Disclaimer: Lovely Zelda Enterprises has finally acquired Hitmonchan, the punching pokémon! Now we have a complete set of fighting fiends!

Rating: PG-13. And unlike some of the others, this one actually has a reason(other than language)for being “untranslated.” Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…the Dance of Shame!

Other: Do I still count as a Rocketshipper? I mean, I believe that on the show J+J are a couple(look, in these they’re only playing sex games while refusing to admit to liking each other because those two things are equally funny…)but there’s been a lot of verbal abuse in these lately…(Zelda can be verbally abused at lovely_zelda@hotmail.com) But I think the end of this story might make up for that… ~_^ Oh, and Henry Starr is another real outlaw from the Wild West too!

It was a big day for Team Rocket, the sort of day that only came once every two months: laundry day. Jesse and James had dressed for the occasion. They were both wearing jeans with assorted rips and holes and souvenier T-shirts. Meowth was in charge of the current activity. "Are you sure da machines dere only take quarters?" he asked.

"Positive," said Jesse as she looked under the couch. "Now shut up and keep looking!"

"You're just mad because somebody went ta Neon Town and all you got was that lousy T-shirt," said Meowth.

"We have six quarters so far," said James.

"Which means we can do a load and a half of wash," said Jesse, sighing.

"I thought your uniforms were dry clean only," said Meowth.

"Laundromat's funnier than the dry cleaners." Jesse backed out from under the couch. "Two dimes and a candy bar wrapper," she said.

"We probably should've done this sooner," said James. "We've been wearing these awful outfits for the past three days!"

Jesse sighed. "Maybe we should just buy new clothes," she suggested.

James shuddered. He had a whole list of excrutiatingly painful things he would rather do than go shopping with Jesse. "We have to have some more quarters somewhere!" he said.

Just then, the phone rang in its disgustingly perky way. "You still haven't washed your clothes?" asked Giovanni as Team Rocket turned on the video phone.

Jesse and James blushed. "Don't we have Casual Fridays?" asked Jesse.

"Yes. But it's Tuesday."

"Casual Friday is a day that can be enjoyed all week long!" said James, smiling pathetically.

Giovanni sighed. "Just find something presentable. You're going to today's Team Rocket empowerment seminar."

"But Boss--" began Jesse.

"Not you!" snapped Giovanni. "I was talking to your partner. You will be doing your laundry, because if I hear one more report of you two trying to steal pokémon while dressed like that..."

"What about da Pikachu?" asked Meowth.

"I'm sending Clay and Allison to do that," said Giovanni.

"Who?" asked Jesse, James, and Meowth.

"I'm sure you've met Allison. Terrible taste in jewelry, hair that's perpendicular to her body, turned you in for stealing from the petty cash box..."

"That was Butch and Cassidy, sir," said Jesse.

"They're bad seeds," added James.

Giovanni looked closely at his least favorite failures. "Looks a bit like you two, actually. Well, more like a combination of you two. Thank god she doesn't act like you," he muttered. His persian laughed.

Ash sat up and stretched. "What a beautiful morning!" he sighed. "I'm sure it'll be even better by noon," he added, lying back down and starting to go back to sleep. He suddenly felt something bouncing up and down on his head. "Pikachu, quit it," he mumbled. "I need at least twelve hours of sleep..."

"Briii!" squealed Togepi, continuing to jump.

"That's it, Togepi," said Misty from the doorway. "He has to get up some time."

"Misty, I'm trying to visualize beating the Pokémon League."

"Prepare to visualize some trouble..."

"And make it double!"

Ash jerked awake, leaping to his feet. "Team Rocket!" he gasped. "What're...hey, who are you?" he asked, looking at an unfamiliar purple haired girl and orange haired man in their new grey uniforms.

"Clay!"

"Allison! We're here for the pikachu," said Allison, pulling out a small object.

"I'm not afraid of your stupid bombs!" said Ash. "You'll just end up blowing yourselves up!"

Clay and Allison smiled. "Oh, it's far worse than that," said Clay. Allison pushed the button. Music started playing.

"This," said Allison, "is a blend of the five worst songs of all time. Mmm-Bop combined with Ice, Ice Baby,"

"Combined with Hangin' Tough by New Kids on the Block," added Clay.

"Combined with Mambo #5 and Lucky Lucky," finished Allison.

Ash and Misty covered their ears. "It's so...awful!" wailed Misty.

"Too...much...crap..." said Ash, cringing in pain.

"How can you stand to listen to this?" asked Misty.

"Kaaa," whimpered Pikachu.

Clay and Allison laughed at them again. "Check out my hook while the DJ revolves it," said Clay as Allison shot a grappling hook at Pikachu.

"Piiikaaachuu!" screamed Pikachu, thunder-shocking everyone in the room.

James found himself sitting in a Team Rocket lounge with Butch and Mondo. He'd managed to find a uniform that didn't smell too bad to wear. "So..." he said. "What're we supposed to be doing?"

"I don't know," said Butch. "But the Boss left us cigars, playing cards, poker chips, and a whole stack of dirty magazines."

"I think we should go around the room and say who we are and why we're here," suggested Mondo.

"Hello, my name is James," said James.

"Hi, James," said Butch and Mondo.

"And I'm here because the Boss made me come."

"I'm Butch, and ditto."

"We should be trying to steal Pikachu ourselves," said Jesse as she tried to cram two months worth of clothing into one washing machine.

"I think we should be tryin' to find out who these Clay and Allison people really are and why dey've started showing up so much," said Meowth.

"They were the ones who kidnapped us, right?" asked Jesse. She was sitting on the washing machine lid, trying to force it down. Meowth nodded. "Wouldn't it be great if the three of us captured Pikachu instead of them?"

"You know what would be even better, Jesse?"

"What?"

"If dere were three of us here."

"Oh, that's right," said Jesse, laughing nervously.

Meowth looked at her suspiciously. "You're not going to go all freaky again, are you?" he asked.

"Good work, Pikachu," gasped Ash. He was lying on the floor, mildly singed. "But next time, try to just get Team Rocket."

"Nnnghhh..." said Misty.

"Briiii!" whined Togepi.

"You might have destroyed our secret weapon," said Allison, "but no one can withstand the force of our pop culture pain! And now," said Allison with a dramatic gesture, "for your listening pleasure, my partner and I shall perform the greatest hits of Rodgers and Hammerstein."

Misty and Ash looked at each other in confusion. "How is that going to get Pikachu?" asked Misty.

"I don't know," said Ash. "But I'm starting to wish we had a hole to fall into..."

"At least it's better than the 'Winners Don't Have Impure Thoughts About Their Partners' seminar," said Butch, lying on one of the couches and staring at the ceiling.

"Nnn." James pouted. That seminar didn't bring back many fond memories.

"How do you think the Boss got all those pictures of you and Jesse?" asked Mondo.

"There's a logical explanation for all of them!"

"So what's da plan?" asked Meowth.

"It's my best one yet," said Jesse. "We're going to steal Pikachu."

After a long silence, Meowth finally asked, "And?"

Jesse looked at him. "And what?"

