Disclaimer: Let's see...do I own pokemon yet? Nope. But someday soon...

Rating: Instead of a standard rating, I'll now just quote lines from and about the story and let you the viewer decide! Huzzah! "It's crucial to the plot to have J+J making out in a Victoria's Secret dressing room!"

Other: Recycing is good. I don't know about anyone else, but I don't think I'll be able to stand the word "jigglypuff" for quite some time. Hugs and kisses to the sicko who responded to my "Poke_Whore" personals ad by saying he wanted to do things I don't care to repeat to my "jigglypuffs" thus inspiring me! Sick freak. And here's another useless fact you didn't want to know: the Brock in drag thing has been sitting around for quite some time--it was originally going to feature in an abandoned "Where are Clay and Allison from?" story. So I added C+A back in, added some rare candy, and it still sucks! Agreement can be sent to me at the usual place. Also, let’s all applaud Zelda’s previewers! To keep them safe from anyone who’s still not happy with this one, they know who they are…

Allison looked nervously up from the computer screen. "Come on, come on," she muttered. "Download faster!" She jumped as the door opened and hurried to minimize the window.

"Allison! It's favor time!"

"Dammit, Clay, I was…uhm…working on our web page?" Allison said, struggling to block the computer screen with her body.

Clay nudged her aside. "You're downloading more of these stupid paper dolls?" he asked.

Allison started blushing. "Well…you can never have too many Sailor Moon dolls…"

"Especially not when you can download 'Leather Bondage Ecchi Fun Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask'…Now, since it's favor time, can you put porn hour on hold for a few minutes?"

"What do you want now?" asked Allison.

"I need you to help me with something," he replied, holding up a ziploc bag.

"Clay, I'm not your crack dealer," said Allison, returning her attention to Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask. "Now, let's give Serena the leather pleated skirt and the whip and Darien can hold the riding crop…"

Clay sighed unhappily. "Can you at least look at me?"

Allison reluctantly turned around. "This had better be—that's rare candy!" Clay nodded. "No! I am not helping you with…no!"

"Al, you don't even know what—"

"I can guess!" Suddenly, she smiled coquettishly. "Unless, of course, you'd like to—"

"No."

"You really suck, Clay. Could this be more unoriginal?"

Clay rolled his eyes. "Allison, there are days when originality isn't that important."

"And which days would those be?"

"All the ones ending in 'y.' Now stop complaining and help me."

It was another one of those days. Team Rocket had set up camp in the middle of nowhere since Ash and his friends had decided that it was time to leave the comforts of Ash's home and start getting lost again. Since it was before noon, Jesse, James, and Meowth were naturally still asleep in their sleeping bags, mumbling various incriminating things in their sleep. Meowth was right in the middle of a pleasant dream about wasting his trainer's persian like a Safari Zone warden when, somehow, there was a knock on the tent flap. Being the only one with cat-like reflexes, he was the only one to wake up. Not only was he lucky enough to be awakened right before his The Matrix soaked consciousness provided him with either a leather clad Meowsie or Cassandra, he also had the good fortune to hear Jesse mumble, "You've got such a big aurora beam." He shuddered and opened the flap.

"What is it?" he snapped. "Hey, wait a minute! What are you doing here?"

Brock looked sheepishly at the ground. "I need some advice," he said.

"What happened to dat Tracey kid?"

Brock shrugged. "I don't know." Meowth sighed and turned back to his teammates. He would probably have to scare them awake. After hearing James mumble something about wrap, he decided to use his tried and true favorite. "What're you two doing back there?"

"Nothing!" Jesse and James both said, immediatly sitting up. "It's not what it...oh."

"What's he doing here?" asked Jesse, once she noticed Brock.

"I need your help," he said. "I need to get Nurse Joy to notice me before my carpal tunnel syndrome gets any worse!"

"What does carpal tunnel syndrome have to do with..." Jesse trailed off, starting to realize the connection.

"Oh, ew!" exclaimed Team Rocket.

"You haven't touched any of our stuff, have you?" asked Jesse.

"Hypocrites," Brock muttered.

"It'll make you go blind," James added.

Jesse and Meowth snorted. "Ha! That's a pile of..." Jesse stopped and stared with growing fear at Brock.

"What?" asked Brock, noticing the stares he was getting.

"Nothing," said Jesse and Meowth.

"I'll let dem get dressed," said Meowth, stepping out of the tent. "Now, were you born like dat?"

"Like what?" said Brock, what passed for his eyes remaining on the tent. "So...they're both getting dressed in there?"

"Haven't you noticed? Dey change in front of each other all the time..."

When Jesse and James emerged a few seconds later in uniform, Brock fell to his knees, "We're not worthy" style. "Teach me your ways, oh great one!"

"Huh?" asked James.

"Do you know what this is about?" Jesse asked Meowth.

"James, share your wisdom with me!"

"Jesse, you should probably leave before da testosterone levels get too high here," Meowth said, semi-sarcastically.

Jesse rolled her eyes. "Fine. I need to buy some things for today's plan anyway. Usual brand of pantyhose, oh testosteroney one?"

"Can you get it in black?" James asked.

Jesse sighed. "You didn't shave, did you?"

"Jesse, we've been following the idiots through the middle of nowhere! And did you?"

"That's what the thigh high boots are for."

Meowth shuddered. "Sometimes I think you two are a bit too close," he said.

"Shut up. You have more body hair than we do."

"I'm a cat."

"You don't have to act so smug about it," said James.

"So quit your bitching or we'll make you look at our legs," said Jesse, reaching to the zipper on the side of her right boot.

