your mom slept with ????."

Brock stared at her--well, sort of. "Really?" he said. "*The* ????, leader of Viridian City gym?"

"Jesse and James are my father?!" Ash exclaimed.

"No, you moron!" said Misty, hitting him. "God, don't you know who ???? is?"

"Daddy ithn't evil," said Meowtly. "There aren't any evil pokemonth, jutht evil twainers."

Ash, Misty, Brock, and Pikachu stopped what they were doing and stared at him. "Who told you that pile of crap?" asked Ash.

"Uncle Awbok."

"Pikachu pika-pika pi!" exclaimed Pikachu.("Wait a minute!") "Pika chu ka pi!"("Lickitung told me Arbok was a girl!")

"Just let it slide, Pikachu," said Ash.

"Yeah, remember Meowtle's 'Aunt James'?" asked Brock.

"Are we *sure* Meowtle doesn't really have an Aunt James?" asked Misty.

"Misty, weren't you the one who hoped Jesse and James would hook up?" asked Brock.

Misty shrugged. "Somebody had to say it," she said.

Meowtle sniffled, tears coming to his eyes. "Why do you hate my family tho much?" he asked.

"They're not your family, Meowtle," Ash said. "They're just your deadbeat father, your deadbeat father's evil friends, and your deadbeat father's evil friends' pokemon..."

Meowtle smiled at them. "Just wike Full Houthe!" he exclaimed.

"Well...sort of," said Ash.

"Only on Full House Joey never cross dressed," Misty said. "At least, not on camera..."

"And Jesse and Joey probably weren't getting it on," added Brock.

"We're not getting it on!!"

"Team Rocket!" gasped Ash.

"Yay! Team Wocket!" exclaimed Meowtle, clapping his little paws.

"Prepare for trouble!"

"Make it double!" "To unite all peoples within our..."

"Aaahh!!" Jesse and James both toppled backwards, landing in the conveniently empty booth behind them. "Ow..."

"See?" Brock said smugly. "They're probably getting it on right now!"

"Shut up, you eyeless little twerp!"

"Jesse, I don't think I can move..."

"Oh, quit whining. Just..." There was a pause, then what sounded like James being hit with a bottle of Horsey Sauce. "James, you moron! I think you broke my spine!"

"Then how can you still hit me?"

"Quit whining!" The same sound was heard again.

"Ow!"

Ash and Misty looked at Brock. "Brock, when was the last time you were with a girl?" asked Misty.

"Yeah, because even I know that's not what getting it on is supposed to sound like," said Ash.

"Wow, Ash knows something..."

"Hey!"

"What'th getting it on mean?" asked Meowtle.

"Well, Meowtle, it's when two peop--aaahh!" Brock screamed as Meowth fury swiped him.

"He's too young to know dat!" snapped Meowth.

"No I'm not!" whined Meowtle. "Tell me!"

"No. You can wait until you're older."

Meowtle pouted. "Aunt Jameth?" he called.

"Nnngh?"

"When I grow up, I wanna be jutht like you," Meowtle said. "Can we go dweth thhopping with Aunt Jethe tomowwow?" James and Meowth both started screaming.

"No kid of mine is going to grow up to be anything like James!" Meowth snapped.

"What if it's a girl?" asked Misty.

"Maybe den," Meowth admitted.

Jesse and James finally staggered to their feet and towards Ash's booth. "What're we stealing today?" asked James, rubbing the back of his head.

Jesse glared at him. "Don't give me that amnesia crap," Jesse snapped at him. "I've hit you on the head thousands of times, and it hasn't done anything yet."

James stared at her. "Who are you?"

Meowth smirked. "You seemed to remember her name a few nights ago," he said.

"I was right!" exclaimed Brock.

"What's the ugly hair wad talking about?" James asked.

"I...I don't know..." said Jesse. "Who are you people?"

"You know da rules!" snarled Meowth. "Only one of you is allowed to fake amnesia at a time!"

Jesse took out a quarter. "Heads or...the other one?" she asked.

"What? Do I know you?" Seeing Jesse draw her hand back, preparing to throw the quarter, James quickly shouted, "The other one! The other one!"

Jesse tossed the coin in the air. They both looked down at it once it hit the floor. "Best two out of three?" Jesse asked.

"No do-overs!" snapped Meowth. "James gets to have amnesia."

"Hooray!" James cheered. "I mean...who's James?"

Jesse scowled. "How come he always gets to have amnesia?"

"Because he's good at it," Meowth said. "Now, Meowtle, you're going back to where you belong--"

"A circus freak show?" muttered James.

"James, that's where Meowth belongs," said Jesse.

