Dedication: You can all thank Ophelia for this one. She was the one who complained about overdramatic shishi that takes itself far too seriously.

Other: Here's a fun fact--this is one of the few Palletshipping stories that doesn't really have any yaoi. Oh well!

Ash shifted nervously. "What am I going to tell them, Pikachu?" he asked, sweat running down his face. "They'll never understand!"

Pikachu yawned. He didn't really give a rattata's ass about Ash's current moral dilemma. Because Pikachu cared about three things: ketchup, babes--preferably those in raichu form--and beating the crap out of those weaker than himself. And unless Ash was fufilling one of those needs or was about to fufill one of them in the near future, Pikachu didn't see why they needed to be worrying about this kind of crap late at night. "Chu," he said, not really caring how Ash chose to interpret this one.

"You're right!" Ash said. "They're my friends, and I need to tell them!"

Meanwhile, Ash's aforementioned friends were sitting around in their pajamas and discussing the conquests of the weak. "While Ash was trying to remember what fighting pokemon are weak against, I was denouncing the goodness of truth and love," Misty said smugly. She sighed happily. "I guess it's true...you do have more fun with blondes!"

"Check these out," Tracey said, proudly holding out his sketchpad.

"Wow," said Misty, her eyes widening. "Is that..."

"Uh huh," Tracey said proudly. "And I didn't just watch either."

They both turned to Brock. "Well?" asked Misty.

Brock turned bright red and his shoulders slumped. "Nurse Joy took out a restraining order against me," he complained. "So when I told Ash I had to take care of a few things, I went to Tirple-X Roquet."

"What?" asked Tracey.

"It's this new strip club," Brock explained. "There's this really hot blue haired chick there who really seemed to like me..."

Misty and Tracey exchanged a glance. "Was there a girl with really long red hair?" asked Misty. "Who was always hanging around the blue haired girl?"

Brock nodded. "Her tits weren't as big though."

That confirmed it for Misty and Tracey. It couldn't be mere coincidence that there was a strip club called Triple-X Roquet. And that the "girl" with blue hair had bigger breasts. "When's it close?" Tracey and Misty asked in unison before scrambling for their clothes.

"Guys, we need to talk," Ash said from the doorway, causing a shirtless Misty to scream.

"Kaaa!" Pikachu happily squealed.

"Dammit, Ash Ketchum, didn't your mother ever tell you to knock before you come in?" Misty screamed.

"But they're in here," said Ash.

His three friends shrugged. "Yeah, but we see Misty's breasts all the time," said Tracey.

"And it's not like she ever wears a bra," added Brock.

"It doesn't look like she needs to!" Ash said, laughing.

"Maybe when you're older, you'll appreciate a few things, Ash," said Brock.

"See?" said Misty, quickly pulling on a yellow tank top. "Brock is a true gentle--"

"Like the fact that we practically live with a water trainer who never wears a bra. Ever," added Brock, attempting a wink. "Wet T-shirts galore!"

Misty hit him with her suspenders. "This is why no one will ever love you!" she screamed.

Ash was now starting to blush. He had a strong suspicion that he would never appreciate the things Brock was referring to. Pikachu just felt disappointed. He hadn't seen a topless or near topless female since they'd left Valencia Island. "Guys, there's something I need to tell you," Ash repeated.

"Sorry, Ash," said Brock, beginning to change.

"We've got some things to take care of," added Misty, pulling on her sneakers.

"What kind of things?" asked Ash.

"There's a lake nearby that I think might have several nocturnal species of pokemon living in it," said Tracey. "I want to observe them, Brock wants to learn about their eating habits, and Misty specializes in water pokemon."

Misty and Brock shot Tracey adoring looks while Ash scratched his head. "Oh..." he said. The young trainer suddenly brightened. "Hey, it's been awhile since I caught a pokemon!"

Once again, his friends exchanged a glance. It had been "awhile" in the same sense that dinosaurs had roamed the earth awhile ago. Ash tended to have pokemon only by the virtue that some had occaisionally wandered over to him and willingly jumped into his pokeballs. "We'll meet you there," said Misty. "And then we can talk."

Meowth had known this plan would never work out. He should have known that any time Jesse and James suggested a plan that involved bikinis, it was just their hormones at work. Which was why "Gigi" and "Lolita" still hadn't emerged from their shared dressing room.

The cat jumped as he heard a loud pop, two shrieks, and then loud laughter. "What da hell happened in dere?" he asked, pounding on the door.

"Gigi," James replied, causing both Rockets to start laughing again, "broke my boobs."

Meowth tried to process this information while his teammates continued to howl with laughter over their own stupidty. "What?" he asked.

"Just the left one," said Jesse.

"What are you doing in dere?" Meowth snapped.

There was a brief pause. "Nothing," Jesse and James said in unison.

"Now leave us alone," added James.

Meowth sighed. He wanted to kill them, but he was also wondering how Jesse had managed to pop one of James' inflatable endowments. "Dis is why dere's a no sex on da job rule!" he snapped.

On the other side of the door, Jesse and James rolled their eyes. "Why else would we pretend to be strippers?" asked James.

"How many rare pokemon does that idiot think come into a strip club?" asked Jesse, spitting out a piece of latex. "Why didn't you take those stupid things off?"

"Because you told me to leave them on..."

"Well, now I'm telling you to take them off!" As James started to squirm out of the remains of his inflatable bodysuit, Jesse smirked. "And best of all, the Boss foots the bill for every sequined thong!"

"Guys, wait up!" Ash whined, running after his friends. "There's something I want you to know! And where's the lake?"

Misty stopped, turned around, and walked back, looking like she was about to punch Ash. "Ash, there is no lake. We were sneaking out to a strip club when you had to come along. Now, what do you want to tell us?"

Ash looked at the ground fidgeting slightly. "Here?"

"Spit it out!" his three horny friends snapped.

"I think...I'm in love with Gary," said Ash, looking extremely nervous and stressed out.

"Yeah, so?" asked Tracey.

"You mean...you're not going to reject me?" Ash asked, tears of joy and relief glittering in his eyes.

"Not for this," Misty muttered. "Can we go?"

"But...you don't care that I'm..." Ash swallowed nervously, "gay?"

"Ash, we're going to a strip club that's probably run by Team Rocket," said Misty. "It doesn't get much queerer than that."

Ash suddenly felt very disappointed. He'd been expecting his friends to be shocked and appalled, having quite conveniently forgotten that Misty had frequented the beds of Prima, Jesse, Cassidy, and god knew who else while Tracey's dream in life was to be Mrs. Oak. As for Brock, well, anyone with that high a sex drive had probably experimented a few times.

Ash came out of his reverie on the fact that everyone seemed completely unaffected by him outing himself and noticed that his friends were hauling ass in the direction of Triple-X Roquet, with Pikachu scampering after them. He sighed. Real friends would have been disgusted. Real friends would have made him burst into tears. It wasn't like his mother ever paid any attention to him--he deserved a moment in the sun, dammit! He sighed again and started trudging home.

"The blue haired one looks a little...crooked," said Brock.

"Brock, have you noticed anything else about the blue haired one?" Misty asked.

Tracey continued sketching furiously.