Disclaimer: I don't own anyone except Clay and Allison, but since I don't own Team Rocket, they're kind of useless by themselves, so I should probably just sell them to Nintendo and pocket the cash. Oh yes, and after having acquired Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan, next I'm going to go for the gold and try to get myself a machamp!

Rating: PG-13. Everyone swears, nearly everyone gets some booty, and...bad things happen to cubone's mother...

Other: Isn't besmirched a cool word? Remember, threats, flames, praise, and libations can always be sent to your pal Zelda whether you want to point out a continuity error, beg for more rare candy overdoses, want to demand more Rocketshipping, Neoshipping, etc, or just happen to be a marrowak fan!

"Jesse? James? I've got something I need to tell you!" Meowth called.

"Great," muttered Jesse. "Another 'family discussion.' This is all your fault!"

"Me? What did I do?"

Jesse rolled her eyes. "You know exactly what you did..."

Meowth opened the door. "I didn't need to see this! I didn't need to see this!" he screamed.

Jesse and James had, in preparation for another pokemon stealing plan, stripped down to their underwear and were now waxing their legs. They both stared at Meowth as if this were a perfectly normal activity. Which, for them, it was. "What?" asked Jesse.

"Now, I don't know much about humans, but...is dis traditionally a group activity?" asked Meowth.

"After this, we're going to tell ghost stories and give each other make-overs!" James squealed.

Jesse glared at him, then ripped off one of the strips of wax on his leg. As he screamed in pain, she looked at the package. "Huh...it says here it's supposed to be easy and painless," she said.

"Maybe you should go back to Nair," muttered Meowth.

"We could shave if you hadn't stolen all of our razors!" snapped Jesse.

"It's not my fault you two can't be trusted with sharp objects," Meowth replied. He looked down at James who was still twitching slightly. "I think you killed him..."

"James, don't be such a pain wuss," Jesse said. "It can't possibly be that bad. See, doesn't..." Jesse started screaming.

"Maybe I should come back later," said Meowth, looking down at his teammates.

"Ice..."

Meowth sighed. "Fine." He returned a few minutes later with a tray of ice cubes.

"New plan for tomorrow," said Jesse. "You'll still be a girl, but I'm going to be a man."

"What? But, Jesse..." James whined.

"Well, dis is something you don't hear everyday," muttered Meowth. "What was da plan again?"

Jesse and James glared at him. "We were going to be hookers," said Jesse.

"Hookers," Meowth repeated.

His teammates nodded. "The pikachu kid hangs out with the horny blind guy," James reminded him.

"It's perfect," said Jesse. "And I'll just be your pimp."

Meowth, still trying to repress a shudder, crept out, leaving his teammates to argue over the subject. He had a feeling that James was protesting being the woman not because he'd finally developed some macho bravado but because he wanted to see Jesse dressed like a hooker. Despite a few cynical thoughts concerning Jesse's normal attire and its similarities to that of a hooker, Meowth didn't blame him. He sighed. Maybe he could talk to Arbok and Weezing first.... He found his teammates clothes thrown in a corner. He reached into the pockets and found absolutely nothing. Then he took the pokeballs from their usual storage place and opened them.

"Chaaaarrbok!"

"Wee-zing..."

"Can I talk to you guys?" he asked. "Not that your unevolved-gaakk!" Meowth found Arbok's massive coils once again around his waist.

"Chaaarr," said Arbok. ("Say it.")

"Your trainer can kick my trainer's sorry ass," Meowth said reluctantly. Arbok released him, smirking happily. "I don't know why I even bothered to release you..."

The next day...

"I realized the other day that I'm different from everyone else...that's why I've decided to get the operation..."

Jesse gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. "You mean..."

"Yes, I've realized dat I'm a transspeciesal!" Meowth finished.

"Is that even a word?" asked James. "And what happened to all your fur?"

"I shaved it off," Meowth said proudly. "It's my first step in--"

"That's why you took my razor!" said Jesse. She raised a hand to hit him, then lowered it. "Oh well...I guess I should be happy...after all, I always thought that if anyone ever told me something like this it would be James..."

"You think I'm a transspeciesal?" asked James.

"Not exactly..."

"Then what are you..." An anger vein sprouted as James suddenly realized what was being implied. "Jesse, I told you, I'm not--"

"Hey! What about Meowth?!" snapped the annoyed pokemon.

"Sorry," Jesse and James mumbled.

"How do you even have an operation to make you human?" asked Jesse. "I mean, a sex change operation, sure," She and Meowth both looked nervously at James.

"What?"

"Nothing," Jesse said quickly. "But how do you make yourself human sized?"

"Do you even know how to be human?" asked James.

Meowth folded his arms across his chest. "I've seen you two do it," he said. "Blah blah blah, get dressed, try not to get your clothes mixed up with anyone else's, eat Froot Loops, fight over toy surprise, during attempt to capture rare pokemon either gloat over getting toy surprise or refuse to talk to person who did, have plan thwarted by same three people who always thwart it, intense pain, once pesky females are out of the way inform other companions of, and I quote, 'what a bitch it is to hide a hard-on under a mini-skirt'--"

"What?!" exclaimed Jesse.

"Watch TV, put on pajamas, go to bed, et cetera," said Meowth. "Nothing I can't handle. Well, maybe the mini-skirt part..."

"Not all humans lead such glamorous lives," said Jesse, still looking suspiciously at James.

"Glamorous?!" exclaimed Meowth. "We eat canned food, live in ditches, and have serious discussions about mini-skirt--"

"It wasn't a discussion, it was a comment!" snapped James. "And you're never going to survive as a human if you don't realize that there are some things that shouldn't be repeated in front of Jesse!"

Jesse whacked him with a paper fan. "You're not going to survive until tomorrow, pervert," she snapped. She managed to regain her composure and turned back to Meowth. "Maybe you should spend some time with different humans first..."

"Why? Once I'm human, I'll still be in Team Rocket!"

Jesse and James exchanged a glance. "Because of your trainer, right?" asked Jesse.

"In case you haven't noticed, Meowth, humans don't have trainers," James said.

"Don't give me dat crap! I've used da internet!"

His teammates sighed. "Those are...'special' people," said Jesse.

Meowth snorted. "You two are pretty 'special'..."

"James, punch him!"

"Ow! See, Meowth was right!" the cat snapped, rubbing his arm. "You do everything Jesse tells you to do! She's your trainer!"

Jesse pulled out a mallet and squished him flat with it. "What are you implying?"

"Dat you two are bondage/discipline sadomasochism freaks," said Meowth.

Jesse and James exchanged a glance. "Why does everyone always think we're into bondage?" asked James.

"We're not?" asked Jesse.

Later, Meowth found himself in a room with James, Ash, Brock, Mondo, and Gary. Jesse and Misty were in the doorway. "We've called a temporary truce so you can learn about being human," Jesse explained.

"And once these clods are done, we'll try to teach you some manners!" added Misty.

Once the "pesky females were out of the way," Brock said, "Now, the most important thing about being a human male is--"

"Pokemon!" said Ash.

"Girls," said Mondo.

"Girls," said James.

