Disclaimer: Hitmonlee, the Kicking Fiend© is the property of Lovely Zelda Enterprises. Everything else is the property of Nintendo, 4Kids, Game Freak, etc. I also own Zubatman, Pidgey the Boy Wonder, and Meowthwoman, but any lines taken from Batman Returns or Batman: The Animated Series are owned by Warner Bros. They have a very nice store! Go buy your official Pokémon and Batman products there, but remember: Hitmonlee, the Kicking Fiend, is only available at the LZE gift shop.

Rating: PG-13, same as always, due to Jesse(it's always Jesse, have you noticed that?)in a Meowthwoman costume. Hey, some people may want to elevate the rating, but Batman Returns had basically the same thing and creepy bat-violence!

Other: Halloween is fun for all boys and girls, but safety is always important! Always carry a flashlight and don't take the homemade candy from the crazy cat-lady at the end of the street. That's just asking for trouble! For more fun Halloween tips, Hitmonlee T-shirts, and comments/threats, write to lovely_zelda@hotmail.com

After finishing another tedious Team Rocket seminar on "Time Management Skills," Jesse, James, and Meowth were trying to think of a plan for stealing Pikachu. They'd brainstormed and were now going through the list of possibilities. "Digging a hole," read Jesse.

"No," said Meowth.

"Digging a hole and throwing a net over it,"

"It'd never work."

"Disguising ourselves as-"

"No."

Jesse skipped over the other 29 costume oriented ideas, then continued reading. "Defeat Ash in a Pokémon battle,"

"You wish!"

"Go to the pet store, buy a Pikachu, then raise its level,"

"Lame."

Jesse and James glared at him. "At least we have ideas," said Jesse.

"I think we should trade James for Pikachu," suggested Meowth.

Jesse hit him with a paper fan. "Don't be an idiot!" she said, then added to try to cover up her obvious defensiveness, "Who would want James?"

"Rule #6: There are no bad ideas," Meowth reminded her. "Except for yours…"

"I think we should trade Meowth for Pikachu," said James.

Jesse nodded thoughtfully. "He is a rare talking Meowth…"

Meowth scratched them both. "I'm resigning," he announced, taking out a piece of paper and a pen. "What's today's date?"

"October 30," said Jesse.

"Jesse, we can't work tomorrow," said James. "It's Halloween!"

"Everyday is Halloween with you two morons," muttered Meowth.

"Why didn't we remember sooner?" wailed Jesse. "How are we ever going to come up with perfect costumes in under twenty four hours?"

There was a thoughtful silence. "How do we normally do it?" James asked.

Meanwhile… "No, no way!" snapped Ash.

"Ash, it's Halloween," said Misty. "We have to go trick-or-treating!"

"No, I have to become a Pokémon master," said Ash. "Those are two very different and unrelated things."

"Pokémon Gyms close at 6," said Misty, crossing her arms across her chest.

Brock shook his head. "I remember how much fun Halloween was when I was your age," he said.

"What's that?" Misty asked, pointing to a bag from Salon Roquet's Costume Boutique.

"Then I was doing it for the candy," said Brock. "Now I'm doing it for the women dressed up as French maids."

Ash thought about the potential scenario. "All right," he said to Misty. "I'll go just for that. But…"

"What are we going to be?" James asked Jesse.

"We need something just as glamorous as we are," said Jesse.

"Grimer and Muk?" suggested Meowth.

"Weren't you resigning?" asked Jesse. "Antony and Cleopatra?"

"We did that at Pokémon Tech," said James.

"Oh yeah…" They both laughed nervously. That had been quite an interesting evening that had turned into a very awkward morning…

Meowth rolled his eyes. "Which one of you was which?"

After Meowth had been properly stomped on, Jesse continued pondering. "Romeo and Juliet?"

"Did that."

"Paolo and Francesca?"

"Done that."

"Princess Leia and Han Solo?"

"Did it."

"Ross and Rachel?"

"Twice."

"Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker…but before Return of the Jedi?"

"We've already stooped to that."

"Very interesting," said Meowth.

"What?" asked Jesse.

"Nothing. It just sounds like all of these costumes are…couple costumes," Meowth said. "Except the last one. Perverts."

"Well, there are two of us," said Jesse.

"What's wrong with co-ordination?" James asked.

"Uh-huh, sure," said Meowth.

Jesse stood up and grabbed James' hand. "He's too distracting," she said, pulling her partner into another room.

"Yeah, I'm sure you'll really be thinking in there!" Meowth called after them.

"Why don't you two just suck it up and go as a couple?" asked Brock. "You couldn't be much more obvious."

"What are you going as?" asked Misty, looking obviously peeved.

"Something that reflects my true personality," Brock answered.

Someone who couldn't get a date if his life depended on it Ash and Misty thought in unison. "That must have been a hard costume to find," said Ash.

