Diclaimer: Guess what? I’m still not the owner of Pokemon, and I’m still not making diddly squat from it. The Super Seizure Fighting Robots was thought up by the writers of The Simpsons, a very fine show indeed. And George Lucas, lovely man that he is, owns every Stars Wars thing mentioned. All I thought up were Clay and Allison(see below)

Rating: And speaking of repetitive announcements, this episode’s rated PG-13 too because two out of three members of Team Rocket agree that Jesse is a… “female growlithe.”

Other: Clay Allison is actually a real evil outlaw from the wild west. Learn all about him and other such evil folk here, the perfect resource for any TR fan with a hankerin’ for making up new Rocket members, but feels ashamed to resort to teams such as Billy and Kid or Calamity and Jane. I’d also like to say that my absolute favorite lines from this one is “Why can’t you accept the fact that R2-D2 makes us fear for our lives?” Comments? Questions? Complaints that I created two new TR members and then had them do but nothing? Send it to me.

Things being the way they are in the Pokemon universe, Ash and his friends, who were once again in the middle of nowhere on their way to the next Pokemon Gym, stopped at a small roadside stand to buy ice cream and encountered Team Rocket who just happened to be there due to the fact that someone in Team Rocket is always hungry.

"I'm never letting you have Pikachu! He's my friend!" Ash screamed as a greeting.

Jesse and James looked at each other. "Did we even mention that stupid thing?" Jesse asked.

"What, and ruin our day off?" James replied.

"Meowth wants a waffle cone!" Meowth announced loudly.

"Not much of a day off," Jesse muttered. For some reason she had expected a secluded room, candlelight, soft music, and...well, let's just say that the current situation was not anywhere near what she had in mind.

"What did you two do to deserve a day off?" Misty laughed.

"Yeah, all you have to do is show up and lose!" Ash joined in.

Jesse, James, and Meowth glared at him. "You have no idea how much work we put into losing," Jesse said haughtily.

"There's days when I screw up deliberately!" James admitted. Jesse clobbered him with a mallet.

"You sure as hell couldn't do it," Meowth added.

"Pi ka!" Pikachu retorted.

Ash nodded. "That's right! We've done it before!"

Team Rocket burst out laughing. "You mean when you three played dress up?" James giggled.

"I bet if I were on Team Rocket, I'd actually be able to steal something!" Ash continued.

"Care to make a little wager?" Jesse asked.

"I'll do it for nothing!"

Evil grins appeared on the face of every Team Rocket member. This was going to be a memorable day off...

"Come on!" Ash said. "I bet I'll be even better at saying dumb things than you two are!"

"You already are," muttered Misty.

Jesse and James thrust a large book into Ash's hands. "What's this?" he asked.

"The rules," Jesse said. "You have to have uniforms--"

"They can't be like ours," added James. "We've got the design copyrighted."

"-and they all have to match."

"And you have to have a motto--"

"We'll sue you if you use ours again. You'll need a plan too."

Ash groaned. "Don't tell me you've copyrighted digging a hole!" To his dismay, Jesse and James nodded.

"Besides, we want to see costumes," Jesse said.

Brock shuddered. "Count me out!" he said.

"Pretty ones," James elaborated.

"But, Brock, you were going to be my partner!" Ash whined. Meowth and James started laughing. "What's so funny?" Ash asked, glaring at them. "Brock's my friend!"

Meowth winked at him. "Just friends, huh? He's already starting to sound like one of us!"

"What do you mean by that?" Jesse asked.

Misty sighed. "I'll be your partner, Ash. How hard can it be?" She glared at James and Meowth who seemed to be snickering at her.

A few minutes later, Misty was starting to regret those words. Ash was making her do the motto. Fortunately she had two important resources: Team Rocket's motto memorized and a thesaurus. "It doesn't have to rhyme, does it?"

Ash looked up from the "uniforms." Fortunately he and Misty both happened to have grey sweatshirts and jeans, otherwise there might have been some problems. He was currently trying to sew red R's on them. "I don't think so..." he said. "Do we have a plan?"

"Pika!" Pikachu said enthusiastically. "Pi pika pika chu!"

"Why do I have to wear the dress?" Ash whined.

Misty rolled her eyes. "That's just how it works. Besides, Ashley, you’re so good at it!”

“That was different!”

Team Rocket was walking down the road. Jesse was looking at the map. "I think we're lost again," she said, giggling. "And it's all your fault!"

James had pulled most of his hair to the side of his head. "Look at me, I'm full of tomboy spunk!"

"Gee, I hope we don't run into Team Rocket," said Jesse.

"I hate Team Rocket! They're so much better looking than we are!" James said in a girly voice.

Meowth took another bite of his waffle cone. "Meowth!"

“After this do you want to go see a movie?” Jesse asked.

“What’s playing?” James asked her in his normal voice.

“No horror,” Meowth said.

