Disclaimer: What's war good for? Absolutely nothing. That's what I own.

Rating: Drag, mention of threesomes and bondage/humiliation(well duh!), but no one actually gets it on. PG-13. And not quite as racy as Dawson's Creek.

Other: This was written in about ten minutes because of a debate on the anyshippers mailing list that seemed to say that Twerpshipping and Palletshipping are mutually exclusive ships. Here's what I think of that.

Ash was upset. He didn’t know what to do, and for once his problem was greater than finding a random pokemon on the street or wondering if he should give away one of his pokemon so it could be happy. No, his problem was far worse than that.

Ash was in love with two people at once.

Well, since he was ten, “love” was probably two strong of a word. He liked two people at once. Like liked. And he had no idea what to do about it.

“What should I do, Pikachu?” he asked his small yellow companion.

Pikachu looked as if he was about to provide a helpful suggestion. Then he noticed the clock. “Pika-pika!” the rodent shrieked before running into the living room.

“Pikachu!” Ash shouted, running after him. “You have to give me advice!”

In the living room, Misty and Brockwere already seated on the couch. Pikachu leapt up onto the couch next to them. “Shh!” Misty snapped. “It’s almost time for Dawson’s Creek!”

Brock beamed at the screen. “I don’t know what Dawson’s problem is…” he said. “I would’ve gone out with Joey…and Jen…”

Ten minutes later, Ash was completely bored and wishing Pikachu could be pried away from the TV. “What’s the big deal anyway?” he asked.

Misty and Brock rolled their eyes. “Joey and Dawson are meant to be together, but they’re too stubborn to admit it,” Misty explained. “But now Joey has a thing for Pacey.”

It was then that Ash realized it: he was just like Joey. True, she was a girl and stuff, but she had a boy’s name. “What’s Joey going to do?” he asked.

Misty and Brock shrugged. “Go out with Pacey,” Misty replied.

“They could solve everything just by having a threesome,” said Brock. Misty elbowed him.

Then Ash got an idea. A wonderful idea. A slightly questionable idea. The budding pokemon master got a wonderful, slightly questionable idea. “That’s it!” he exclaimed.

“Shh!” snapped Misty and Brock. Pikachu thundershocked him.

Humming the theme song to himself, a wounded Ash happily marched over to Gary’s house. Now he knew how to solve his problem: a threesome! Threesomes solved everything! Well, that’s what Brock said, and Brock knew a lot about love. Even though he never seemed to be able to get a date. But he still knew a lot about love, dammit!

The next day…Misty looked at Ash’s smug statement. “You want to what?” she asked in a flat tone.

“Have a threesome!” Ash replied proudly. “Gary even told me what one was!”

Misty looked from Ash to Gary. “With Gary and his cheerleaders?” she asked.

“No, with me and Gary. Duh!” Ash rolled his eyes. “What would you want to do with Gary’s cheerleaders?”

There was a loud “smack” as Misty and Gary simultaneously hit their own foreheads in frustration. Misty sighed. She could handle the idea of one boy, but two? That was a bit excessive…still, Gary did know six beautiful and potentially available women…and Ash hadn’t looked too bad in drag that one time… “Fine,” said Misty.

“Yeah!” Ash cheered, leaping up into the air.

Misty and Gary exchanged a glance. “But I have a few conditions, Ashley…” Misty added. “Do you still have that orange dress?”

“Waughh! Misty! Not in front of Gary!” Ash hissed.

“Ash, you just asked him to have a threesome. He already knows you’re kinky…”

”Do I have to say it?” asked Ash, who did indeed still have the orange dress if not the blonde wig.

“Yes,” said Misty and Gary.

“In falsetto,” added Misty.

“Gary, Gary, he’s our man! If he can’t do it, no one can!” Ash shouted.

“Now, with the hand motions,” said Gary.

Ash sighed. He still didn’t understand how this humiliation and drag thing was supposed to work, but he was starting to realize that Team Rocket were very sick bastards…