Yes, Zelda's writing again.(don't worry, it'll pass. In another week or so, this'll just be another incomplete memory and you can go back to blessed silence.) I apologize in advance for some of the really lame jokes...when it goes to italics, that's where the first person narrated flashback comes into play. I just didn't feel like bothering with quotes...isn't that a creepy title?
Another beautiful morning. The sun was shining and the birds were happily chirping and singing as they hopped from tree branch to tree branch. The world was a wonderful and happy place. Which was exactly why Clay rolled over and attempted to go back to sleep. "Attempted" was a very accurate word due to the fact that he had a blinding headache. With the painfully heighted senses brought about by a wicked hangover, he felt a prescence sleeping next to him. He reached over to investigate. "Allison again," he muttered. It did make sense though since they'd mixed soma and tequila the night before. And they'd let Vaporeon make the chasers, which tended to mean Kool-Aid with rare candy instead of sugar. Clay was really starting to hate the water pokemon. He nudged his partner. "Hey, Al, I thought you agreed to make the damn chasers this time."
"I did," Allison replied from the doorway. She was wearing an orange T-shirt that Clay found oddly familiar, and her hair was down. She held out a small bottle. "You should have some more soma, Clay," she said in an all too soothing voice that meant she didn't have a hangover, the bitch. "A gram is better than a damn!"
He glared at her. "How much did you have last night?"
"Who cares?" Allison asked with sedated cheerfullness.
"So...if you're scantily clad over there, who did I just fondle?" he asked. Allison shrugged and continued to smile blankly. Suddenly, a silver lining began to appear on the dark cloud of waking up and having a vague idea of why you were so sore but not knowing any details. "You mean...I might have slept with a man?!"
Allison sat down on the edge of the bed. "Stranger things have happened," she said brightly.
"A man with boobs," said Clay, looking at the blanket covered lump beside him. He sighed and looked sadly at his partner. "I'm a lesbian, aren't I? I've even got the bad hair to prove it!"
"Misty?" Allison suggested. "And that's not very PC."
Clay reached over again. "No, they're too--Allison, please stop playing with my mind. It's too early. If you want to play with something, come here and help me do an ID without actually having to see some naked woman."
Allison rolled her eyes, walked over, and lifted up the blanket. She started snickering. Clay hoped it was just the soma. Or, that if anyone, he'd wound up with Officer Jenny. She was a blue haired, bimbo and as close as he was probably going to get to James until miracles happened or Allison cut her hair. He sighed. Both James seeing the light and Allison doing a Boys Don't Cry(with hair cutting) seemed equally implausible.
Laughing maniacally, Allison threw off the covers with her usual unneccessary flair. "You could've warned me you were naked, Clay," she said.
"And you could look me in the eye when you're talking to me, Allison," he replied. He looked at the still slumbering form beside him. "I was drunk enough to sleep with him?!"
"You had sex with Tracey, you had sex with Tracey!" Allison chanted in a sing-song voice that was only matched in its power to annoy by the little dance she was using to accompany it.
"How do you know you didn't sleep with him too? You know what tequila does to you."
"You're still the one who fondled his flabby man boobs twice. At least." She grinned. "Hold still, Clay. I want to capture the way your standards have really dropped!"
He pouted. "At least I managed to sleep with a man this time," he reluctantly admitted.
"Good thing too. We were all starting to wonder about your sexuality since rare candy doesn't normally affect that."
"Well, Al, sometimes I have problems distinguishing similar colors when I'm whacked out on rare candy...."
"Yes, Clay, but genetalia doesn't come in gender specific colors."
"I meant your hair. Blue and purple are awfully close." Allison immediatly turned pale. "And thanks to your vibrator, sometimes I like to fantasize that--"
Allison fumbled with the top of her soma bottle. "Clay,"
"Yes, Allison?"
"Shut up," Allison snapped, popping seven half gram tablets into her mouth. "And if I haven't forgotten that once this wears off, I am going to kick your ass until next Tuesday."
"Yes! I'm not just a pokemon master anymore!" shouted a triumphant voice from the next room.
Clay and Allison both turned. "Is that who it sounds like?" asked Clay.
Ash entered, tears of joy streaming down his face. "Boy, this is even better than that picture!" he exclaimed, hugging Allison. "Misty can get her own damn bike!"
Allison stared at him for a moment, then reached for her soma again. "How drunk were you?" asked Clay.
"At least Fat Naked Tracey isn't in my bed," Allison snapped.
"Oh, this definitely beats Fat Naked Tracey," said Clay. "He's ten!"
Ash hadn't noticed Tracey, probably due to the fact that he only came up to Allison's breasts.