"Girls," said Gary.

"Pika," said Pikachu.("Girls.")

Meowth glared at him. "You're just a pokemon!" he snapped.

"Piiikaaachuu!" Pikachu thundershocked Meowth.

Brock nodded. "Right, girls. Now, what are girls good for?"

"Nothing!" said Ash, laughing.

"Meaningful relationships, either platonic or nonplatonic?" said James.

"This brings us to a new topic," said Brock, walking over to the convenient chalkboard. "There are two possible words for James," Brock continued, writing each word as he spoke. "Gay or whipped."

"He's whipped," said Meowth and Mondo.

"Of course, James also has what we like to call a 'good set-up,'" Brock added, writing "good set-up" on the blackboard under "whipped." "As most of you have probably noticed, Jesse has 'big hooters.'" Brock paused to draw a quick sketch of what was obviously meant to be Jesse with her "talents" labeled as "big hooters." "My own research has confirmed that they are genuinely big hooters and not enhanced by Kleenex, shoulder pads, or--"

"Your own research?" asked James, fists clenching.

"Back in Cerulean when I left Ash to 'take care of some things,' I found your campsite and with the help of every man's best friend the zoom lens, took a few souveniers," Brock said, holding up several photographs and a black lacy bra. Meowth started snickering. "What's so funny?"

"Can I see those?" asked Mondo. Brock nodded and handed him the pictures. "Whoa..." Ash and Gary peered over his shoulder.

"Dat's James'," said Meowth. Brock shuddered and threw the bra in the trash can direction.

James also leaned over Mondo's shoulder to look at the pictures. "You took these?" he asked.

Brock nodded proudly. "Pretty good, aren't they?"

"Meowth, humans also have something called 'honor,'" James said, cracking his knuckles. "By invading my partner's privacy with stalker tactics, he has besmirched her honor. Therefore, I'm going to kick his bitch ass. Then I'm going to tell Jesse about it so she can defend her own honor later...."

In the small kitchen, Jesse and Misty were calmly drinking tea and eating popcorn, official foods of people who couldn't care less. "Sounds like someone's getting beaten up in there," said Misty. Jesse shrugged. "Are you sure you don't want to check on it? Since it's probably James?"

"James is bigger than everyone else in there," said Jesse. "I'm sure he can take care of himself."

Misty smirked at her. "What if it's two against one?"

"You mean one and a half against one," Jesse replied.

"I'm going to beat you like a red headed stepchild!" shouted a voice from inside the other room.

Anger veins appeared on both red-heads. "When I find out who said that..." said Misty.

"It was probably Brock," said Jesse.

"What?!"

Brock, being visually impaired, a foot shorter, and not having had the rights of his significant other violated, soon found himself slumped on the ground. "Remind me never to sexually harrass Jesse," said Meowth.

"I don't think I'll need the reminder," said Ash, looking at his friend.

"With your memory you will," said Gary.

"Another part of being human is rivalry," said Mondo. "Here, Meowth, I'll tell you a story...once upon a time there was a great samurai named Musashi. One day, a younger samurai named Kojiro challenged him to a duel. Musashi slept in, showed up late, then kicked the crap out of Kojiro and killed him."

"I hate that story," muttered James.

Meowth's eyes widened with glee. "I get to kill people?" he asked.

"Only if they challenge you to a duel," said Mondo.

"And you shouldn't be evil," said Ash. "Because nothing good ever happens to bad people!"

"We've noticed," said James and Meowth.

"No, I'm serious," said Ash. "One time I read about an outlaw in the American wild west who robbed banks and killed people. His name was Jes--"

"Ash, you loser," said Gary. "The most terrifying bandit of all was Bu--"

"I don't care about the wild west!" screeched Meowth. "I just wanna be human!"

"What kind of pokemon are you going to have?" asked Ash.

"Powerful ones!" said Meowth.

James snickered. "You know what they say about someone with powerful pokemon..."

"What?" asked Mondo, Ash, Gary, Meowth, and Brock.

"It's to make up for a lack of power somewhere else."

"You're just saying that because your pokemon suck!" said Meowth.

Ash and Pikachu looked over at Brock, both of them feeling slightly queasy. Brock's expression seemed to indicate that he'd just found a brand new pick up line..."You know, my pokemon really suck...and you know what that means..."

"What type of pokemon are you going to have?" Ash asked, hoping to distract Brock.

"Huh?" asked Meowth.

"Most people use a particular type of pokemon," said Gary. "This is obviously a mistake because certain types of pokemon are completely ineffective against other types."

"Like Misty only has water pokemon and Team Rocket has poison pokemon," said Ash.

"But Lickitung is a normal type," said James.

"Lickitung?" asked Ash.

"Jesse's other pokemon."

"Jesse has other pokemon?" asked Meowth.

James nodded. "Yes! Remember the lickitung she caught during the Princess Festival?"

"Den why da hell doesn't she use it?!"

"Anything would be better than that lousy Arbok," said Ash. "Even Meowth!" As Ash began to laugh, Meowth scratched him across the face.

"Hmm...that's another problem, Meowth," James said. "You don't have a name..."

"Oh yeah," said Meowth. "Humans always have names..."

After a thoughtful pause, Brock said, "We'll leave that up to the girls."

When Meowth finally emerged, Jesse and Misty turned to him and asked, "Well?"

"It turns out that Brock took pictures of you using a massive zoom lens when we were in Cerulean," said Meowth. "So James decided to beat him up for it, and it turns out dat Brock's da one who stole your bra. And they decided that you should be the ones to give me a name. Den we took a vote on who's da hottest girl. Jesse won, and dere was a three way tie for second between Cassandra, Nurse Joy, and Gary's sister. Gary den beat up Ash for remarks made about his sister. Den we had a belching contest."

"Who won?" asked Misty.

"Brock. So today I learned dat you should never insult or make lewd remarks concerning women involved with or related to people who are bigger dan you are."

Jesse and Misty nodded. "That's a good lesson to learn," said Jesse.

"Well, since the boys obviously wasted their time, I guess we'll have to tell you about human relations...."

"Oh, I know about relations. One night I walked in on Jesse and James."

"That..wasn't quite what I meant..." said Misty, starting to blush. "Like the more emotional parts..."

"Ohh."

"Like love," said Misty. Both girls sighed and immediatly slipped into internal dream sequences. "In an ideal world, the guy would come to the girl one day--"

"With a dozen roses," added Jesse. "Then, he'd look the girl in the eyes and say--"

"'You're the only one I want,'" said Misty.

"Then he'd carry her off into the sunset..."

"And they'd live happily ever after as the leaders of the Pewter City Gym..."

"As the leaders of Team Rocket..."

Jesse and Misty both sighed happily again. "Uh-huh," said Meowth. "What does dat have to do with Meowth?"

Jesse shrugged. "Plenty. For example, if you repeat any of this, they'll never find your body. And who shouted 'I'm going to beat you like a red-headed stepchild'?"

"Dat was Brock. Right before James pinned him to the floor and asked for the negatives to dose pictures. Now what's my name?"