"We need to know how we're going to do it."

"Oh." Jesse started rubbing her temples. "Why is this so hard?" she asked. She closed her eyes, trying to focus on the normal plan procedure. Start brainstorming, James says something stupid, whack James upside the head...come up with plan. Jesse bit her lip. Maybe it was the detergent smell that was affecting her mind.

"Oklahohhh-ma! Oklahoma, O-K-L-A-H-O-M--"

"Hold on a second, hon," said Clay. "My beeper's going off." He looked at the message. "Oh, dammit! I've got to go back to headquarters," he said. "Think you can take care of this?"

"Of course," laughed Allison.

"Umm...you haven't quite broken my spirit," said Ash. "In fact, you haven't even squished it."

"You two have such lovely singing voices," added Misty.

"Why thank you!" said Clay.

Ash looked at Allison. There was something odd about her that he couldn't seem to put his finger on...

“Now,” said Allison, “I will perform my one man rendition of the film The Viridian Ghastly Project.”

"All right, what about this one?" asked Butch, pointing to a picture from the movie shoot where Jesse was pushing James’ face away while he was basically straddling one of her legs. It was one of many pictures that looked bad at the time, and even worse out of context.

"That wasn't even in the seminar!" said James.

"So what? Let's hear it."

Before James could answer, Clay entered. "Hello, boys," he called. "Are we empowered yet?"

Butch and Mondo shook their heads. "We're making James explain these compromising pictures of him and Jesse," said Mondo, smiling with malicious childhood innocence.

"Ooo, gossip," said Clay, looking down at the pictures. "Yikes..."

"We were about to be maimed by...something," said James. "Something very large and probably fatal."

"I've got it!" said Jesse. "We'll use this box of detergent and," There was another awkward silence. "Why aren't you finishing my sentence?" she snapped at Meowth.

"Because I have no idea how a box of detergent relates to pikachu catching," said Meowth.

Jesse rolled her eyes. "Meowth, it's pure genius!"

He waited for her to explain why. Finally, he gave up and asked, "What's the matter? Missing the other half of your numb skull?"

Jesse kicked him into a dryer(fortunately closed). "I can think up a wonderful plan all by myself," she said haughtily. "I just happen to have a mild case of plotter's block."

Misty stood up, clapping. Allison bowed.

That was when Ash noticed the strand of hair that hung in her face. "I've got it!" he said. "You're Jesse and James' daughter from the future!"

Mitsy and Pikachu stared at him. "What?" asked Misty.

"Look at her, Misty!" said Ash. "She's got hair like her mother's, only lamer--"

"Ash, you don't inherit a crummy hair style," said Misty. "You waste two hours of your morning on it."

"Three," said Allison.

"And she's got that little piece that always hangs down like James," Ash continued. "In the distant future, Crystal Viridian City probably comes under attack by the nega-rocket, forcing the rulers of Crystal Viridian City to send their daughter here where Team Rocket can look after her!"

"’Crystal Viridian City?’" asked Misty.

"Unless," Ash said, slowly nodding his head, "James fell into a cursed spring and now turns into a girl every time he's splashed with cold water..."

"You'll have to excuse him," said Misty. "We think he's gone insane. The pressure of training for the Pokémon League and all."

The good old boys of Team Rocket had given up on photographic analysis and had turned to the ever popular gentlemen's activity of strip poker. "This would probably be a lot better if there were chicks here," said Butch, reluctantly taking off his jacket.

"Not necessarily," said Clay who was cheating like there was no tomorrow.

James sighed as he looked down at his cards. Even Jesse didn't deal him cards that bad...

Beside him, Butch seemed to be having similar thoughts, only about Cassidy instead of Jesse, of course.

Mondo, however, was happy as can be. He'd been losing, but he hadn't been taking a hit in the clothing department the way James and Butch had. In fact, he was still fully clothed...

"Anything yet?" asked Meowth.

Jesse shook her head. "Unless...we can break into Team Rocket's Genetic Experimentation lab, splice our DNA with that of..." she noticed Meowth's look. "What?"

"We don't have anything like dat. We steal pokémon for fun and profit."

Jesse bit her lip. "All right...I fake my own death and--"

"Hope Pikachu comes to your funeral? Ha!"

Jesse crossed her arms. "How do you know he wouldn't?" she asked.

Meowth sighed. "All right, fine. We fake your death, and Pikachu, so overcome with grief dat no one'll be able to try to steal him anymore, throws himself into your coffin, screaming, 'Pika pika' in pure anguish."

Jesse nodded, smiling at him. "Exactly! Now...how should we do this?"

Allison and Misty were now giving Ash a look generally reserved for drunken mental patients. "Crystal Viridian City?" Misty repeated. "Ash, have you been skipping a lot of meals again?"

Ash's eyes were now wobbly. "You see, Misty, in the future, the Viridian Kingdom will be revived here on earth and the Rocket Scouts will protect us all...until the evil nega-rocket comes and tries to...do something bad. Then, to protect her, Princess Jessinidy and Prince Jamesian sent her to the past." Ash looked at Allison. "Don't worry! Misty and Pikachu and I will help you find the dragon balls so you can go home!"

Allison sighed and turned to Misty. "You know," she said. "Jesse and James used to be a lot better at stealing pokémon..."

Misty shrugged. "Never underestimate the power of a raving lunatic," she said.

"New rule," said Clay. "Anyone who gets sent out of the game now has to do the Dance of Shame on top of that couch."

James and Butch looked at the couch, then down at their scantily clad selves. "What's the Dance of Shame?" asked James.

Clay thought for a moment. "Like a touchdown dance," he said. "Only you'll be completely naked."

"Jesse ever make you do the Dance of Shame?" Butch whispered to James.

"No. Cassidy ever make you do it?"

Butch shook his head. "At least...she didn't call it the Dance of Shame..."

"I like poker!" Mondo announced. "I'm practically winning!"

"It is a fun game, isn't it?" asked Clay, looking directly at James and Butch.

Jesse was looking around the laundromat for something to fake her own death with. "How about the soda machine?" she asked.

Meowth sighed. "Jesse, of all your bad plans, this one has to be the worst. Maybe we should just wait for James and--"

"Why?" asked Jesse, her eyes flashing with anger. "You think I need a man to help me think up a good plan?"

"No, I think you need James..."

Jesse threw a filth stinking laundry bag at him. "Aren't I the one who comes up with the plans?" she yelled at him.

"Yes." Meowth ducked, waiting for something else to be thrown. "But dey usually have a shred of realism to dem..."

"Fine. We'll go to America..."

Meowth blinked several times. "What da hell is America?" he asked her. "Is dere a gym dere?"

Jesse realized that she didn't have a clue. Her brain seemed to have shut down, and she was currently using things she'd seen on the internet in the hopes that Meowth wouldn't notice. He seemed to be noticing. A lot. "Look, I just need some time to think, okay?" she said, smiling sweetly. "It's been a rough week."

"Uh-huh," said Meowth, sighing a pulling out a small notepad. Why do I always have to be the therapist? he asked himself.