"Al likes little boys, Al likes little boys!" Clay chanted in an annoying sing-song voice similar to the one Allison had used. He smugness immediatly vanished as Ash hugged him.
"And you were even better than she was!" Ash exclaimed.
"Al, can I have some soma?" Clay asked.
Allison tossed him the bottle and sadly shook his head. "What will Gary think..."
Ash's eyes widened in fear. "Oh no! What if Gary finds out?"
"I am never mixing soma and tequila again," Clay announced.
Allison started sulking. "I can't believe you're a better lay than I am..."
"Al, we have bigger things to worry about. Like the fact that no one that shirt belongs to has made an appearence yet. And that I'm lying on my bed, ass naked, with ass-naked Tracey next to me, and the twerp refusing to unhand me."
"Show him your tattoo. That'll scare anyone o--"
"This is the happiest day of my life!" Brock announced, prancing into the room wearing only his pink frilly apron, which seemed to make an appearence at the most unsavory of moments.
"You got Brock and I got stuck with Fat Naked Tracey?" snapped Clay.
"I'm sure he wasn't naked to start out with," said Allison.
Brock took Allison's hands. "And now I can tell Ash and Misty how wrong they were! Someone does love me!"
"That wasn't love, that was tequila," muttered Clay.
"Because last night, you told me you'd always be my snuggly beedril!" Brock concluded, embracing his no longer intoxicated sweet heart.
"Clay, help," Allison whined.
"What do you want me to do? Pull a Nurse Joy out of my ass?"
"It's been stretched wide enough..." Allison muttered. "And haven't we had enough kinkiness for one week?" Still feeling extremely bothered by the fact that they'd had a twerp orgy bonanza, Allison decided she would just have to keep dropping soma until she stopped caring about anything. Or passed out. Although she wasn't quite sure she wanted to do that since Brock's apron wasn't hiding his current opinion of her. She looked down at the shirt and screamed.
"Oh, yeah, Al, you should really be worried about fabric cooties now," said Clay, shoving Ash aside. The blonde leaned back and poked Tracey. "I think our major concern at this point would be the sex with children aspect."
Ash, meanwhile, was now very worried about Gary. "Brock, please don't tell Gary!" Ash whined with the typical concern all innocent young boys with their first stirrings of male lust seemed to have. "I don't want him to think I'm gay!"
Clay rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, Ash. It doesn't get much straighter than this."
"Really?" Ash asked, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
"Well, not for Allison."
"Oh." Ash's face fell.
"Does anything remember anything from last night?" asked Allison.
"Nothing past the Survivor drinking game," said Clay.
"It was definitely a mistake to drink something every time Rudy said 'ass,'" Allison lamented.
"Or every time Jeff pissed us off," added Clay.
"Or every time Richard walked around naked..."
"Or every time someone mentioned the alliance..."
Allison thought for a moment. "Do you think we're focusing on that stupid show too much?" she asked.
"It's not like anything else is on..." Clay pointed out.
Brock, meanwhile, was smiling with mitsy-eyed nostalgia. "I'll never forget any of it..." he said with a sigh.
Clay and Allison exchanged a glance. Or at least tried to. "Look at my face, you damn nympho!" snapped Clay.
"Sorry..." Allison blushed and cleared her throat. "We might as well let him tell it..."
"Might as well," Clay agreed.
"I can remember everything too!" said Ash.
"You can go first, Ash," Brock offered, mostly because he knew what a sickening little whiner Ash was.
Ash beamed. "Great! Okay, we were at my house...
...and Brock kept leering at my mom because in the last town Nurse Joy really shot him down--
"She did not!" Brock interrupted. "I almost got her phone number!"
Anyway, I told Brock to leave my mom alone and then Professor Oak came over and he seemed really surprised to see me and so Tracey started leering at him, then Professor Oak said he wanted to ask my mom about something so they went over to the lab to talk. But my birthday's coming up, so I think they're talking about what to get for my present or maybe even planning a surprise party for me!
Well, after they left, Misty said something really mean about my mom and I yelled at her and she yelled back at me and Brock told us to stop fighting or he's going to go back to Professor Ivy and her...what did you say, Brock? That she had a nice cat? I didn't see one when we were there. Maybe it's just shy around strangers.
But Brock just turned red--like he's doing now--and didn't want to tell me anything about her cat so I decided to see if there's anything to eat in the fridge. And Misty--she's been really preoccupied lately--said she had some training to do and said she'd be back later, but she left Togepi with us. So I asked if she wanted to train with me, but she just started blushing too and said I wasn't her type, so I yelled at her because my pokemon are better than her dumb water pokemon, but then she said I didn't understand anything and stormed off.
