Allison materialized in a nondescript house in a peaceful suburban neighborhood. Cramming her time machine back into one of her bottomless, yet invisible pockets, she walked up the steps and rang the doorbell. "Who is it?" growled a harsh, yet almost unidentifiable voice.

"It's me, Uncle Gio," Allison said with sweet, good natured innocence. She had to be careful though: "Uncle Gio" seemed to vaguely remember her and Clay.

The door opened. Giovanni, leaning against a walker, stepped aside to let her enter. "Where's Clay?" he asked.

"Oh, he had some things to take care of," Allison replied. "And…I needed your advice and didn't really want him along." Giovanni led her to his living room and eased into his battered recliner. Allison sat down on the plastic covered couch. "And I just knew you could tell me what to do, Uncle Gio!"

Anyone who expected Giovanni to be dead and murdered has clearly forgotten that Clay and Allison tend to be compulsive liars who enjoy playing evil mind games. Evil mind games that eventually made Giovanni so paranoid of snipers that he went into hiding, leaving Jesse and James in charge because he figured they'd happily go back to being field agents once he figured out who caused him to meet his untimely demise. (For the curious, Clay's parents were not fired but instead quit after being passed up for the ultimate in promotions and were now televangelists. They found it suited them and was a lot like theft anyway.)

Some would argue that a man such as Giovanni would never completely relinquish control of Team Rocket. Not unless he was paranoid to the point where bubblewrap could cause him to drop to the floor and cover his head with his arms. "What's wrong, Allison?" Giovanni asked, trying his best to look venerable and wise in the hopes that she wouldn't notice him trying to look up her skirt.

"Well, you see-" Allison screamed and jumped up onto the couch as something brushed against her leg.

Giovanni's decrepit, ancient Persian had a special place in his heart for Allison. Mostly because he knew she was deathly afraid of him.

"Where'sh sweet cheeksh?" asked Professor Oak.

"I don't know, now stand up!" snapped Jesse. "Here, have some more altoids."

"Sweet cheeks?" James asked in a whisper as he and Jesse tried once again to haul Professor Oak to his feet.

"Don't tell me he's talking about Mrs. Ketchum dat way!" gasped Meowth, preparing to fury swipe Professor Oak.

Jesse kicked him aside. "Not now! You can attack him after he's my lawfully wedded thing to exploit!" She noticed James pouting out of the corner of her eye. "If you had a better plan, you should have said something before we bought the plane tickets!"

"Ashy-boy, did I ever tell you what a fine piece of ass your mother is?" Professor Oak said to James.

Jesse slapped him across the face. "Don't you ever talk about Mrs. Ketchum like that again!" she screamed, slapping him three more times for good measure. "You're just a dirty old man!"

James pouted. I thought I was the only one she slapped across the face multiple times…

Professor Oak leaned towards her. "I know you can't resist me," he said. "I may be old, but back in my day-"

"Can I fury swipe him now?" asked Meowth.

"Go ahead," said Jesse, letting go of the drunken Professor. James did the same. Professor Oak staggered several feet before falling down.

Ash stopped, realizing he had no idea why he had run off when he didn't even know where Gary was. "I'll bet Professor Oak knows!" he said. He sighed. "Now I just have to find Professor Oak!"

Years later, in the shadowy office of the leader of Team Rocket, Jesse knew there was a reason why she wore a skirt to work. That reason, like most days, was currently under her desk, making himself very useful. They both jumped at a knock on the door. "Come in," Jesse called. "Don't stop," she hissed to her partner.

"Is this a bad time?" asked Allison. "Uncle Gio" had turned out to be a worthless old pervert, causing her to take drastic measures: asking her parents for advice.

"Uhm…" Jesse looked away. "Allison, Mommy's a bit busy right now…"

"It's Allison?" asked a muffled voice.

Allison buried her face in her hands. "I'll come back later," she said in a small voice. "This is why I need therapy…" she muttered, already preparing for the soliloquy she was going to force feed her partner later.

