Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah, I own squat, yadda yadda yadda, exlcuding, of course, Hitmonlee, the Kicking Fiend.

Rating: PG-13. Get used to it. Zelda was working on her Lion King Homosexuality Chart back when y'all were just watching it for the cartoon lions…

Other: Thank you to all my fans who've decided to write! This goes out to the Jesse(there's really way too many of them)who told me that, yes, Zelda, there are Gary Oak fans out there. Well, confession time kids-there are still a lot of episodes I haven't seen, so I know Gary only slightly better than I know Butch and Cassidy…who are also in this story. Scary, huh? While I'm admitting to all this, I might as well say that I've missed some of the ultimate Rocketshipper episodes such as Pokémon Shipwreck as well as most of Holy Matrimony. Comments, complaints, and beat downs for such negligence go to Zelda

Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, and Togepi were seated around a table at the Celadon City Starbucks(it's on the top floor of the really big Pokémart)After traveling for three straight days trying to figure out where in continuity they were supposed to be, caffeine was a very welcome thing. "You kids are too young for this stuff," said Brock, shaking slightly from his fourth double latte. "How's the tea?"

Togepi had managed to steal some of Brock's latte and was now bouncing up and down at an alarming speed. "Briiiiii!"

"It's not too great," said Ash.

"Probably because we're in a coffee place," said Misty.

Ash looked over at a nearby table. "I think I see Gary," he said, hunching close to the table. "What have I done lately that's really impressive?"

Misty rolled her eyes. "Well, you managed to dress yourself this morning…"

"Yeah!" said Ash, leaping to his feet. "Thanks, Mis-hey!"

"Ash?" asked Gary.

"Yeah?" asked Ash, his mind going into "macho posturing mode."

"Nothing, just wondering if it was you or another loser," said Gary.

"At least my grandfather wasn't in Team Rocket!"

Gary's eyes narrowed. "I hate Team Rocket…"

"You too?" Ash said, sitting down across from Gary. "They've been annoying me since Viridian City!"

"Me too!" said Gary. "At least they never do anything, but they take up so much time….And-"

"If I have to hear that stupid motto one more time!" Ash and Gary groaned in unison.

Ash looked at his rival. "Motto? Are we talking about the same members of Team Rocket?"

"Two of them, guy and a girl, girl's-"

"A loud, annoying, over bearing-"

"Yet strangely attractive…" Ash and Gary exchanged a nervous glance and laughed awkwardly.

"With really weird hair," Ash continued.

"And ugly jewelry,"

"And the guy is a bit…"

"Weird sounding, and…"

"Definitely not good enough for her."

"But they're both equally egocentric…"

"Tacky…"

"Losers…"

"And persistant!" Ash and Gary concluded together.

"Well, this is cute," said Misty, coming over to the table.

Gary stood up. "Well, hello there," he said. "Misty, from Cerulean City?"

Misty giggled. "Yes," she said. "Are you Professor Oak's grandson?"

"Where are your cheerleaders?" asked Brock.

"I gave them the day off," Gary explained.

Brock sat back down, looking very disappointed.

"I think that girl over there is looking at you, Brock," said Ash.

Brock looked. "Yeah, but she's with some guy."

"He looks kinda…gay," said Ash.

"They're probably out shopping," said Misty.

Over at said table, Jesse and James looked up from their coffee. "Some kids are staring at us," said James.

"Probably jealous," said Jesse. "You don't see Meowth anywhere, do you?"

"No." James started idly tapping the table with his fingers. "I feel kind of bad about this…"

"What? We left him lots of string."

"Still…what if he mentions this to the Boss?"

Jesse shrugged. "What's to mention? I just couldn't take…the sound of his voice anymore, that's all."

James was about to comment when he noticed something odd. He turned to his partner. "Is that your hand?"

"Is that yours?"

"I asked first." Both Rockets quickly placed both hands on the tabletop.

"I was looking for my purse," said Jesse, starting to blush.

"So was I."

Jesse whacked him with a menu. "You didn't bring one!"

"Neither did you!" James shielded his head with his hands.

Just to change the subject, Jesse looked back towards the kids. "I think it might be those brats with the Pikachu…"

James looked at his watch. "But, Jesse, we're off-duty for another fifteen minutes!"

"Imagine how pleased the Boss will be if we capture Pikachu…and on our break."

James sighed. "Let's just get it over with."

"What do they want from you?" Ash asked.

"I have a gyarados. You?" said Gary.

"A rare Pikachu."

Gary snickered. "I tripped over those things in the Viridian Forest!" he said to Misty.

"My Pikachu is extremely rare!" said Ash.