I was going to follow her to see why she was so mad at me--probably her stupid bike again or something--when the doorbell rang. I answered it because Brock had gone upstairs because he said he had to take care of a few things too. I think it had something to do with those magazines I found in his backpack...
But when I answered the door I was disappointed because it was just you two, so I thought you were going to steal Pikachu, so I said, "I'll never let you have Pikachu!" and then Allison said she was going to play "Three Little Pigs" by Green Jelly but that I was too young to appreciate the....nudity of it--
"Ash, you mean 'nuances,'" said Brock.
Oh, right. And then, Clay, you told her that she was too young to appreciate the nuances either and you both started laughing, then Clay asked me if he could be my bitch, but Allison said that I was ten, so I told her that I was going to be the greatest Pokemon master in the world and that I could so make him my bitch, even though I wasn't really sure how. Then Allison started laughing again and said I looked more like a sub than a dom and I wasn't really sure what she meant, but I didn't want to ask, but then Clay shouted, "I knew it! You've got the Morgan family curse! You're a closet dominatrix!" And he called her some other words, but I don't really remember all of them...
Morgan family...now that I think about it, it sounds kind of familiar...
"It's a fairly common name," Allison quickly interjected.
"A wussy name," added Clay, then reached for a pillow to protect his three most prized possessions from the wrath Allison would probably be unleashing soon.
Okay. So, Clay asked if I wanted to come back to your place so you could teach me to be a...I think Allison called it a switch, so I told Brock that I was leaving, but I wasn't taking Pikachu because even though you were being nicer than usual, I still didn't want anything to happen to me. Pikachu looked kind of worried though. I don't know why...
So we came back here, and even though I said I wasn't going to run away or anything because I kind of wanted to know what a switch was--Clay said that was a bondage word--Allison tied me to a chair and...I kind of wished Brock was there, because she let me see her ya-yas and I know Brock is always wanting to see those. I don't really know why...still, Allison was really nice for once, because usually she's a mega bitch like Jesse or a stuck up whiner like James. She said if I asked nicely enough I'd get the honor of...uhm...touching her ya-yas and...
Ash stopped, looking very embarassed. Brock, meanwhile, seemed lost in the memory of his encounter with Allison's ya-yas. Allison herself looked like she couldn't decide whether to vomit or to down the entire bottle of soma.
"I knew it!" Clay shouted, pointing an accusing finger at his partner. "The bondage gene is dominant!"
"I'm never drinking again," said Allison as she buried her face in her hands.
Tracey was still asleep, completely oblivious to the painful morning after happening around him.
"Do you want me to tell the rest?" Ash asked. His face was now about the same color as his hat.
"Yes," said Clay. "Because I still don't know why I have a fat, naked artist in my bed!"
"Put some damn clothes on, or I'm giving Brock back his shirt," said Allison, sitting on the bed once again. She was planning to curl up in the fetal position if things got much worse.
In an instant, Brock was on his knees in front of her. "Please! Please give me back my shirt, Mistress!" he begged.
Reacting on what she hoped was just instinct or coincidence and not an indication that she was turning into her mother or her mother's doppleganger, Allison slapped him. "Face to the floor," she said harshly. Brock obeyed. Clay looked past his partner to get a glimpse of the view. "If you're going to beg, at least look like you mean it."
Clay looked at his partner. "Al, if you were a man--"
Allison sighed. "If you don't stop saying that, I'm going to have to assume that your attraction to my father, grandfather, and unborn sons by other men are just a way to come to terms with your unrequited interest in me."
Clay gave her an offended look. "Unrequited?" he asked. "And that is so heterosexist of you! Every male relative in your family just happens to be really hot, that's all!"
”Could you just get on with it, twerp?” Allison asked. “And get to the part involving Clay.”
”Okay!” Ash said eagerly.
Clay was really nice, although he kept saying that he’d been bad. I don’t know what he meant—probably the pokemon stealing. Not that I’ve ever seen you guys steal any pokemon….or even really try that hard. I wasn’t quite sure why he said I needed to punish him though…he did…put his mouth on me…down there though…then I was kind of tired because it was about midnight, so I asked if I could sleep over and Clay and Allison drank some more and let me sleep on the couch,.”…so it was kind of like a slumber party!” Ash concluded with an innocent smile.
"It's times like these that make me want to go straight!" Clay wailed.
Allison shuddered. "Please...who would we have ended up with then? Misty, Duplica, and...someone else."
"Hmmm...would Duplica bring her ditto?"
Allison punched him in the arm. "Clay, you can fantasize about Duplica's ditto after we sort out the charges of statutory rape!"
"Oh, right," Clay said with a sigh.