Rating: PG-13, to be safe. There's language and...well, all will be explained. My mother wouldn't like it either.

Feel free to write angry letters to lovely_zelda@hotmail.com for any of the following: a)screwing up your favroite character b)not having J and J finally reveal their true feelings to each other and have a passionate moment c)Pikachu's make-over d)all of the above or e)other. Zelda likes letters, even nasty ones!

After another rough day of Pokémon battles and Team Rocket evasion, Ash, Misty, Brock, and Pikachu decided to stop for the night by a small pond. While Brock started making dinner, Misty surveyed the water, hoping to find a new Pokémon to add to her collection. Suddenly, something leapt into the air, then splashed back into the water.

"Maybe it's a new species!" Misty gasped excitedly. She grabbed her fishing rod and reached into her bag, hunting for an empty Pokéball. "Ohhh, I have to have one somewhere!" Misty frantically rummaged through the bag, tossing out everything that wasn't an empty Pokéball. When her bag was empty, she was struck with the unfortunate realization that there was only one thing to do. "Ash, do you have any extra Pokéballs?"

"Huh?" Ash looked up from another one of Brock's lectures on Pokémon care. Pikachu had fallen asleep in his lap. "Yeah, probably. My backpack's by that rock."

Despite Ash's unexpected generosity, Misty's first thought upon opening the bag was Ugh! Does he ever throw anything away? She gingerly reached in, hoping that her hand didn't come across anything slimy.

Pikachu shook himself awake and looked at Misty. He wanted to be with Ash, but Misty seemed to be doing something far more interesting. Without a second thought, the little electric mouse jumped off Ash's lap and scampered over to Misty. "Ka?" he asked.

"Do you know where Ash keeps his Pokéballs?" Misty asked in return.

Pikachu thought for a moment. "Pi-pika!" he exclaimed, diving head first into the bag. He returned with a photograph. "Chu," he said proudly, holding it out to her. Then something in it caught his eye and he looked at it more closely. "Pika!" he screamed in horror.

"What is it Pikachu?" Misty took the picture from him. Then she screamed.

Ash and Brock ran over. "What's the matter?" asked Brock.

"She probably just saw a bug or something," Ash laughed. "Well, Misty? Was it another big, bad caterpie?"

"Not quite," Misty said through clenched teeth, holding out the photograph. "Pikachu found this with your stuff!"

"Uhmm...how did that get in there?" asked Ash.

"Is that who I think it is?" asked Brock.

"Chu, pika-pi!" Pikachu added sternly.

"I think you kids are a bit young to be looking at things like this," Brock said, starting to take the picture from Misty. "I'd better just put it in a safe place..."

"Oh no you don't!" Misty snapped. "First I want to know where this came from!" She glared at Ash. Pikachu did the same, folding his little arms over his chest.

"Bill's PC," Ash said, grinning. "It's amazing what you can find there!"

"Really?" asked Brock, a fierce blush covering his face.

Meanwhile, hidden behind some nearby bushes, Team Rocket was ready to attack. "This is never going to work," Meowth muttered.

"Sure it is!" said James.

"How could a plan so brilliant fail?" asked Jesse. "After all, it was thought up by-"

"Team Rocket!" she and James shouted triumphantly.

"Yeah, like I haven't heard that before..." Meowth said under his breath.

"Besides," James continued, "it's simplicity itself! I put on this cheerleader's uniform and pretend that I'm hopelessly lost. Then-"

"Another dress?" asked Meowth. "Don't you think they've figured that out yet?"

"Figured what out?"

"That any deep voiced girl they meet in the middle of nowhere is you! Or possibly Jesse..."

James pouted. "The dress is a crucial part of the plan..."

"Actually, James, the crucial part of the plan is the part where we grab the rodent and keep it long enough to give it to the boss," Jesse snapped.

James thought about this for a moment. "But I'm the distraction!"

Meowth looked at Misty, Ash, and Brock. "I think that's already been taken care of."

"If I can't wear the cheerleading outfit, I refuse to say my half of the motto," James declared.

Jesse and Meowth exchanged a glance. The last Team Rocket seminar on the importance of sensitivity had mentioned supporting the hobbies of coworkers who are different. Sensitivity and all, Jesse and Meowth vowed to one day get to the bottom of the whole cross dressing thing. "All right, you can wear the stupid outfit," Meowth hissed. "But if this doesn't work, we're going to use one of my plans!"

"Of course it'll work," Jesse replied.

"We've planned for every possible problem," James added.