Jesse and James muttered an obscenity, then looked at each other and blushed. Jesse was just about to make another anti-Ash remark when she saw a familiar red hat sticking out from behind a bush. She and James peered over it. "What is that?" Jesse asked, wrinkling her nose.

"There's nothing wrong with our uniforms!" replied Ash. "They even match!"

Despite her career choices, deep down inside, Jesse had a sensitive side. It was generally reserved for near death bonding moments and pokemon, so Ash was out of luck. Not so deep down inside, however, was her general pranks and michevious side. "I feel sorry for them," she said to James, winking.

"I know!" he said. "They're so short and awkward and have no taste whatsoever..."

"Maybe we should help them..."

"What?"

Jesse handed Ash two neatly folded clothing piles. "Here, you can borrow these." She turned to James. "Do we have any other gloves?" He shook his head. Jesse pulled hers off, then held out her hand. Sighing, James gave her his gloves.

After this exchange had been made, Team Rocket continued down the road. Another mile passed, and still no one had leapt out to harass them. "What's taking so long?" James whined. "We would've been here by now!"

Jesse got an idea. "Hey, they have to find us, remember? We can just wait here!"

"Yeah!"

They sat down. "So what now?" asked Meowth.

"I'm going to be the best pokemon master ever! That's why I use the same pokemon over and over again!" Jesse said mockingly.

"You only use the same pokemon over and over again," Meowth reminded her.

"I'm only here because I want my bike back," James announced. "Want to hug my annoying edible pet?"

Meowth scratched him. "You leave Togepi alone!"

"I hope they do steal you," said James, pouting.

"How do they carry all this stuff?" asked Ash. He and Misty were dressed up like geishas. They both needed the various pieces of their uniforms, a record player, a smoke machine, and the dramatic lighting.

"This was such a bad idea," Misty said. "The uniforms don't even fit!"

"Maybe we won't have to change," Ash said with a sort of half-insane hope. "Maybe we'll finally capture Meowth and then...then we can go off and lead normal lives and..."

Misty slapped him with a paper fan. "What's wrong with you? We're just pretending to do this because you thought it was easy!"

"You thought it was easy too!"

"Pikachu!" Pikachu snapped, biting Ash's leg.

"Oww!" Ash cried. "Pikachu!"

"Awww," sighed Misty. "He's so cute!!" Not only was Pikachu being nasty, he'd also taped a coin to his forehead.

"I don't think it's cute!" snapped Ash.

"Well, I think you're an idiot."

"Oh yeah, well--"

They both stopped, listening to a strange sound up ahead. "What's that?" Misty asked.

Ash listened for a moment. "Oh god..." he said, burying his face in his hands.

"What?"

"I think they're singing the Pokerap..."

Another rousing chorus of the Pokerap had just come to an end when Jesse and James heard giggling behind them. They turned. "Uhhh...who are you?" Jesse asked, looking vacant.

"We're...geishas," Ash said. "Would you like to...umm.." He turned to Misty. "What do geishas do?" he whispered.

"You're no geishas!" Jesse gasped. "You're Team Rocket!"

It suddenly went dark. The only sound was the pleasant sound of the bicycle riding music from the Pokemon game which really isn't all that imposing. Jesse and James waited.

"What's taking so long?" Meowth yelled.

Ash and Misty were still trying to not only change from kimonos to the many pieced Team Rocket uniform, but also trying to keep the other one from seeing them at the same time. "I think I'm ready," Ash finally said.

"Let's just get this over with..." Misty sighed. "Prepare for trouble!"

"Make it double," Ash felt his enthusiasm wane even further when he realized that he and Misty had gotten their clothing mixed up and that he was the one in the mini-skirt.

"To keep the globe from annihilation,"

"To bring together all people within our organization,"

"To keep from grabbing each other at every opportunity,"

Jesse nudged her partner. "I think they're insulting us."

"We'll have to give them an especially nice thrashing."

Jesse's eyes lit up. "That's right! They're the ones who have to blast off!"

"Why aren't you listening to us?" Ash yelled.

"Do you know how long it took to come up with this crap?" Misty added.

"Keep going," Meowth sighed with a wave of his hand.

"To bring the stars within our unity," Ash said.

"Misty!"

"Ash!"

"Team Rocket--go as fast as light!"

"Give up now or we'll have to fight."

"Pikachu, ka chu!" Pikachu said.

James yawned. "Don't you two get tired of saying the same thing all the time?" asked Jesse.

"Especially when it's so bad," James added.

"Just hand over that rare talking Meowth!" Ash said, trying to sound commanding.

Now that the lighting was back to normal, Team Rocket became aware of a certain dress code mishap. "Nice legs," Meowth said, whistling.

"What a fine young woman you're growing up to be!" laughed Jesse.

Ash blushed. "Oh, yeah...well....like it's never happened to you?"

"Constantly," Meowth said.

"Welcome to my hell," James muttered.

"I tend to wear the jacket with a shirt under it though," Jesse added.

