Another rich blend of Zeldaliscious perversity. Yes, we take the "erotica" out of erotica. And replace it with feelings of queasiness and concern! Such is the power of the written word...

”It’s going to be okay,” Allison was telling her partner as she patted his shoulder. “Just some drunken hijinks…I mean, this is kind of better than that one time…”

“In that we didn’t run naked through the sprinkler at 3 AM while singing the entire score of Kiss Me Kate?” asked Clay. “How do you know we didn’t? The twerp only took us up to midnight! We obviously didn’t pass out until two skanks later!”

Allison looked at Brock. “Well?” she asked. He didn’t move. “Kneel. And talk, you worthless bitch.”

Brock sat up, cleared his throat, and prepared to go into his usual full explanatory mode. “It all began after we returned to Ash’s house…

Despite what Ash and Misty might tell you, that Nurse Joy was very interested in me. I can tell. I know how women think. She liked me. At least, she wasn’t quite as…frigid as the others. If I’d just had a few more minutes, I know she would’ve been all over me.

But she wasn’t. So, when we got back to Ash’s house, I tried to start a conversation with Mrs. Ketchum, just because I know what it’s like to be a single mother. I mean parent. Err…although I’m not a parent, Allison—can I call you Al? How about Mistress Al? Okay, but I’m not a parent. I just took care of my brothers and sisters while my father was…away. Selling rocks, the damn bastard! He was off chasing girls while I had to take care of all my half-siblings! I wanted to be chasing girls! That is, looking for the right girl.

Once Ash’s mom had left to screw Professor Oak and after Misty had left to screw either Gary, Tracey, Jesse, James, or anyone else who might have been in the area, I decided to adjourn upstairs to…catch up on my reading. And if it hadn’t been so captivating I might’ve come down to see what the drunken shouting was about. In fact, once I heard someone shout that there was a loose, dominatrix nympho slut at the front door, I decided that I should go check her out—err, that is, check out the situation. But by the time I’d zi—by the time I got there, the three of you were gone. Since I had the house to myself, I decided to invite several lady friends over for a soiree…

”Is that horny male for ‘sat on the couch and whacked off to PBS?” asked Allison.

”Who the hell masturbates to PBS?” asked Clay.

”Says the person who got caught masturbating to the South Park Christmas special…”

”About an hour later, after all the beautiful, bikini clad girls had left, the doorbell rang again. I think it was around 1:30 by then. And Mistress Al was at the door, in all her leather clad glory…” Brock paused to wipe the drool from his mouth. “It was even better than the time Jesse and James dressed up like hookers…” He sighed nostalgically. “I paid them, then they hit me over the head, locked me in a closet, and stole all my pokemon…”

“Does the name ‘Mistress Al’ conjure up images of a short, bald guy in a lavender dress for anyone else?” asked Clay.

”It was the farthest I’d ever gotten,” Brock added, before continuing his account of the drunken revelry. “But when I opened the door, Mistress Al was standing there, singing ‘You’ll be in my heart’ almost completely off key…”

”You lying bitch!" snapped Allison. "I wasn’t that drunk…”

"Sorry. It sounded a bit off key. Maybe just a bit. But then I knew that I’d been right—all these months of following us, all those attempts to steal Pikachu, they were all just your way of telling me you liked me…oh, Jesse, I knew it!

Ow. Yeah, you slapped me when I called you Jesse last night too…it was an accident. A Freudian slip…

So, after you slapped me, you looked me right in the eyes and said "Oh, I can't wait to be loved by you, Brock the Rock! Take me right here! Because you're my..." Okay, maybe I'm paraphrasing just a little bit. But it was still a very meaningful moment. And you said something I'll never forget: "I own you. Your name is now Hotaru."

And I of course replied with my usual wit and charm--

"Hotaru?" Clay asked with a raised eyebrow. "What was dear, sweet, sick as all hell Mistress Al wearing in all of her leather glory?"

Brock sighed happily. "A pink pleated mini-skirt and knee high boots..."

Allison buried her face in her hands. "Oh god..."

"Wow, Chibi-Musa, you're even sicker than I thought," said Clay.

"Oh, shut up, Tracey-fucker," snapped Allison.

"You could be a Tracey-fucker too. We could all be Tracey-fuckers, god help us!" said Clay, throwing his hands into the air in digust.

"Then, Mistress Al pushed me into the house," Brock said, "and shouted..."

"In the name of the moon, I will punish you!"

Now when ever I watch Sailor Moon, I'm always going to feel good inside. Not that that show wasn't hot to begin with...all those girls in mini-skirts, and how you could always see Jupiter's ass right after she transformed...