"I say you're both incurable perverts!" Misty snapped, still holding the picture just out of reach.

"Aww, c'mon Misty!" groaned Ash. "Let's just forget about it!"

"Not until you tell me where you got this from," Misty replied. "Pikachu, maybe you should see if there are naked pictures of any other Team Rocket members in there..."

Just then, a tall, blonde cheerleader stepped out from behind the bushes. "Oh, can someone help me?" she asked in what sounded like a deep falsetto. "I'm horribly lost and alone!"

"Wow..." said Brock. "It's my lucky day! Jesse in the nude and now this!"

"I just don't know if I can-" the cheerleader stopped mid faint. "What?!" "She" lunged and grabbed the photo from Misty. "Oooo hoo hoo!"

Though occaisionally slow on the uptake, Ash noticed that the cheerleader's voice had just dropped an octave. "Hey, wait a minute! You're from Team Rocket!"

"Prepare for trouble..."

"Oh no!" said Misty.

There was an awkward silence. Pikachu tugged on the hem of James' skirt, waiting for him to speak. Finally, a familiar New Yorker added, "Make it double!"

In a puff of smoke, Jesse and Meowth appeared. "To protect the-" She stopped when she saw James still in costume, staring at the infamous picture. "What are you doing?"

"What am I doing?" James asked. "I'm not the one posing for little boys!"

"Hey!" shouted Ash.

"What on earth are you talking about?" asked Jesse.

"Of course, we could make millions from this..."

"Millions?" Jesse was immediatly interested. She quickly sidled up to James.

Ignoring her, James turned to Ash. "I can tell you one thing, pest-you're not getting this back!"

"Getting what back?" asked Meowth, leaping up to snatch the photo.

"Hey!" James shouted. Meowth held up his claws. Scowling, James snatched the cat's head charm. "Now to buy the negatives and start planning Racy Rocket Magazine!"

"We'll be rich!" Jesse exclaimed. Team Rocket threw their arms around each other and began jumping up and down with glee.

"Wow, Jesse, I didn't know you had it in you!" Meowth exclaimed. "James, maybe..."

Misty buried her face in her hands. "I don't know any of you."

"We'll have millions! Unless you weren't planning to split the profits with me..." James quickly returned to full Rocket regalia and began looking suspiciously at Jesse.

"James, what are you talking about? I've never even seen this...flattering but highly accurate image of me," Jesse answered.

"All these years and you betray me with...unless this was a plot to get the Pikachu..."

"But I didn't take it!" Ash quickly protested.

"What do you mean, 'all these years'?" Jesse asked James, giving him a warning look.

Meowth reached up and felt his now naked head. "Ahh! My coin!" he screeched.

"I always assumed that if anyone were going to take pornographic pictures of you it would be me!" James whined. "Or, possibly Meowth..."

"I really don't want to be hearing this..." Ash said.

"Me neither," Brock agreed, "but I would like to get another look at that picture..."

"Well, it's your stupid fault we're hearing it, Ash!" Misty screamed at him.

"I don't think we ever had any serious discussions on the matter," Jesse said, a large drop of sweat sliding down her temple.

"Yeah, you'd break the lens!" Meowth laughed.

"Shut up, you!" Jesse snapped, stomping on his head.

"Oh, Jesse, don't hide your feelings any longer-I'm a stud, an irresistable stud, and you know it!" James said, grinning suavely. "I've seen it in your eyes...I'm your NidoKing of Love, and you just can't wait to feel my poison sting."

There was another painfully awkward silence. " 'NidoKing of Love'?" asked Ash.

Brock was hurriedly writing something on a piece of paper. " '... my poison sting.' Got it."

"Look, Mr. NidoKing," said Meowth, "give me back my coin or I'll rip yer face off!"

"Not unless you give me back the picture of my sweet Nidorina!" James answered Meowth.

Misty laughed. "Could you have picked an uglier Pokémon?"

Jesse was oddly silent. The urge to crawl into a hole and die hadn't been this strong since that one childhood incident...well, Cassidy was still mad about the fate of her hair...

Meowth and James quickly made their trade. "Ooo!" James exclaimed.

Holding his hands protectively over his coin, Meowth sat down next to Pikachu. "Pi chu pika pi?"

"I think this might actually be worse than the time I caught them in the balloon..." Meowth gave his sudden friend a warning look. "James told me he'd dropped a whole bag of coins about five miles down the road."

"Pi?"

"No, not really. It was just a dirty trick...thought up by a dirty mind!" Meowth shouted in the direction of the humans.