"Unfortunately..."

"What was that?"

James grinned innocently at her. "Nothing."

Ash looked down at himself and grew even redder. "How am I supposed to remember all of these stupid costume pieces?!"

"Hand over the Meowth so we can get this over with!" Misty screamed, pulling out a pokeball.

"Two against one, that's no fair!" Jesse whined.

"Jesse, you'll never get to be a pokemon master if you play by the rules!" James said in the girly voice. Misty was starting to seriously rethink her hair style.

"Go Staryu!" Misty shouted, throwing the pokeball. Psyduck popped out.

"Psy?"

"God dammit!" screamed Misty, throwing the pokeball on the ground. "Why does this always happen?"

"Pikachu, thundersh--"

Jesse shook her head. "You can't use him."

"Why not?"

"He's like Meowth now," James explained. "He's only supposed to fight when his own interests are involved.

Ash smiled. I'll just have to use my most powerful pokemon to make sure I can't lose! he thought. "Go Charizard!"

"Charizard?" Misty asked.

"Those were your spare uniforms?" Meowth asked Jesse and James.

Jesse nodded sadly. "We're going to have to go naked to get these cleaned..."

"Whoo hoo!" James cheered. Then he noticed Jesse's expression. "I meant that in a purely professional way."

Jesse didn't know whether to whack him or to throw away their spare uniforms more often. She settled for whacking him with a fan and reminding herself not to get whatever was left of their uniforms back from the brats.

Charizard had been taking a rather pleasant nap inside his Pokeball. He was not especially thrilled to be called out to battle. Remembering that Ash didn't have the experience to handle him, he blasted both Ash and Misty with a big old jet of fire. Both trainers were blasted sky high along with Pikachu.

"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!" Ash and Misty screamed as they realized that they were going to eventually come down with a very painful velocity.

"We didn't even make it to the battle!" groaned Misty.

"Ka!" added Pikachu.

"Good," muttered Ash. "If Arbok had beaten me, I would've killed myself!"

"That was one of the most pathetic things I've ever seen," said Meowth as Team Rocket watched Ash, Misty, and Pikachu disappear.

"Hey, look, they left their stuff!" James exclaimed as he returned his hair to normal. He started searching through Ash's backpack.

Jesse began rummaging through Misty's things. "I wonder where Squinty is," she thought aloud.

"Probably trying to buy porno," said Meowth.

"Mm..." Jesse said with little interest. She'd managed to pick the lock on Misty's diary and opened to a page near the middle.

"Dear Diary--Today I met the cutest guy! I've never seen him before, but he's really hot!!"

Jesse snickered. "Looks like the tomboy has a crush on the twerp..."

She continued reading. "I'm not sure, but I think his name is James. He works for Team Rocket and--"

Jesse slammed the diary shut and hurled it away from her. "I hate those brats."

“Those brats” had just landed. Ash, to his painful dismay, found himself underneath Misty and Pikachu. "Uhhhhgghh," he groaned. "I think every bone in my body is broken..."

"Ash, don't be such a wuss," said Misty. She stood up and immediatly tripped on her overly long pants legs. "Team Rocket does this almost every day! It’s probably just like pro-wrestling or something.”

“So what do we do know?” asked Ash. Misty slapped him. “Oww! What was that for?”

“Screwing up the plan,” snapped Misty. She slapped him again.

“At least I had a plan!”

“A bad one!”

Ash sat up. “This time, I know what I’m doing,” he said. “We’re going to do this again—“

“Oh no,” groaned Misty, burying her face in her hands.

“And this time,” Ash continued, “We’re going to bet money that we’re more compentant than they are!”

Misty shook her head. “Ash, we just got beaten by our own pokemon!” she said. “Doesn’t that imply that Jesse and James might actually have some clue what they’re doing?”

“But…they always lose!” Ash protested.

“Let’s run through this, shall we?” Misty asked him. “Pikachu is obviously important to the head of Team Rocket, so he wouldn’t send utter losers out to capture him, would he?” Ash reluctantly shook his head. “Koffing evolves at level 35 and Ekans evolves at level—“

“Didn’t they beg their pokemon to evolve?”

Misty rolled her eyes. “Pokemon don’t evolve because they feel sorry for you!”

“Whatever.”

Jesse and James were sitting on the ground, leaning against each other’s backs and continuing to invade Ash and Misty’s privacy. “Is there anyone this girl hasn’t had a crush on?” Jesse asked.

“Who is it now?” asked James, gleefully confiscating another picture he’d found.

“Todd,” said Jesse. “But she still thinks Brock is cuter.”

“Still want to see a movie?”

“Sure.”

“No horror,” Meowth reminded them. “Unless I sit in the middle.”

Jesse sighed. “How about Phantom Menace?”

“Dat’s still out?” asked Meowth.

“Probably.”