Jesse and Misty looked at him. "Reggie?" suggested Misty. "Like the annoying guy in Archie comics?"

"No, no, no," said Jesse, shaking her head. "That name just isn't him..."

"Well, what would you suggest?"

"Fran Drescher?"

Misty thought for a moment. "He does have the voice for it..."

"I said, give it to me!"

"No, I got it first!"

"Aaaaahh!"

Meowth glared at his teammates who were still in their pajamas and rolling on the floor, fighting over a color changing spoon that had come in the Froot Loops box. He couldn't decide what was sadder: that his teammates were struggling over a hunk of plastic or that they were eating breakfast at noon. "Just one of you take the damn spoon and the other one can have the next prize," Meowth snapped, before proceeding to drink the milk from Jesse's cereal.

"Fine," Jesse said. "You heard him, James. Give me the damn spoon."

"No," James replied, still managing to hold on to it. "You can have the next one."

"Ha! Forget it! This one's mine!"

"It's a spoon," said Meowth.

"But it changes color in milk!" said Jesse and James, as if this made it all worthwhile.

"So what?! It's still just a cheap plastic spoon!" Meowth sighed. "Can't you at least find something better to not talk to each other over?"

Jesse, finding James' grip to be a bit strong, decided that it was time to resort to guerilla tactics. So she flashed him.

"Aaacckk!!" screamed Meowth, immediatly covering his eyes.

James laughed. "Come on, Jesse, we've been changing in front of each--oh my god..."

Jesse smiled smugly. "The spoon?" she asked. James mutely handed it to her. Jesse pulled her shirt back down and turned back to the breakfast table. "Hey, are those my Froot Loops?" asked Jesse.

"You snooze, you lose," said Meowth. He pushed Jesse's now milkless cereal aside and started on James' Froot Loops.

"Why you--ack!" Jesse would probably have verbally abused or threatened Meowth if James hadn't tackled her from behind. "It's my spoon now, traitor!"

"We agreed no flashing," said James.

"There's rules for dis idiocy?" asked Meowth.

Jesse and James looked up at him and nodded. "No punching," said James.

"No tickling," said Jesse.

"No flashing,"

"No biting,"

"No slapping,"

"No hair pulling,"

Meowth was seriously starting to rethink being human. The way things usually worked, this would end one of two ways. The first was that Jesse and James would refuse to talk to each other for the rest of the day, forcing the only other one with speech abilities to walk perpetually back and forth. The mediator also had the fun task of letting both Jesse and James take out their anger on each other on him. The second was far more likely. After fifteen minutes of rolling on the kitchen floor together, Jesse and James would probably take an extra hour to get dressed. After several cereal boxes of observation, Meowth had learned the key was to keep them from making eye contact. If they made eye contact, it usually meant that not only were they facing each other in a very awkward position, but that they also started to realize that it was generally a bad idea for people of opposite genders to wrestle after a certain age if they wanted it to be socially acceptable.

"Meowth already ate all of our cereal, didn't he?" asked James. Jesse had managed to escape from him and had managed to stand up, both of them still clutching the color changing spoon with both hands.

"Just da milk," said Meowth.

"Damn cat," his teammates muttered.

"And without any milk dere's nothing for da spoon to change color in," Meowth said. He sighed unhappily as Jesse somehow managed to fall, naturally landing on her partner.

"You're right, Meowth," said Jesse, looking into her partner's eyes.

"Who cares about this stupid thing?" asked James, standing up and helping Jesse to her feet.

"I suppose you're going to get dressed?" Meowth asked, feeling his usual vague sense of dread. Grinning excitedly, Jesse and James nodded before hurrying out of the room. As he gave the matter some additional thought, Meowth began to decide that the pros of being human most likely outweighed the cons. Judging from Jesse and James, human mating rituals seemed much better than often having to wait until actual mating season...

Giovanni took his lunch out of the microwave. "Mmm, chicken pot pie," he said, taking it to his couch so he could watch "The Price is Right" while he ate. His Persian followed him.

"Perrr?"

"No, Persian, this is my pot pie," said Giovanni.

"Perrr?"

"Persian, no!"

"Perr?"

"No, Persian, that's a bad persian!" Glaring at his pokemon, he pushed a button, lowering a view screen. "Cassidy!"

"Yes, Boss?"

"Cassidy, Persian's being a dildo!"

"Oh," said Cassidy, looking at Butch, who shrugged. "We'll...uhm...look into it, Boss."

"See that you do."

"Ring, ring, ring! Ring, ring, ring! Phone call! Phone call!" announced the video phone.

"What is it?" Giovanni snapped.

"Boss? Are you busy?" asked Meowth from the other end.

"Meowth, as you should remember, the Price is Right is on now."

"Sorry. I'll just--"

"What happened to your fur?"

"It's a long story...dere was something I wanted to talk to you about..."

"I don't have time for that now," said Giovanni. "But I do want to speak to those fools, Jesse and James. Are they in a room with a phone?"

Meowth bit his lip. "Uhm...yes...but dis might not be da best time to talk to dem..."

Jesse happened to glance to the right and notice the video phone and the fact that both Giovanni and his persian were staring at them. She shrieked and covered up her "assets." James did the same. "How long have you been watching?" she asked.

"Long enough," Giovanni replied. "Since fraternization is illegal..."

"S/he sexually harrassed me!" Jesse and James both shouted, each one pointing an accusing finger at the other.

"Fine. Jesse, you're fired for sexually harrassing James. James, you're fired for sexually harrassing Jesse. I can't say it's been a pleasure employing you."

James turned back to his partner. "Sorry I accused you of sexual harrassment," he said.

"It's okay," said Jesse, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You can harrass me anytime...after all, you're my nido--aren't you going to hang up?" she asked Giovanni.

"I've decided this is much more interesting than the Price is Right," Giovanni replied.

Meowth was making the infamous spoon change color when Jesse and James reentered the kitchen, essentially naked and holding hands. They both cleared off the table with one swift arm motion. "What do you think you're doing?" asked Meowth. "I have to eat off that table!"

"Deal with it," said Jesse. "The Boss fired us, then tried to spy on us."

"We decided that we'd rather have you as a voyeur," said James.

"How flattering," said Meowth.

A few minutes later, Jesse asked, "You're still here?"

"It's kind of like a nature program," Meowth replied. "I'm watching you the same way most people would watch a National Geographic special on Venomoth mating..." Jesse and James gave him their best wide eyed stare. "Wings trembling, the male Venomoth initiates the..." Meowth felt the urge to burst into tears. This was after the urge to rip off his whiskers and use them to stab his eyes out. He'd somehow forgotten that Jesse and James were the rare, special sort of people who could watch a pokemon tournament the way most people read romance novels. "All right, gropeable venomoth and voluptuous butterfree or whatever you pervs are today, I have three words for you: Linda Tripp naked."

"Well, that completely killed the mood," said James.

Jesse sighed. "We might as well try to capture Pikachu now..."

"We can't. The damn cat got us fired, remember?"

"Oh yeah." Jesse and James both sighed.

"You can still get dressed," Meowth reminded them.

Jesse and James glared at him. "What're we supposed to wear?" asked Jesse.