"Kachu?" Pikachu asked, wrinkling his nose.

While this was going on, very few things had been resolved by the humans.

"Hey, Misty, will you be my sweet rattata?"

"Stop it, Ash!" Misty squealed. "You're not funny!"

"And I'll be your cuddly diglett!" Ash snicked.

"That's it!" Jesse said to James. "I've had it with you!" She grabbed him by the collar and added in a lower voice, "I thought we agreed never to mention that in public!"

James struggled briefly, then added, "Oh yeah, well...where are you going to find another guy like me? Rich, handsome, incredibly intelligent..."

"How do you think I'd look in black?" Jesse asked sweetly.

"You tramp! And I didn't finish!"

Misty fixed her harshest scowl on Ash. "Not only did you wreck my bike, but you got me to follow you on this stupid trip! You're probably going to take pictures of me next!"

"I don't even want to see you with your clothes on, let alone off!" Ash replied, pulling down his lower eyelid. "And I didn't take that picture!"

"But Ash, if you didn't, who did?" Brock asked again.

Ash shrugged his shoulders and kicked up a small dust cloud. "That Todd kid must've taken it..."

"So why do you have it?"

"Uh...souvenier?" Ash asked.

James managed to escape from Jesse. He walked over to Ash and put his arm around the shoulders of the hopeful master. "I think it's time you learned about the facts of life," James began. "You're older now and perhaps you've started to notice some changes in yourself..." Ash was already squirming. "Maybe you're starting to be interested in girls...well, then, Ash, there's only one piece of advice I can give you-"

"Never give up?" asked Brock. "No matter how bad it looks?"

James solemnly shook his head. "No. My advice is...that women are the devil! Oh sure, they may look sweet and nice when they're trying to steal cute and beloved Pokémon, but lurking underneath that charm and beauty is a soul of pure evil! And not the good kind..." James paused in contemplation while Misty and Jesse glared at him. Ash had already started trying to gnaw his own arm off. "And after you've spent all this time on them, do you know what they do?"

"Walk all over you!" Brock shouted.

Ash looked heavenward. "What did I do to deserve this?"

Meowth and Pikachu finished their conversation and started taking an interest in James' facts of life statement.

"Women are nothing but pain..." James continued. "Now Growly...he was a noble companion!"

"Take it from me, kid, chicks always dig persians! Nothing but filthy persians!" Meowth contributed.

"Why can't a woman be more like a growlithe?" James asked.

"They're just so unpredictable!"

"And violent!"

Social relations went downhill from there. Soon two small camps had been set up, a temporary alliance emerging out of the current gender war.

"And then," Brock was saying, "There was this nurse in Lavender Town...I think her name was..."

"Joy?" Ash sarcastically supplied.

"Yeah, that was it! Man, was she pretty...I think she liked me, too..."

Meowth sighed. "When are we going to learn?" He looked over at Pikachu.

"What is it, Meowth?" James asked.

"We can send Pikachu over as our envoy!" Meowth said.

"Yeah!" Brock agreed.

"We'll tell 'em who's boss!"

"Yeah!" Brock and James chorused.

Ash rolled his eyes. "This is so dumb..."

Very close nearby, Jesse and Misty were having something of a heart to heart. "Do guys ever get any..." Misty paused, trying to find the right adjective.

"Only a little," Jesse sighed. "You wouldn't believe the stories I could tell about James when he was...that age."

Pikachu reluctantly walked up to the two girls, his tail dragging in the dirt. "Pika pi," he said sadly.

Misty pulled him onto her lap. "Oh, are they no fun, Pikachu? You can stay over here with us!"

In the dim light, the boys continued waiting. "Where's our manly envoy?" asked Brock.

"What's taking him so long?" James asked.

Meowth squinted ahead in the darkness. "Your stupid Jesse probably stole him!" Ash shouted.

"Hey, Jesse, you'd better not steal the pikachu without me!" James called.

"Let's make him beautiful!" Jesse suggested to Misty.

"Ooo, a Pokémon make-over!" Misty exclaimed. "This is going to be so much fun!"

"Pika?" Pikachu asked fearfully.

Brock reached into his pouch and pulled out a tray of traingular objects made of rice. "What are they doing?" he asked. "Donut?"

"Make-overs!" James squealed delightedly.

"I probably shouldn't be so worried about Pikachu," Ash muttered.

"Will you calm down and help me think?" Meowth hissed at James. "You have to suck up to Jesse so we can get the pikachu!"

"As much as I love Joy's innocent, helpful demeanor, there've been some great looking gym leaders out there," Brock said. "Like Erika, mistress of plant Pokémon..."