Jesse suddenly brightened in a way that had almost nothing to do with the fact that James was under her desk. With some reluctance, she pushed him away, quickly adjusted her skirt, and stood up. "Oh, I knew this day would come!" Jesse wiped a proud tear from her eye. "James, our little girl has finally admitted that she needs help!"

James managed to emerge from his internish position. "That's great!" he said, coming to stand behind Jesse in a slightly alarming pose of parental pride. "Remember, Allison, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem!"

Allison felt her jaw drop. "Who says I haven't been admitting that I have a problem?" she said. "You two are the problem!"

Jesse and James exchanged a glance. "Maybe this is something you should talk about with your therapist," said Jesse.

"You got me a therapist?" Allison squealed. "This is the best birthday ever!"

Jesse raised an eyebrow, while James suddenly looked very guilty. "Allison, do you even know what day it is?" Jesse asked.

Okay, if last night was drinkin' night, then today is… "Saturday?" Allison guessed.

Jesse and James exchanged yet another glance. It was Wednesday. Jesse sighed dramatically. "If only you'd come to us for help sooner…"

"Hi, Professor Oak!" Ash shouted. By an astonishing stroke of good luck, he'd just passed the old man and his companions/only things that were keeping him upright and walking in a semi-straight line. "Do you know where Gary is?"

It took Professor Oak a few moments to recognize his protégé. "Oh, hello, Ash," he said. "I was just walking by when this nice young lady decided to propose to me!"

Ash looked at the nice young lady in question. "Which one?" he asked, since Team Rocket was still wearing their disguises. Then something occurred to him. "Hey, that's Team Rocket!"

Professor Oak shrugged. "Well, it'll make up for the fact that their leader knocked up my woman!"

Jesse, James, and Meowth stared at him. "Da Boss is Mr. Ketchum?" asked Meowth.

"Wauughh!! Giovanni's my father?" screamed Ash.

"I knew it!" Jesse shouted triumphantly.

James looked at her, eye widening. "You knew that the Boss spawned that little twerp?" he asked. "Why didn't you tell me?" he added in a pathetic, sure to generate pity whine.

"No, I knew that Professor Oak was boinking the little twerp's mom!"

"Waaaauughh!" screamed Ash as another realization hit him. "You mean…nooo!" Ash fell to his knees and began sobbing into his hands.

"It's quite all right, Ash," said Professor Oak. "After all, I've always thought of you as the son I never had, which is why I've been secretly hoping you and May would get together…"

Ash stopped sobbing for a moment. "Who?" he asked.

"Gary's sister."

"Oh, okay." Ash then went back to sobbing. "And I didn't even get to find out in a cool way!" he wailed.

Team Rocket exchanged a glance. "That can be arranged," said Jesse. "Meowth, you stay here and watch the old man."

"Why do I hafta watch the old man?" Meowth whined.

"Because you keep picking fights with Mr. Kitty," said James.

"And then we have to waste our precious time taking you to the emergency room!" snapped Jesse.

In Giovanni's office, the lights had been dimmed, soft music was playing, and another employee was learning about the dangers of personal phone calls. Especially personal phone calls they received through Giovanni's private line. "Don't worry," he said, opening the bottom drawer on his desk, "you'll get the message your friend left you once I've had some fun."

"Oh, you awful brute! Whatever you do, please, please, please don't make me suck your great, big-"

"Sorry. James needed to borrow some money this morning. So shut up, and just lean on the desk." Giovanni found what he was looking for-his trusty economy size bottle of lubricant, which was now only about half full-and began smearing it on. "Now, this will hurt at first, but then it will start to-"

"Gio, baby, it's me, okay?" Clay said, looking over his shoulder. "Just because I've gone several months without being intimate with a man, settling only for the empty void of female company, almost forgetting what it feels like to be taken over by burly stud, waiting to feel his great, big, throbbing…take me now, dammit! Take me now!"