Team Rocket got up and was just about to head to the movie theater when Ash and Misty appeared in front of them, this time in their normal clothes. “We’re going to try this again,” said Ash. “This time, for money!”

“How much?” asked Meowth.

“500 yen,” said Ash.

Team Rocket got in a huddle to discuss this. “It should at least pay for the movie tickets,” said Jesse.

“Don’t we only have to pay for two of us?” asked James.

They turned back to Ash. “800 yen,” said Jesse.

“Deal!” said Ash. “Come on, Misty!” he said, dragging her into the nearby foliage. “This time we’re going to kick butt!”

“Are we still going to the movie?” asked Meowth.

“Of course!” said Jesse. “It is our day off!”

“What about them?”

Jesse and James shrugged. “They should be able to find us,” said James.

There were some things Meowth would never understand. Arbok, himself, and Wheezing were strategically placed between Jesse and James, yet somehow one of the humans was always able to leap into the other’s lap during any particularly intense moment. Meowth turned and looked past Arbok, who was swallowing an entire tub of popcorn, to glare at Jesse and James. “You’re afraid of Yoda?” he hissed.

“We thought he was Darth Maul,” said Jesse.

“He’s not?” asked James.

Meowth sighed. “Darth Maul is a tall, evil alien with red and black face paint,” he explained. “Yoda is the one that looks like a rotting pikachu.” He looked back at the screen. “Yoda’s gone. James get your butt back—“

“Ahhh! R2-D2!” Jesse and James screamed, hugging each other for dear life. Fortunately the theater was empty, like many showings of the Phantom Menace after May 22.

“There is nothing frightening about R2-D2!”

“Look at him!” said Jesse, pointing towards the screen. “He’s the trashcan from hell!”

Meowth sighed again. He would’ve scratched them, but Arbok was in the way, and now swallowing an entire box of Twizzlers. “R2-D2 is a lovable cultural icon. He can’t hurt you.” There was no reply. “All right, hand check!”

Jesse and James both held up their hands. “What are you implying?” Jesse asked.

“Why can’t you accept the fact that R2-D2 causes us to fear for our lives?” whined James.

“Because no one is afraid of R2-D2!” screamed Meowth. “Darth Vader, yes. Darth Maul, yes. Darth Sidious, yes. Natalie Portman’s make-up, yes. C-3PO, definitely. But not R2-D2!!” He buried his face in his paws. He wished he had remembered Jesse and James’ reaction to Return of the Jedi during which they’d claimed that they were deathly afraid of Ewoks.

“Where are they?” asked Ash, gasping for breath. “I can’t carry this junk any farther!”

Misty yawned. “Your idiotic idea, you have to carry everything.”

“Wait a minute!” Ash exclaimed. “If we made the tank out of paper, it wouldn’t be as heavy! I’m a genius!”

“Does that sound at all familiar to you, Ash?”

“Uhmm…no,” said Ash. “Should it?”

Misty sighed. “Weedles, big tree full of kakunas, Team Rocket running from all those beedrills,” she said. “Any of this starting to ring a bell?”

“Not really.”

“Ugh! You moron!” said Misty hitting him over the head with a mallet. “I don’t know why I ever agreed to do this with you!”

“AAAAAAAHHH!!”

“What is it this time?” asked Meowth. He was starting to wish that he knew how to pull objects out of the air and hit people with them. “Obi-Wan Kenobi?”

“No, he’s hot,” said Jesse. She immediately started blushing.

“Jar Jar Binks,” said James from his own seat.

“How do you do dat?” asked Meowth.

“Chhharrrbok!” Arbok hissed at Meowth.

“Get yet own damn candy,” Meowth told him. “I thought you were only supposed to eat once a month anyway.”

“Bok!” Arbok lunged at Meowth and started wrapping himself around the scratch cat’s neck. “Chhhharrbok!”

“Okay, okay,” croaked Meowth. “Whaddya want?”

“Bok-arrr.”

“Fine.” Scowling, Meowth hopped down to the grimy floor. “But I want you to make sure they don’t try nothin’!” Arbok and Wheezing looked at each other and laughed. “Why do I even bother?” Meowth muttered to himself. “Am I the only one on this team who isn’t trying to get it on with somebody else?” he asked loudly. He tripped over James as he walked past Jesse’s seat. When he looked up, he glared at the rest of Team Rocket. “All right, let me see if I can figure this out. You two,” he said, looking at Jesse and James, “couldn’t be more obvious. Now, as for you,” he said, looking at Arbok, “let me see…Lickitung. Definitely Lickitung. And you,” he continued, pointing to Wheezing, “well, all right, you’re a big toxic beachball. But it’s probably…that bitch of a Victreebell.” Meowth nodded. “I’m going to get Arbok’s sweet-tarts. Everyone had better keep their hands to themselves.”

Jesse rolled her eyes. “He is completely paranoid,” she said.

“Chaarrbok!” agreed Arbok(“What a moron!”)