"She smelled terrible!" Ash said, glaring at nothing in particular. "And all that perfume...I couldn't breathe!"

"I just wish I knew how to talk to pretty girls," Brock added, thoughtfully chewing on his donut. "Oh, who am I kidding? I'm never going to get lucky!" Brock began sobbing in despair.

"Oh, it's easy!" James said. "Just follow the patented Team Rocket Babe Magnet Method!"

"How do I do that?" Brock asked as Ash rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile..."Well," Misty said, blushing as she brushed Pikachu's fur, "I've always thought Professor Oak was kind of hot." Both girls giggled.

"Don't tell anyone this, but...I've always had a crush on Butch," Jesse admitted, giving Pikachu's blush the finishing touches.

"You mean....urrrrghhh?" Misty asked, doing an excellent imitation of a smoker's voice.

"That did sort of put a damper on things..." Jesse muttered. "Do you see my mascara anywhere?" Misty shook her head. "It looks like someone borrowed my mascara and didn't bother to return it," Jesse said in a loud and obvious voice directed in the general direction of James. The tube in question quickly flew over. Jesse caught it and began working on Pikachu's eyes.

"You share make-up?" Misty asked, wrinkling her nose.

"It's not like we have a nice gym job where we can take all the time we want and still get decent pay," Jesse answered. "All we have is minimum wage and unpaid overtime!"

"How awful," Misty said sympathetically. She tied a bow around one of Pikachu's ears.

"And not only are these stupid uniforms white, they're dry clean only!" She looked up from her work on Pikachu. "Have you ever tried to get a sludge stain out?" Misty's expression darkened ominously. "Sorry...I forgot. Anyway, James had to choose between eating and dressing so...he wore one of my extra uniforms until we could convince Meowth to use pay day a few times."

It didn't take much imagination for Misty to picture James in the female Team Rocket uniform. "What is the deal with that whole...umm...thing?"

"So what's the patented Team Rocket Babe Magnent technique?" Brock was asking.

"Patented Team Rocket Babe Magnent Method," Meowth corrected him. Under his breath he asked James, "Is this real?"

"Will it really help me get Joy?" Brock asked.

"Of course!" James said confidantly. "She works at the Pokémon Center, right?" Brock nodded. "All you have to do is get a job there."

"So we'll have shared interests and something to talk about?"

"Not exactly. Now what would you do if a large, menacing pokémon entered?"

"Hmmm..." Brock thought carefully. "Find out what the problem is in a calm and rational manner?"

James and Meowth looked at each other and laughed. "Why be calm and rational when you can panic?" said Meowth.

"It works every time!" James added enthusiastically. "With a little practice, any emotional moment becomes touchy-feely!"

"Plus you get added sensitivity points!" Meowth concluded with a wink.

"Yeah!" Brock exclaimed. "I'm going to work at the next Pokémon center!"

"But, Brock, it's your dream to be a Pokémon breeder!" Ash said.

"Would that work?" Brock asked.

Before James or Meowth could answer, Pikachu returned, fully decked out. "Did you tell them?" Meowth asked him.

"Pika pika."

"Uh-huh..."

"Pi...kachu."

"What?!"

Brock and James leaned forward anxiously. "Well? What'd he say?" asked Brock.

"They brushed his fur and made him feel pretty," Meowth answered bitterly.

"Chu!" Pikachu happily agreed.

"Ash, you obviously haven't trained your Pokémon very well..." Brock scolded.

"I trained Pikachu to fight...not to yell at girls!" Ash protested. "Pikachu, thundershock!" he ordered, pointing towards Jesse and Misty.

"Ka," Pikachu said, shaking his head.

At the sound of more laughter, Pikachu found himself being pushed back towards the female camp.

"...but that's not the real reason why they called him 'Little Jim,' " Jesse was saying as Pikachu curled up in Misty's lap again.

"Wait," Misty said. "I've got better than that..."

Pikachu finally returned, this time giggling to himself. "Pika pika, ka pika, chu," he said to Meowth. "Pi chu, piiikaachuu!" he finally laughed.

"Meowth! I remember that one!" Meowth laughed. "What else did they tell you?"

"Kachu...pika pi!"

Ash was suddenly blushing. "Pikachu!"

"Kachu," Pikachu said with a shrug. Then he continued his report.

"There has to be a better way to do this..." Brock said.

"And a less humiliating one," James added, noticing that Meowth kept looking at him and laughing.