"Yes, ma'am," Meowth said.

"We need anything other than pantyhose?" asked Jesse.

"Kleenex," said James.

Jesse sighed. "When are you going to get your own bra to stuff?"

"We'll go bra shopping next time we're in an actual town."

"Good. You have any money?"

James handed her a good sized gun he'd pulled out of nowhere. "Here. You can borrow my 'credit card.'"

Jesse somehow managed to hide the gun on her person and left for the nearest store. "Poor James," Meowth said. "Jesse's going to make you go shopping..."

"Poor James," James agreed, grinning like there was no tomorrow.

"I want to go bra shopping with Nurse Joy," Brock sighed.

"Patented Team Rocket Babe Magnet Method isn't working?" James asked.

"I've been arrested, insulted, and beaten up by four different Joys..." said Brock. "I don't know why it doesn't work for me!"

"Dat's a shame," said Meowth. "Of course, James is frequently insulted and beaten up by da one and only Jesse..."

"Just tell me what I should do!"

"Brock, sit down," James said. "Now, some people would tell you that in the face of threats, insults, and physical abuse, you should take that as a sign that the object of your affection isn't interested and that you should move on...well, Brock, those people are quitters!"

"Until you're actually replaced or openly rejected, you've got a chance!" said Meowth.

"Isn't being kicked in the balls before being turned in to the cops an open rejection?" asked Brock.

"No, that's misplaced affection," said James.

"Maybe you just haven't found the right Joy," said Meowth.

"Has Jesse ever turned you into the cops?" Brock asked.

James and Meowth both gave him a "you're an idiot" look. "I don't think it would be in Jesse's best interests to call da cops," said Meowth.

"Because you'd get revenge?"

"No, because she's a wanted criminal," James replied.

"And dey're a matched set," added Meowth. "You'd have ta arrest dem both. Hey, wait, didn't you two--"

"Now, Brock, I think it might be time for you to take the Team Rocket Babe Magnet Method to the next level," James continued. "I've noticed that straight women really like gay men."

"Uh-huh," said Brock.

"So, your best bet is to become a 'closeted heterosexual.'"

"What?"

"He says you should act gay," said Meowth.

"Does that actually work?" Brock asked.

Meowth put a hand on Brock's shoulder. "Let me put it this way...when we all get to a town, Jesse and James will be bra-shopping, and if you're not lurking in that same mall, you will probably be continuing to work on your repetitive stress syndrome. So I would recommend going back to wherever you twerps are set up, stealing some pretty things, den coming back here so we can dress you up."

Brock nodded and hurried off. "Why'd you do that?" James asked.

"Because something's been bothering me," said Meowth. "Do you just make up dis junk as you go along, or is dis all just a calculated scheme you've been working on for da past...while?"

"Make it up as I go along. Come on...what kind of idiot would believe that the Team Rocket Babe Magnet Method would actually work?"

Meowth shrugged. "Well, I admit that most girls probably wouldn't want someone dey'd either just met or barely knew fear hugging dem...although, we could tell him to try dat whole scary movie thing..."

"True. But he'd have to get a date first."

"Good point."

"And this is much more fun."

"Naturally...so...da crossdressing?"

"What about it?"

"If you're trying to impress anyone with it...oh, and by da way, I've caught on to your little scheme."

"What scheme?" asked James, giving Meowth a look of wide eyed innocence.

"I've noticed what Jesse wears when she's da man," Meowth said. "And you always end up in something with a full skirt..."

"What're you implying?"

"I'm saying you're not a real drag queen; you're just a desperate transvestite with ulterior motives!"

"You know, this will be the second time we'll have gotten one of the twerps to dress in drag," James said, quickly changing the subject.

"No one left but Pikachu and Misty," said Meowth. "Which probably won't be half as amusing as dis will be..."

"I wish Jesse was here for this...she could probably help us think of a name for Brock..."

Meowth nodded. "We got lucky with da 'Ashley' thing..."

Jesse returned to find James and Meowth lounging around the campsite. "Are we going to spend the day here or are we going to catch Pikachu?" she asked.

"I told Brock that the best way to get Nurse Joy is to act gay," said James.

"So I told him to go get some girly things and den we'd dress him up," Meowth added.

"Which means we'll have tranvestified half of the little losers."

Jesse smirked. "Well, we probably wouldn't have caught Pikachu today anyways..."

"Dat's da spirit!" said Meowth.

"So what do we name him?" asked James.

"Hey, Brock, where are you going?" asked Ash. He, Misty, and Togepi were currently losing a game of "Go Magikarp" to Pikachu.

"I've got a foolproof plan to get Nurse Joy to go out with me!"

"That's great!"

"Good luck!" called Misty. "How much money do we have?" she whispered to Ash.

"Not enough to bail him out again," Ash whispered back. "We should probably just let him spend the night in jail..."

Misty nodded. "Then he should finally learn his lesson…"

"Unless they give him the death penalty…"

They looked at each other and shrugged. "Well, either way," said Misty.

"We could always figure out where Tracey went and why we're back on the mainland with Brock," said Ash.

"I've just stopped asking myself things like that," Misty replied. "Pikachu, got any fives?"

"Pika pika!"

"This won't make Nurse Joy think I'm a crossdressing wuss, will it?" asked Brock.

"Of course not!" said Jesse. Knowing you, she'll probably just think you're a cross-dressing moron..."These aren't my clothes, are they?"

"No, they're Ash's mom's." Jesse, James, and Meowth exchanged a glance that clearly said "Poor twerp's mom." Jesse shook her head sadly, and turned back to Brock. "Some eyeliner and mascara should help…make it look like you have eyes," she said.