Giovanni stared at him. He'd never realized how exciting it was to have someone bent over his desk who wanted more than just money or phone messages. This wasn't just another wretched whore, after his money or his power-this was a real young man, a man with hopes and dreams and feelings.

"What are you waiting for? I've been a bad boy! Now teach me a lesson, bitch!"

A young man with hopes and dreams and feelings who wasn't too good with the whole submission thing, but at least the foundation was there. "What did you call me?" he growled, grabbing Clay by the hair and pulling his head back.

"I'm sorry, sir. Please take advantage of me in the way only you can do." Clay blinked several times. "Uhm, sir? Did 'take advantage of me' used to mean something different?"

"Hold me," said Giovanni, holding his arms out.

"Fine. But only if you promise to take advantage of me later. And I want it rough and with lots of humiliation."

Meowth sighed. He always seemed to end up with the humiliating jobs. Still, it wasn't too hard to watch someone who could barely walk and was probably bound to pass out in a few moments. He snickered. It was a shame they were going to have to be several miles away with the loot when Professor Oak woke up with the mother of all hangovers…

"All right…well, let's start at the beginning then, shall we?" said Allison's shiny new therapist.

Allison sighed and leaned back. She was still sitting on the couch, mostly because she didn't like the way he'd looked at her when she came in. "Well, it all began while I was in the womb. There I was assaulted by a number of objects-"

The therapist cleared his throat. "Maybe we should skip ahead a few years…" He looked down at his notes. "When exactly did you become a sexual compulsive?"

"What? I'm not a sexual compulsive!" Allison snapped.

"Very well then," the therapist replied soothingly. On his notepad, he wrote "DENIAL" and underlined it three times. "If you don't mind me asking…how many men have you slept with this month?"

"Okay, by this month…" said Allison. "Damn, I wish Clay was here. He's better at math than I am."

The therapist raised an eyebrow. "How much math does it take to figure out how many people you slept with in the past thirty days?" Under "DENIAL", the therapist added "whore" in smaller letters.

"I time travel," Allison explained. "But I've got a boyfriend here, and thanks to the heinous bitch dog, I've slept with my partner every other meal."

"I see…" The therapist sadly shook his head. This was one of the worst cases he'd ever seen.

"Boss? Can we come in?"

"Dammit!" hissed Giovanni. "Get under the desk!"

"Yay!" cheered Clay. "Allison'll be so proud to hear I've finally demeaned myself in the manner to which she's so accustomed!" He happily scampered under the desk.

"And behave yourself!" Giovanni snapped as he sat down.

Jesse and James entered, dragging Ash with them. "Is this a bad time?" asked Jesse.

"No, of course not," said Giovanni, completely oblivious to the fact that his pants were hanging from the ceiling fan. Clay's uniform, except for the gloves, was strewn about, along with an assortment of leather and sex toys. Giovanni reached down to swat Clay's hand away.

"Are you sure?" asked James, who was now wondering what the current victim had asked for.

"Waauuugh!" screamed Ash as his innocent young mind began to cave in. "What is that for?"

"Boss? We've brought you your estranged son," said Jesse.

"Uh-huh," Giovanni said before suddenly appearing to gain interest. "Oh god, that's good…I mean, that you've brought me my son. What does he do, exactly?"

"Foils our plans," James said bitterly.

"You can't be my father!" screamed Ash. "You're evil! And my mom would never sleep with someone evil."

There was a group eye roll. "Your mom, god bless her whorish heart, is a dirty slut!" said a muffled voice from underneath Giovanni's desk.

Jesse and James stared in a combination of horror and envy at the desk. "Sir, did your penis learn to talk since this morning?" asked James.

"This morning?" Jesse asked suspiciously. "What happened this morning?"

"Nothing," James said quickly.

"Nevermind that!" snapped Giovanni. "What am I supposed to do with the little pest? Unless…can he be brainwashed?"

"He'd need a brain first…" Jesse muttered. "Like someone else I know!"

"Jesse, we needed the money for the plan!" James scowled back at her. "Which I still think is a dumb idea!"