“Whee-zing,” added Wheezing, moving into Meowth’s seat. Arbok yawned and put his tail around one of Wheezing’s heads.

Jesse squirmed slightly. “Why do you have to be so heavy?” she asked.

“I’m not half as heavy as you!” James snapped.

“You’re right. You’re at least twice as heavy!” Jesse put her hands on her hips, which was quite an accomplishment since she was seated in a movie theater seat with James on her lap.

“How much do you weigh?” James asked her.

“I’m not answering that,” said Jesse.

James coughed. It sounded suspiciously like “fat ass.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

Misty looked down at Ash who was seated on the ground Indian-style, his fingers pressed against against his forehead. “What are you doing?” she asked.

“Jesse and James always find us, right?” he asked. “Well, they obviously must have some sort extra-depth perceptional telekinesis. So if losers like them have it, I should have it too, right? Because I’m cooler, right?” Ash started laughing hysterically. “So all I have to do is tap into my extra-depth perceptional telekinesis, and then we can find Jesse and James and finally capture Pikachu!” He shook his head. “I mean Meowth.”

“Pika,” said Pikachu, sadly shaking his head.

Misty took a deep breath, then slapped Ash several times across the face. “You,” she said, grabbing him by the collar, “are Ash Ketchum. You catch pokemon. You are not now, nor have you ever been a member of Team Rocket. In fact, you think Team Rocket sucks and are only doing this to win a stupid bet!”

“Oh…” said Ash. “Misty?”

“What?”

“Can I borrow the 800 yen from you?”

Misty clenched her fists. Her face started turning red. “No!” she said, turning to him, her face having spontaneously sprouted fangs. “We’re going to find Team Rocket and win this stupid bet!” she screamed, giving him a good, swift kick in the butt.

“Whee-zing!”(“He’s coming back.”)

“Crap,” muttered Jesse.

“Charrbok.”(“Dammit.”)

“Are you sure?” asked James.

Both masters and pokemon sighed in disgust and started to return to their original seats. “Wait a minute, James,” said Jesse, grabbing hold of his sleeve. “I’ve got an idea.”

As Meowth walked down the aisle, he heard a very disturbing sound. “Wheezing, smoke screen!”

“Not again,” Meowth muttered, hurrying towards their seats. “All right,” he said. “What’s goin’ on here?”

“Nothing,” said Jesse.

“Care to explain why you just used smoke screen?” he asked.

“We were afraid Jabba the Hutt might get us,” said James.

“That’ll be kind of hard since Jabba the Hutt isn’t real!!” Meowth screeched, scratching an empty seat.

“Did you bring popcorn?” asked James.

“No!” Meowth tossed the candy in the direction he thought Arbok was. “Here’re your stupid sweet tarts.”

“Bok.” (“Thank you.”)

“All right, they’re not anywhere outside,” said Misty. “Now, where would Team Rocket go?”

“Someplace with food,” said Ash.

“Pika, pika chu!” said Pikachu.

“Only if Jesse wanted to go there,” said Misty. “So they’re probably at the mall. Shopping.”

Ash groaned. “But I wanted to get something to eat…”

“We can stop at the food court.”

“Pika ka chu?” asked Pikachu.(“Where’s Brock?”)

Misty shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably at the PokeCenter,” she said bitterly.

“Darth Maul is such a wuss,” said Jesse as they left the theater.

“Dat’s not what you said a few minutes ago,” Meowth muttered.

“So what do we do now?” asked James.

Jesse shrugged. “I thought those little pests would have found us by now…” They looked over at the display of movies currently playing. “Let’s see another movie,” suggested Jesse.

“Okay,” said James.

Meowth followed their eyes. “Oh no,” he said. “There is no way I’m seeing dat!”

“It’ll be fun,” said Jesse as she and James started dragging Meowth towards the ticket counter.

Nurse Joy smiled at the PokeCenter’s newest employee. “I’m glad you’re so enthusiastic,” she said.

“Well, I love pokemon,” said Brock, blushing slightly. This time the Team Rocket Babe Magnent Method has to work! he said to himself. “You…uh….didn’t hear about me from the Viridian City Joy, did you?”

“No, I don’t think so,” said Nurse Joy. “She did tell me about this nasty little intern though…”

Misty paused. “Did you hear that?” she asked.

“Hear what?” asked Ash. They were right outside of the movie theater.

“I think they’re in there,” said Misty.

“But…but that’s cheating!” exclaimed Ash.

Misty sighed. “Ash, they’re Team Rocket, okay? That’s about all they do.” She dragged him towards the movie posters. “Now…what would they be seeing?”

Ash wrinkled his nose. “How can Titanic still be out?” he asked.

“Because it’s the best movie ever made!” sighed Misty, her preteen girl instincts taking over.

Ash rolled his eyes. “Let’s see…if I were Team Rocket, what would I see?” he asked. His eyes widened and he grabbed Misty’s arm. “Super Seizure Fighting Robots: the Movie!” he gasped.