"No, you morons! Team Rocket!"

"No way," said Ash. "I won Meowtle, fair and square!"

"I'm a perthon, not a pwize!" Meowtle said, glaring at Ash.

"You tell 'em, son!" cheered Meowth.

"Looks like it's time to fight," said Jesse. "If we bring the Boss a pokemon this rare..."

"What Boss?" asked James. "And why are you touching me?"

"I'm not touching you!"

"Yes, you are! You're leaning against me again for no apparent reason!" He squinted at her. "And you still haven't told me who you are..."

"I'm going to be wanted for your murder if you don't shut up!" Jesse took out two pokeballs. "Arbok, Ekking, go!"

"Charrrbok!"

"Ekking!"

"Weezing, go!" shouted James, tossing his own pokeball.

"Wee...zing."

"Something came back to you?" Jesse asked sarcastically.

"Jesse, leave him alone," said Meowth. "When it's your turn to have amnesia, you can remember whatever you want."

"Ewww, what'th that?" asked Meowtle.

"That's Ekking," said Meowth. "He's Arbok and Weezing's kid."

"I can't be in a family with that thing!" whined Meowtle. "It'th a funny blob thing!"

Jesse nodded. "Definately Meowth's kid," she muttered.

"Chhharrrbok!" hissed Arbok, starting to slither towards Meowtle.

"Well, this is going no where good," said James. Jesse nodded. The two members of Team Rocket then headed towards the counter.

"Where are you going?" asked Meowth.

"We're hungry," Jesse announced.

"And since this is going to turn into a massive free for all anyways," said James.

"We might as well eat," they both said.

"Ek!" hissed Ekking, darting in front of his mother. "Ekkinng!"

"Oh, you think you can take me, you flying rat?" growled Meowtle. "Bring it on, wuss!"

"Hey, you lost your adorable lisp!" said Ash.

Meowtle shrugged. "Thcwew you," he said. "Meowtle, water gun attack!"

"Ekking, ek ek ek!" hissed Ekking.

"Are our disgruntled eevee evolutions still in their sacks?" asked James.

"Probably," said Jesse as they sat down with their food.

"So...how long before the flareons get mad?"

"Who cares? We left them on the other...side of the..." Jesse's words became less confidant as a giant fireball appeared over the far side of the Arby's. "Nevermind."

"The vaporeons'll take care of it soon."

Jesse nodded. "Shouldn't we being seeing if a combination of our pokemon can take out a combination of Meowth and the twerp's pokemon?"

"No. Because we know what's going to happen."

"You're right," Jesse said sighing. "But Arbok can breathe underwater though..."

James nodded. "I always wondered about that..."

"Our pokemon can't even win together, we can't win together," Jesse started blushing. "If we, for some reason, I don't know why of course, had kids, they'd probably be losers too."

"At least they'd look good," said James, shrugging.

"But what if they had *your* taste?" asked Jesse, wrinkling her nose.

"What do you mean? I thought you liked my taste!"

"Yeah, but...your pokemon? I mean, a weezing?"

"Your Arbok doesn't seem to have a problem with him! And what kind of a pokemon is Lickitung?"

"You don't think Lickitung and Victreebell are..." Jesse trailed off, shuddering.

"Since we never let them out of their pokeballs..."

"True..."

James looked at her suspiciously. "Why'd you mention us having kids?"

"No reason." They both looked at the curly fries and lunged. Jesse, of course, managed to fight her partner off.

"Hungry?" James asked.

"We're always hungry," Jesse reminded him. "Why're you making such a big deal of it?"

"Aaahhh! Jesse! James! Help!!"

"Sounds like Ekking lost," said Jesse.

"And now Arbok and Weezing are kicking Meowth's @$$ for it," added James. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine," Jesse said quickly. "Now let's go laugh at Meowth before we help him."

A few days later, in a distant cabin, Clay was celebrating the recent capture of several marrowaks that had just been shipped off to the Poking Pokemon With a Stick Squad in the traditional way. Dressed in pathetically sized cut off jean shorts and a tank top, Clay was enjoying the fun of sliding across hardwood floors in his white socks while singing along with Ricky Martin. “Something, something else, livin’ la vida lo-caaa-aaah!” he sang before slipping and ending up on his @$$. He noticed Allison in the doorway. “How long have you been here?” he asked.

“Clay, I’ve got some bad news,” she said.

“Just answer my question,” Clay said without getting up.

“I’ve been here since ‘She’ll make you take your clothes off and go dancin’ in the rain,’”

“Da da dat dat da da dat…something…something something pain,” sang Clay. “Like a bullet to your bra-aa-ain!”