Oh, right...back to you, Mistress Al, you told me that I was to call you Mistress Mini-Moon and if I was insolent, you'd beat me with your scepter. Actually, you didn't use it until later, when you told me to get down on my hands and knees. Then you told me that it would only hurt at first but then it would start to feel really good so I said I didn't really know what we were going to do and mentioned that I wasn't quite sure how I was going to work my magic from that position since you weren't under me...you kicked me pretty hard--but I kind of liked it--then said you'd teach me.

Uhm...I'm not quite sure how to describe what you did next, but you took your scepter and--

"You didn't!" shrieked Clay.

"How am I supposed to know?" asked Allison. "I told you I didn't remember anything...but I think I've just ruined Sailor Moon for myself..."

"I know I won't be able to hear 'Pink Sugar Heart Attack' with a straight face again," said Clay.

"You can never keep a straight face," Allison replied.

"Still, I can't believe you got Brock to...well, take it like a man..."

"Oh, come on, Clay. You know what a whore he is. Although nothing beats us now..."

"Does James enter this sordid tale any time soon?" Clay asked Brock.

Brock shook his head. "And why, if I was ruining precious childhood memories in the name of the moon, are you wearing the damn apron?" asked Allison.

Brock looked down and shrugged. "Mrs. Ketchum thought it made me look sexy..."

Clay and Allison stared at him. "Last night?" they asked.

Brock shook his head. "It was awhile ago...hmm, I wonder how it turned out..."

"Who cares?" snapped Clay.

"Can we finish up with the highlights of this...debauchery?" asked Allison.

"Am I in this one at all?" asked Clay.

"No," Brock said. "I'm a ladies man, after all."

"You apparently took one for the team last night," Allsion muttered.

"God, Al, I think someone of your upbringing would know that means nothing," Clay replied. "James, who you keep claiming is heterosexual, probably does that all the time. Not with Sailor Moon paraphenalia, but five nights out of seven, Jamie-pie is probably tied to the bed, his cute, tight ass in the air, a look of frightened yet aroused anticipation in those beautiful eyes, his whole body trembling slightly, just waiting for..." Clay cleared his throat. "Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom..."

"Clay, have you forgotten that we've got these three here?" Allison asked through clenched teeth.

"Right. Well, boy-o's, who's up for another round? I find all of you absolutely disgusting--except maybe you, Brock--but any port in a storm!"

Allison hit him with a pillow. "That's not what I meant, idiot!"

"Oh. And where was I while Al was fighting evil by moonlight?" he asked Brock.

"You watched for awhile..." said Brock. "Then I don't know where you went to..."

"I watched?" asked Clay.

"Wow, you were really plastered," said Allison.

"And since you knew I enjoyed being watched, like the wretched whore I am, then you brought out the riding crop," said Brock before sighing happily.

Clay burst out laughing. "The riding crop? My, my, Allison! You certainly are a woman of mystery!"

Allison stuck her tongue out at him. "Yeah, well while I was turning into my mother's evil cousin, you were probably off having sex with Tracey!"

"Oh yeah," said Clay. He poked Tracey again. "Is he dead? Because there's no way I'm digging a hole this big..."

"Isn't there a river nearby?" asked Allison.

"Who's going to carry Jabba?"

They both looked at Brock and Ash. The latter was still worrying about Gary. "Maybe I don't have to tell him," he said.

"What about Misty?" asked Brock.

"What about her?" asked Ash. "Do you know what Gary'll probably say?"

"'Now that you've fucked a guy I sure as hell don't want to be in a homosexual relationship with you?'" Allison muttered to her partner.

"Trust me, Al, you wouldn't believe how many times I've had to say that..." Clay replied.

"What will Gary say?" asked Brock.

Ash shrugged. "I don't know...something about how I'm a loser. And how his pokemon are better than mine. Did you see his krabby? It's huge!"

Clay and Allison exchanged a glance. "No wonder you feel so inadequate," said Allison.

"I wish I had a rival," said Clay. "Preferably one with a great big krabby..."

"No you don't!" whined Ash.

"Fine. You use your rival for what you want, I'll use mine for what I want. Just as soon as I scrub away the taint you little bastards have left on my soft, luxurious skin."

"Where are you going to get a rival?" asked Allison.

"Do you have a brother?"

"No."

"James could be my rival..." Clay sighed happily. "And our heated competition would only add fire to our exploits of love..."

"How about Tracey?"

They both looked at the still inert and naked Tracey. "I don't remember anything about Tracey," said Brock.

"Me neither," said Ash. "He disappeared after Misty left."

"Poor Misty," said Clay and Allison, still looking at Tracey.

"Or poor Tracey," said Ash. "Misty probably just wanted to yell at him."

"That's a new word for it," said Allison.