Butch looked down at his two of spades, his jack of hearts, his six of diamonds, his seven of clubs, and his three of clubs and suddenly wanted to strangle Clay. His only hope was that James or Mondo had something that would beat Clay, enabling him to maintain some shred of dignity.

James and Mondo both had utter crap, while Clay had another full house. “Let’s see…” said Clay, looking thoughtful. “Who should be the first to do the Dance of Shame…”

“I’m not feeling very empowered,” Butch said to James.

“Mondo, left glove,” said Clay, smiling at his two victims.

James leapt to his feet, and hit the table. “I’m sick of your mind games!” he snapped.

“All right,” said Clay. “Mondo, you’re safe. James…” Clay’s smile grew even wider. “Start dancing.”

Misty gave Allison another look. “Actually,” she said, “except for that Crystal Viridian City daughter-from-the-future crap…you do look any awfully lot like Jesse and James…”

“I told you so,” said Ash, smiling smugly.

Allison shook her head. “The eyes?” said Misty.

“Color contacts,” Allison replied.

“What color are they normally?”

“Blue.” As Misty and Ash looked at each other and nodded, Allison sighed and pulled out a picture. “See? My parents. From the present, living right now, at these ages, not in crystal whatever.”

“Well…you don’t cling to your partner like ivy on a decrepit plantation,” Misty admitted. “But I don’t think you can inherit that…”

Allison muttered something very impolite.

“Can I see that?” Misty asked. Allison gave her the picture. “You don’t look a thing like them…”

“Well, blue eyes and purple hair are recessive traits…” Allison said feebly.

“Probably because this came with the picture frame,” said Misty.

“No it didn’t!”

“Allison, it’s got ‘8x10’ written on it.”

Jesse pulled out a notebook of old plans and began flipping through it. “I’m fine,” she told Meowth. “In fact, I’ve just come up with an absolutely brilliant plan. We steal a gigantic vacuum, go to the Cerulean City gym where—“

“Where nothing we’re interested in is,” Meowth interrupted her.

“It just needs a few modifications,” said Jesse, glaring at him.

“Yeah. Face it, Jesse. Right now you couldn’t even come up with a plan for stealing from a vending machine!”

Jesse slid off the washing machine she’d been sitting on. “We’ll just see about that…”

“How long is this stupid dance of shame supposed to last?” asked James.

“Less talk, more sashaying,” snapped Clay.

Because Butch had absolutely no desire to see any part of the Dance of Shame, he was now reading one of the dirty magazines Giovanni had so helpfully supplied. “Shouldn’t we go back to the game?” he asked without really caring.

“Are there still security cameras in here?” asked Mondo.

James quickly grabbed a sofa cushion and hurried back to his clothes. Clay stood up, looking at the walls. “Let’s see if we can find it, shall we?” he suggested.

“So we can destroy the tape, right?” asked James.

“Uhh…sure!”

“We seem to be talking about Team Rocket reproducing a lot lately,” said Misty.

“Well, we have seen them with each other’s hair, and she looks like she was some genetic splicing experiment,” said Ash, looking at Allison suspiciously. “Team Rocket does have genetic engineering labs, don’t they?”

Allison sighed. “It’s probably just a coincidence,” she said. “And since when does hair color blend? If they were, hypothetically speaking, my parents, making me from the future since right now we’re the same freakin’ age, my hair should be blue or red, not a combination of the two…”

Ash nodded. “She probably works for the lab,” he whispered loudly to Misty.

“That’s it,” said Allison. “Your paranoid delusions are starting to get on my nerves.” She pulled out a pokéball. “Go Hitmonlee!”

“Hitmonlee!” gasped Ash and Misty.

“Ash, Pikachu doesn’t stand a chance against a fighting pokémon!” said Misty. “And you, like an idiot, gave away your primeape!” She saw him start to reach for a pokéball. “And don’t you dare use that stupid charizard!”

“Monlee!” snapped Hitmonlee, eager to do some damage.

“Pikachu!” said Pikachu, bravely volunteering to once again fight something he didn’t have a chance of beating. Even electric rodents can have suicidal macho urges.

“Are you sure?” Ash asked him. Pikachu nodded.

“Hitmonlee! Fury kick!”

“Pikachu, thundershock!”

“Excuse me?”

Jesse turned around as much as she could. She was currently on her hands and knees with one hand up a vending machine. “Yes?”

The manager of the laundromat glared down at her. “Get out.”

Jesse extracted her arm and stood up. “Look, you fat redneck,” she snapped. “I’m a member of Team Rocket!” The manager looked down at Jesse’s current attire. “Why do you think I’m here?”

“Ma’am, if you don’t leave soon, I’m afraid I’m going to have to call the police.”

“What about my clothes?” asked Jesse.

Clay was currently up on a chair, fiddling with some wires. James and Butch were both looking at the dirty magazines. “I’m a dead man,” said James. “A very dead man…”

Butch stopped examining a centerfold and looked over his shoulder. “Hey, are you just reading the articles?”

“Umm…”

“If you’re going to get potentially killed over this at least deserve it!” Butch snorted. “For example, if Cassidy ever found out about this, we wouldn’t be on… ‘speaking’ terms for the next three months.”

James laughed. “That’s it?”

“Well…when I said ‘speaking’ I meant…”

“What?” asked Mondo coming towards them.

“ Nothing,” Butch said quickly.

“If Jesse knew about this, there would be a piece of me in every town,” said James. “I think…Mondo, would Jesse be pissed off about this?”

“What’re you reading?” Mondo asked.

“Playboy.”

“Yes.” Mondo looked awkwardly the floor. “Justlikeyou’dbeifyouknewaboutherstashofPlaygirls,” he muttered quickly under his breath.

“What?”

“Uhhh…nothing.” Mondo grinned pathetically. “Speaking of Jesse, I think I’d better go…umm…see how she’s doing.”

James grabbed his arm. “Ooo, the laundromat is so dangerous. Now, what did you say?”

Butch rolled his eyes. “Double standard?” he asked.

“I’m just reading it for the articles! And it’s not like a stash.” James turned back to Mondo. “Where?”

“Pikachu!” screamed Ash, hugging his bruised pokémon. “What did you do to him?”

“Beat him,” said Allison. “Hitmonlee, return.”

“Wow,” said Misty, looking down at Pikachu. “I wish I could harness the awesome power of Hitmonlee, the Kicking Fiend!”

“You can,” said Allison. “Just send all your money to—“

“But Pikachu isn’t supposed to lose!” whined Ash. “Unless we’re going to be learning a valuable lesson or so his inevitable victory looks more spectacular…” Ash reached into his pocket and pulled out a thunder-stone. “Ooo! I’ve wanted to use this for a long time…”

“Pika chu!” said Pikachu, eagerly reaching for it.

“Pikachu! You’re supposed to refuse!” said Ash, starting to whine again. “Don’t you want to win as what you are?”

“Chu? Pika pi ka pikachu.” (“Why? I’m not like Meowth.”)

Ash sighed.

“Way to go,” said Meowth as they dragged their still fairly wet laundry back towards the gym. “Good plan.”