"Pii ka!" agreed Pikachu.

Smoke started to fill the room. "Not again," sighed Ash and Gary.

"Prepare for trouble!"

"Make it double!"

"You cheating bastards!" yelled Ash.

Jesse and James turned to each other, anger veins starting to rise. "Dr. Procter?" he asked her. "Or one of your little fantasy boys?"

"Living or dead?" Jesse asked him. "Or have you decided that you'd like a heaping helping of Southern hospitality?"

"You're trying to steal his pokémon too?" Ash asked. "First Misty tells me she likes Brock…"

"Ash!" screamed Misty.

"What?" said Brock. "Somebody likes me?" He looked at Misty, who smiled hopefully at him. "Oh." He slumped in his seat.

"And now you're annoying him too?" Ash finished. "You're supposed to be my antagonists, not his!"

"I'm a girl!" Misty was saying to Brock, her hands on her hips.

Brock snorted. "James is more of a girl that you are."

"Please," said Misty, rolling her eyes. "James is more of a girl that Jesse is…"

"Once we figure out what he's talking about," said Jesse.

"We're going to teach you a lesson," James finished.

Gary looked at Jesse and James. "Who are they?" he asked Ash.

"Team Rocket!" said Ash.

"I've never seen them before in my life," Gary replied. "Hi. Gary Oak, Pallet Town's finest," he said, shaking hands with James. "Pleasure to meet you," he said, kissing Jesse's hand.

Jesse glared at him, then looked at Ash. "Hand over the Pikachu," she said.

"But…then who have you met from Team Rocket?" asked Ash.

Gary looked at the clock on the wall. "Just wait for it," he said.

"What part of hand over the Pikachu don't you understand?" Jesse asked, grabbing Ash by the collar and holding her fist several inches from his face.

"Prepare for trouble and make it double!"

Gary nodded. "Right on time."

"Oh goody," Jesse said sarcastically. "It's Princess Trailer Trash."

Cassidy glared at her former friend. "The Queen and Queen of Failures," she said. "How nice to see you two again."

"What are you doing here?" Jesse asked, dropping Ash.

"Gyarados," Cassidy replied, pointing to Gary.

"Pikachu," said Jesse, pointing to Ash.

"You're doing this on your three hours off?" Butch asked James.

James nodded. "She insisted."

"Where's Meowth?"

"With several dozen balls of yarn. Where's Raticate?"

"In a very long maze that doesn't really have an exit."

"But it's not a date," James and Butch both quickly added.

"Because that would go against Team Rocket policy," said James.

"Because we're still on duty," said Butch. "But since you two are still off duty…" He looked at James. "Still in denial?"

"Denial of what?"

Jesse laughed harshly. "You haven't gotten his gyrados yet? Big surprise there…"

"And just how long have you been trying to get that pikachu?" asked Cassidy.

"Still jealous?"

"Of what? A stagnant career?"

James and Butch sat down at a nearby table. "Awards are coming up," Butch said.

"Yeah, I'm not looking forward to getting 'Worst Employees of the Year' again," James admitted. "That plaque is heavy, and Jesse's got a good arm…"

"Actually I hear you two are up for 'Best Couple,'" said Butch, taking out a pack of Marlboros.

James started choking on his coffee. "What?"

Team Rocket was generally a very selfish place. Most of the awards that were voted on were rarely given out because most members either voted for themselves of their partners, causing a massive company-wide tie. Generally the only awards given were those selected by Giovanni. That was why Jesse and James were the proud owners of two "Worst Employee of the Year" awards.

Butch nodded. "I'm voting for you."

"What about you and Cassidy? You two are actually seeing each other…" James gave his partner a dirty look. "In public," he added under his breath.

Butch shook his head. "We're just not cute enough."

"I am so sick of your egocentric whining!" Cassidy announced.

"And I'm sick of you refusing to admit that I'm better than you!" said Jesse.

Ash and Gary were watching this with mild interest. "My female antagonist is better looking that yours," Ash told Gary.

"No way!" said Gary. "But then I've always been partial to blondes…"

"Pink is my favorite color," sighed Brock, thinking of Nurse Joy's sweet innocence. That didn't last very long. "Cat fight!" he cheered.

"I'm so sick of him," said Jesse, covering her face with her hands. She looked at her partner. "James! Get over here and help me!"

"Why do you two hate each other again?" asked James.

"I'll tell you later."

"But I wanna know now!"

Butch looked at Cassidy. "I want to know too," he said.

"How could I not hate her?" Jesse and Cassidy said in unison. "Just…look at her!"