"You could apologize," Ash suggested. Then maybe I can get some sleep and start training again tomorrow...

"Truth," Jesse said.

"All right...how did Ekans evolve if it never wins any battles?"

"Rare candy. James and I have been stealing it from the Team Rocket break room for years."

"The break room? What happens when people eat it?"

"I haven't the slightest idea."

"...and you know why I was rejected that time?" Meowth asked. James yawned. Ash idly tossed a pokéball in the air and caught it.

"Can't you just evolve into Persian?" Brock asked.

"I've got some rare candy you can have!" James offered.

"There's nothing wrong with me the way I am!" Meowth screamed, scratching both of them.

"Why?" Ash asked himself, feeling depression start to set in. "I think I liked Team Rocket better when I had to fight them..."

"Dare," Misty said.

Togepi waved his arms. "Gepi!" he cooed supportively.

"I dare you to steal that little twerp's hat," Jesse said, an evil glint in her eyes.

Misty giggled. "I'll be back soon," she said.

"Fight me!" Ash cried, tightly clutching a pokéball.

Brock popped a piece of James' rare candy into his mouth. "Other than cheap thrills, does the Team Rocket Babe Magnent Method really work?"

"Umm...what do you mean?" James asked.

"Will it make Joy actually respect and care for me, or will she just think I'm a cross dressing wuss?"

"What are you implying?" James asked, clenching one of his fists.

Ash was just about to scream another challenge when he noticed that something was wrong. "Who took my hat?!"

"Why do you always choose truth?" Misty asked, starting to feel aggravated. She placed Ash's hat over Togepi, who chirped happily.

"Just ask the stupid question!"

This is way too tame, Misty said to herself. I've got to find a way to liven this up...Inspiration struck her. "What's really going on with you and James?"

Jesse blushed and laughed awkwardly. "What...do you mean?"

"You know what I mean..."

Brock took another piece of rare candy. "You sure this isn't toxic for people?"

"Oh no," James said sweetly, holding out a large handful. "Here, have some more..." While Brock was thus engaged, James leaned over to talk to Meowth in semi-privacy. "Do you think I'm a cross-dressing wuss?"

"No, I'm not that generous..." Meowth said, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, my manhood is being questioned!"

"Again?"

"...and after the bicycle gang, we decided to join Team Rocket where we both still work today," Jesse concluded, grinning broadly.

"That's not what I meant," Misty said dryly.

"What else could there be?"

"What about all the hugging?"

"We're just....easily scared." Jesse, trying to maintain her dignity, lifted her chin proudly.

"The clothes sharing?"

"Having a part--er, team member is a lot like having a roommate. Maybe when you're-"

"The hand holding?"

Jesse's face turned bright red. "I...I don't know what you're talking about."

Misty folded her arms across her chest. "In the cave with the prehistoric Pokémon! We all saw you."

"Is it too late to choose dare?"

"You know, you make a very attractive woman," said Brock, looking blearily at James.

"Thank you!" James replied. Then he turned back to Meowth. "Likes me or like likes me?"

"I don't know!" Meowth snapped. "I only had time to read one page!"

James gasped. "You read her diary?"

"You haven't?"

"Well..." James blushed slightly. "Just the stuff she wrote after the Pretty Girl and Disguised Pokémon Contest."

"I don't remember that..."

Brock ran his fingers through his hair. "Why don't we go somewhere?"

James moved away from him. "Is that your hand?"

"Maybe you should've saved that candy for that nurse of yours," Meowth muttered. "Hmmm...that gives me an idea..."

"I should never have left Pallet town..." Ash groaned.

"Jesse, I could use your help!" James called.

"Well, I'd love to, James, except it turns out I'm the devil!" Jesse called back.

"You tell him, Jesse!" Misty cheered. In a lower voice she added, "Now get over there and do it!"

"I didn't mean it literally," James whined.

"Maybe if I were more like a growlithe..." Jesse added. Turning to Misty she added, "Do I have to?"

James jumped to his feet, removing Brock's hand from his leg in the process. "Just remember that I'm the brains and beauty of Team Rocket!"

"Not this again!" sighed Meowth.

"Ha! I'm the one with the adoring fans!" Jesse replied. She stomped over to where James was standing. Misty cautiously followed.

"Does he count?" asked James, looking disdainfully at Ash.

"I do so!" Ash said. "And I'm not your 'adoring fan!' "

"Look, you're both special in your own ways..." Meowth said diplomatically. "It's hard to say which one of you screws up the most, or makes a fool of themself the most, or..."