"Oh, yes…" moaned Giovanni as he clutched the corners of the desk.

"See? The Boss agrees with me!" James said. He stuck his tongue out at his partner.

Ash looked around the room with a shudder. "I feel so disillusioned," he whimpered. "I wish Pikachu were here." He stopped to ponder the mysterious disappearance of Pikachu. "I wonder where he went to…"

Well, it was at the point in the story where nearly all the characters have gone off into their respective corners for some good times, so Pikachu was naturally enjoying a few creature comforts of his own. For purposes of narrational decency, he and his companion were now basking in the after glow together. "Pika pika chu?"("Was it good for you?")

"Whoa," Vaporeon replied. She had just learned an interesting lesson about the various electrical charges of Pikachu's body. And his tendency to perform a thundershock attack during climax. "Just let me heal a bit…"

"Chu ka pika pii?" Pikachu asked, noticing that she looked a bit singed. He had also just remembered that as a water pokemon, electricity was her biggest weakness. ("I didn't hurt you, did I?")

"A little. But I think I liked it." She gave him a coy look. "Can I have some more?"

In the Team Rocket headquarters when she was, Allison was asking herself an ethical question as she stood outside an agent's door. "Now, the right thing to do would be to go back in time now before I accumulate any more emotional scars and/or find out why every Wednesday morning my mother would always remind my father that it was Wednesday and they'd both start giggling like schoolgirls." She looked at her watch. "But I've got a time machine, thus all the time in the world, and it's noon, so it's not like my special someone will be anywhere but in bed." She smiled evilly and let herself in. "Which is just where I want him to be…"

Seeing that his son was in a prime position to be manipulated, Giovanni decided to call him over while he still had the power of speech. "Ash, my boy," he said as sagely as he could, "holy---" he cleared his throat, "come here, my child." Ash nervously approached the desk. "Now, Ash, someday, you'll become a man and realize that you needed my fatherly guidance to shape you. After all, I'm getting old now, and I'll need an heir to carry on when I'm go--ohhh…"

"When you're what?" asked Ash.

"Gone," Clay said from under the desk.

"Did I tell you to stop?" snapped Giovanni.

"You know, Ash, after someone shoots him with a dart gun and chucks him into a wheat thresher," Clay continued. He sighed. "I don't know about you, Gio, but hearing about wheat threshers makes me-khhh!"

Giovanni grabbed Clay by the neck. "A wheat thresher?" he asked. "Allison told me I get pushed in front of a bus!"

"Bonnie and Clyde really seemed to hold a grudge, sir."

"Oh. Carry on then…"

"With pleasure, sir!"

Giovanni gave James a significant glance. "That's what I like to see in my employees," he said. "Enthusiasm!"

"Can we be rewarded for finding your estranged son now?" asked Jesse.

"Someday, my boy, all this will be yours…" Giovanni announced with a broad gesture that encompassed the room.

Ash wrinkled his nose. "What, Clay?"

"No, not Clay! Not unless he works for you. But I'm glad you brought him up…"

"No, honey, you brought me up," said Clay. "If you know what I mean…"

"Do you mind? I'm trying to have a moment with my son." Giovanni cleared his throat. "Now, Ash, in some ways, Daddy is a lot like the President of the United States."

"The what of what?" asked Ash, since Pokeland isn't part of America or Japan, or any real country for that matter. Except maybe Canada. No one's really sure what it's like there, except there's a really swell bee museum in Quebec.

"You see, sometimes Daddy's bitches need money," Giovanni continued. "But Daddy has needs too. In fact, we all have needs…"

"And we really need to be going," said Jesse, backing towards the door.

"We can hear our praise later," added James.

"Stay," said Giovanni. "You could learn something from this too."

Please learn something, James… thought Clay. Although, from what I heard about this morning… Clay paused, suddenly feeling very depressed. Dammit, why can't he be gay around me?