“What they’d want to see, Ash, not what you want to see,” said Misty.

“Pika pika pikachu,” suggested Pikachu.(“We could just buy a ticket to that and then search all the movie theaters until we find them!”)

“Thank you,” said Misty. “Someone finally has a good idea!”

Slightly less than three hours later, four-fifths of Team Rocket and Team Rocket pokemon were sobbing hysterically. Meowth was trying to think of new and interesting ways to kill himself. “We all knew the stupid ship was gonna sink,” he said.

“Shut up,” sniffled Jesse. She was now seated on James’ lap. “Those poor idiots! Jack should’ve just pretended to be a girl so they could get on a lifeboat together!”

“I hate Rose’s mother,” James sniffled.

“How dare she stand in the way of Jack and Rose’s totally implausible perfect relationship,” said Meowth, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, right. Have you ever seen anyone in real life from two completely different social classes hook up? No, so shut up and quit sniveling!”

The door opened, causing light to spill in. Ash waited impatiently for Misty to start the motto. “Misty, we found them, what’s taking so long?”

Misty wiped her eyes. “Ash, don’t you understand? Jack is freezing to death, and he was Rose’s one true love and…and…” Misty burst into tears.

“When can we do this then?” asked Ash. “I need to win this stupid bet!”

A man and a woman entered the PokeCenter, dressed in black trenchcoats. The man was slightly taller than the woman with orange hair and brown eyes. The woman had long purple hair that seemed to defy the physics of hairstyling, green eyes, and some of the ugliest earrings Nurse Joy had ever seen. “Can I help you?” Nurse Joy asked, smiling politely.

“No thanks,” said the man.

“We can help ourselves,” the woman added. They pulled off their trenchcoats, revealing black Team Rocket uniforms. “We’d like your rarest pokemon.”

“To go,” said her partner.

Brock attempted to hug Nurse Joy in fear. Instead, she kneed him in the groin before reaching under the reception desk and pushing the silent alarm several times. “I’m sorry,” she said as Brock collapsed on the floor, gurgling slightly, “but those pokemon are the property of their traders!”

“Clay, why don’t you show her our silent partner?” asked the woman.

“Sure thing, Allison,” said the man, pulling out a gun.

“All right, she’s dead, died an old woman warm in her bed, yadda yadda yadda, let’s go,” said Meowth, leaping to his feet.

“I hate boats,” said Jesse. “They’re just floating prisons of death.”

“And you’ve been on how many?” asked Meowth.

“One.”

“One was enough,” muttered James.

Several feet away, Ash gave Misty a sharp jab in the ribs. “Movie’s over,” he said. “Can I freaking win the bet now?”

“Fine,” said Misty, wiping her eyes a final time.

Ash waited. “Well?”

“Ash, this is a very emotional movie. I have to wait for it to all sink in before I can—“

“Prepare for trouble!” Ash shouted.

Team Rocket turned to glare at him. “Could you be any more insensitive?” asked Jesse.

“I know!” said Misty. “That movie was even sadder than the first twelve times I saw it!”

“I want to freaking win that stupid bet,” said Ash through clenched teeth.

“I wonder if anything like that will ever happen to me,” said Misty, sitting down next to Jesse and James.

“You want to be in another shipwreck?” Ash asked her.

“Yes, but only if there’s a passionate love affair involved.”

“Don’t worry,” James told her. “I’m sure someday someone will always remember what a wonderful dresser you are,” he said in a flat tone, giving Jesse a significant look. Meowth started laughing behind his hand.

“Uh, thanks,” said Misty, giving him a confused look. “I think…”

“True,” said Jesse, glaring at her partner. “And she probably won’t have to deal with some woman always causing her trouble. That’s quite a curse, isn’t it?”

“Well, no matter what happens, Misty, at least you’ll have your freedom,” James said, glaring at Jesse.

“But with a little practice, any moment can be touchy-feely,” added Meowth.

“But I think the most important thing I’ve learned about relationships is that women are the devil,” said Jesse, ignoring Meowth.

“And of course, men only think about food and pantyhose,” added James. “Isn’t that right, Jesse?”

“Well, not men men.”

“Oh, I see.”

Ash raised a hand. “Uhh…could we go back to fighting me?” he asked.

“No!” Jesse and James snapped at him.

“Awww, dey’re so cute when they squabble,” sighed Meowth. “And it’s better than listening to them…” He thought for a moment. “I don’t think there’s a word for it.”

“But I’ve got to win this bet!” whined Ash.

“At least they weren’t afraid of the ship…”

“What?”

Meowth motioned to Ash. “C’mere. I’ll tell you a little secret…”

“You have the right to remain silent!” shouted Officer Jenny as she drove her motorcycle into the PokeCenter.

“Officer Jenny…” sighed Brock, still writhing on the floor.