James and Butch crossed their arms and stared at their partners. Jesse and Cassidy looked at each other and sighed. "I have to go to the bathroom," Jesse announced. "Come with me." James started to get up. "I meant her."

"Oh."

"All right," said Jesse as she looked at herself in the mirror. "We have about three minutes to think of a good lie."

"Why only three?" asked Cassidy. "Will your brain overheat after that?"

"No, we have three minutes until a very familiar looking girl comes in and starts eavesdropping," Jesse explained. She took out her make-up case and started re-applying her lipstick. "So what are we going to tell them?"

"If you say anything about this, I will-"

"I don't want anyone to know any more than you do!" Jesse glared at her rival. She sighed. "We could just tell the truth. But leave out any…incriminating evidence."

"No names?" asked Cassidy, holding out her hand.

"Of course not!" said Jesse as they shook hands.

"So…what do you think they're talking about in there?" asked Butch.

"Someone could go in and find out," suggested Ash.

"I've always wondered why they always go in groups…" Brock said thoughtfully.

"So they can say things they don't want us to hear," James explained.

"We should definitely send someone in there," said Gary.

"Pika, pika chu!" suggested Pikachu.

"That's a great idea!" said Ash. "James, do you know where the misses department is?"

"Hey!" shouted Misty. "What about me?"

The males all turned to look at her. "Oh that's right!" said Ash.

Misty hit him with a mallet. "But you could always go, Ashley," she said.

"What's she talking about?" Gary asked.

"Ash insulted a Gym Leader," Misty explained.

"Erika, princess of plant pokémon…" Brock sighed happily.

"So Team Rocket dressed him up as a girl to sneak him in," finished Misty.

Ash laughed nervously. "It was only the one time…" he said. "He's a girl every other day!" he added, pointing at James.

"That reminds me," said Butch, turning to James. "When we were reassigned, how did you get the Boss to end it so early? And why does he keep giving Cassidy these weird looks?"

James leapt to his feet. "I'm not sure…I think I'd better go spy on our partners now…"

Butch blocked his path. "What did you do?"

"How could he do anything? The last time I saw him, he was with you," said Gary.

"That was Cassidy," said Butch.

"But it looked-"

"We switched uniforms," said James.

"Ohhh…" said Ash, Misty, and Brock.

"That explains it," said Misty.

"Excuse me…" said Brock, standing up. "But I'm going to have to vomit now." He ran towards the men's room.

James' eyes met Ash's. "He thought I was hot again?" he asked.

Misty rolled her eyes. "He couldn't shut up about how much better 'Cassidy' looked!" she said.

"I think Brock might be gay," said Ash in a low voice.

"What?" exclaimed Misty.

"Pika?" exclaimed Pikachu.

"He hits on every girl we see!" said Misty.

"Including James in drag! Come on, Misty!" said Ash. "You don't think Elmer Fudd was fooled every single time, do you?"

"What does that mean?"

"All right, let's get our story straight," said Jesse, starting to fix her hair. "So, we're at Pokémon Tech together and we both happen to like the same guy-"

"Who shall remain nameless."

"I know that! And…" Jesse trailed off. "How the hell are we supposed to finish this little anecdote?"

Cassidy thought for a moment before suggesting, "He dies in a tragic accident, and your name was the last thing he said?"

Jesse nodded. "Good…but James would probably remember something like that…"

"Oh yeah." Cassidy began brushing her hair. "We could say that he just wasn't there…and you didn't want to tell him about it because it freaked you out."

"Or," said Jesse. She started fumbling in her pockets for her mascara. "Not again…" she muttered. To Cassidy, she added, "we could say that he…dropped out?"

Cassidy glared at her. "He did, remember?"

"So what? It's more believable than that death thing."

"Because it's true!"

"All right, in the cartoons, Elmer Fudd's out in the woods, right?" Ash was explaining.

"Uh-huh," said Misty. She turned to Gary and whispered, "We think he's been thunder-shocked one too many times."

"So he sees this blonde with grey fur, right?" Ash continued. "Almost every single time he goes hunting, he sees a girl like that, and it's always Bugs Bunny. But he still chases him, right? So obviously Elmer Fudd knows that it's Bugs Bunny, but he still chases him and flirts with him! Therefore-"

"Therefore, nothing!" said Gary. "It's a cartoon!"

Misty sadly shook her head. "You're putting way too much thought into this," she said.

"Misty! Why else would Brock keep falling for it?" asked Ash.

"Because you all keep falling for it," muttered James. Butch snickered.

"Hey!" snapped Ash.

"All right, so no death, no dropping out, no coming out of the closet because of me," said Jesse, glaring at Cassidy as she said the last one. "What's left?"