“You were supposed to be watching for any employees,” snapped Jesse. “Now what are we going to do?”

“Never listen to you again.”

Jesse hit him with the bag. “I think I pulled a muscle,” she said after Meowth was sent through a display window. She started to turn. “James, why aren’t you carrying this?”

“Because he’s not here.” Meowth smiled smugly. “But I’ll be sure to tell him how much you miss taking him for granted.”

Jesse glared at him. “I do not take him for granted,” she said.

“Uh huh,” said Meowth, rolling his eyes. Jesse reached into her pocket and pulled out a black phone with a red “R” on it. “I’ll prove it,” she said.

James and Mondo were standing outside Jesse’s Team Rocket HQ room. Butch and his new friend Miss December were behind them. James tried the knob. “Locked,” he said, then reached into his pocket.

“You have the key?” Butch asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” said James. “Of course not. I was going to pick the lock with this lock pick that looks remarkably like the key.” Butch and Mondo continued to stare at him. “She gave it to me, okay?”

“Used it yet?” asked Butch.

“No. Why bother? We haven’t lived here since…” James shrugged. “What would she keep here anyway?”

“Six months of Playgirl under the bed,” said Mondo.

James flipped on the lights. There were two ways to do this: steal one and bring it up later or steal one and bring it up the next time he saw her. “Under the bed?” he asked.

Mondo nodded. He and Butch were already investigating the desk.

Clay entered as James started looking under the bed. He savored the moment before announcing his presence. “Took care of the camera,” he said.

“Good,” said James.

“You can help us rummage,” said Butch.

“What’re we looking for?” asked Clay.

“Money—“

“Ha!” James started laughing.

“And anything blackmail worthy,” Butch finished. He pulled out the official Team Rocket Blackmail Checklist. “Love letters, embarrassing clothing items, pictures of James as the Pokémon Tech Prom Queen…”

“That’s not officially blackmail worthy!” snapped James.

Butch walked over to the bed and passed him the list. “It is on the updated version,” he said.

“I wasn’t Prom Queen!”

“Homecoming Queen?”

“No!” There was an embarrassed pause. “Just a princess.”

Butch looked down at the list again. “All right, it counts,” he told the others.

James’ cellphone started ringing, causing him to hit his head. “Ow!” He slowly backed out, dragging a cardboard box with him. He snapped open the phone. “Jess? Everything okay?”

“We got kicked out of the laundromat.”

“Why?” James opened the box. “Jackpot,” he muttered.

“What?”

“Nothing. Why’d you get thrown out?” he asked, tucking one of the magazines into his pocket.

“I got caught trying to steal from the vending machine.”

“Wasn’t Meowth the look out?”

“Yes.” There was the sound of a small pokémon being severely thrashed. “But he’s terrible at it.”

Mondo picked up a picture and handed it to Butch. “Does this count?” he asked.

“That’s just Jesse and her other roommate,” said Butch. “I remember Cassidy mentioning that little bimbo…”

James froze. “Jesse, can I get back to you? Butch and Cassidy are about two realizations away from killing me…”

Jesse scowled at the phone. “Are you in my room?” she asked.

“You did give him the key, moron,” muttered Meowth.

“Are you?” Jesse repeated, eyes blazing.

“It’s for a…scavenger hunt!”

Jesse sighed. “Don’t give me that look.”

“What look?”

“What look?” asked Meowth. “You’re on da phone!” Jesse pulled out a mallet. “Okay, I’ll shut up…”

“Uhh…Jesse, can you chew me out later? I think I might have to start running…”

“It’s a portable phone, James.”

Butch cracked his knuckles. “Well, Jimmy,” said Butch, looking closely at the picture, “You’ve got fifteen seconds to explain this before I call for back-up.”

“It’s my little sister,” said James. “Her name is Susan and she’s fifteen.”

“What year was she born?” asked Butch, reaching for Jesse’s phone.

James froze. “Jesse, it looks like Butch and Cassidy are…no, she’s not here. Yet. But when she gets here, they’re definitely going to kill me so…uh-huh, uh-huh. Me too.” He hung up.

“Well?” asked Mondo.

“Well what?” James snapped, getting ready to run for it.

“What did she say when she found out you’re probably going to be beaten to a bloody pulp?”

James’ expression darkened. “She’ll always remember how much fun we had shopping.”

Just when Misty was about to declare the day painfully freakish, Cassidy leapt through the window. “Allison, I need my brass knuckles back,” she said.

“Who’re you beating the crap out of this time?” asked Allison.

“Jesse and James,” said Cassidy, clenching her fists. “Want to come?”

“Well…” Allison rubbed the back of her head. “They were sort of my entire reason for joining Team Rocket…”

“And she’s their daughter from the future!” added Ash.

“But okay,” said Allison. “I’m not going to get this crappy Pikachu any time soon…”

Cassidy looked disdainfully at Ash. “Just shoot ‘im.”

Allison’s eyes widened. “We use guns?” she asked.

Cassidy took a deep breath. “Where have you been?” she asked. “We use guns, cause seizures, and, in some cases, cross dress, womanize, and wear inflatable body suits!”

Allison slowly nodded. “All right, I’m definitely disillusioned enough to go now.”

At the gym, Jesse whipped out her hair dryer and held it over one of her uniforms. “Meowth, you finish washing this junk,” she said. “I have to go save James’ scrawny butt.”

“Dat’s not what you called it the other night…” Meowth muttered.

Jesse glared at him and cranked the hair dryer up to “high.” “I’d let you come,” she said. “But there’s either going to be a pokémon battle or a lot of hair pulling, and you’re completely worthless either way.” She put the hair dryer down and wrung out her jacket. “I hope it’s hair pulling…”

“Well, at least you’ll always remember how much fun you and James had shopping,” said Meowth.

Jesse blushed. “He put me on the spot!” she said.

“And naturally you needed time to prepare a statement?”

Jesse pulled out a piece of paper, making sure she held it out of Meowth’s reach. “Never leave home without it,” she said.

“And what does it say?”

“Nothing,” Jesse said, quickly stuffing it back into her pocket. She gathered up her uniform, disappeared for about a second, and returned in uniform. “Ugh…it’s still damp…” she said. “It’s also a convenient size to fold up and beat James with for snooping around in my room…”

“What’s the matter?” asked Meowth, starting to load up the kitchen sink. “Forget to take down dat photo collage?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jesse said. I brought that with me… she added silently.

“Look at this, Cassidy,” said Butch when his partner arrived with Allison.

“It’s just Jesse’s little bimbo friend,” she answered. “So what?”

“Hey, wait a minute,” said Allison. “That’s just James in drag! Very poorly disguised drag!”

“Mondo, you’re my only hope,” said James. “I need you to distract them while I run like hell.”

Mondo shook his head. “I don’t know…” he said. “Butch told me that Cassidy suffered from a lot of emotional damage because of this…”

“I don’t even remember her being at Pokémon Tech!”

“Well, let’s start the beat down,” said Allison.

