It is a standard rule of nature that the family cat is always jealous of the new baby. Meowth wasn't jealous. At least, not of the baby...he was more bitter because he was the one who was playing the part of illegal alien nanny while his teammates selfishly went out and continued with their dangerous and illegal careers. That was why Meowth had decided to be the illegal alien nanny Jesse and James wanted them to be. He still wasn't an exceptional illegal alien nanny, but his Spanish *was* getting better and he had guaranteed that his teammate's spawn would be speaking meowth language for at least the first two years of its life.

Meowth was currently watching the soaps, taking advantage of the commercials to poke the child, which he had affectionately named "Twerp", with a stick he had stolen from the Stick Poking Division of Team Rocket. Sadly, "Twerp" was a step up for it, seeing as Jesse and James' creativity levels caused their child to still be nameless after a month of existance. In Meowth's opinion the poor bastard would be lucky to escape just being named "Human," joining the ranks of Arbok the arbok and Weezing the weezing.

Meowth did had to admit that Twerp had brought new joy to his life. For one thing, there was nothing better than letting the baby "play" with Arbok...

"Meowth meow," he muttered, which quite nicely summed up his opinion of the proud parents, who seemed to only appear when it was time for pictures or buying things. They also expected him to cook and clean..."Meow meow meowth..."("I can't believe I gave up my career for those bastards...")

Having blasted off earlier than expected, Jesse and James were currently camped out at McDonald's, looking over how much they'd spent. "Meowth's going to kill us," Jesse announced.

James shrugged. "He's been really irritable lately..."

Jesse leaned closer to her partner. "Let's pretend we have to work late tonight," she whispered. "Then we can ask Clay and Allison's talking vaporeon for advice!"

"Clay and Allison have a talking vaporeon?" asked James. "Jesse, I think you're mixing continuities again..."

There was a long and painful silence as Jesse stared at her partner. "What continuity?" she asked.

"Besides, isn't that...cheating?" James asked in a low voice.

"So what? He's driven us into the arms of another talking pokemon!"

"Hey, Zit--"

"If you call me that one more time I'm going to rip off your--"

Clay rolled his eyes. "Hey, it's your fault for having such an awful middle name," he said. "And where did this talking Vaporeon come from?"

Allison raised an eyebrow. "I think a better question is why're Jesse and James letting *our* talking pokemon beat them up?"

"We think that's a stupid plan," said Jesse.

"Ice beam, ice beam, ice beam!" cheered James.

Vaporeon cocked her head, giving them a strange look. "Look, I haven't exactly heard good things about you two, so could you please leave me out of your fetishes?" Her eyes narrowed as she looked at Clay and Allison. "And these two didn't think I was worth an ice beam TM..."

Clay and Allison sweatdropped. "We needed to buy essential things," said Allison.

"You bought shoes!"

"But...they were such nice shoes," said Clay.

"It was still shoes!!"

"No, don't yell at them!" whined James.

"Yell at us!" added Jesse. "Meowth just doesn't have the energy any more..." She paused to dab at her eyes with a handerkerchief.

"And we're not leaving until your stupid vaporeon verbally abuses us!" said James.

Clay and Allison exchanged a glance, then nodded. They both covered their ears. "Leave," said Allison.

Vaporeon covered her ears as well. "Can't I just attack them?" she asked.

"No, that's what the want," said Clay. "Ready, Zit?"

"God dammit, Clay!! What's *your* middle name?"

"I'm not telling. Now, let's get this over with and them out of here...well, at least Jesse." Clay pulled out another one of those bizarre remote thingies. "Prepare for teen idols!"

"Can we just get this over with?" asked Allison, putting on ear muffs before putting her hands back over her ears. "It's bad enough the only thing you let us play in the tank is Backstreet Boys and the Dixie Chicks..."

"You forgot Abba!" Clay said, cheerfully pushing the button.

Brittany Spears music began playing from somewhere. "You drive me crazy, I'm in too deep..."

"Ughh! This is the worst yet!" screamed Jesse. "I'm actually starting to miss Babes in Arms..."

"I'm so excited I just can't sleep..."

James shrugged. "It's not that bad..."

"Aha!" shouted Clay. "I knew it!"

"Have they fled in terror yet?" asked Allison.

"Please let me water gun them!" whimpered Vaporeon. "Or Surf! I learned surf! Or bite? How about bite?"

"You drive me crazy, but it feels so right..."

"Oh, quit whining," said Clay. "This is high quality music."

Allison rolled her eyes. "Clay, Mozart or the Beastie Boys is quality music. This is crap."

"Baby, thinkin' of you keeps me up all night!"

Jesse threw a pokeball. "Lickitung, find the speakers!"

James stared at her. "Lickitung?" he asked.

Jesse shrugged. "I needed some variety."

James reached for a pokeball, then was suddenly inspired. He took out a different pokeball. "Those your new shoes?" he asked.

Clay nodded. "Aren't they great?" he said. "Much better than those awful boots..."