“Clay!”

“Sorry.” He got to his feet. “Why didn’t you say something if you’ve got bad news?”

"Because this was just too damn funny."

"Great. So what's the bad news? We have to moniter Jesse and James again?"

Allison took a deep breath. “I’m late.”

“Allison!” Clay exclaimed, giving her a teasing smile. “I didn’t know you were such a wild—“ Clay soon found his partner’s hands wrapped around his neck.

“Clay, thanks to the magic of rare candy,” Allison said, “If it’s anyone, it’s you.”

"This is a joke, right?"

"Remember when we were supposed to be making sure Jesse and James weren't doing what we all strongly suspect they do best?"

"Uh-huh..."

"And they apparently got us to eat several pounds of rare candy..."

"Not really..."

"And then we woke up...naked...very much together?"

"Oh yes..." Clay shuddered. "And then there was that little fear toxin stunt you pulled, you little--"

"Nevermind that! And you remember how Meowth refused to tell me if we'd done it?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, we apparently did."

Clay nodded thoughtfully. "So this explains the vomiting..." He smiled. "Wow, you're going to be a mother, *and* you're not contagious! This is wonderful!"

"Clay, I've got two words for you..."

"DNA Test?"

"Well...yes. But I've got two *more* words for you."

"Uhm...can we deal with your words after we've taken care of mine?"

"Fine." Allison sighed. "But, quite unfortunately, it'll be your crappy DNA on it..." Wonderful, Allison thought. I've got a pregnancy scare and the only person who could possibly be the father is someone who has no intention of ever playing on my team...

Meanwhile, Ekking was sulking around another such cabin while Arbok and Weezing tried to give him a pep talk on the joys of failure. Our human language speaking friends, however, were having a well thought out discussion on the day's plan.

“Jesse, could you do me a favor?” asked Meowth.

“What?”

“Could you try not to puke your guts out tomorrow? It’s been disturbing my sleep,” said Meowth.

“Yeah, are you sure you're feeling okay?” asked James.

Jesse sighed. “James, I’m late.”

“For what?” Jesse whacked him with a fan. “Oh. Ohh!”

“Is dat why things have been so pleasant lately?” asked Meowth. Jesse hit him. “Hey, don’t hit me! It’s not my fault!” He looked at James.

“It’s…uh…you tramp!” James shouted, pointing to his partner.

“James, I think we need to talk, now,” Jesse said through clenched teeth.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Jess,” said James, taking her hand. “I’ll help you beat up the awful, awful man who put you in this situation!” Jesse silently took his wrist, and smacked him in the face with his own hand. “Ow!”

“I’m proud of you two,” Meowth said sarcastically. “James, you’re handling this with such responsibility. Although I wouldn't expect this from the only members of this team who know what birth control is...“

“Shut up!” Jesse and James snapped.

Jesse turned back to her partner. “Get in the car,” she said. “We haven’t blown it up yet.”

“Where are we going?” asked James as he was dragged towards the door.

“Headquarters,” Jesse snapped. “After a quick stop with my doctor, I’m going to sue you.”

"You can't sue me for this!" James said.

"Dis is like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone," said Meowth. The three of them froze as a pink colored bellsprout entered. It yawned, rolling out a massive tongue that looked about twice the size of its body. There was a group shudder.

Pikachu was not very happy. Not only had Togepi threatened his cuteness monopoly, but now Team Rocket was trying to steal the little freak hybrid. It just wasn't fair. Meowtle noticed Pikachu's glared and smiled triumphantly back at the electric mouse. Pikachu gave him the finger.

“Jesse,” said Allison, looking up from a six year old copy of Entertainment Weekly and turning pale. Clay was seated next to her.

“Allison,” said Jesse, looking up from hitting James.

“What’re you doing here?” Jesse and Allison asked each other.

“I’m waiting for the results of my strep throat test,” said Allison.

“We’re waiting to see if Jesse’s—“ James was quickly elbowed in the ribs.

“I’m donating blood,” said Jesse. “And I still feel a bit dizzy.”

A Nurse Joy entered, smiling cheerfully. “I’ve got good news and bad news,” she said. “Allison?”

“Yes?” asked Clay and Allison.

“I’m afraid…” Clay and Allison looked fearfully at each other. “you have the flu.”

“Yes!” Allison cheered, leaping up onto the chair. “It’s the flu! It’s the flu!!”

“It’s the flu!” cheered Clay, hugging her. He quickly tried to back away. "Ack, don't touch me! You're a cesspool of germs!"

"Clay, didn't you hear her?" Allison asked, eyes still sparkly. "The flu!! Although I thought Zita would've been a good name if we'd had a girl..."