"There's only one way to settle this," James said, pulling out a pokéball. "Wheezing, go!"

Wheezing emerged, hovering in front of Jesse. "Wheezing!" it gasped.

Jesse pulled out her own Pokéball. "Go, Arbok!"

"Wheezing, tackle!"

"Arbok, bind!"

Ash, Misty, and even Brock's eyes widened. "Wow," Misty said. "I didn't know that was possible..."

"Wait'll I tell Professor Oak about this!" Ash exclaimed.

Arbok and Wheezing had hit each other at the same time. Both were now lying unconscious on the ground. "Just when I thought they couldn't be more pathetic!" Meowth laughed.

"Well, it looks like there's only one way to settle this," James said.

Jesse nodded. "Prepare for trouble!"

"Make it..." James started to reply out of habit, then swore violently.

Ignoring the motto for once, Jesse and James retrieved their Pokémon and went right into the slapfight.

"Ooops," Misty said. "Maybe we should leave..."

"No way!" Ash replied. "I want to see how this turns out!"

"A hundred yen says Jesse wins!" Meowth declared.

"You're on!" Brock said, taking out his wallet.

"I'm with Meowth," Misty chimed in.

"Pi chu!" Pikachu added, giving Meowth a piece of money that he'd just stolen from Ash's wallet.

Amid the flurry of limp wristed hands, Jesse whispered to James, "What exactly is this about again?"

"You're mad at me because I obliquely referred to you as the devil and I'm mad at you because you've been posing naked for 10 year olds." James flinched as a flailing hand came a bit too close to his face. "And because you have emotional constipation."

"What?!" Jesse's eyes narrowed. "The twerp already told you that he didn't take that picture...wherever it is now..." She raised an eyebrow at a nervous laugh from James. "And I'm not the only one on this team with emotional constipation, Mr. Fear of Commitment!"

Pikachu and Meowth could hear the mumbled conversation much better than the surrounding humans. "Piiiikaaachu!" Pikachu laughed. Ash's brow furrowed. His favorite Pokémon seemed to have a vicious little mind underneath.

"Is meaness contagious?" he asked Brock.

Misty sighed. "I hope stupidity isn't."

"What makes you think I'm the one with a fear of commitment?" James asked. His hands were starting to ache.

"You're the one with a fiancée!" Jesse felt another attack of Repetetive Stress Syndrome coming on. "In another town...who you never plan to see again..." Thank God.

"That doesn't count!" A rose appeared in James' hand. He threw it at Jesse, who batted it away with one of her paper fans.

"Wooo-hooo!" Brock cheered, still a bit whacked out on rare candy. "Slaughter her, James!"

James threw another rose which Jesse easily dodged. "I think Meowth's trying to make money off of us," he said.

Jesse snorted. "Not very much..."

"Still, we can't accept an insult like this,"

"Especially not from that little freak."

Ash continued to look skeptically at Pikachu. The Pokémon had made no attempt remove either the lipstick, blush, eye make-up, or nail polish. Well, maybe Pikachu wasn't wearing blush. It was hard to tell. But he was definately wearing the rest. Wild theories began to spin in Ash's mind. What if Pikachu had spent too much time around James? Ash then remembered how he'd gotten into the Celadon City Gym. What if he'd been a bad influence on Pikachu too?

Jesse and James looked at Meowth in unison, then back at each other. Jesse nodded. James pulled out a fresh rose. "Prepare for trouble," Jesse anounced.

"Make it double," James added.

"Aughhh!" Ash screamed, clutching his head in his hands. "Now what did I do?"

"To protect the world from devastation,"

"To unite all peoples within our nation,"

"To denounce the evils of truth and love,"

Misty snickered.

"To extend our reach to the stars above,"

"Jesse!"

"James!" They both moved closed to Meowth.

"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

"Me-oof!" Meowth suddenly found himself being roughly stomped on. "Fight them! Not me!"

Once Meowth had been effectively dealt with, James took Jesse's hand and began pulling her away from the general crowd. "Jessica, I think we need to talk."

Ash, Misty, and Brock looked at the bruised Meowth. "So...umm...who won?" Meowth reluctantly returned the money he had collected.

"I think it's a draw," he said sadly, thinking of the money he could have made. True, it was a piddly amount, but it was hard to get cash when one was with trainers who couldn't even win a battle against each other.

"Oh well," Misty sighed. "It would've been hard to divide Brock's hundred among the three of us anyway..."

Meowth watched his team members leave and rubbed his hands together with glee. There was going to be some good diary reading tonight!