"Maybe we should just draw some on," said James.

"I have eyes!" said Brock.

"Maybe we should just draw attention away from the eye area," said Jesse. "James, while I try to fix tiny eyes' little problem, teach him how to stuff a bra."

"These are shoulder pads," said James. "Though small, they can make good phony boobs. Now, you should do this in layers. Kleenex, then shoulder pads to smooth it out."

"Dis is going to be more informative den it should be," muttered Meowth.

Meanwhile, at the mall, two people in quite obvious Team Rocket uniforms were sitting in the food court, surrounded by bags full of things they didn't really need. Like articles of clothing that weren't Team Rocket uniforms. "Well, I feel better now," said Allison, brushing a strand of purple hair out of her face.

Clay nodded and looked in the direction of the Gap. "Ooo, the cute cashier's still there," he said. "Maybe we should go buy some more stuff…"

"Like what?" asked Allison.

"I don't know…socks?"

"Socks aren't sexy! If we buy more stuff just to talk to him, we have to buy sexy things…"

"Like what?"

"I don't know…we could…I hope this means you've given up that idiotic plan to--" Allison stopped. "What're you staring at?" She turned around and saw Jesse, James, Meowth, and some chick in an ill fitting pink dress.

"I'll be right back," said Clay.

Allison scowled. "How many times do I have to tell you?" she snapped. "James isn't—"

"Oh, it's not him."

Allison raised an eyebrow. "Meowth?"

"Just wait for me, okay?"

"Why're we here?" asked Brock.

"I need to do some shopping," said Jesse.

"Hey there," said Clay, approaching them and winking. Jesse's eyes narrowed. "What's your name?" he asked, pushing Jesse and James aside.

Jesse, James, and Meowth stared in amazement as Clay began putting the moves on their drag clad charge. "What the…?" asked James. "I…I'm a much prettier girl than Brock is!!"

Jesse whacked him upside the head then said half to herself, "I guess I shouldn't have threatened Clay…"

"What?" asked James and Meowth.

"Nothing."

"What's a nice girl like you doing with these fiends?" asked Clay. "Don't tell me they kidnapped you."

"Uhm…I'm not…" Brock began.

"Oh, I know you're not in Team Rocket," Clay said. "I would've remembered someone like you…now, what did you say your name was?"

From the table, Allison stabbed her drink with the straw. "Why can't he be straight around me?" she muttered.

"Clay, could I have a word with you?" asked Jesse.

"Yeah, we're a bit confused about something," added James.

"I'll just be a moment," Clay said to Brock. "Make it quick," Clay hissed at the other members of Team Rocket.

"We just thought you should know…that's…she's not…" Jesse began, then looked at James.

Clay rolled his eyes. "Duh," he said. "I'm not a bunch of idiot pokemon trainers…"

"And you think he makes a better girl than I do?" asked James. Jesse elbowed him.

"Well, if you're jealous…"

"He's not," snapped Jesse.

"Then I'll see you three later," Clay said, taking Brock by the arm and leading him towards his and Allison's table.

Jesse, James, and Meowth watched. "Oh well," said James.

"Well, we can either think of a plan to catch Pikachu or go to the movies," said Jesse.

"Yay! Da movies!" cheered Meowth. "Meowth wants ta see da Tigger movie!"

"I am not seeing The Tigger Movie," Jesse said.

"But Jesse, Tiggers are wonderful things!" whined James.

"Fine," Jesse replied, scowling. "But first we're going bra shopping."

"Eee hee hee!" James squealed. He then noticed the look Jesse was giving him. "Jesse, do we have to?" he whined.

Meowth shuddered. "I'm goin' ta K-Mart," he announced.

"Good," said Jesse. "You can meet us at Vicki's."

Attention K-Mart shoppers Meowth thought to himself as he watched Jesse drag James off. The latter was grinning ear to ear. Blue light special on Super Soakers…

Brock, meanwhile, was giving Allison his usual look of blushing lust. "How you doin'?" he asked Joey Tribiani style.

Allison glared at him. "Clay, is this who I think it is?" she asked.

Clay rolled his eyes. "No, Allison, I just brought a poorly dressed lesbian over here to question your sexuality," he said sarcastically.

"I thought so," Allison replied before slapping Brock.

"Brock, let me explain something," said Clay. "I need you to do me a little favor since Princess 'I Suddenly Got a Conscience Because Everyone Knows I'm a Jesse and James Wannabe' decided that friendship means nothing."

"Uhm…" said Brock, looking hopefully back at Allison.

Allison reached into her purse that had appeared out of nowhere. "Oh fudge," she said. "I've only got two cans of mace…"

"In other words, I give you Nurse Joy's phone number if you slip this into James'…whatever we're calling various food items today," Clay finished.

Allison sighed, then returned her attention to her plate of sushi. "This hot dog is great," she said.

Now, if Brock had not been in the prescence of a Team Rocket female, dressed in the standard tight clothing, complete with the standard generous assets, he probably would've been able to notice that he'd just been given a sack full of rare candy. "Okay…" he said. "Anything for you, miss."

"Then get him to come back here," said Clay.

"Exhibitionist," muttered Allison.

Speaking of exhibitionism, Jesse and James were currently in a Victoria's Secret. Jesse was starting to see the potential flaws in the plan for both of them to share a dressing room. James, meanwhile, was trying to keep his eyes on things that weren't Jesse and mostly failing.

"James?" Maybe I should suggest thong shopping…

"Uh-huh?"