Cassidy cupped her chin in one hand. "Hmm…let me see if I can remember what actually happened…oh, that's right…you kissed a guy you knew I liked despite your protests of having no interest in him!"

The door opened. Jesse and Cassidy both spun around to glare down the intruder. "I'm not here to spy on you," said Misty.

"Anyway," said Jesse, turning back to Cassidy. "That isn't the way it happened."

"Oh, I'm sorry, how do you remember it?" asked Cassidy.

"We were just good friends," said Jesse, looking nervously towards Misty's stall.

"Very good friends, obviously."

Misty emerged and began washing her hands. "James, right?" she asked.

"No!" Jesse quickly laughed.

"That wussy girly man?" asked Cassidy, laughing with Jesse.

"All right, that's it," said Jesse, whipping out a good sized mallet.

"At least tell me the real story before you go out there and lie to everyone," said Misty as she turned on the hand dryer.

Jesse sighed and put the mallet away. "Well, it all started back at Pokémon Tech…Cassidy had a crush on James-"

"I wasn't the only one," muttered Cassidy, giving Jesse a significant look.

"Will you let me finish!" Jesse snarled. "Anyway," she said sweetly, "So Cassidy was naturally jealous that my superior looks and charm caused James to completely forget about her existence."

Cassidy turned to Misty. "She told me that she had no interest in him," Cassidy said. "Not only does she give me the make-over from Hell…"

Jesse snickered behind her hand. "I thought your hair would be back to normal by now…"

"Well it's not!"

"Hold on a second," said Misty, stepping between them before another fight could break out. "You," she said to Jesse, "did that to her?"

"It was an accident!" Jesse said.

"So they're talking about us?" asked Butch.

James nodded. "Can you hand me those earrings?" he asked.

Butch passed them over. "You really think it's worth it?"

"They're definitely saying something they don't want us to hear." James picked up a spoon and looked at himself in it. He headed towards the ladies room just as Brock emerged from the men's room.

"Here it comes," said Ash under his breath.

"Who was that girl?" asked Brock once he reached the table.

"Where's Misty?" Ash asked. "I need to prove her bubble-butt wrong!"

"You should be nicer to her," said Gary. "She's kind of cute."

"So she tells me that he's completely available, and then-"

Jesse held up her hand. "Excuse me for a moment," she said, walking towards the door. "And stay out!" She walked back towards Cassidy and Misty. "Continue."

"And then, you know what happens on Halloween?" Cassidy asked. "Not only do they go as a couple with her lame, completely transparent 'just friends excuse'-"

"What'd they go as?" asked Misty.

"Antony and Cleopatra," said Cassidy.

"Who was-"

"It doesn't matter!" Cassidy and Jesse snapped in unison.

James returned to the table and plopped down next to Brock who began having a mild seizure. "Hi…my…m-m-m-my name…is…." Brock turned to Ash. "Pssst! Ash! What's my name?" James sighed and took off his wig.

"Brock," Ash began.

Gary put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't. This should be interesting."

"My name is…is Brock, and…" Brock felt another brain freeze coming on. "You're one of the…the prettiest girls…I've…I've ever seen!" James pulled out a rose, ready to hit Brock with it if necessary. Instead, Brock, still blushing like a maniac, took the rose. "And you brought me flowers!"

James stood up and ran back towards the bathrooms.

"So afterwards I come to Jesse's room to ask her why she's stealing James, who I obviously had dibs on," Cassidy was saying.

"I don't know," said Misty. "Were they like they are now?"

"Basically," Cassidy said bitterly. "Jesse was either with him or with me. She's what we like to call 'socially challenged.'"

"Why you little…" Jesse's fists began clenching dangerously.

"Were they doing the casual touching thing?" asked Misty

"What do you mean?" asked Cassidy.

Misty shrugged. "I don't know…they're just been turning up on Ash's pokemon journey for so long that I've started to pick up on a few things."

"Like what?"

"Hand-holding, James having his arm around Jesse for no apparent reason…"

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Jesse, starting to blush.

"Well, back to that night, I go into Jesse's room, and do you know what I saw?" Cassidy asked Misty. "Do you?"

"Umm…no," said Misty. "You know, I think I'd better be-"

All three of them froze at the sound of knocking on the door. "Jesse?"

Jesse sighed and walked towards the door. "You can't come in, James," she said.

"But Brock is hitting on me again!"

"Are you wearing heels?"

"Yes."

"Take them off, and hit him with them."

"Okay."

"And James?"

"Yes?"

"He'll leave you alone if you take the dress off."

"Jesse?"

"What?"

"I'm only wearing my uniform, remember? I didn't have time for a dress."