Ash looked hopefully at Brock and Misty. "Don't you think we should get going now?"

Brock looked at his watch. "Yikes!"

"C'mon!" Ash whined. "I've got another Gym Leader to fight tomorrow!"

"Ash, it already is tomorrow..."

"What?" Ash screamed. "You mean we just wasted...umm.."

"Three."

"...three hours here so you could whine about girls to Team Rocket!"

"I had fun," Misty said, yawning and stretching. Pikachu nodded.

Ash began thinking very dark and nasty thoughts, thoughts involving Misty, a large amount of cement, and the term "sleeping with the goldeens." Hopefully Misty hadn't gotten any stupid girly attachments and hopefully Brock would forget all that male bonding junk. He looked at Pikachu, still nicely accessorized.

"Chu!" Pikachu called to Meowth, waving as the cat Pokémon dragged Team Rocket's stuff off in the direction Jesse and James had gone. He then smiled at Ash. "Pika!"

Ash shuddered. Visions of the Salon Roquet motto and Ekans in a dress danced in his mind. "Brock, do Pokémon have short memories?"

As Meowth dragged the equipment through the darkness, he tried to prepare himself for the confrontation. They probably weren't talking about anything conducive to his health. It would probably require the standard procedure of getting out an ice pack and waiting for James to wake up combined with the especially important task of avoiding Jesse. He sighed. Unless they'd simply decided not to speak to each other after a brief relay of insults, obscenities, and hair pulling. Nothing was worse than having to walk two feet from James to tell Jesse to pass "the freaking donuts, you psychotic bimbo." If he relayed the messages with true accuracy, Jesse tended to swat them both. If he...edited it a little, James would stomp on him after Jesse had whacked James. Then there was the situation that required a crowbar...Meowth was completely supportive of romantic relationships. The only problem was that the one in question spent half the time in denial and the rest of the time making up for lost time. Meowth was understandably relieved when he heard laughter up ahead.

James had tried to take advantage of the situation. He'd tried to discuss the topics brought up by their slapfight. Then Jesse had told him about the letters Ash wrote home to his mother as well as the ones he wrote and threw away about Gary's sister. One thing naturally led to another.

"So I told him about the Team Rocket Babe Magnent Method," he said. He and Jesse burst into another fit of giggles.

"Do we actually have one?" Jesse asked.

"No, I just made it up!"

"Yeah, that was a good one," Meowth agreeed, sitting between them. "Especially when Brock called you a cross dressing wuss."

Jesse bit back a laugh. "What is the...method?" Meowth snickered.

James started blushing. "It...wasn't that great..."

"No, I want to hear this," Jesse said.

"I thought it was an excellent method," Meowth added, smiling at James. "I'm thinking of trying it out myself."

Being unable to blush any brighter, the nervous reflexes area of James' brain had caused him to start laughing nervously. "I think it might be too much of a...guy thing."

Meowth coughed. It sounded a good deal like "wuss."

"Well..." Jesse said, deciding to compromise now and weasel it out of him later, "what did Brock say?"

"He asked if it'd make Nurse Joy actually care about him or if she'd just think he's a..." James froze. "An insensitive jerk," he finished weakly.

"He's lyin'," Meowth said. "Trying to protect his secrets," he added, nudging James and winking.

"Oh," Jesse said, her voice suddenly cold. "How effective is it?"

Meowth thought for a moment. "He's good at the cheap thrills part, but as for the caring and respect...I think he might still be in cro--insensitive jerk territory."

"Meowth, my favorite Pokémon," Jesse said sweetly before grabbing him by the shoulders and spitting in his face, "I want names! I mean, why don't you tell me more about this interesting topic."

"Don't get so excited," Meowth told her. James opened his mouth, half willing to tell Jesse and get it over with. "It's only worked once," the cat added, turning to wink at James.

There is no way in hell James thought as Jesse's ice cold blue eyes narrowed in on him, demanding information. No way in hell...

Suddenly there was a flash of lightning, followed by an especially loud burst of thunder. Meowth was barely able to get out of the way in time. "W-what was that?" James said, clinging especially tightly to Jesse.

"I don't know..."Jesse said, doing the exact same thing. "M-maybe we should get out of here..."

"It's called the wheather," Meowth said harshly. "Now help me set up the tent."

Hunched over a piece of paper with a flashlight in his mouth, Ash looked carefully at his friends. They were already asleep. Ash breathed a sigh of relief. Brock might let him get away with this, but Misty...After a final check for personal safety reasons, Ash began writing.