Their eyes met after a brief tour of each other's shirtless chests, and they both lunged forward in classic fear hug style. Instead of just clinging to each other, Jesse and James started making out. "What about the camera clause?" asked James, during an air break.

"Oh, who cares?" said Jesse, pushing him against the mirror. "If it's in effect then the damage is already done. Now be quiet, or I won't help the lost onix find Mt. Moon."

Having dispatched Brock, Clay and Allison were still sitting in the food court. "You know," said Clay, looking at the rare candy they had left. "This stuff's pretty old…"

Allison raised an eyebrow. "Are you suggesting we test it?" she asked.

"I'm bored," Clay said shrugging.

"Fine," Allison agreed. "We're out of money anyway…"

"You realize this is how rumors get started."

"What rumors?" asked Allison as they both ate a piece of rare candy.

"Apparently people think we're Jesse-Jamesing."

"Idiots."

"I know."

They both looked at the piddly amount of remaining candy, then each grabbed another two pieces. "Then I definitely don't want to remember this," said Allison.

"It'll be nice to just wake up with new stuff and not know where it came from," Clay agreed.

After purchasing his super soaker, Meowth began stalking through Victoria's Secret. He paused, listening to the dressing rooms. Hearing what sounded like the standard moans from one, he kicked it open and screeched, "Stop dat, you sexual miscreants! We've got woik ta do!" as he sprayed the inhabitants with his water gun.

Bleary eyed Clay and Allison stared at him. "Didn't we used to have a talking thing that talked?" asked Clay.

Allison nodded. "I think it was a blue thing that talked…and why am I making out in a dressing room with you when I could have…Brock?"

Meowth tried to shake off his horror. Clay and Allison were at least still in the fully clothed stage. "Have you seen Jesse and James?"

"If we'd seem 'em, they'd be here," said Clay, winking.

"Well, one of them," added Allison.

"Why not both of 'em?" asked Clay. "Double your pleasure, double your fun,"

"With double mint, double mint gum!" Meowth slammed the door, leaving Clay and Allison happily singing jingles in their rare candy induced stupor. Fortunately it wasn't long until he heard, "Mmm…jigglypuffs…"

Sighing, the cat marched over to the room from whence the disturbing comment came, shouted, "Meowth, cold shower attack!" and would have kicked the door open if Jesse and James hadn't had the foresight to lock it. "Ow!"

"Stupid cat," said Jesse. She and James laughed briefly, then continued the search for Mt. Moon.

"It would be such a shame if those great, big jigglypuffs attacked the lost onix," James murmured.

"Yes, it would be," snapped Meowth. "Now stop fooling around, you lamebrains!" He stuck the water gun under the door and fired.

"Ahhh!!"

"Onix is weak against water," Meowth said. "So I hope it shrivels up and dies so we can either catch Pikachu, see da Tigger Movie, or continue torturing Brock!"

Jesse and James emerged, both covered in water, fully clothed, and looking extremely mad at Meowth. "Let's go see the stinking Tigger Movie," Jesse snapped.

"I hate da movies," Meowth announced. He was sitting in the front row in between Arbok and Weezing.

"Chharrrrbok!" hissed Arbok, its tongue darting out.("Stop bogarting the popcorn!")

"No! It's my popcorn!" snapped Meowth.

"Chaaaarrr!!"

"Wee-zing…" ("I want popcorn too…")

"You don't eat popcorn!"

Jesse and James weren't anywhere near this little struggle because they were seated in the back row, sans popcorn. By a supreme act of will, they were still watching the movie, mostly because two people with so few happy childhood moments did not need Winnie the Pooh tainted. "Why are we in the back row again?" asked James.

"So we can sneak out," Jesse replied.

"Jesse, let's just stay until the end," James said. "I want to see if Tigger ever finds any other tiggers!"

"Fine," Jesse said sighing. A moment later they both casually yawned, stretched, bumped knuckles, and both started blushing due to being caught at one of the world's oldest dating tricks. That this made then blush while moments earlier they had been making out in a dressing room with little remorse would probably remain one of the great mysteries/inconsistancies of life. "I'm glad we made Meowth sit in the front row," said Jesse, squeezing his hand. Smiling nervously, they both sweatdropped again. It was shaping up to be one of those moments.

That was, of course, before a familiar voice from the front row screamed, "It's Meowth's goddamned popcorn!!"

"Chhhaaaaarrrbok!"

"Aaahhh!"

"Too bad we can still hear him," Jesse muttered as Arbok unleashed the fury of its poison sting, a favorite Team Rocket attack, on Meowth.

She and James both screamed as a flashlight was suddenly shined in their eyes. They would have fear hugged, but the standard design of the movie theater seats caused them both to take an armrest to the abdomen. "Urrkk..."

"I've seen you two hooligans before," said the flashlight wielding usher. According to his nametag he was "Jonathan" but his friends called him "Rusty." He was also about 5'1" and 89 years young. "And I know what goes on in the back row...get out before I call my manager!"

"Hi, Todd," said Ash, looking up from the game. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I just got back from the mall and the one hour photo place," said Todd, grinning.

"Great," said Misty, rolling her eyes. "I wonder who these pictures could be of and what they're wearing..."

"Or not wearing," said Ash, laughing at his own joke.

"Actually, I was able to get both of them this time," Todd said proudly.

"Wow!" Ash and Misty exclaimed.

"Pika-pi!" added Pikachu.

"That's right, Pikachu! Todd's brought us even more naked pictures of Jesse! How do you do it, Todd?"

Todd shrugged modestly. "I just seem to always be in the right place at the right time."

"I'll say!"

Having little better to do since they'd been kicked out of the movies, Jesse and James decided it was time to do some actual work. "But Jesse, I thought we decided this was our day off," whined James.