"More dan dat!"

"All we have are our uniforms," James reminded him. "And the hooker outfits," he added, looking hopefully at Jesse.

"No," Jesse said.

"Like Linda Tripp sliding a fresh tape into her tape recorder," Meowth said, "the human male--"

"Shut up and get us some clothes!" snapped Jesse and James.

"With pleasure," Meowth muttered. "How is it dat you drag us to every mall we come across but you don't have any clothes?" he asked Jesse.

She shrugged. "Think we'll get our jobs back?" she asked.

James nodded. "Of course! I'm surprised the Boss even fired us..."

"What? James, we haven't caught a pokemon in months, he hates our guts, and he just saw us completely violating the anti-fraternization policy!"

"Why do they call it fraternization?" James wondered aloud. "If I had a brother, I sure wouldn't be--"

"James! Just tell me why Giovanni wouldn't fire us!"

"Because he needs people to hate and yell at and be incompetant! He's so used to having us to take his anger out on that we now have a sort of protective 'George Jetson' bubble."

"Mmm..." Jesse said. "James, Meowth isn't here anymore..." She leaned closer to him. "And since we don't need to worry about being fired..."

"Jesse...I'm still weirded out by that whole Linda Tripp thing..." James replied, shuddering slightly.

Jesse hugged him, leaning her head against his chest. "Are you sure we'll get rehired?"

"Of course!" James said, hugging her tightly. "We're irreplaceable!"

"Butch! Cassidy!"

"Yes, Boss?" asked Cassidy. "Is Persian still being a dildo?"

"No...I'm giving you two a promotion."

Butch and Cassidy exchanged a glance, their eyes gleaming. "A promotion?" Cassidy asked. "I'm flattered, but--"

"Yes," Giovanni continued, leaning back in his chair. "Since I fired Jesse and James, I need you two to be the new Jesse and James."

There was an awkward silence as Butch and Cassidy stared at him. "Excuse me?" asked Cassidy.

"You two are going to be the new Jesse and James," said Giovanni. "I selected you two because, well, you were the first two names that came to my mind."

"Names?" asked Butch and Cassidy.

"It just sounds good together...and I couldn't remember anyone else," Giovanni admitted, pausing to pet his persian as it brushed against his legs. "Now, you'll pick up your uniforms and meet up with your two new teammates at 3."

"New teammates?" asked Cassidy.

"Meowth and Mondo."

"Meowth? Wouldn't he be with..."

"The Boss is Meowth's trainer," Butch whispered to his partner.

"Whatever you think is best, sir," Cassidy said.

Giovanni nodded and hung up.

"'The new Jesse and James'?" snapped Cassidy. "We finally get a big break and it's just to replace Jesse and James?!"

Butch shrugged. "At least we get new uniforms," he said.

"What's wrong with our uniforms?" asked Cassidy, glaring at him.

"The white boots? You look like an Austin Powers bimbo..."

"And you sound like a swishy koffing!" Since all pretense of professionalism had been completely abolished, she added, "I know someone who just lost his love power..."

Butch shrugged. "I've been going over to Duplica's."

"Wonderful," Cassidy muttered. "And you've probably seen the damn finest magikarp impersonation there is..."

Two sweatsuits flew into the room. "Get dressed!" Meowth shouted.

"We are," said Jesse.

"You told me...you lying little..." Meowth muttered as he walked in. Jesse and James had managed to dress themselves in their "I haven't done laundry in a month attire" and were sitting on the couch, watching TV.

"I love Monster Rancher!" James exclaimed.

Jesse nodded. "It's got the kind of good messages and quality plots that the cartoon industry has been missing," she said. "So we should show our support by buying as many high quality Monster Rancher toys as we can!"

"But, Jesse, where are we going to find things with the genuine Monster Rancher seal of approval?"

"Don't worry, James, inside a JC Penny's near us there's an officially liscenced Monster Mart!"

"Wow...we should go max out all of our major credit cards there!"

"Monster Rancher?" asked Meowth, raising an eyebrow. "Don't you numbskulls know that for the coolest in collectable monsters Digimon is the best?"

Jesse and James shrugged. "The Boss called," Jesse said. "He wants you to get back to work."

"But...oh yeah, he owns me," Meowth sighed. "What're you two going to be doing while I'm out slaving away?"

Jesse and James exchanged a glance. "Well...we've already confessed our love, written our tell-all books and gotten them accepted by a publisher," said Jesse.

"And my rich great-uncle died and left me all his money," added James.

"So what's left?"

"There's always achieving enlightenment...or writing the great American novel!" James suggested.

"You're the best!" Jesse squealed, hugging him. "Let's get started on our novel!"

Meowth stared at them. "Dis is a prank, isn't it?"

"Just go to headquarters," said James, kissing Jesse on the forehead. "We'll be fine."

Meowth nervously backed out of the room before breaking into a full run. Once he was gone, Jesse and James burst out laughing. "We probably shouldn't play with his head like that," said James.

"Probably not," Jesse agreed.

"Why did you say 'confess our love'?" James asked her.

"I just..." Jesse started blushing. "I mean...everyone assumes that we're...so I just...uhm..." Since the lame excuses department of her brain had decided to abandon ship, she settled for whacking him upside the head. "Who said you could touch me?"

"You look unusually peaceful," Meowth said.

Mondo leaned back in his chair. "I just got back from Duplica's," he said.

"Yeah, dat machoke impression sure is soothing..."

"Didn't you hear? She doesn't do impersonations anymore."

"So what does she do?"

"She's a prostitute. And she can imitate anyone." Mondo smiled happily. "Her ditto's pretty good too..."

"How does dat work?" said Meowth, sitting in the chair next to him.

"I brought pictures."

"Of?"

Mondo looked towards the door. "Any idea why we're here?" he asked.

"Two Jesses?" Meowth guessed.

"No."

"Jesse and Cassidy?"

"Ew..no."

"Jesse and James?" No response. Meowth started to inch away from Mondo. "You sick bastard!"

"Shut up..."

"I can't believe dis..."

Mondo glared at him. "Transspeciesal..."

"At least I don't want a menage a trois with Jesse and James!"

"Don't act like such a prude...we all know you're a little voyeur..."

"What?!"

Fortunately for Mondo and Meowth's fragile relationship, Butch and Cassidy entered, dressed in Jesse and James style uniforms. Meowth leapt to his feet. "What do you think you're doing?" he snapped.

"We're the new Jesse and James," said Cassidy.

Meowth and Mondo stared at her, mouths hanging slightly open. "What?" they both asked.

"We're the new Jesse and James," Cassidy repeated, this time through clenched teeth.

When a very battered Meowth returned home that night, he saw Jesse and James on the couch, barely moving. "Your chi outta whack?" he asked. "Maybe we should use some feng shui on the room so your vibrant yang energy can get its ass off the couch!" Jesse and James each held up a hand with middle and ring finger pressed together and index finger and pinky sticking out.(you know, the reverse Vulcan thing?) "What is dat?"

"The Vulcan finger," Jesse explained.

"We're watching the uncut episodes of Star Trek," added James.