"Not that hard," Brock replied. "Look, it's getting late. Just go to the store and get whatever's left."

"I could be earning badges right now," Ash said once they were outside.

"Quit whining," said Misty. "Besides, how many do you have left? We've been shlepping around nowhere for weeks now!"

"I hate this stupid holiday," muttered Ash.

"What was that noise?" asked Meowth.

"I tripped!" said Jesse.

"And I…tripped over her!" added James.

Meowth knew that tone of voice a little too well. He walked over to the door and opened it. "You tripped and your jackets fell off?"

"It's hot in here," Jesse said, quickly sitting up and starting to fix her hair.

"Very hot," James said, sitting up and reaching for his jacket.

"So what did you come up with?" Meowth asked.

Jesse and James exchanged a glance. "I think we need some more…brainstorming time," Jesse said.

"Great," said Meowth, sitting down. "I'll help."

Ash and Misty looked at the mostly empty aisles that used to hold Halloween costumes. "Well, now what?" Ash asked her.

"There has to be something left!" said Misty. "Let's check the next aisle."

Ash sighed and followed her. "Ash, I found something!" Misty exclaimed. "Oh...eww…never mind."

"What?" Misty held up two costumes. "You have to be kidding. I swore I would never wear one of those again."

"It's all they have left," said Misty. "Just grab some make-up from over there and no one will ever know." She smiled. "Unless you want to be Jar Jar Binks…"

"I'll go check out the wigs," Ash said quickly.

"This is more of a two people brainstorming session," Jesse was saying.

"Oh, I see," said Meowth, nodding. "You two want to make-out."

"Of course not," James said.

"We just think better when we're alone," added Jesse.

"Is dat what you call it?"

"How many times do we have to tell you?" yelled Jesse.

"We have no interest in each other!" James finished.

Meowth gave them another patronizing nod. "No interest in each other as what?"

Jesse sighed and covered her face with her hand. "I told you this was a bad idea," she muttered to her partner.

"No you didn't," he whispered back.

"Oh. Well, we're still just friends, right?"

"Of course."

They both started to laugh nervously again.

"What have you two had to eat today?" Meowth asked. "Because I want to stay away from it." He walked up to James. "You have lipstick on your collar."

"Oh…" said James, looking quickly at Jesse. "I think it's mine." Jesse nodded and gave him a thumbs up.

"I can't believe I'm going to do this," said Ash as they returned to the inn. "This is so lame…"

"Ash, it's Halloween," said Misty, rolling her eyes. "Halloween's all about lame costumes!"

"So what did you get?" asked Brock.

"Pikaaa!" said Pikachu, running up to Ash and trying to look in the bag.

"It's a surprise!" said Ash, quickly holding the bag out of Pikachu's reach. Misty nodded, blushing furiously.

"I guess we'll just have to wait until tomorrow, right Pikachu?" said Brock.

Ash and Misty exchanged a glance, smiling painfully.

"I've got something that would be perfect for you two numbskulls," said Meowth. Jesse scowled at him. James only pouted. "It involves leather…"

"Ooo! Leather!" James squealed.

The next evening, Jesse emerged from the bathroom dressed as Meowthwoman(picture Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman costume in cream instead of black and with brown gloves and boots.) "How did you get into that thing?" Meowth asked, giving his Pidgey costume the final touches.

"James had to sew me in," said Jesse.

"I think I've died and gone to Heaven," James announced. Jesse slapped him. "In a platonic way, of course." He adjusted his Zubatman cowl.

"All right, before you say anything, let me guess-while everyone's distracted with having fun, we steal dere pokéballs!" said Meowth. "Yeah, dat'll-"

"What? And ruin our Halloween?" asked Jesse.

"We're going trick-or-treating!" said James.

"How old are you two lamebrains?" Meowth asked, feeling another headache coming on. Jesse and James stared at each other in confusion.

"I don't think I want to do this anymore," said Ash, looking at himself in the mirror.

Brock entered the room, dressed in blue crushed velvet. "Do I make you horny, baby? Do I?" he asked in one of the worst Austin Powers imitations Ash had ever heard. To Ash's annoyance(though he wasn't quite sure why)Misty blushed and started giggling. "What's taking you guys so long?" Brock said in his own voice. "Your costumes can't be that bad!"

"Ka!" agreed Pikachu. He was already wearing his Raichu costume.

Misty gathered up her things. "I'll go change," she said. Ash sighed and reluctantly went into another room.

A few minutes later, Ash and Misty emerged, dressed in black Team Rocket uniforms. Brock and Pikachu immediately started laughing. "It was all they had left!" snapped Ash. Pikachu scampered over to the bag and pulled out a red and a blue wig.

"Pika chu?" he asked, before collapsing in another fit of laughter.

"James," said Jesse as they set out, pillowcases in hand, "Something's been bothering me for awhile now…"

"What?" he asked. This ought to be good he said to himself.