“What?” asked Clay. “Allison…”

“Oh, suck it up, Clay,” his partner snapped. “After all, Jesse beats him up all the time…”

“Before anyone starts thrashing me, I’d just like to say that it was all Jesse’s idea,” James said, starting to back away from the approaching mob. Something whacked him on the head.

“You’d better prepare for trouble,” Jesse snapped, jumping down from the ceiling.

“Jesse!” James exclaimed.

“Hair pulling or pokémon?” asked Jesse.

“Pokémon,” said Cassidy. “Hair pulling gives you two an unfair advantage.”

“Go, Arbok!”

“Go, Wheezing!”

Cassidy started laughing. “This should be over soon,” she said. “Go, Raticate!”

“Go Hitmonlee!” shouted Allison.

“Hitmonlee?” asked Butch.

“If only we could have such a great pokémon,” sighed Jesse.

“Wait…why didn’t we keep that one we…‘borrowed’ from the Giant?” James asked her.

“We should have!”

“Don’t worry,” said Clay. “Someday, we’ll live in a world where everyone can have a Hitmonlee…” All the assembled Team Rocket members sighed happily. Then Allison nudged Clay. “Oh…right…Hitmonchan, I choose you!”

“Ooo! Hitmonchan!” exclaimed James.

“That’s another high quality pokémon!” added Jesse.

“Can we just fight?” asked Cassidy.

“I think we should all admire the beauty that is Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan,” said Butch.

While admiring, Jesse and James started their usual Team Rocket battle conspiracy. “The second Clay calls out a command, I want you to grab him from behind and pull as hard as you can,” Jesse whispered. “I’ll take care of Allison.”

“Ooo, then can we go shopping?” James asked sarcastically.

“Like you could do better?” Jesse put her hands on her hips. “James,” she said in a low voice, “right after you left the boss called and said that I was fired…I have to start packing up my things tonight…”

“Jesse?”

“Yes, James?”

“We both know you’re lying through your teeth.”

“Dammit!”

“Well, that’s enough admiring,” said Cassidy. “Raticate, hyperfang!”

“Wheezing, smoke screen!”

“Mondo, open a window!” snapped Jesse as Team Rocket began coughing.

“What kind of moron uses a freaking Wheezing indoors?” snapped Allison. “Hitmonlee, teach them a lesson with your fabulous and stunning kick!” Allison suddenly felt something on the back of her head. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to pull your cardboard stiff hair, what’s it look like?” snapped Jesse.

“Look who’s talking,” muttered Cassidy.

“Don’t worry, Al,” said Clay. “I’ll save you!”

Butch and James exchanged a glance. “I thought he was…” Butch began.

“Hitmonchan, punch the crap out of that trash!” shouted Clay, pointing to Jesse. “Aughh!! Let go, bitch!” Clay screamed, swatting at James.

“Be careful,” said Cassidy. “He bites, too.”

“Shouldn’t we help them?” asked Butch. “We did…kind of make them fight for us…”

Cassidy shrugged. “There’s no way I’m going anywhere near Jesse or James once the hair pulling and sissy slapping starts.”

**CLANG!**

Butch and Cassidy winced. “Does the frying pan count as sissy slapping?” asked Butch.

“Where are our worthless pokémon and why aren’t they kicking butt?” asked Allison, staggering slightly. “Hitmonlee! Get out here! They can’t pull your hair!”

“Lee mon!”

Clay noticed something. “How did Arbok and Wheezing get tangled up again?” he asked. “They weren’t even fighting…”

The hair pulling and sissy slapping came to an abrupt halt. It was one of those beautiful moments were the old grudges and disappointments were cast aside to share one big universal feeling of disgust. “Oh ewww!” exclaimed Jesse, James, Butch, Cassidy, Clay, and Allison.

“Arbok! Bad pokémon!” said Jesse.

“It’s like some kind of bizarre menage à trois,” said Allison.

“I didn’t think Wheezing even had a gender…” said James.

“Let alone a gender preference,” added Jesse. She and James took out their pokéballs. “Arbok, return!”

“Wheezing, return!”

Jesse soon found herself holding a shaking pokéball. “James…is Wheezing back in his own pokéball?”

“Oh god…this is disgusting!”

“Naturally you two would be the ones to have pervert pokémon,” said Cassidy.

“What is that supposed to mean?” asked Jesse.

Cassidy held up a thick handful of computer print-outs. “Everyone has a price,” she said. “And we just happened to be able to afford Meowth’s…”

“We believe in Visa power!” said Butch as he and Cassidy struck a pose.

Anger veins began to sprout on Jesse and James. “That cat is going to be in some serious pain the next time I see him,” hissed Jesse.

“How much have you read?” asked James, starting to turn blue. Jesse started doing the same.

“Let’s see…” Cassidy started flipping through the pages. “Well, this is only volume one.”

“That’s volume one?” exclaimed Clay and Allison.

“I have a price, too,” Mondo said helpfully.

Jesse and James glared at him. “Have you ordered volume two yet?” asked Jesse.

“No…Meowth said he hadn’t finished making the photocopies of your diaries yet,” Cassidy replied sweetly. “But what I’ve gotten so far is just beautiful.”

“I cried,” said Butch.

“From laughing too hard!” he and Cassidy said in unison before starting to laugh again.

“Both of our diaries?” asked Jesse and James, looking at each other. Cassidy nodded. “Can I borrow half of it?”

“I want it after them,” said Allison.

“The best part is these little margin notes,” said Cassidy, holding up a sample page. “What’s my first offer?”

“What?” asked Jesse, James, and Allison.

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be,” said Cassidy. “But renting is perfectly legal.”

“A week’s salary,” said Allison.

Cassidy held up a hand. “Hold on…we need to set actual monetary values to this because we all know Jesse and James are getting minimum wage,” she said.

“Where was Brock during all that?” asked Misty.

Ash shrugged. “I guess he’s just started disappearing again…and you haven’t been carrying Togepi for a month!”

Misty blushed, suddenly realizing that her egg had been strangely silent lately. “I…I must have just forgotten him…” She immediately regained her composure. “But at least I’m not ranting about crystal cities and other Sailor Moon crap.”

“But that Allison girls looks—“

“Ash, face it, almost everyone looks almost exactly like everyone else. It’s probably just a coincidence.”

“But no one notices unless—“

“Just drop it.”

Ash looked at her. “Misty, you’re the one who believes all that couple crap.”

Misty sighed. “They just don’t seem as…magical as they used to…”

“Oh god…” muttered Ash, feeling another one of Misty’s sob story monologues coming on.

Cassidy soon found herself in a headlock from Jesse, with James standing over her with a pair of scissors and a curling iron. “What are you implying about our salaries?” asked Jesse. Cassidy just glared at her. “All right, James…I think it’s time to give dear, dear Cassidy another one of our spectacular make-overs!”

“Ooo!” James squealed. “What should we do to her this time?”

“This time?” asked Clay and Allison.

“I thought it was just…” Cassidy looked up at James in horror. “Oh my god…you sadistic little transvestite!”