"Quit whining. We're going to rob a Pokecenter," Jesse said. "Which will easily combine business--"

"And our own sick senses of humor!" They both threw their heads back and laughed.

"Hi," Brock said to Nurse Joy.

"Hello," Nurse Joy replied. "Do you need me to heal your pokemon?"

Brock shook his head. "No...you're just so nice and...I just wanted to talk to you and...uhm...I really want to be a pokemon breeder!"

"That must be a very exciting career," said Nurse Joy, still smiling brightly. "Did you want to ask me questions about taking care of pokemon?"

"Sure..."

Cheerful, helpful expression still plastered across her face, Nurse Joy was frantically hitting the silent alarm button hidden under her desk. Years of working in a PokeCenter had taught her the poorly disguised drag queens were almost always up to no good.

To add to the negative stereotype, a voice chose that moment to announce, "Prepare for trouble!"

"Make it double!"

"Uh-oh," said Ash, looking up from the latest in Todd's Sick Little Voyeur collection. "My spunky protagonist sense is tingling! We'd better get to the nearest PokeCenter--and fast!"

"Spunky protagonist sense?" Misty asked critically.

"Shut up, Misty! You're just jealous!"

"Am not!"

"To protect the world from devastation," said Jesse.

"To unite all peoples within our nation," said James.

"To denounce the evils of truth and love,"

"To extend our--"

"Freeze! You have the right to remain silent!" shouted Officer Jenny, appearing in the doorway and pointing a gun at Jesse, James, and Brock.

"D'oh," muttered Jesse and James as Jesse threw down a smoke bomb. While the two Rockets hauled ass into the all concealing ventilation system of the PokeCenter, Brock happily looked from Jenny to Joy.

"You must be working for Team Rocket," Jenny said to Brock once the smoke had cleared.

"No, they just give me advice," Brock replied in his normal voice.

"Wait a minute, Jenny!" Ash called from the doorway.

"Our friend forgot his medication," said Misty.

"All right then," said Jenny. Much to Brock's disappointment she put her handcuffs away. "Just make sure he remembers to take it next time."

Ash and Misty nodded. "Joy, were two members of Team Rocket here?" asked Ash.

Joy nodded. "I don't know where they are now though..."

Two different members of Team Rocket had just woken up to find themselves with the standard post-candy passout headache. "Why hasn't Tiny Eyes brought me my bishounen yet?" asked Clay.

"Clay, we might have just had wild sex," said Allison. "Isn't that good enough for you?"

"Al, I don't remember it and James is much cuter than you are. Now, any ideas where we can find the traitorous drag queen?"

"James?"

"No, Brock."

The two aforementioned members of Team Rocket were in the Intesive Care Unit, gleefully filling up a sack with rattatas because those were the most common PokeCenter animal. Several chanseys watched and waved their stumpy little arms ineffectively. "Jesse, are you sure these are rare rattatas?" asked James.

"James, I think by now we could give the Boss a stick and say it was Twyg, the mythical 301th pokemon," Jesse replied. "And he'd be happy that we'd finally managed to get a stick without severely injuring ourselves."

Exchanging a glance, they both dropped their sacks of rattatas. "Screw this!" they cheered. "We're going to capture Twyg!"

"And maybe even Brawnch, the mythical Twyg evolution!" added James.

"You're not capturing anything!" shouted Ash from the doorway. "Especially not my Pikachu."

Jesse and James rolled their eyes. "Didn't we just say we were going to gather sticks?" asked Jesse.

"Yes...but it's probably part of a sinister plot to capture Pikachu!" Ash replied.

"He's so self-centered," said Jesse.

James nodded. "And no, twerp, we're just going to give our Boss a pile of sticks."

"Which is part of his sinister plot to--"

"There is no sinister plot!" Jesse and James screamed at him.

"What's goin' on?" asked Meowth, entering into this confusion followed by Arbok and Weezing. "How come you two left?"

"Hey, Rock-boy!" shouted a voice from the ceiling.

The assembled mob looked up just in time to see Clay and Allison jump down. "Give me back my stinking candy," said Clay.

"Make it double," said Allison, idly looking at where her fingernails were under her gloves. "I like the stick idea...you could also try for Pencell, the mythical writing type pokemon."

"You've pissed me off so prepare for trouble!" Clay finished.

"Indian giver," muttered Brock. "Onix, go!"

Jesse and James looked at each other, blushed, and giggled. "What?" asked Meowth.

"Nothing," his teammates said quickly.

"Onix," said Allison, snickering. "How cute…"

"Hitmonchan, beat some sense into it!" shouted Clay, throwing a pokeball.

"Luneon, send it into orbit!" shouted Allison, throwing a pokeball.

"Hitmonchan!" Hitmonchan said, punching the air a few times.

"Luneon!" said Luneon, looking cute, cuddly, and basically ineffective against an Onix.

"Luneon?" asked Clay.

"I'm not using matching pokemon with all those rumors going around," said Allison. "Butch and Cassidy don't use matching pokemon, and no one cares about them."

Clay rolled his eyes. "Well, when your stupid luneon gets its scrawny ass kicked—"

"But, Clay, you're normally such a big fan of scrawny asses…Luneon, sing!"

"Allison!" exclaimed Clay, starting to blush.

"Figures," muttered Ash.

Misty nodded. "That seems to be the only attack they know," she added.

"Hitmonchan, attack those pests!" shouted Clay, pointing in the Ash and Misty direction.

Allison then noticed her luneon was crouched on the ground, looking very depressed. "What's wrong, Luneon?" she asked.