"Remember about a month ago when we were hunting down Professor Oak's missing partner?"

"Yeah. Stupid old-"

"Anyway, remember the morning before we found her when…uhhmm," Jesse blushed. "Why did you ask what our chances of hooking up would be?"

James smiled at her. Finally, the perfect chance to get everything out in the open. "Jesse," he began, reaching for her hand.

"What's the hold-up?" snapped Meowth. His teammates glared at him. "What?" he asked. "I thought we were getting candy!"

Jesse hit Meowth with her whip. "Could your timing be any worse?" she yelled at him.

"Or any better, depending on your perspective," Meowth muttered. Jesse snatched one of James' batarangs and threw it at Meowth.

"Now, what were you going to say?" asked Jesse.

"Are you sure he's unconscious?" asked James.

"Positive. Besides, he can't wake up unless we take him to a Pokémon center."

James decided to try again. "Jesse, I-"

"Meowth wants candy corn!" Meowth announced, getting up.

"Meowth, in case you haven't noticed, we're trying to have a moment here," Jesse told him through clenched teeth.

"Oh really?" Meowth asked, smiling smugly. "Does that mean that you two are-"

"No," Jesse and James said quickly.

"It's a very platonic moment," said Jesse.

"That we don't need you interrupting," James added.

"I feel like such a loser," said Ash once they were outside, empty garbage bags trailing behind them.

"Don't worry, Ash," said Misty. "I have a plan that will make us all winners!" Ash, Brock, and Pikachu gave her a strange look.

"How tight is that wig?" asked Brock.

"I…I don't know why I said that," said Misty.

"Don't worry about it," said Brock. "Let's just start trick-or-treating."

They walked over to the first house. Pikachu rang the doorbell.

"Prepare for trouble!" said Misty when the door opened.

"Oh, aren't you cute!" exclaimed a middle aged woman, giving them each a tootsie roll. "Now, you kids have fun tonight!"

"Misty, what's wrong with you?" asked Ash as they continued on to the next house. He grabbed her hands. "You're acting all…Rockety!"

"I don't know," said Misty, looking up at him. They stared at each other like this for several minutes.

"This is just getting weird," Brock said to Pikachu.

"Chu," agreed Pikachu.

"Jesse, look over there," said James. They'd just been told by the first house that "weren't they a little old for trick or treating." Meowth had responded by scratching the woman and taking the entire bowl of candy.

"What?" she asked.

"I think some kids over there are dressed up like us."

"How flattering!" Jesse looked closer. "But they're wearing the wrong uniforms!"

"Perfection is so hard to imitate."

"All right, keep moving!" said Meowth.

By the fourth house, things had gotten even stranger for Ash and Co.

"Prepare for trouble!" said Misty.

"Make it double!" added Ash.

"To protect the world from devastation,"

"To unite all peoples within our nation,"

"To denounce the evils of truth and love,"

"To extend our reach to the stars above,"

"Misty!"

"Ash!"

"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

Motto finished, Misty and Ash bowed and held out their candy bags.

"Did you guys go to the cursed costume shop or something?" asked Brock.

Pikachu pulled on Brock's pant's leg. "Ka chu," he said, pointing up.

Brock looked. "Mistletoe," he said. "Wrong holiday…"

"Don't look up, don't look up, don't look up," Meowth muttered to himself, crossing his fingers.

Jesse and James looked up. "Mistletoe," James said, blushing.

"You know, mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it," said Jesse, also blushing.

"But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it…" James replied.

Meowth was briefly startled into silence, but as his teammates moved dangerously close to each other, he was able to regain his senses. "I think it's just a cobweb," he said. "After all, why would anyone have mistletoe out on Halloween?"

"Laziness?" asked Jesse, futilely trying to pretend that nothing was about to happen.

Ash and friends had finally reached the great ethical dilemma of every child's Halloween: big bowls of candy, completely unwatched, and a sign that said, "Please take one." Without hesitation, Ash and Misty each dumped an entire bowl into their bags. "But the sign said-" Brock began.

"You want to play by the rules?" Misty asked. She and Ash both began laughing.

"All right! Dat's enough of dat!" yelled Meowth, walking up to them. "We're sick of your pathetic imitation!"

"That's funny," said Misty. "I don't see anyone else."

"He's just jealous of our style," Ash told her, sniffing a rose that had appeared in his hand.

"Who wouldn't be?"

Brock fell to his knees in front of Meowth. "You'll save me, won't you?"

Meowth suddenly realized something frightening: he'd left Jesse and James, who now seemed for some inexplicable reason very willing to share their long, barely repressed feelings for each other, back at the mistletoe house. "Why me?" he asked, reluctantly heading back in that direction. He had a feeling that this was going to be a crowbar situation.

To be Continued...like really, not just in obvious mockery of the show...