"Weezing, go!"

Clay's eyes widened as he realized what this could lead to. He sighed and turned off Brittany Spears. "Fine. Can you just go?" he asked.

"Lickitung, return!" called Jesse.

"Weezing, return," said James.

"Now tell your lousy vaporeon to attack us," said Jesse.

Vaporeon laughed. "They don't own me!" she said.

Jesse and James exchanged a glance, then both pulled out their video cell phones.

"Ring ring ring! Ring ring ring! Phonecall, phonecall!"

Giovanni pushed the speaker phone button. "Yes, what is it now?"

"Prepare for trouble!"

The head of Team Rocket sighed. "Jesse, could you hold on? I have another call..."

"Make it double!"

Ready to snap both their necks, Giovanni pushed hold and returned to Jesse's call. "Jesse?"

"To protect the world from--"

"Jesse!"

"Yes, Boss?"

"I assume you idiots are in the same room?"

"Uhm..."

"What do you want? And that is not a cue for your to start saying your worthless motto again!" he added once he remembered who he was talking to.

"Could you tell your talking vaporeon to hurt us?"

Giovanni smiled. "Put her on," he said. His day was definately starting to look better...

"Yes, Boss?" asked Vaporeon, struggling to hold a cell phone since she, unlike her feline counterpart, still walked like the rest of her kind. "Uh huh...water gun, bite, surf, and acid armor....Boss, could I please get a TM for ice beam? Please? Yes...I know, but...okay. Bitch," Vaporeon muttered as she hung up the phone. "Why doesn't anyone want me to learn ice beam? It's a perfectly good attack!" She sighed. "Vaporeon, surf!"

"Surf?!" exclaimed Clay and Allison, eyes widening.

"Surf!" cheered Jesse and James, hugging each other.

"You do you know how big an attack that is?" asked Allison.

"Do you hate us?" asked Clay.

"Buy me TM 13!" screamed Vaporeon, starting to use surf. Clay and Allison quickly took off their shoes and stuffed them under their jackets, then fell to the ground 50's nuclear fall out style.

"That was one of the finest attacks from a disgruntled eevee evolution I've ever had," said Jesse, wringing out her hair.

"How're we going to explain this to Meowth?" asked James.

"The brats have a squirtle, don't they?" asked Jesse. They looked at each other for a moment. "We landed in a river."

At the sound of the opening door, Meowth didn't bother to move from the dinner table. "Where have you been?" he asked.

"The plan took a bit longer than we expected," said Jesse, sitting down at the table. James sat next to her.

"I've been worried sick," Meowth said. "You could've called...and what do you think you're doing? You're dripping all over my nice clean floor!"

"We landed in a river," said James.

"Where's...uhm..." Jesse attempted to ask.

"Twerp is sleeping," Meowth said coldly. "I'm surprised you even bothered to ask."

"Stop calling her that!" snapped Jesse and James.

"Well, *you* haven't bothered to name it!"

"She's not an it!" snapped Jesse.

Meowth laughed. "You don't even know what your Arbok is and you spend more time with it dan you do with your own child! Now eat your dinner before it gets colder."

Jesse picked up her plate and headed in the microwave direction. "I have to work to put food on this table!" She opened the microwave, then looked down at her food. "Meowth, what is this?"

"Burnt Corn Pops," said James.

An anger vein started bulging on Jesse's forehead. "Meowth...what did I tell you about burnt Corn Pops?"

"It's not like either one of you was here to make it!" Meowth screeched back. "You're a terrible father!"

"What?! *He's* the terrible father!" snapped Jesse, pointing to James.

"Fine! Den you're a terrible mother! You're never home, you come back late smelling of cheap perfume and vapore--" Meowth gasped. "You went to see Vaporeon, didn't you?"

"No, of course not," said Jesse.

"Don't lie to me!" screeched Meowth. "You let dat vaporeon attack you!"

Jesse and James looked at each other, then at the floor. "Just surf..." said Jesse.

"You let her use surf on you?" asked Meowth, tears starting to stream down his face.

"It was just one attack.." said Jesse.

"It's not like it was hydro pump!" added James.

"Don't even talk to me!" Meowth said, running from the room sobbing.

Jesse and James sighed. "This is all your fault," said Jesse.

"My fault?! He said *you* were the terrible father!" James replied.

There was a silence as they both looked down at their burnt Corn Pops. "So...you want to order pizza?" asked Jesse.

"And something from the Celadon Department store," said James.

Several days later..."Here, this came in the mail for you," said Allison.

"You shoe ruining traitorous blue eevee," added Clay, chucking the package at Vaporeon.

"Don't call me that!" snapped Vaporeon, then opened the package with her teeth. She looked down at it, eyes starting to go wobbly. "TM 13!" she exclaimed. She then looked down at the card. "I...have to go," she said.

"Where?" asked Clay and Allison.

"Nowhere," Vaporeon said. "I just...uhm...I'm out of...I..." She quickly ran out the door.