***Flashback*** “Don’t worry, Cassidy,” a younger Jesse was saying. “We’ll make you look great for…” she looked nervously at the short haired blonde behind her. “that guy you like.”

“Who’s she?” asked Cassidy, whose hair was currently brown and straight.

“Oh…this is my friend Jamie!” said Jesse, smiling. “We’re thinking of rooming together next semester.” ***End Flashback***

“Uhm, Cassidy,” said Butch after the quick explanation, “what were your grades like at Pokémon Tech?”

“Perfect, of course. Why?” Cassidy asked.

“’Jamie’ who just happens to look like James in drag?” Jesse said, rolling her eyes. “I can’t believe you fell for it!”

“Who was the guy?” asked Allison.

“Billy,” said James and Butch, each one glaring at his respective partner.

“And they’re still extremely upset about it,” muttered James.

“Cassidy says he’s in Team Rocket now,” said Butch.

“Who’s his partner?” James asked Jesse.

“Kidrina,” Jesse replied.

“But everyone calls her—“ Cassidy began.

James, Butch, Clay, and Allison glared at her. “Don’t bother,” they said.

“Let’s give her a fun summer ‘do,” said Jesse, trying to change the subject. It worked, because James started giggling sinisterly. “Cooooool!”

Cassidy started screaming. Jesse was trying very hard not to laugh. “Then touch up her roots a bit…”

“Cooooool!”

“Butch, why aren’t you helping me?” Cassidy asked as Jesse and James tied her to a chair.

Butch shrugged. “Curiosity,” he said.

“Prepare for trouble!” Jesse said happily, pulling out a comb and a bottle of stlying gel.

“Make it double,” said James as they both moved into the standard back to back pose.

“To protect the world from boring fashion!”

“To dress all people with flash and passion!”

“To give all pokémon pretty faces!”

“To extend our art to outer spaces!”

“Jesse!”

“James!”

“Salon Roquet, when it comes to chic we know what’s right!”

“Surrender your taste or prepare to fight!”

“And don’t try to steal that one either,” said Jesse.

“We’re already working on the copyright infringement of your last motto,” James added.

“What kind of loser copyrights a stupid chant?” asked Cassidy.

“What kind of loser can’t come up with their own stupid chant?” Jesse asked in reply.

“Jesse, did you ever see Grease?” asked James.

“Of course. I watched it with you, remember?”

“Remember Frenchy’s hair after she drops out of beauty school?”

“Uh-huh,” said Jesse, not quite seeing where this was going. After all, pink hair was perfectly normal…

“That color combined with a three foot beehive.”

“Wonderful!”

“Butch,” Cassidy said through clenched teeth, “you know what they’re going to do now…why don’t you help me?”

“Hitmonlee?” said Allison.

“Lee?” Hitmonlee asked, poking its head out from behind the TV.

“Now can you please kick their shins off?”

“Mon!”

Allison sighed. “You have just completely disgraced the noble name of Hitmonlee!”

“Chan!” said Hitmonchan, leaping out and throwing several punches.

“That’s it, Hitmonchan!” cheered Clay. “Pummel Jesse!”

“Me?” asked Jesse. “Why is everyone against me?”

There was an awkward exchange of nervous glances. “Well…” said Allison, scuffing her boots against the floor and looking embarrassed. “You are a bit…”

James rolled his eyes. “God, Jesse, you’re a bitch on wheels! Haven’t you figured that out yet?” he asked. He then ducked.

“Remember what I said after our last hair dye mishap?” Jesse asked him.

“Uh-huh.” He grinned at her. “That didn’t last long…”

She kicked him. “This time it will.” She turned to Cassidy. “Witness?” She held out her pinky.

“Witness,” said Cassidy, somehow managing to take it with her own pinky. “What am I witnessing?” Jesse leaned over and whispered something to her. “You go, girl!” Cassidy exclaimed.

“What?” asked Allison, walking over. The girls huddled.

“The good old fashioned sex denial trick,” said Cassidy. She and Jesse grinned wickedly. “The best way to get your partner in line…even though Jesse says there’s nothing between them and claims to have no interest in him…”

“Did I say ‘wouldn’t let him touch me in that way?’” asked Jesse, starting to blush. “I meant…umm…”

“Wouldn’t it be great if that worked,” Allison muttered, glaring at Clay.

Jesse and Cassidy stared at her. “You mean you and Clay have never fooled around?” asked Cassidy.

“No,” Allison said bitterly. “We’re just really close friends.”

The other two started laughing. “Like I haven’t heard that before…” muttered Cassidy.

Jesse put a hand on Allison’s shoulder. “Look, Allison, I know it sounds good, but no one here believes it,” said Jesse. “Trust me.”

Meanwhile, Butch was looking at James with a bit more respect. “This man,” he said to Clay, “has balls of steel.” Butch thought for a moment. “Unless it’s just all the blows to the head he’s taken…”

“I don’t know…” said Clay. “She doesn’t seem that violent…”

“Wait…did she threaten what I think she threatened?” Butch asked.

James nodded. “But I have a secret weapon…”

Butch stared at him with an intensity rarely seen in his eyes. “You have to tell me.”

“I already told you the Team Rocket Babe Magnent Method, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, this is part of it. It’s the patented Team Rocket Walking Around Semi-Nude and Stretching and/or Flexing A Lot Method.”

“How do you come up with these things?” Butch asked.

“I just use what works,” said James, holding out a rose. “Jesse inspired this one though…”

Butch turned to Clay. “Word of advice,” he said. “If you ever go to the Viridian City gym, knock very loudly.”

“And the verbal abuse…” Misty shook her head. “It’s so sad…because they really do look so good together…”

“Uh-huh,” said Ash, starting to nod off. “Terrible tragedy…”

Misty glared at him. “I’m going over to Gary’s,” she announced.

“I thought Gary Oak was an incurable pervert.”

Misty started blushing. “I…guess I was wrong…” She quickly started for the door. “See you later, bye!”

Ash started pouting. Stupid Gary he thought How dare he steal my…Gym Trainer whose bike I totaled! He sighed. Not that he was interested in Misty or anything, but Gary still had no right to have anything to do with her…

“Soo…you wouldn’t recommend just barging in like we did last time?” asked Clay.

Butch stared at him. “You what?”

“We just walked right into the arena and asked if anyone was there.”

“Cassidy?”

“What?”

“I think the newbies are insane!”

Cassidy looked at Allison. “Why?” she asked her partner.

“They just walked into the Viridian Gym with knocking or being very loud and obvious.”

Cassidy started shuddering. “What were you thinking?” she asked Allison. “Ever since Jesse and James moved in there no one wants to go in without being obvious!”

“Well, we were trying to sneak up on them,” snapped Allison. “Besides, it was only 1. I was told they rarely did anything before 3.”

“Do you think looks this good happen by accident?” asked Jesse.

“It’s deliberate?” asked Cassidy. Jesse started approaching her, scissors held menacingly high. “You look wonderful.”

“Damn right I do.”