"Mr. Spock, you wanted to see me?"

"Yes, Captain," said Spock with his usual Vulcan reserve. "I just wanted you to know that I am not your bitch. That's why I have impregnanted Uhura and the two of us are beaming down on the next planet to start a better world." Spock then gave Kirk the Vulcan finger. "Live long and kiss my ass."

"Crazy Vulcan," muttered McCoy as Spock left the bridge.

"High quality programming," said Meowth, rolling his eyes.

"Better than 'When Buildings Collapse 4,'" said Jesse.

"I thought that was tomorrow," said James. "Tonight's the workplace scandal one."

"So all dat stuff about you two becoming better people..." Meowth began.

"Crap," said Jesse.

"Tell all books?"

"Crap."

"Rich uncle?"

"Still alive," said James.

"So it bothers you dat Butch and Cassidy are the new you?"

Jesse and James managed to take their eyes off Star Trek uncut to stare at him. "What?" they asked.

"Dey wear your uniforms, say your motto, have your assignments...which reminds me, I have to go," Meowth announced. "We caught a marowak and are going to slowly torture it."

"But we weren't in the Slow Torture Department," said James.

Meowth shrugged. "Old habits die hard, I guess..."

The next day..."So...where are Jesse and James?" asked Ash. He, Misty, and Brock had by an astonishing coincidence been wandering through the Rocket Zoo when they'd found Butch and Cassidy poking a marrowak with pointy sticks.

"Yeah, shouldn't they be here?" asked Misty.

"No," Cassidy said through clenched teeth. "We're Team Rocket now!"

"Oh," said Ash and friends.

"When are Jesse and James coming back?" asked Brock.

"They're not coming back!" Cassidy snapped.

"Marro!" snapped the marrowak.

"You guys hate Jesse and James!" said Meowth.

"Yeah...but we hate them more," said Ash, looking at the ground. His friends nodded.

"So when are Jesse and James coming back?" asked Misty.

"They're not coming back!" screamed Cassidy.

"I don't know," Meowth sighed.

"Remember the time Jesse and James dug that hole in the middle of the road and we fell in it?" Misty asked.

Brock nodded. "Now they were real villains...they didn't waste time torturing innocent pokemon for no reason!"

"Let's go visit dem!" suggested Meowth, tears starting to form at the thought of all those fond memories.

Butch and Cassidy watched as they enemies ran off to visit Jesse and James. "They've only been gone a day!" yelled Cassidy. "A day!"

"Hello?" asked Jesse, sounding peeved.

"Jesse, I know you're probably taking advantage of da fact dat I'm gone and you and James have no obligations," Meowth started to say.

"Actually, we're playing Mario Kart," Jesse said, sighing. She was completely startled when Ash, Misty, Brock, and Pikachu hugged her.

"Please come back!" said Misty.

"I want you guys to try to steal Pikachu!" added Misty.

"Whose hand is that?" asked Jesse.

"Jesse...ready to finish losing?" James called.

"James, the twerps are here. And I can kick your sorry butt any day of the week!"

"Why?" James asked, entering in a "I'm not leaving the house today" ensemble similar to Jesse's.

"We missed you," said Meowth, leaping Pikachu style onto his former teammate's shoulder.

"You just saw us," said James.

"Your replacements are currently poking a caged marrowak with a stick," Misty informed them.

"Can we hear the motto?" asked Ash.

Jesse and James exchanged a glance. "Insane," Jesse mouthed.

James nodded. "One thundershock too many," he mouthed back.

"A pointy stick," Meowth said. "And we can't do anything else until it's dead."

"Why?" asked Ash, Misty, and Brock.

The two former and one current members of Team Rocket stared at them. "It's a marrowak," said Jesse.

"So?"

"That's what you do with marrowaks."

"Maybe that's what Team Rocket does with marrowaks," said Ash.

Jesse, James, and Meowth exchanged a glance. "Well...yeah," said Meowth. "We're Team Rocket remember?" He glanced back at Jesse and James. "Hey, how come you guys ain't posing?"

"Because we're not Team Rocket, remember?" snapped Jesse.

"Not that we need them," said James.

"If anything, they need us."

Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, and Meowth all had a group vision of Butch and Cassidy, gleefully poking the marrowak with their sticks, and shuddered. "Dat's for sure," said Meowth.

"Just say the motto once!" said Ash.

"Please? It would really mean a lot to us," added Misty.

Jesse and James sighed. "Fine," said Jesse. "Since we never expected you twerps to appreciate us enough to beg for the motto...to protect the world from devastation."

"To unite all peoples within our nation," said James, sounding just as bored as his partner did.

"To denounce the evils of truth and love,"

"To extend our reach to the stars above."

"Jesse."

"James."

"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light."

"Surrender now or prepare to fight."

"Meowth, dat's right! And put a little enthusiasm into it!" snapped Meowth.

"Whatever. Meowth, I'm sure you can show our mortal enemies the way out..." Jesse said.

"But I can't take seeing some poor cubone's mother being poked with sticks!" whined Ash.

"Then rescue it, moron!" snapped Jesse and James.

"We never did a thing to the pokemon we captured and you were always happy to rescue those," added James.

"Yeah! We'll go rescuse Marrowak!" Ash declared. "Come on, you guys!"

Once their mortal enemies and Meowth had left, Jesse and James both burst out laughing. "We won't be hearing from them for awhile," said Jesse.

Quite accurately, Ash-tachi soon found themselves in the cage with the Marrowak, being poked with pointy sticks. "This all your fault!" screamed Misty.

"My fault? If your stupid Togepi hadn't started crying--"

"You're just jealous because Togepi chose me!"

Butch and Cassidy gave them both an especially harsh jab. "Shut up!" snapped Cassidy. "We're going to poke you with pointy sticks until you die whether you like it or not."

"Why would anyone like being poked with sticks until they died?" asked Brock.

The marrowak, who definately did not like being poked with sticks until she died, decided to channel her anger onto Ash, Misty, Brock, and Pikachu's skulls with her bone club.

"If you want to play rough," said Ash, taking out a pokeball, "then Squirtle, I chose you!"

"Ash, you can't battle in here!" said Misty.

Ash ignored her, as usual. "Squirtle, water gun!"

"Squirtle!"

Although most of the water landed on Marrowak, some splashed onto Ash-tachi and the floor. Pikachu, annoyed at this, snarled an especially vicious "Pika pika!" and thundershocked everyone in the vicinity. Marrowak, being a ground pokemon, only snickered.

"And coming up next on TBS, a 16 hour Full House marathon!"

Jesse and James gave the TV screen a look of pure horror. "Change it!" they screamed, hugging each other tightly. "Don't you have the remote?"

"You never trust me with the remote!" James said.

"Then where is it?" asked Jesse.

They both looked up and saw the remote sitting on the TV. "Aaaahhh!!"

James started laughing softly. "James, do you have a plan?" asked Jesse, looking hopeful.

"Well, we could get up, walk over, and get it," James said.

Jesse smacked him. "That's not what I wanted to hear! I meant a good plan!"

"Uhh..yeah," said Meowth. "Can I go now?"