"Loo," whimpered Luneon.

"Oh, these mean people won't listen to your song?" Luneon nodded. "Listen up!" shouted Allison, holding up a small remote. "Listen to my Luneon sing or I'm going to make you listen to New Kids on the Block!"

Naturally, everyone got quiet. "At least a luneon can't hold a pen," said Misty.

"Hey, what is a luneon?" asked Ash as Luneon began singing.

"Luneon," said Dexter, "The lunar pokemon. It is the psychic evolution of eevee. Like ivyeon, this evolution was recently discovered."

"Wow," said Ash.

"Shouldn't we be asleep?" asked Brock.

"It's okay, Luneon," said Allison, picking up her little pokemon and petting it. "Your song was very nice."

"Eee!" Luneon proudly chirped.

"Pathetic," muttered Clay.

Allison looked down at her watch. "Just as I suspected," she said, grabbing Jesse by the arm and starting to pull her away from the group. "I think it's time for some girl talk! Ha, ha—what have you eaten today?"

Jesse stared at her. "What are you talking about?"

Allison's eyes narrowed. "Just answer the freaking question. My charming partner decided to--" Allison's cellphone decided to start ringing then. "Hello? Uh-huh...uh-huh...well, sir, by an astonishing coincidence they're right here. I'll be sure to tell them."

"Tell us what?" asked James.

"It's time to play musical partners again!" said Allison, putting Luneon back on the ground.

"It's the part I was born to play, baby," said Clay. He then turned to Jesse and whined, "Jesse, I'm hungry! And why don't we ever steal any men's costumes?"

"Oh, it's much worse than that," said Allison. "We're on same sex teams now!"

Clay started grinning. "God doesn't hate me anymore!" he cheered.

Jesse and James exchanged a glance. "You have a plan?" asked Jesse.

James nodded. "Can I borrow some hairspray?"

"Hey, we are honest, loyal employees!" said Clay. "Right, Allison?"

"Of course," Allison replied. She then turned to Jesse and James. "Given a bucket of water, a hairdryer, and one of your uniforms I can be ready in fifteen minutes."

"Done," said Jesse and James, handing her a bucket and James' spare uniform.

"Come on, James!" said Clay. "It's time to do what Grey Squad does best!"

"Sing bad songs and stay at least three feet away from each other at all times?"

"Uhm..yeah.." said Clay.

"What about talking pokemon?" asked Allison.

"I'll go with dose two," said Meowth, nodding towards Clay and James.

"Now we just have to hunt down Vaporeon," said Allison.

"Shouldn't we capture Pikachu, who's right here?" asked Jesse.

"Nahh. We don't do that kind of thing in the Grey Squad."

Clay and Allison both sighed, looking at Jesse and James who were both fear hugging like there was no tomorrow. "Pull on the count of three?" asked Allison. Clay nodded.

"Let's go, guys," said Ash. "I should probably be..." He and Misty looked at Brock. "Training?"

"That's a good idea, Ash," Misty agreed.

Back at Team Rocket headquarters..."Do I even want to know?" asked Vaporeon.

"A certain idiot thought it was a good idea to switch partners again," said Allison. "Even though he should know by now that it never works."

“He?”

“Giovanni. Who else?”

Vaporeon shrugged. "Well, it'll be about the same. We'll still be stuck with a vain, fashion obsessed bimbo who wants a certain blue haired team member."

"True." They both looked at Jesse, waiting for her to try to kill them.

"Whatever," Jesse muttered. "Let's just...do whatever."

"What should we watch today?" asked Vaporeon.

"Let's just watch cartoons until we figure out a way to pay off our Blockbuster fines," Allison suggested.

"If I tell Meowth to use pay day seventy times, he'll do it," said Vaporeon.

"Let's watch cartoons anyway."

"So...all da Grey Squad does is watch movies?" asked Meowth. He, Clay, and James were also back at Team Rocket headquarters and sitting in Clay's room.

"Isn't it great?" Clay replied. "Anyone mind if I turn the lights off?"

"Yes."

Clay glared at him. "James, you want an altoid?" he asked, holding out a metal tin filled with rare candy. "Does he normally not move this much?"

"It's a common phenomenon with Jesse and James," Meowth explained. "Jesse especially seems to completely shut down when seperated."

"Such a shame," said Clay, smiling as James took the "altoid." "Here, have a few more. Your breath is terrible."

Meowth held out a bottle of hair spray. "James, plan B," he said.

"Oh, that's right," said James, quickly snatching the hairspray and pulling out a hair brush.

"Huh?" asked Clay.

"Don't worry about it," said Meowth, pulling out a can of blue spray paint.

"Didn't we agree to thwart something?" asked Vaporeon.

"Oh yeah..." said Allison, dumping a bucket of water over her head. "But it can wait until after Powerpuff Girls."

"Naturally."

Several "altoids" later, James was lying on his back and staring up at ceiling. "You weren't planning to disobey the Boss, were you?" Clay asked suspiciously.

James sat up and gave Clay a provacative glance. "How did you know?"

"Because you did your hair like Allison's and Meowth just spray painted himself blue."

James smiled. "I've been a very naughty bellsprout, haven't I?" he asked, slowly approaching Clay.

"Uhm..." Hmm...this must be that guilt thing Allison kept saying I should have Clay thought as James draped his arms over Clay's shoulders.

While this was happening, Meowth was flipping through the second edition of Rare Candy and You: Making the Best of Unfortunate Mishaps in seach of the logical explanation. Then he conveniently remembered Clay and Allison's little forays into the fun and frisky world of rare candy ODs. And da award for worst save by a rocketshipper goes to... Meowth thought, chucking the book into the trash. I still say James is bi...