Clay and Allison, like all sensible Team Rocket members, ran. Officer Jenny let them run past her through the exit. “They’d just dig out of jail anyways,” she said, shrugging.

“Jenny,” said Nurse Joy.

“Yes?”

“Could you take care of something else for me?”

“Of course! Always willing to help!”

Nurse Joy tapped Brock with her foot. “This man sexually harassed me!”

“But…it’s part of the Team Rocket Babe Magnent Method!” protested Brock.

“You’re afraid of R2-D2?!” exclaimed Ash.

“S/he is,” replied Jesse and James, pointing at each other. “Wuss.”

“Oh, is dat anyway to talk to your sexy raichu?” asked Meowth.

Jesse and James exchanged a glance. “Truce?” Jesse asked. They shook hands, another impressive feat since Jesse was, despite the arguments and name calling, still on James’ lap. After a brief stomping on Meowth, they sat down again, this time in separate seats. “Where was I?” Jesse asked.

“Fight me!” snapped Ash. “Come on! I’m much better at being Team Rocket than you are!”

Jesse shook her head. “You really need to say it with more than a whine,” she said.

“And, Misty, you need to be more of a psychotic, self-absorbed bi—ow!” James was interrupted by Jesse whacking him upside the head.

“At least they’re not feeling each other up,” said Meowth.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jesse asked him, preparing to punch and/or stomp on him a few more times.

“I should be so lucky,” James said, sighing.

Jesse whirled around to face him. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“N-nothing, Jess!” said James, trying to smile innocently.

Misty found her temper rising again. “Will you two just hook-up and get it over with?” she screamed. Jesse and James shrieked and clung to each other, then stared at Misty with Ash, Meowth, and Pikachu. “Oh come on!” Misty exclaimed. “You’re obviously not afraid of me!”

“Dey startle easily,” Meowth said sarcastically.

“Damn right we do!” agreed James.

Meowth looked at them. “Hand check,” he said. Jesse and James sighed and held up their hands. “Now, you two are going to quit fighting and not start doing anything else. We have to win dat bet, remember?”

“Oh boy, 800 stinking yen,” muttered James.

“That’s hardly worth our effort,” added Jesse.

Ash turned his hat backwards. “Come on, Misty!” he said. “Let’s show them who’s the better Team Rocket!”

“Wouldn’t being the real Team Rocket already make us better at it?” asked James.

“We’ll just let them humiliate themselves again,” said Jesse.

“Uniforms?” asked Meowth.

Ash and Misty sighed. “We’ll be right back,” said Ash.

“Make sure you wear the right ones this time!” called James.

“Look who’s talking,” muttered Jesse.

Fortunately, the mall was equipped with a Ally McBealesque unisex bathroom. Misty and Ash emerged from the bathroom stalls at the same time. “I can’t believe it happened again!” said Misty, looking at Ash who was once again the one in the mini-skirt.

“I think these clothes are cursed,” said Ash.

“Only if you think Team Rocket has cooties.”

“Well, yeah. And if they’re not cursed, why do I keep ending up in drag?”

James had once again given himself Misty’s lame hair-do, Jesse was wearing an official Pokemon League hat, and Meowth was trying to be cute and lovable. “Something occurred to me,” Meowth said, completely ruining any hopes of being endearing. “How come you two are playing your usual gender-bender games with dis one too?”

“Huh?” asked Jesse and James.

“Once again, you’re da girl,” Meowth explained.

“Does Misty even count as a girl?” asked Jesse.

“Well, she’s apparently seen Titanic twelve times,” said James.

“True,” said Jesse. She held up two bottles of nail polish. “Which color would look better on me?”

“I think dey’d both look better on James,” said Meowth.

“How did this happen?” moaned Misty. “We changed, traded clothes, and yet…”

“I told you, these things are cursed!” said Ash, tugging on the hem of his mini-skirt. “Oh well,” he sighed. “At least I don’t sound like an idiot…”

“Don’t be so sure about that,” muttered Misty.

“How long does it take them to change?” asked James.

“They just don’t have it down to an art, like we do,” said Jesse. She was now painting her toenails, having finished her hands several minutes ago.

“Are your nails still wet?” asked Meowth.

“Of course.”

“How are you going to fight then?”

Jesse and James started laughing. “Simple,” said Jesse. “I’m Ash, so I have to use my pikachu, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And who’s my pikachu again?”

“James?”

“Wrong!” snapped Jesse. She quickly started smiling again.

Meowth suddenly realized that Jesse and James were looking at him in what felt like a bad way. “Hold on a second,” he said. “I think I dropped my coin outside…”

“What do we do if he doesn’t come back?” asked James.

Jesse shrugged. “There’s always Lickitung.”

They both looked up as Misty and Ash entered.

“You know what we’re going to say,” said Ash.

“So let’s get this over with sometime today,” added Misty.

“Pikachu!” said Pikachu.

Jesse and James folded their arms across their chests. “What was that?” asked Jesse.