James looked at his now scissorless hands and shrugged. Thinking about it would only give him a headache. “Let me see if I understand what’s going on,” he said. “Butch and Cassidy want to beat us senseless for causing Cassidy undue trauma at Pokémon Tech and got Clay and Allison to help, but we were winning until Cassidy pulled out reason number three to kill Meowth—“

“What were reasons one and two again?” asked Jesse.

“The garden hose and the tape recorder.”

“Stupid cat…”

“And then Cassidy insulted our salaries, forcing us to tie her up and ruin her hair again…so how exactly did we get to you threatening not to have sex with me again?” Allison gave Clay an “I told you so look.”

“Well, James,” Jesse said sweetly, “it might have something to do with the fact that you called me a bitch on wheels…”

James nodded thoughtfully. He looked at Clay. “Clay, that had better be Jesse’s hand,” he said.

“What?” asked Jesse.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” said Clay, quickly holding up both hands.

“I’m completely lost…” said Allison. “For one thing, who the hell is Billy?”

“Jesse and Cassidy hate each other because back at Pokémon Tech they both liked the same guy,” said James. "Who apparently isn't really named Billy..." he added under his breath.

“But James, who was also there, remembers neither Cassidy nor said boy,” added Butch.

“James has also been faking amnesia ever since I met him,” Jesse snapped.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” James said defensively.

“Which is, admittedly, a step up from the time he told me about his tragic death as a child…”

“Personally, I think Cassidy just hates us because we ruined her hair,” said James.

“She stole my man!” shouted Cassidy.

“Before or after she ruined your hair?” asked Clay.

“Ummm…” Cassidy looked at Jesse. “It was more of an on-going thing…”

“Your man?” asked Jesse.

“I made it very clear that I was interested in him!”

James and Butch had sat down on a couch and were now pouting and glaring at their partners. “Good thing he’s in Team Rocket,” said Butch.

“Now you have a brand new opportunity to throw yourselves at him,” added James.

Jesse and Cassidy stared at him for a moment. “Well, one of us any ways…” Cassidy muttered.

Jesse whacked her on the arm. “He meant figuratively.”

“That’s it,” said James, standing up and taking off his jacket. “I’m quitting.”

Mr. Mime nodded sympathetically. Being psychic, he could feel Ash’s pain. “Not that I like her,” Ash said. “Or Jesse. She’s a stupid old hag with a great body and those beautiful eyes and why did that pansy James have to steal my nude picture of her?” Ash sighed. “Maybe I should join Team Rocket…”

“What?” asked Brock, coming in.

“Uhh…nothing!” Ash quickly exclaimed. “Hey, Brock, what do you think of Jesse?”

Brock shrugged. “I dunno…why?”

“Well…you hit on every other girl we see…”

“You’re what?” asked Jesse, looking hurt. She quickly returned her expression to "neutral."

“And then you can try to get reassigned to Billy,” James said.

Butch, Cassidy, Clay, and Allison watched Jesse and James stare at each other. “We think it’s some kind of weird telepathy,” Cassidy whispered.

All right, Jesse James was thinking, let’s see you charm your way out of this. He smiled. And everyone’s here to witness it…

Meanwhile, Jesse was trying to will James to fall to his knees, compliment her profusely, and beg forgiveness for even thinking about threatening her.

“Umm…” said Allison, starting to get seriously weirded out. “How do we stop it?”

Butch pulled out a paper lunch bag and blew it up, then popped it.

“Ahhh!!”

“That’s how,” he said.

“Is Billy-with-a-different name real?” James whispered.

“Yes,” Jesse whispered back.

“And you’re throwing yourself at him.”

The thing that bothered Jesse the most was that he didn’t even sound that jealous… “Cassidy’s a lying bimbo,” she said. “I’m not throwing myself at anyone.”

Cassidy cleared her throat very loudly. “You meant that figuratively, right?” she asked.

Jesse glared at her as she stepped away from James. “I told you, we—“

“Frighten easily,” said Butch and Cassidy.

“We know,” muttered Cassidy. “And will someone untie me?”

“Are we empowered yet?” asked Mondo, peering out fearfully at the older members. He’d been hiding for quite some time.

“Well, James isn’t going to be getting any for a long time and neither is Butch unless he unties me,” said Cassidy.

“So…not empowered?”

Butch and James exchanged a glance. “The method works, right?” Butch asked.

James nodded. “Unless you want a supportive long lasting commitment,” he said.

“Look who’s talking,” muttered Jesse.

“Mondo, fetch me my gun,” said Cassidy. “I’m going to put a bullet through someone’s head.”

“Huh?” asked Jesse and James.

“You two are both always complaining about that, but neither one of you ever does a freaking thing about it!” Cassidy elaborated. “Shut up!”

“Oh, so you approve?” asked Jesse. “No hostility?”

“I’d be happy if you’d just stop whining.”

“That’s very interesting, Cassidy,” Jesse said. “Especially after what I overheard you say a few days ago…”

“Ooo, I remember that,” said James.

“It was something about Butch…how did you phrase it again?”

“I think she was talking to Henry…you know, Starr’s partner?” James added.

Jesse sighed. “He’s the second handsomest man in Team Rocket…” she said.

“Who’s the first?” everyone else in the room asked her.

Jesse started blushing. “Look, which would you rather hear: what Cassidy said about Butch behind his back or who I think it the hottest guy in Team Rocket?” she asked.

“Hottest guy in Team Rocket,” said James.

“What she said about me,” said Butch.

“Both,” said Allison.

Clay thought for a moment. “I’m leaning more towards both too,” he said.

“Both in what order?” asked Jesse.

“Hottest guy in Team Rocket first,” said James.

Clay and Allison nodded. “Oh, what the hell,” said Butch. “Do that one first.”

Jesse threw something on the floor filling the room with smoke. “This is just like her,” said Cassidy when the smoke had cleared and both Jesse and James were gone. While Butch started untying his partner, two pairs of eyes peered out of a nearby air duct. “We can still get them,” she added, standing up and rubbing her wrists. “They can’t have gotten very far.”

“This is so pathetic,” James muttered as he and Jesse started crawling towards the nearest exit. “Why couldn’t you have just told them?”

From in front of him, Jesse sighed. “Will you tell me who the best looking girl in Team Rocket is?” she asked.

“That’s simple!” James replied, smiling. “Me in drag!”

Jesse, unable to turn around to swat him settled for kicking him. “Idiot,” she muttered. “I am such a better girl than you are…”

James grinned. “I’m sorry, Jesse, did you want me to say it was you?”

“I just think the fact that I am a girl automatically make me your feminine superior.” Jesse’s eyes narrowed. “And don’t think you can weasel your way out of insulting me.”

“I’d never do something like that! And what did Cassidy say about Butch?”

“Absolutely nothing.” Jesse sighed. “I was hoping you’d be able to help me with the details…” They reached another vent. Jesse kicked it open, then leapt down onto the floor of what looked like some kind of lab. “Oh, great,” she said. “We’ve probably just stumbled across the secret human experimentation lab.”

James walked over to a table and picked up a pen. He clicked it, causing a stream of flame to shoot out of what would normally be the writing end. He and Jesse looked at each other and grinned. “I think Christmas just came early,” he said.