"If you two, for some reason, ever find yourselves in a position of power. Ash, the most important part of running a business is training your subordinates to 'take one for the team.' Much like Clay is about to do," Giovanni continued.

"Really?"

"Did I tell you to stop?"

"What kind of team is this?" wailed Ash. He was definitely starting to feel very traumatized.

In the semi-distant future, Capone, one of those obscure Rockets, was awakened from a strange yet pleasant dream by someone bouncing on his bed. He opened his pale blue eyes and saw that it was Allison, who was also bouncing bra-less on his bed. "Capone," she whined. "Wake up! I'm bored and I've been fondling you for the last ten minutes."

He stared at her for a moment. It did explain the trio of scantily clad nubile young women who had appeared in what had started out as a perfectly normal dream about his grandmother's funeral. Even with a logical explanation, he still felt slightly dirty. "What time is it?"

"Who cares?" Allison continued, still bouncing slightly. "Besides, I think it's Wednesday. It's not like you've got any work that can't wait until…later." She pouted, giving him her best puppy dog expression. "Pretty please, Capone? It's been over a day…"

Capone looked at his bedside clock. "It's been five hours, Allison…"

"Fine. You go back to sleep. I'll just borrow your bed while my time machine recharges. You don't mind do you? Good, that's what makes you such a great guy." With that Allison yawned, stretched, and leaned back. "It's a damn good thing I'm wearing this easily removable black lacy thong today. Since I know you want me to go on home." She kissed him on the forehead. "Now, you just go back to sleep. I'll try not to be too loud."

Capone found himself facing a dilemma. Part of him wanted to be a man, put his foot down, and tell Allison that he wanted to get some sleep some time in the near future. A part of him further down was currently very much awake and informing him that in terms of being a man, this was probably the wrong issue to put his foot down on. Especially since Allison already sounded like she was enjoying herself.

"Oh, Allison, you magnificent bastard!"

Capone decided that he had to look over. He'd never known anyone who'd screamed their own name before… "Allison?"

"Oh, I'm sorry…was I disturbing you?" she asked. To his arousal and declining dismay, she didn't stop.

Capone sometimes wondered how she managed to look so innocent. Practice probably since this was the trick she almost always used whenever she woke him up. The day he got enough sleep and enough blood to his brain would be the day he wondered if he was a prude or if his girlfriend was a sexual compulsive. "I just wanted to know if you needed a hand…"

Allison laughed in a low, semi-evil way, then lunged.

Having managed to escape from Giovanni's den of iniquity before he brought out his special desk pillow, Jesse and James were now contemplating their next move. They were both hoping to find a way to plan their next move without admitting to the other how much they now wished one of them had a desk. "James, what was that you were saying about theme days?" asked Jesse. "Even though we really need to get back to Celadon for my sham wedding."

"I couldn't think of anything for today, Jess. Besides, I didn't think you liked my ideas."

"I just didn't think there'd be any point to Bra-less Thursdays since I'm the only one who wears a bra!"

Exactly. James blushed and said in a small, shy voice, "I'm wearing a bra today, Jesse."

"One of mine?" James nodded. "Which one?"

James somehow managed to turn even redder. "The black lace one…"

Jesse sighed. That described two-thirds of her bras. At least the ones James liked to borrow. "That doesn't help," she snapped.

"This one!" James said, helpfully pulling up his shirt and jacket.

"Let's get back to Celadon City," Jesse said. "The sooner I get married to someone else, the sooner we can--I can get my bra back from you."

"But it looks so good on me…"

"Just shut up and pull your shirt back down."

"I stole the matching thong too. Wanna see?"

"No! We've got pokemon to steal, remember?"

"Can I go now?" asked Ash as the infamous desk pillow made an appearance.

"Clay, why don't you come out from under there?" said Giovanni, standing up and stepping away from his desk.

Ash hadn't realized he could be anymore scarred for life until he found out that the man who was apparently his father was wearing only red silk boxers. "But I'm naked and vulnerable," Clay replied.

"I told you to get out here! And keep your hands at your sides!"