"Are they dead yet?" asked Cassidy.

"You're poking them with sticks! They might as well heal on impact!"

"Actually, I'm starting to feel a bit suicidal," said Misty.

"I'm more delirious," said Ash.

"Me too," said Brock. He and Ash both looked warily at Marrowak. "Once the skullheaded one has perished, we can eat its flesh for strength..."

Ash nodded. "The girl will probably be next..."

"Hey!" snapped Misty, smacking Ash.

"Wak!" snapped Marrowak, smacking Brock.

"I'm leaving," said Meowth.

That was when Cassidy's beeper went off. "The Boss wants to see us immediatly," she said. She glared at Meowth. "It includes you."

Two hours of Olsenaliscious fun had given Jesse and James high caliber blank stares, normally only achieved by the insane. While Jesse aimed coins and other things she found in the pockets of her sweatpants(coins) at the off button, James had taken off his shirt and was trying to make a noose out of the sleeves. Jesse reached into her pockets and found she was completely out of change. So, she did what any sensible girl would do: she reached into James' pocket. Midreach, she realized that he was shirtless and she had one hand in his pocket, which was really only a small fabric layer away from having a hand in his pants. She also realized that his pocket was empty. So she did what her Oslen twin crazed mind told her to do: she leaned over James to reach into his other pocket. "Uhm, Jesse..."

It would've been a moment, if Stephanie hadn't chosen that moment to declare, "How rude!"

Jesse immediatly moved back to her side of the couch, took off one of her earrings, and hurled it at the TV.

"I wonder why the Boss wants to see us," said Clay.

Allison shrugged. "Maybe it's because we spent the last month lounging around and watching movies," she said. "Not that we had any assignments..."

"I figured he forgot about us..." He looked at Allison's hair, which had gone from purple to pink and in a Chibi-Moon style. "Not that you're recognizable."

"I was tired of everyone telling me I looked like Jesse and James.."

"It was the hair. Except for hair and eyes, everyone basically looks the same."

His partner shook her head. "Jesse's paler."

"Oh yeah. Judging by just the face, no hair, eyes closed, that would help..."

"It should..."

"Why are we even talking about this?" said Clay as they reached Giovanni's door.

"I have no idea..."

They entered and found Butch, Cassidy, and Meowth already waiting. "A video screen?" said Allison.

"If we wanted to stare at a giant video screen, we'd still be watching Super Seizure Fighting Robots: the Movie!" added Clay.

The screen clicked on. "Butch and Cassidy..."

"Yes, Boss?" they asked.

"You're the worst Jesse and James I've ever seen. I'm demoting you back to being Butch and Cassidy. Clay and Allison, you're the new Jesse and James." He looked down at Meowth. "Meowth, I'm afraid you're not working out anymore." A pokeball appeared in a nearby transmitter. "You're going to be replaced by this talking Vaporeon."

"Talking vaporeon?" exclaimed Meowth.

The ball opened, and a vaporeon jumped out. "Yes, isn't this splendid?" she said. "Now, let's get that Pikachu!"

"Dis is totally insane," said Meowth.

"What do you mean we're the new Jesse and James?" asked Allison. "I mean, sure, Clay is the closest thing to the original--"

"Hey!"

"But we're Team Rocket agents, not actors!"

"Unless it's Broadway, TV, or a starring role," added Clay.

"Damn right," Allison agreed.

"Faces like ours deserve to be seen and heard," added Vaporeon.

"You're too Jesse and/or James," Meowth told her.

"Who cares?" asked Allison.

"She's right," said Clay.

Meowth sighed. "I'm leaving," he said. "You'll find your antagonists and pikachu in a small cage at the zoo."

Meowth found Jesse and James on the couch, twitching slightly. Acting quickly, the cat lunged and turned off the TV. "How long has dis been on?" he asked.

"I love you," said Jesse and James, holding out their arms to him. "You know what we Tanners do best!"

"Dat's it! You two need to get your jobs back! Dis isn't healthy!" He took the remote, turned the TV back on, and quickly began channel surfing. "But foist, we need to find you something with sex and violence!"

"Even slutty Uncle Jesse thinks it wrong to talk about sex," said Jesse and James. "Unless it's in an educational, non dirty matter. And violence is always wrong."

Meowth shuddered. "Matrix, Simpsons, South Park, Teletubbies, anything!" he muttered.

"You know what's much better than TV?" asked Jesse.

"Hanging out with your family?" asked James.

"No..."

"Helping your dad clean the house?"

"No..."

"Borrowing your older sister's clothes?"

"No...reading!"

"Yeah, reading is really fun!"

Meowth paused briefly on a Marilyn Manson video, then shook his head. "Nah...need to ease them back into normalcy slowly...” Finally, he paused on PBS, juts in time to see the Teletubbies fall under the spell of the giant windmill. “Bad idea…” Then, his eyes went wobbly with delight as the remote and fate led him to Jerry Springer. Today’s delightful and informative episode was “Tales of the Midget Klan.”

“All right, shovels?” asked Allison.

“I am not digging the hole,” said Clay.

Allison sighed. “Clay, you’re James.”

“Why do I have to be James?”

Allison and Vaporeon exchanged a glance. “Well, duh,” said Vaporeon.

“Hey, I’m straighter than James’ll ever be!” snapped Clay. “Besides, I want to be Jesse. She never does anything…”

By the time the midget Klan confessed that they “didn’t even like tall people,” Jesse and James were back to their old selves. "Why do we need to go back to work again?" asked Jesse.

"Because you tripped out on Full House," said Meowth. "And if you were in Team Rocket, you wouldn't have time to watch crap."

"How're we supposed to get our jobs back? You just said Clay and Allison were us now..."

"Oh my god!" gasped Clay, Allison, and Vaporeon. "You're eating a marrowak?"

Ash and Brock looked at them with wild eyes. "The weak must die so the strong may survive!" said Ash.

Allison and Vaporeon immediatly looked at Clay. "I'm not reaching into that cage!" he shrieked. "What if they eat my hands?"

"I can't do it," said Allison. "I'm Jesse, remember? I don't do anything!"

Clay glared at her. "How come you get to be Jesse?" he asked. “And we never agreed—“

"And I’m Jesse because I'm the girl!" Clay raised an eyebrow. “I’m the less gay one!” They glared at each other for another minute, then Allison sighed and said, "Flip a coin?"

"Rock paper scissors?"

She nodded. "Rock, paper, scissors, shoot," they chanted. "What is that?"

"An atomic bomb," said Clay.

"UN beats atomic bomb," said Allison.

"No it doesn't!"

"Yes it does! Why do you think no one's supposed to nuke each other?"

Vaporeon rolled her eyes. "If we steal Pikachu, we'll have plenty of time to fight over who gets to be Jesse," she said.

"But we have to have a Jesse before we steal Pikachu," said Allison.

The three of them looked at each other. They could either do the right thing and take Pikachu from a small cage where two people were eating a marrowak they may or may not have killed, or..."Oh, hell, Jesse and James never do anything right," said Allison. "Let's just say we had this plan involving..."

"We dug a hole and I wore a dress," said Clay.