Okay, best case scenario, Allison never speaks to me again, Jesse breaks my legs, Clay was rationalizing as James grabbed his ass. Worst case scenario, Allison breaks my legs and Jesse rips out my spine...I die and go directly to hell, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred yen since there's probably something morally wrong about this..."Actually, I'd be much more willing to punish a naughty bellsprout if he dressed up in Allison's clothes," he said.

"Ooo, kinky," James said, winking.

And my sex drive agrees to shut up if my conscience lets me watch him change Clay said to himself. "What?" he asked Meowth, who was currently staring at him.

"Who are you and what have you done with our token viciously desperate Rocket queen?" asked Meowth.

"I knew you'd rat me out."

"Naturally. Da only people allowed to molest members of da White Squad are members of da White Squad."

Clay raised an eyebrow. "I always figured you four were close."

"Meowth, be nice," said James. "Clay's an honorary member...aren't you, Clay?"

"Just shut up and put your mini skirt on before my feeble morals collapse like a cheap folding chair," snapped Clay.

“I like Bubbles,” said Vaporeon.

“Of course,” said Allison, rolling her eyes.

“At least I don’t like the butch one!”

"So, Jesse, who's your favorite Powerpuff girl?" asked Allison, mostly to shut up Vaporeon.

After waiting several minutes for a response, Vaporeon asked, "Is she dead?"

"Maybe we should find something to poke her with," Allison suggested.

There was a knock on the door. "Hello, Jesse and James who're in Allison's room for some reason! It's Clay and Allison, come to switch partners with you!" Clay said in a loud and very obvious voice.

"Oh yeah," said Allison and Vaporeon, hurrying to get ready for this little farce.

"And to think, we could've done so much more with this," said Allison.

Vaporeon snorted. "Don't be a dumbass, Allison. Remember that day and a half where Jesse an James traded partners with Butch and Cassidy?"

"Were we even working here then?"

"Exactly. Nothing worth remembering."

After a quick glance in the mirror, Allison opened the door. "Well, Allison," she said to James. "I didn't know you two were so close."

"And James, you and Allison are even wearing matching clothes," said Clay. "How precious."

"Ha ha, you know me...always happy to dress in drag and sashay around town!"

“And has your hair gotten darker? And longer?”

“Clay, shut up.”

James, meanwhile, had staggered over to Jesse, whose eyes had naturally lit up with the familiar girlish glee required of these situations. "Hey there, ravishing dewgong…" James slurred as Meowth looked at a clock and realized the two Rockets had been separated for all of twenty-seven minutes.

Allison gave her partner a look. "I got bored, so I started feeding him rare candy," Clay explained.

"What?!" snapped Jesse. Her attempts to stand up were hindered by the fact that James had decided to sit on her lap.

"And?" Allison asked.

"I behaved," Clay said meekly.

"I didn't!" James cheerfully announced.

Allison gave her partner yet another look. "I didn't touch him!" protested Clay.

"He's telling da truth," said Meowth.

"We're leaving," Jesse said through clenched teeth as she pushed James away. "Now."

"Yeah, you'd better get going before dis wears off," Meowth agreed. Jesse replied by kicking him into a wall.

"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!" cheered James as Jesse dragged him off in the direction of that night's lodgings.

It was then that Clay noticed Allison staring at him. "What?" he asked. "If anything had happened he would've passed out by now!"

Allison smiled and shook her head. "I can't believe it…my desperate little partner finally got a soul…" She thought for a moment. "Of course, Meowth was there…"

"Yes, that had a large impact on my decision." Clay's eyes narrowed. "You know what a big mouth that little hairball has…"

Back at their aforementioned random cabin, James was hugging Jesse, his head resting against her chest. "Jesse?"

"No, I'm not going to show you my jigglypuffs."

Meowth, meanwhile, was squinting suspiciously at James. "Shouldn't he have passed out by now?" the cat asked.

"S'ok," James replied. "I already saw them."

Jesse hit him with a paper fan. "Not in front of Meowth!" she hissed.

"I was dere, remember?" Meowth muttered.

"Biggest jigglypuffs I've ever seen," James continued.

"Excuse me, I have to go vomit now," said Meowth, quickly leaving the room.

Jesse had naturally started to blush. "James, I'm flattered, but if you ever say anything like that again, I'll kill you." Then something occurred to her. "How many jigglypuffs have you seen?"

"Jesse?"

Jesse sighed. "What is it, James?"

James sat up, looking his partner in the eyes and giving her a lopsided grin. "I wuv you."

"You're just saying that so I'll show you my jigglypuffs."

"No…if I wanted to see your jigglypuffs I'd do this," James replied, starting to lift up her shirt. Jesse shrieked and swatted his hand away.

Meowth stuck his head in the doorway. "If I hear da woid jigglypuff again, I'm going to fury swipe someone's wigglytuff!" he screeched. "And I'll think of something to do to Jesse later."

Once he was gone, James smiled at Jesse again. "I wuv you," he repeated.

"Uh-huh," Jesse mumbled, trying to avoid looking at him.

"Why don't you believe me?"

"Because Clay fed you a pound of rare candy. You probably 'wuv' him too," she added bitterly.

He leaned forward and kissed her. Jesse was just starting to respond when she felt him collapse. She barely managed to catch him. Of course it's just the damn rare candy she thought.

Elsewhere..."So...why did you steal my mom's clothes again?" asked Ash.

"Because the nice lady in Team Rocket told me too," Brock explained, before sighing happily. "And I still have the sack of rare candy they gave me."