"Allison, if you were pregnant, there is no way in hell any daughter of mine is going to be named anything that stupid," Clay replied. "And I thought we agreed that our hypothetical child was male and going to be named Bruce."

"No hypothetical son of mine is going to named Bruce."

"What's wrong with Bruce?"

Allison rolled her eyes. "Please. We might as well name him Lance, tattoo a pink triangle on his forehead, and plop him down in front of the Teletubbies..." She thought for a moment. "Or maybe Julian."

"Well, thank you, Allison, for that Simpsons based discourse on what you consider gay names," said Clay, rolling his eyes. "If I ever have any hypothetical children again, I'm sure as hell not having them with you."

"Well, I think you should know that you're the worst hypothetical father of my children I've ever had!" Allison replied. "And I think Zita's a beautiful name!"

"Fine. Our hypothetical daughter's name is Zita. Now, she comes home from hypothetical kindergarten and hypothetically says the other hypothetical children called her 'Zit,' giving me no choice but to hypothetically look at you and say, 'It's all your damn hypothetical mother's fault!'"

"My middle name is Zita!"

"How can you have a middle name? You don't even have a last name!"

“And Jesse,” said Nurse Joy, deciding that if she waited for Clay and Allison to finish their celebration turned fight, any and all hypothetical children would have died of old age before she could speak.

“I...have healthy blood?" Jesse asked, looking nervously in the Clay and Allison direction.

"Why can't I have a middle name?" asked Allison.

"Because no one hates their children enough to give them a middle name like Zita!" Clay replied.

“I should hope so,” said Nurse Joy. “You're going to be a mother!”

“What?” asked Jesse.

“Crap,” said James.

This proved the one thing that could keep the other Rockets present from arguing over nothing for days. Allison threw her head back and laughed triumphantly. “And I’ve got the flu!” she cheered again. “Come on, Clay! I’ve still got some money in the bank...let’s spend it!”

"No, you don't, hon," said Clay.

"What?"

"I kind of...took out a loan."

Allison stared at him, open mouthed. "Clay...if I was pregnant, I'd beat the living hell out of you," She whirled around to silence any comments Jesse and James might have managed had they not been staring at Nurse Joy as if they either wanted to kill her or beg her to be wrong. "But since I have the flu, I'll just use your credit cards!"

"Just don't breathe too much on me, okay?" Clay asked, before suddenly breaking out into a manic grin. "Oh, who cares if I'm sick? I'm not going to have any of these nasty hypothetical children with their awful, awful names! Oh, and James, you ever get tired of the little woman, you know where I live," Clay said, winking.

As Clay and Allison delightedly ran out, shrieking with glee, Jesse and James sighed. “I wish I had the flu,” Jesse said. "And why the hell did I just let a pokemon doctor examine me?"

"Because the last person we're going to do is a Dr. Proctor," muttered James.

"Jesse, no offense here," Meowth said that night, "But there are axe murderers with more maternal instincts than you."

"We're doomed," said James. He had buried his face in his hands since they got back and hadn't looked up once.

"This is all your fault," Jesse snapped.

"My fault? Why is it my fault?"

"You seduced me with your feminine wiles!"

Meowth wisely decided not to comment. It was turning into quite an internal struggle though...

"*I* seduced *you*?" James asked. "Jesse, I've got four words for you--"

"Don't you dare!" snapped Jesse.

"Oh, I already heard dem," said Meowth.

"I suppose we should just be glad that Clay and Allison won't be reproducing any time soon..." Jesse said with a sigh. "Last thing we need is any Rocket brats running around with names like Zita and Bruce..."

"Maybe we should just name it 'Kid'," said James.

"Wonderful," said Jesse. "I won't even have a shred of hope that the little twerp'll grow up to be a successful lawyer. Oh, no, I can just say, 'Well, Kid would be supporting me in my old age, but with a name like that the only place you *can* work is Team Rocket...' or even better! How about 'Calamity'? That's a name that'll lead to a good, productive future!"

Meowth snorted. "As if any kids of yours have a shot at a productive future anyways..." he muttered.

"At least I didn't screw a squirtle!" Jesse screamed, hitting him. "And how are we supposed to explain this to the Boss?"

"Immaculate conception?" James suggested. "Which, until we have actual proof that I'm actually the father, is probably what--"

"Wow, dat explanation is not only blasphemous, it's also pure crap!" said Meowth. "Should I remind you of those four words now?"

Jesse and James looked at each other. "Can we at least agree not to give our kids any weird names?" asked Jesse.

James nodded. "We should also remember to call Allison 'Zit' the next time we see her."