"Perfect," said Vaporeon. "Now let's go home!"

"Wait, we have to kill some time," said Allison.

"Otherwise the Boss might figure it out..." added Clay. He looked at his partner. “We could dye your hair again…”

“What’s wrong with my hair? It looked awful before!”

“Well, it looks worse now!”

Meowth was explaining the plan to help Jesse and James get their jobs back, complete with visual aids. "It's simplicity itself!"

Jesse and James stared at him. "You want me to do what?!" asked Jesse.

"Not necessarily you," Meowth reminded him. "James could be quite a prize, if da Boss swings dat way..."

"You want me to do that?!" asked James.

"We could dress you up all pretty," Meowth said, winking. "Of course, da two of you together might be even better..." As his teammates started to smile, he added, "With da Boss."

"Oh," said James.

"This is a joke, isn't it?" asked Jesse.

"Jesse, you wanted to be in dat movie right? Well, the key to a successful movie career is--"

"Talent?" asked James.

"Big tits?" asked Jesse.

"Because we've got both!" they exclaimed, posing.

"No, you lamebrains! Sleeping with da producer!"

Jesse and James looked at each other and grimaced. "But the Boss isn't going to put us in a movie!" said Jesse.

"All we get out of this are our old crappy jobs," added James.

There was a knock on the door. "I'll get it," said Meowth. "I want you two to think about how beneficial my plan with be..." He stopped for a moment and turned back to them. "So who's the talent and who's the big tits?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Jesse asked him.

"I'm both!" said James. Jesse whacked him with a frying pan.

"I should've known," Meowth sighed.

Once he was gone, Jesse said, "This had better be a joke."

"I don't think it's very funny," said James.

Jesse glared at him. "You were also the one who thought that we'd have to be rehired! And you'd better remember that I'm the one with the big tits around here!"

"Ooo...bad time," said Clay as he, Allison, and Meowth entered. "Maybe we should come back later..."

"I miss my old job," said Allison, sighing. She looked sadly at Clay. "We never used to argue about who had bigger dirty pillows."

"They're called 'breasts', Allison," said Jesse.

"Although we'll also accept 'ta-tas,' 'boobs,' and 'titties,'" said James.

"And me and Clay are da only ones here who don't have 'em!" said Meowth.

"Aren’t you supposed to be out being us?" Jesse asked, giving Clay and Allison a critical look.

"We decided to get some pointers from the originals first," Allison replied.

At that point, Clay grabbed Allison's ass. "For example," he said. "Was that believable?"

Meowth nodded. "I'd say so..." he said. "Only you have to act like you're afraid or something." Clay screamed, then grabbed Allison's ass again. "Much better," Meowth assured him.

“What are you implying?” snapped Jesse and James.

“Nothing,” said Clay.

“Don’t touch me there!” said Allison.

“Just dat you two are horndogs in denial,” said Meowth. “Now, let’s get back to the plan…you two seduce Giovanni—“

“Been there, done that, eh Jesse?” asked Allison. She, Clay, and Vaporeon started laughing.

Jesse started blushing. “What is she talking about?” asked James.

“Nothing!” said Jesse.

“Oh, dat’s right!” said Meowth. “Now I remember!”

“Can’t we just take a bullet for him?” asked Jesse.

Clay, Allison, and Vaporeon looked at each other, smirking. “Lousy lay?” asked Vaporeon.

“How’s he compare to Ja—ow!” Clay took a mallet to the head from Allison. “I never said you got to be Jesse!”

“You’d make a terrible Jesse!” snapped Allison.

“Especially if being Jesse requires sleeping with Giovanni,” said Clay, shuddering.

Jesse raised an eyebrow. “You’re not interested in ‘Giohottie’ anymore?” she asked. James and Meowth started snickering.

“Look, we’ll help you get your jobs back if you can get us to stop being you,” said Allison. She and Clay were both starting to blush.

Vaporeon looked up at them. “Giohottie?” she asked.

“At least we didn’t sleep with him,” Clay and Allison muttered.

“At least we don’t want to sleep with him,” Jesse and James muttered.

James looked skeptically at his partner. “Well, at least I don’t want to sleep with him…”

“Lies! All lies!” shouted Jesse.

Meowth looked at Vaporeon. “I think dere’s still some fun ta be had with this,” he said.

Vaporeon nodded. “Oh, of course,” she said.

“So…James, do you have any of your brilliant plans?” asked Jesse.

“Don’t even talk to me!” James snapped.

“But…I slept with him for us?” asked Jesse.

“I’m not falling for that excuse again!”

Misty shivered, noticing that Ash and Brock were staring at her. “What?” she asked.

“How are you feeling, Misty?” asked Ash.

“Getting tired?” asked Brock.

“No!” snapped Misty. “And if either one of you freaks comes near me, I’m going to scream for help!”

“There is no help,” said Ash, staring blankly ahead.

“There’s only us…” Brock said. “But at least we are…alive.”

Misty looked at the bars and started shaking them. “Help!” she screamed. “Somebody get me out of here!”

“So…we’re agreed? “ asked Jesse.

Clay, Allison, and James nodded. “We follow the plan and no one mentions anything involving Giovanni and sex ever again,” said Allison. The two women shook hands. “Although I’m glad I haven’t actually—“

“Allison!” snapped Clay.

“And I’m glad my hair doesn’t look like yours,” said Jesse.

“You little…” Allison muttered, then lunged.

“Can’t we go one day without Jesse getting into a fight?” asked Meowth.

“Cat fight!” cheered James.

“Oh, hurrah,” muttered Clay, rolling his eyes. “This is worth the delay…Allison, could you speed this up a bit? I want to go back to our old jobs where we could spend a month dying our hair and watching bad movies.”

James, Meowth, Clay, and Vaporeon watched with varying degrees of interest. “Dat looked like it hurt,” said Meowth.

“You know, I’m starting to have some doubts about this plan,” said Clay. “And I’d make such a better Jesse than you, Allison!”

“Meowth, go…do whatever we’re supposed to do now,” said James, still staring.

Meowth sighed and headed towards the nearest video phone. Vaporeon followed him. “Why do all of dese plans involve…whadda you want?” he asked, looking at Vaporeon.

She shrugged. “I just wanted to know how you learned to talk,” she said, sitting down beside him.

“I taught myself,” Meowth said. “I taught myself how to walk like a human too.”

“Why bother?” asked Vaporeon. “After all, you won’t be able to do it once you evolve…”

Meowth glared at her. “Who says I’m gonna evolve?” he snapped. “Only insecure, pathetic pokemon need to—“ Meowth stopped himself, realizing he was talking to an eevee evolution, a type of pokemon known for its tendancy to be disgruntled. Well, at least when contained in a burlap bag…”It’s just not for me, okay?”

Vaporeon looked at one of her paws. “I hate eevees,” she said. She looked up. Her eyes met Meowth’s. “And jolteons…”

“Just what do you think you’re doing here?” asked Officer Jenny.

“Team Rocket locked us up in here!” whined Ash.

She looked more closely inside the cage. “Is that a marrowak?”

“Please, you have to get me out of here!” wailed Misty.