"Good," said Misty. "Pass it over."

"Misty! With that much rare candy, I can raise the levels of all my pokemon and become the greatest pokemon master ever!" Ash whined.

"Forget it, Ash," said Brock.

"Yeah! We've never gotten this much rare candy before!" added Misty.

"And we probably never will again!" Brock concluded.

"But.." Ash said, watching as they headed into the next room.

"Don't worry, we won't peer pressure you into joining us," said Brock.

"Are you coming Pikachu?" asked Misty.

"Pika pi!" exclaimed Pikachu, scampering after them.("Hell yeah!")

Ash decided it was about time for a good cry.

James slowly opened his eyes. "Those weren't altoids, were they?" he asked.

"What was your first clue?" asked Meowth. "Da hangover or da fact dat you're wearing someone else's clothes?"

He sat up and noticed Jesse in the kitchen. "What happened to Jesse?"

"Nothing. Which is why she can remember every interesting thing you said to her while hepped up."

"I can't believe you fell for the exact same trick we used on them!" snapped Jesse.

"Sorry, Jess," James called before asking Meowth, "What was the low point?"

"Do you remember your little road trip fiasco?"

"No."

"Oh, yeah. Bad example den. But da low point was either when you slapped Clay on da ass and told him you like it when people play hard to get or when you told Jesse dat you 'wuv' her." Meowth thought about this. "I'd have ta say slapping Clay on da ass, personally. Especially since Jesse didn't believe you."

James buried his face in his hands. "I hate rare candy," he muttered.

"Dinner's ready," Jesse announced.

"Mmm, toast and Spaghetti O's!" Meowth said, happily frolicking into the kitchen.

Jesse gave him a death stare. "I didn't make toast and Spaghetti O's this time," she snapped.

Meowth leapt onto his chair. "Wow...you poured cereal all by yourself. I'm impressed."

"You didn't volunteer to cook, hairball." Jesse sat down and threw a fork at him. Meowth managed to duck in time. "Which is good since you would've burnt the cereal!"

"Yeah, but you coulda volunteered to wake up James!"

Clay and Allison looked miserably at their currently empty dinner plates. "Whose turn is it to cook?" asked Clay.

"Rock Paper Scissors?" asked Allison.

"Fine." After Allison lost, Clay said, "Mmm, food poisoning, it's what's for dinner. What can you make again?"

"I can open packaging, microwave, dial a phone, and make spaghetti. You?"

"Open things, dial a phone, and make toast."

They looked at each other. "What number should I dial?" asked Allison.

"We've got to be the only team where no one can cook," said Clay.

"Get rid of the luneon, and I'll make beef stew," Vaporeon offered.

"No!" said Allison.

"You don't even have opposable thumbs," added Clay.

“They haven’t helped you any,” Vaporeon replied.

“Yes, but we’re humans,” said Allison.

“We’ve evolved to be tool using creatures,” said Clay.

“We can hold spoons and stuff,” added Allison.

“So can a two bit abra,” said Vaporeon.

“Wrong, dumbass!” Clay said triumphantly.

“Only kadabras and alakazams hold spoons!” added Allison, sticking her tongue out at Vaporeon.

“Doesn’t that give them spoon holding potential?” Vaporeon asked with several pounds of smugness in her voice.

Clay and Allison opened their mouths in the hopes that their brains would come up with something very clever to say. “No,” was the best Allison could manage.

“All they do is sleep,” added Clay. “Or something…”

Ash had reached a point where he would gladly have given all 8 of his badges for headphones attached to some very loud music. Due to the unnecessary volume of his friends, Ash was learning far more than he'd even wanted to know about either one of them. Misty, for example, was now claiming to have another specialty...

After dinner, Jesse and James were cleaning up. Being both destitute and lazy, this involved throwing out the dishes and reminding themselves to steal new ones from Team Rocket Headquarters. "Thanks for making dinner, Jesse."

Jesse shrugged. "I was hungry."

There was another one of those awkward silences. The only sound was the sound of spoons clanking against the side of the trashcan. "You know, I really do..." James began, then found that his tongue was paralyzed.

"Really what?" Jesse asked, her heart starting to pound as her mind jumped to various conclusions.

"I really do...like frosted mini-wheats," James managed. He smiled pathetically.

"That's super, James." A bowl landed in the trash with a bit more force than usual.

Ash had by now stopped wishing for headphones and was now wishing for deafness. “Hello, loser,” said Gary, entering. “Where’s Misty?”

Ash scowled. Why’s Gary interested in Misty again? he asked himself. I thought that…wait…am I..? He sighed, starting to wish that the various twerp relations could be as easy and clear cut as…well, he couldn’t think of an example at the time, but he was sure one would come to him eventually. “She’s in there,” he said. “Brock got a big bag of rare candy from Clay and Allison and now they're molesting my Pikachu…”

“Good,” said Gary. “Because I wanted to talk to just you…” Ash was just starting to think that his day wasn’t going to suck afterall when Gary added, “Did Todd stop by?”

Ash reluctantly handed him the latest pictures. “Yeah. Here.”

“You’d better not have gotten your fingerprints on them, loser. Well, smell ya later!” said Gary.

“Piiiikaaaachuuuuuu!!!” was heard from the next room.

Ash and Gary shuddered.

Will the Palletshippers, Twerpshippers, Joyshippers, NeoFag-n-Hagshippers, and Rocketshippers ever forgive Zelda for this one? And will anyone ever get anything more than cheap thrills and rare candy induced romps? Yeah, right. In their dreams.

To be continued…