“Our new motto,” said Ash. “Go, Bulbasaur.”

“Go, Psyduck,” said Misty.

“Misty, you never choose Psyduck!” said Ash.

“Reverse psychology.”

“Psy!”

Misty kicked the floor.

Jesse started blushing. “James, my nails are still wet,” she said. “Could you get Lickitung for me?” James took Lickitung’s pokeball from wherever Jesse keeps her pokeballs(not having pockets or a belt…) and threw it. “Go, Lickitung!” yelled Jesse.

Misty let a satisfied smirk appear on her face. “Ha! My Psyduck already beat your pink blob once, remember?”

Jesse’s eyes narrowed. “Lickting, attack that tomboy!”

“Aaahhh!!” Misty screamed as Licktung’s massive tongue zoomed towards her. “Ash, do something!”

“Eww! I don’t want Lickitung spit on me!” said Ash, cringing.

“Especially not on those nice legs of yours,” Jesse said sarcastically.

Ash’s face lit up. Wow, she thinks I’m… he then returned to reality with a painful, Brock-like jolt. “Are you making fun of me?”

“Duh.”

“Aaaaah!!” screamed Misty as she was knocked off her feet.

“Lickitung, get the Pikachu!” called Jesse.

“Psy!” said Psyduck, stepping forward between Lickitung and Pikachu. He was hit by Lickitung and sent sprawling backwards. He collided with Ash, Misty, and Pikachu, catapulting all of them out of the theater.

“Ash, you’d better have that money,” said Misty as they flew towards the food court. Meowth was unfortunately sneaking back towards the theater and was caught up in Ash and Misty’s flight.

“Looks like Team Rocket’s…sorry,” Meowth said as Ash and Misty glared at him. “Force of habit.”

Meowth staggered into Team Rocket’s hotel room. Once again he was greeted with the disgusting sounds of Mario Party. “I hate dose brats,” he announced.

“Did you get our money?” Jesse asked without looking up from the game.

“Ash stiffed us,” he said. “He says he’ll have it the next time we fight.”

“What happened to you?” asked James.

“I blasted off,” said Meowth.

“Oh. We got tired of waiting for you,” said Jesse.

“So we decided to come back here,” finished James, returning his attention to the TV screen.

“How thoughtful,” said Meowth, curling up in a ball in the dead center of Jesse’s sleeping bag.

“Great,” said Misty once they were back in their regular clothes. “Not only do we owe Team Rocket money, but now we have to come up with Brock’s bail money.”

“It’s not my fault he violated Nurse Joy’s personal space!” Ash protested.

“It’s your fault he heard of James’ stupid method in the first place because of your stupid picture of Jesse!”

Ash sighed. “Misty, anyone who listens to James obviously needs more than just bail money.”

“Ash, do you remember when Team Rocket tried to steal those police growlithes, and we saw Jesse and James change behind the same curtain?”

“Uh-huh…”

“Does Brock have any hope of anything like that in the near future?”

Several hours later, the fun had started to go out of Mario Party. “New rule,” said James. “No unplugging the other person’s controller.”

“Fine,” said Jesse, plugging in the second controller. “I’ve got a new rule too. We’re not afraid of Luigi anymore.”

“Oh,” said James.

“Thank god,” said Meowth.

“What about Mario?”

Jesse thought for a moment. “Maybe we should just say that I won and go to bed,” she suggested.

They stood up and turned to look at their sleeping bags, one of which was mostly occupied. “Get out,” said Jesse.

“No,” said Meowth, rolling over. “I was here first.”

Jesse and James exchanged a glance. Then they quickly changed and slid into James’ sleeping bag. “Why is it always my bed?” asked Jesse.

“I don’t know,” said James as they both tried to make room for two non-committed people in a one person sized sleeping bag. “How’re we going to split the money?”

“I don’t know,” said Jesse, trying to shrug. “Let’s not give Meowth any since he kicked me out of my bed.”

“You sound really upset about it,” the half-asleep pokemon said sarcastically.

“James?”

“Yes, Jesse?”

“Do you think Jack and Rose’s relationship is completely implausible?”

James looked at his partner. This wasn’t the question he’d been hoping for when there was about two inches of space between them. “Yeah…”

“Oh,” Jesse said sadly. Had she been able to she would have turned her back to him.

“Jesse, they knew each other for three days! It’s not like they had any time to actually…” He stopped, starting to realize why she’d asked him that question.

“How much time?”

Meowth chose that moment to jerk awake, realizing that stealing Jesse’s sleeping bag would lead to no good. “All right, Jesse, I’ll move,” he said. He retreated to a nearby pillow and watched Jesse and James nervously for most of the night. The looks they’d given him hadn’t been especially friendly…

As we say good night to our friends and foes, we have to wonder, who are those mysterious new members of Team Rocket? What were they doing? Will we ever see them again? And how much money will it take to get Brock out of jail? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Pokemon!

To be continued… Back