Jesse pulled out her purse and started loading it up with flame thrower pens, smoke bombs, and other secret agent type weapons. “Do you see any poison lipstick?” she asked.

James opened up a drawer. “No…but I found the camera pins…”

Jesse nodded. “I guess we could use a few of those…”

“Does what we do require any of this stuff?” James asked, grabbing an armful of Fembot style bra guns.

“Does what anyone does here require any of it?” asked Jesse. She put her hands on her hips. “Don’t tell me you’re going to give me crap for stealing from the company.”

“Again…” James muttered.

“Look, I said I was sorry!” Jesse glared at him. “That reminds me…I’m not speaking to you.”

“Why this time?”

“Because you called me a bitch.”

“Oh, boo-hoo.” James rolled his eyes.

They glared at each other. “We’ll continue this when Meowth’s there to tell you what a cretin you are,” Jesse said.

A week later, Meowth, was hiding behind a chair, seriously freaking out. Jesse and James still weren’t on speaking terms, forcing him to be the mediator which was not a pleasant experience. James was sitting on the couch, reading the copy of Playgirl he’d swiped from Jesse. Jesse entered, wearing a pathetically small nightgown. “Meowth, ask James what he’s reading,” she said, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch.

“Tell Jesse it’s a copy of Playgirl I found under her bed,” James replied.

“What?” exclaimed Jesse and Meowth.

“Ask him what the hell he was doing in my room,” snapped Jesse.

“Ask her why she has several months of porn under her bed,” James said, leaning back and stretching.

“Ask him why he’s reading it.”

“Do you two hate me?” asked Meowth, poking his head out from behind the chair.

“You know, Meowth, I went to the pokémart today,” Jesse said. “I bought some whipped cream and chocolate syrup. I wonder what I’m going to do with all of it…” I’m not going to be the first one to give in this time she said to herself. James is going to snap like a twig…

“I tried on the outfits for tomorrow’s plan,” James said. “The leather skirt’s a bit tight…like skin tight.” Take that, James thought. Although whipped cream and chocolate syrup was a very interesting idea… “And it’s got a slit up the side.”

“Meowth, tell him to stay out of my clothes,” said Jesse, starting to blush. It’s just James in drag she told herself. You see James in drag all the time…Jesse promised herself that eventually they’d see a psychologist about the frequent gender bender mind games. All right, food didn’t do it… “Well, since I have to be the man again, it looks like I’ll be wearing those skin tight pants we got…”

Meowth shuddered. “Can you two please just talk to each other?” he whimpered. “I really don’t want to be involved in this…”

Jesse stood up. “You know, I think I’ll have some ice cream now,” she announced.

Once she was gone, James quickly tossed the magazine aside, and grabbed the remote. “Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts,” he muttered, trying to find something to watch on TV.

“Team Rocket Babe Magnet Method backfiring again?” Meowth asked.

“The Team Rocket Babe Magnet Method hasn’t been used in a week,” James snapped. “It’s the Team Rocket Walking Around Semi-Nude and Stretching and/or Flexing A Lot Method that’s backfiring…”

Jesse re-entered, carrying a bowl that was mostly whipped cream and Hershey’s syrup and no spoon. She started to slowly eat it off her fingers.

James tried to keep his eyes on the TV. “Hey, Meowth, you want to watch this pokémon tournament?” he asked.

“No!”

“Great!” said James smiling. “Oh, look…a metapod versus a raichu…”

Meowth started nervously rocking back and forth. “Giovanni hates me,” he muttered. “He’s trying to kill me with this assignment…he wants me dead…”

Jesse looked at the TV. It has to be a coincidence… she thought. Maybe he won’t say anything…

“This is going to be interesting,” said James.

Oh no… thought Jesse.

“Since metapods only know harden…”

“Sometimes they know tackle…”

“But not usually…” James smiled. Jesse’d managed to forget that they weren’t on speaking terms.

“Well, since you two don’t need me anymore,” said Meowth, starting to sneak out.

“Meowth, tell James that I think we should watch something else,” said Jesse.

“Tell Jesse that I’ve got the remote,” said James.

“Tell him not for long,” said Jesse, putting the ice cream on the floor, and lunging.

“Tell her that I have every right to watch whatever I want,” James said. “Even if it’s two creatures drawn to attack each other as if by some—ack!”

“Meowth, why aren’t you telling him to give me the remote?” said Jesse who was currently leaning over her partner and trying to grab the remote. James was still managing to hold it out of her reach.

“Because you two frighten me very much,” he said, still hiding behind the chair. “Dere is no way I’m getting involved in dis…”

James was currently weighing his options. There was the chance that Jesse would beat him senseless if he didn’t surrender the remote. But, on the other hand, she was currently climbing over him, and if she actually reached her goal, she would probably stop. “Meowth, ask Jesse if she’s still not talking to me…”

“Meowth, tell James that I have no intention of speaking to him until he apologizes for calling me a bitch. And for not giving me the remote.”

“Tell Jesse that I’m not going to apologize until she apologizes for being a bitch in the first place.”

“Tell James that I’m not a bitch; I’m just assertive.”

Meowth peered out from behind the chair. “Dat’s a new word for it…” he muttered.

“Tell Jesse that the definition for assertive is ‘confidently aggressive or self-assured,’ while the definition of bitch is ‘a malicious, unpleasant, selfish woman,’” James replied. “You’d agree that the later is far more accurate, wouldn’t you?”

“I’m not saying anything,” said Meowth.

“You little troll!” snapped Jesse, instinctively reaching for his collar and getting ready to throttle him. She then remembered that James was wearing a towel, she was wearing little more, and she was also leaning across him, struggling to get a piece of plastic.

Their eyes met, and they both started sweatdropping. “Ummm…Meowth?”

“What?”

“Tell James to meet me in the arena in five minutes,” said Jesse at the same time James said, “Tell Jesse to meet me in the arena in five minutes.”

“Are you two on speaking terms yet?” Meowth asked.

“No,” said Jesse, heading towards the kitchen.

“Eww…” said Meowth. He shuddered, remembering a few of the things he’d overheard in the past.

Jesse returned with two cans of Reddi-Whip. “If any challengers show up, tell them we’re training,” James told Meowth.

“And that we can’t be disturbed,” said Jesse.

“What I find disturbing is the fact that you’re still not on speaking terms,” said Meowth.

Jesse started walking towards the actual pokemon arena part of the gym. “Tell my precious metapod I’ve got a TM for him!”

“Ooo!” James exclaimed.

Meowth glared at him. “Aren’t you supposed to be the sensitive one?” he asked.

James gave him a flat look. “Meowth, Jesse and I haven’t been speaking to each other for the past week.”

“I noticed.”

“We also haven’t come within three feet of each other. Once. So right now, I don’t care if she calls me by another name.” James smiled, then hurried off to the arena.

Meowth shuddered again. Maybe he was lucky he’d always been dumped for persians…

Oh my…whatever happened to morals? Don’t worry, kids, hopefully everything will be back to normal next time!

To be continued…