Ash was now extremely confused. Even though Clay didn't sound like he wanted to stand naked in Giovanni's office, he was smiling a lot. Ash should have just considered himself lucky that he didn't have to hear Clay's current inner mantra.

I'm gonna have sex with a man! I'm gonna have sex with a man! Clay was giddily chanting to himself. He was also very glad that he was still able to think in complete sentences.

"Waaauughh!" screamed Ash as his once innocent little mind began to process the tattoo on Clay's right hip.

Giovanni noticed where Ash was looking and knelt down to examine things. "Oh my god…"

"Pretty impressive isn't-oh," Clay said, noticing where the two were looking. Allison was right. I got that damn bikini wax for nothing.

"Whoa," said Brock. "Misty, I'm sorry about all those mean things I said about you…"

"I'm sorry about all the mean things I said about you, Brock," said Misty.

"So, what do we do if Ash finds out?"

"Isn't he off looking for Gary?"

"Oh yeah…"

"And besides, it's Ash. He still hasn't picked up on the fact that 'having to take care of a few things' either means buying porn, buying sex toys, or having a one night stand."

Brock nodded. "I guess there's nothing to worry about then," he said.

"So…was I as good as that crazy old lady?"

Brock avoided meeting her gaze. It wasn't too hard for someone like him. "Uhm, let's snuggle…"

"What? Some withered old hag is better in bed that me?" screamed Misty. She folded her arms across her chest. "That's it! First Tracey acts like a jerk and now you! I am so done with boys!"

"About time you two got back!" snapped Meowth.

"The Boss was in a…uhm," James wasn't quite sure how to finish that thought.

"He had someone under the desk again," said Jesse.

"Who?" asked Meowth. If it's da persian… His paranoia was starting to reach dangerous levels again.

"Clay," Jesse and James replied.

Meowth stared at them. "Is dis a joke? It's like a law of physics dat no one'll touch Clay and Allison except Clay and Allison!"

Jesse and James thought this over for a moment. "Well, depending on how you look at it," said James.

"The Boss had the more passive role out of the two," said Jesse. "At least he did when we left…"

"So you could argue that Clay was touching Giovanni and not vice versa, so Clay was the only one engaging in a sexual act!"

Jesse and Meowth both raised an eyebrow. "Jimmy, is it just me, or do you get stupider each day?" asked Meowth.

"It's a valid argument!" James protested.

"Can we get on with this before the groom passes out?" asked Jesse. "Meowth, did you find a cheap wedding chapel?"

Meowth nodded proudly and help up a flier. "'Viva Las Celdaon's Elviseriffic Wedding Chapel!" he said. "Dey've got reasonable rates!"

Ash was now staring wide eyed as the hormones involved got the better of Clay and Giovanni's last remaining shreds of decency. He wasn't quite sure what was happening, but it looked like it probably hurt. Now he really wanted to find Gary. Gary always had something to say that would take Ash's mind off frightening things. Like if he'd told Gary about the time Jesse had been doing something bad to Santa Claus, he knew just what Gary would have done. His rival would have looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Wow, you're a real loser, Ashy-boy. Smell ya later!" And then those awful cheerleaders-how he hated those bimbos!-would probably say another one of their stupid chants.

At least Giovanni wasn't saying much anymore. Clay, on the other hand, seemed to be making up for it like the exhibitionist he was. "Thank you, god!" he shouted. "This is so much better than Allison's vibrator!"

Ash wasn't sure what a vibrator was. Right now, he didn't really want to know…

Jessibelle still felt depressed. It was probably due to the fact that she'd lost half her money and was now drinking her way through the other half. "Is this seat taken, little lady?" asked a sleazy looking man in a cowboy hat and boots.

Jessebelle's eyes narrowed. "Let me show you the proper way to…" she trailed off. "No, it's not," she said with a sigh. She didn't even feel like beating the crap out of the slob beside her, who was now leering at her. It was probably a bad idea to have worn the black leather pants and the leather halter top…

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