"Dear Todd,

I hope you've been doing okay. Thanks for that picture of Jesse you gave me. I don't know how you got it, but wow! Is there any way you could send me a reprint? We had another run-in with Team Rocket tonight, but instead of stealing my Pikachu, they took my picture instead! If you can get a reprint, just send it to me via PC.

Thanks a bunch,

your friend Ash"

Ash quickly stuffed the letter into an envelope and sealed it. Gary might have more badges, more friends, and more Pokémon, but Ash had one thing Gary could never have-nekkid pictures of women! On second thought, Gary probably had two such pictures. Ash sighed. It wasn't fair at all. "Stupid Gary," he muttered.

"Who?" mumbled Misty, shifting slightly in her sleeping bag.

"My rival!" Ash said. No response. "The one thing that stands in my way between being the best Pokémon master ever!"

"Oh. Though that was Team Rocket."

"No, they suck! Gary's been my rival since...forever!"

"Maybe you two should form a team."

Ash gritted his teeth. "It was close, but I learned how to ride a bike a day and a half before he did! Ah ha ha ha!"

A tired Pikachu opened his eyes. "Chuuuu!" he spat, thundershocking Ash into silence.

Once the tent was set up, Meowth decided to hike back to the pond for some water. Even rain was better than being in an enclosed area with Jesse and James when there were repeated loud noises outside.

James was lying on his sleeping bag, staring at the spoils of the day. It wasn't the pikachu, but maybe the boss would accept it as a small token of esteem. But only if he could afford to make copies. And only if Giovanni was extremely peeved. James giggled like a schoolgirl(it was a hard habit to break). He was definately going to have to pay more attention during the costume changes.

Jesse finished brushing her hair and looked over at James. He was looking at a small item, almost like a photograph. Remembering that a certain item had been left in James' possession, she blushed and leaned over his shoulder. "What's that?"

"Er...nothing!" James practically shrieked, quickly stuffing the picture into his pocket.

"Will you tell me the famous Team Rocket Babe Magnent Method now?" she asked.

He sat up and moved to face her, deciding that he might as well tell her the truth. "First you work closely with the...female in question...and then...umm..." He found himself blushing again. "Flowers," he lied.

"Flowers," Jesse repeated, feeling deeply disapointed. "And just who is the one person you've been sucessful with?"

This was infinately worse. "I...haven't really been...successful," he said. "And there's another part to the method." An eerie howl came from outside, and James suddenly found himself with visual aids for his technique. "I'm really tired," he said once the threat was gone. "I'll-" he yawned overdramatically, "-tell you tomorrow." He quickly slid into his sleeping bag, carefully keeping his back to Jesse.

Jesse scowled. For some reason, James was a terrible liar when he wasn't wearing a skirt. Well, if she couldn't drag it out of him, it was only a matter of time before Meowth told her everything or James' journal did. Not that she read it on a regular basis, just when she knew James was hiding something. She was just about to climb into her sleeping bag when she saw something on her pillow. It was a single red rose. Jesse looked over at James. He was definately hiding something. She smiled in his direction anyways, promising herself she'd slap him in the morning. As she put her head on her pillow, she felt something hard. Jesse pulled out a small tape recorder and pushed play. She held it against her ear, then rewound to something that caught her attention and turned the volume up.

"With a little practice, any moment can be touchy-feely!"

James suddenly found himself wide awake and very frightened.

Jesse pushed the stop button and contemplated the other side of the tent briefly. She should probably give him hell for this. Of course, that might make him stop...

Smiling, she moved towards him on her elbows. "James?" she whispered. "Are you asleep?"

Years of knowing Jesse had given James what was probably his most valuable job skill: playing possum. He remained perfectly still, waiting for her to slap, strangle, or scream at him. He was naturally stunned when she kissed his hair. Thinking he was in the clear, he closed his eyes and started to drift off.

Jesse moved back onto her own sleeping bag. "Oh, and James?" she added sweetly.

"Yes?" he accidentally replied.

"You're a dead man when I wake up," she threatened, but her heart wasn't in it. She sniffed the rose and took one final look at James in the darkness.

Feeling her eyes on him, he smiled. Love you too, Jess.

As we leave our heros and Team Rocket, questions still remain unanswered. Is Ash finally starting to notice girls? What does this mean about his obvious and predictable relationship with Misty? How did Todd take that picture anyways? How did Meowth hide a tape recorder on himself? And does anyone give a rattata's ___ about Gary anymore?

All this will be revealed(or conviniently forgotten)in the next exciting episode of Pokémon!

To be continued... Back