“Meowth, what’s taking so long?” snapped Jesse as she, James, Clay, and Allison entered the room.

“Aaaahhh!!” screamed Clay and Allison, covering their eyes.

“I didn’t need to see this!” said Allison.

“God hates us!” added Clay.

“This is karma,” said Jesse.

James nodded. “Definitely karma,” he agreed.

Meowth and Vaporeon were giving their companions their best “deer in headlights” stares. “It’s not what it looks like,” said Meowth. “We…uh…” He suddenly found his brain had gone completely numb. “Dere was a ghost, and since Vaporeon was scared…I…uhhh…”

Jesse and James exchanged a glance. “Uh-huh…” said James.

“Meowth, you can do better than that!” Jesse snapped. “You could at least say you tripped!”

“And since you don’t have any clothes, it might have been halfway believable!” added James.

Meowth and Vaporeon looked at each other. “Is it too late to say that?” asked Vaporeon as they both stood up.

“Yes,” said Jesse, James, Clay, and Allison.

“There's no way I can take part in that plan of yours now,” said Clay.

“I think I'm going to be sick,” added Allison.

“Yeah, you’re an entire team of perverts!”

“You probably thought up this plan for some pervert reasons!”

“We want no part in this perversity, right, Allison?” There was silence. “Allison?” Allison looked at the floor. “Wonderful!” Clay exclaimed throwing his arms up in disgust. “I’ve got a pervert partner! I’m the only one who isn’t a pervert here!”

“Look, it’s still a better plan than the other ones!” snapped Allison.

“There is no way I’m staying with you perverts a second longer!” Clay turned and proceeded to storm out the door.

Allison sighed. “Come on, Vaporeon,” she said. “It’s time to go calm the idiot down.”

“What about us?” asked James.

“You’re on your own,” said Allison. “If we don’t calm the bitch down he’s going to be completely unbearable for days…” She started to leave, then realized Vaporeon wasn’t following. When she turned to yell at the water pokemon, she saw that Jesse and James had already changed into Clay and Allison disguises. “Clay is so going to kill you.”

“Let’s go tell him about it!” cheered Vaporeon.

Allison and Vaporeon grinned at each other and hurried out the door.

Jesse and James turned to each other and started laughing. “To blight all peoples within our nation,” said James.

“To protect the world from devastation,” said Jesse.

“To extend our wrath to the stars above,”

“To denounce the evils of truth and love,”

“Clay!”

“Allison!”

“Surrender now or you’ll surely lose the fight!”

“Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!”

Meowth looked fearfully at his posing teammates. “Is dat really deir motto?” he asked.

Jesse and James nodded. “Sad, isn’t it?” asked Jesse. “Now call the boss.”

Meowth shuddered as he turned to the video phone. Whenever their jobs were altered in any way, this seemed to be Jesse and James’ first idea. Definitely karma he thought as he dialed.

“What is it now?” asked Giovanni.

“Boss, dere’s something I think you should know about Clay and Allison…” Meowth said, then angled the video phone so Giovanni could see what was going on behind him.

The leader of Team Rocket sighed. “Jesse, James, why are you even wasting my time with this?” he asked.

“Kiss my ass!” said James.

“Make it double!” added Jesse.

“You’ve pissed us off so prepare for trouble!” they both shouted, posing.

“To blight—“

“All right, fine! You’re Clay and Allison!” snapped Giovanni, covering his ears. “Just don’t say that awful motto! And since you’re obviously doing too good a job of being Jesse and James—“

“We get our old jobs back?” asked Jesse.

“No, you’re fired. Meowth, where are Jesse and James?”

Meowth snorted. “Why would you want dem, Boss? Dey’re more Jesse and James dan Clay and Allison are!” For this admirable display of loyalty Meowth found himself punched into the ceiling.

Giovanni looked skeptically at “Clay” and “Allison” then shook his head. “Just tell Jesse and James they can have their worthless jobs back.” He hung up.

“Yes!” cheered Jesse and James, hugging each other.

“And how do you plan to explain this to Clay and Allison?” asked Meowth, dropping down from the ceiling.

Jesse and James shrugged. “It’s their fault for not doing it themselves,” said Jesse. “Especially when they know what good actors we are.”

“Uh-huh,” said Meowth, rolling his eyes.

His teammates glared at him. “I wouldn’t say anything if I were you,” said Jesse.

“Yes, after all, we aren’t humans trapped in a Meowth’s body who just got it on with a vaporeon,” said James.

Meowth started blushing. “She started it!” he said. Jesse and James exchanged a glance. “She did! And I still say it wasn’t what it looked like!”

Meanwhile…Clay and Allison were packing up their things. “I hate Jesse and James,” Allison announced.

“I can’t believe they got us fired,” added Clay. “There’s only one way I’ll ever forgive them…”

“It’s not happening.”

“Then we’re just going to have to plot revenge.”

“Against?” Clay and Allison turned to see Butch and Cassidy in their doorway. “And going somewhere?”

“We got fired,” said Allison.

“For sitting around doing nothing?” asked Butch.

“Not exactly,” Allison muttered through clenched teeth.

“We got fired for Jesse-Jamesing,” Clay added.

“You two?” asked Cassidy. She and Butch were clearly trying very hard not to laugh.

“It wasn’t us,” said Clay.

“They dressed up like us and—“

Allison was cut off by Cassidy screaming, “That’s why the Boss thinks I’m a lesbian!”

The others looked at each other and snickered. “And here we thought it was the earrings,” said Allison.

“Al, that is such a hate crime,” said Clay. “So it’s not the earrings?” he asked Cassidy.

“It’s that blue haired bitch!” Cassidy snapped. “There’s only one thing that would make me forgive them…”

“You too?” asked Clay. “Well, I called it first. You can settle for sloppy seconds…”

“Not that!” snapped Cassidy. “I won’t be happy until I see them completely humiliated!”

Clay and Allison exchanged a glance, eyebrows raising on both sides. “Do we look like a Pikachu equipped ten year old boy?” asked Clay.

“There has to be something we can do,” said Cassidy.

Allison sighed. “Sorry, we slept through Advanced Costuming during training,” she said.

“You might have,” said Clay, “but I never missed a class.”

“And you took gay notes,” snapped Allison. “So shut up.”

“Well, as interesting as that is…” Cassidy interrupted, rolling her eyes, “I think the four of us together can come up with a way to have our revenge.”

“Why do we want revenge again?” asked Butch.

“They ruined my hair, they made me look like a lesbian, and they keep calling us the ugly ones!” Cassidy posed dramatically. “And I’m going to get even with them if it’s the last thing I do!”

“Hmm…” Clay said. “You know, we might be able to get a fifth person in on this…

** Jessebelle glared at her rival. “You’re going to pay for this,” she threatened. “Ah’m going to get all four of you…**

“Uh, Clay?” said Allison. “You realize Jesse’s evil cousin vowed revenge against us too, right?”

Clay shrugged. “Oh, yes, but she can put that off until after the five of us get revenge.”

It looks like bad times are in store for our heroes…and will Ash and his friends ever make it out of that zoo cage?