Jesse shuddered. "Just hit him with the shoes," she said. "I'll be out to help you in a second."

Cassidy smirked. "A bit protective?" she asked.

"Shut your mouth, or I'm putting a dress on Butch and locking him in a room with rock-boy," threatened Jesse.

"I definitely need to get going," said Misty, sidling towards the door.

"So, I come in…it's freaking five in the morning," said Cassidy.

"4:53," Jesse muttered under her breath.

"What?" asked Cassidy and Misty.

"Nothing."

"Freaking five in the morning, and do you know what I saw when I walked in?" Cassidy asked.

"Jesse…asleep?" asked Misty, starting to desperately hope for a way out of this.

"Jesse and Mr. 'Just Friends' in quite an impressive lip-lock," Cassidy said, glaring at Jesse. "Good thing I had my camera."

"Great," said Jesse. "Now that you've told her all of this, we're going to have to kill her."

"Oh damn!" groaned Cassidy. "You're right!"

"Brock, it's James," said Ash. He, Gary, and Pikachu were trying to hold the gym trainer back. Butch was trying to keep from laughing.

"That's such a beautiful name," sighed Brock.

"Jesse, I could use your help!" James called into the ladies room.

"What are you wearing?"

"My uniform…"

"The shoes?"

"They were yours."

"Were?!"

James winced, waiting for Jesse to storm out and give him the beating of his life. "You were right! My aim sucks, okay?"

"And it's not the worst thing she's ever done," Cassidy continued. "Next year, she decides to room with this little bimbo who keeps saying 'cooool' non-stop!"

Misty blinked several times. " 'Cooooool'?" she asked.

Cassidy nodded. "Exactly!"

Misty looked at Jesse. "I don't know if I should laugh or throw up," she said.

Jesse turned to Cassidy. "I have to go take care of this," she said. "What's our lie?"

Misty rolled her eyes. "Just say you both liked the same guy and that he liked Jesse better," she said. "At least…I think he liked Jesse better…"

"He can at least remember me," muttered Jesse.

"Speaking of which, our partners are going to want names," said Cassidy.

"Just make up a name!" screamed Misty.

Jesse had a sudden inspiration. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a picture of her "first love." "This is the boy," she told Cassidy.

"What's his name?" Cassidy asked.

Jesse looked at the picture. She turned it around a few times. "Hey, James," she called. Cassidy kicked her.

"Don't ask him!" she hissed. "The kid's name is now…Billy."

"Billy?" asked Jesse, wrinkling her nose.

"Are you coming to save me?" asked James from the other side of the door.

"One more thing," called Jesse. "Are you wearing your inflatable boobs?"

Cassidy's eyes widened. "Inflatable boobs?" she asked.

"No…just your Wonder-bra."

Cassidy buried her face in her hands. "Why do I hate you again?" she asked. "Because of a man who owns fake breasts?"

"And because I'm so much better looking than you," Jesse added. "And I do not need a wonder-bra!" she yelled at James. "Now take it off and give it to me later."

Once the crisis had been averted, and Brock had gone back into the bathroom to vomit some more, Misty and Ash continued their argument. "I told you so," Ash was saying.

"Why do you two hate each other?" asked James, eager for any excuse to shut up Ash and Misty.

"We both liked the same guy back at Pokémon Tech," Jesse began.

"Who?" James and Butch asked.

"Billy," said Cassidy.

"What happened?" asked Butch.

"He liked me better, naturally," said Jesse.

"Liked you better, or just liked you better?" asked James.

"Even though she claims she wasn't interested in him," Cassidy added bitterly. "Loser."

"If I'm a loser, why haven't I ever had to pay this little idiot?" Jesse asked, pointing to Ash.

"What?" asked Cassidy.

"Ash, you haven't been getting money from them?" asked Misty.

"Umm.."

Jesse and James laughed. "Do you know how many times we've stiffed him?" asked Jesse.

"All we have to do is blast off!" added James. "Painful as that is…"

Ash buried his face in his arms on the table. "Do you have any idea how rich I could be right now?"

"Wow, Ash," said Gary. "And here I thought you couldn't be any more pathetic…"

"Shut up!" snapped Ash. "They're…they're pure evil!"

"So which one was it?" James asked Jesse.

"Look, it was a long time ago, all right?" said Jesse. She sighed. "He just liked me better. I think."

"I bet you couldn't handle them," Ash told Gary. "You don't have my superior skills!"

Misty rolled her eyes. "Ash, you have more badges than you have pokémon," she said. "That doesn't generally make for a good pokémon trainer."

"It just means I have a lot of badges," Ash said smugly.

"Care to make a wager?" asked Gary. "1,000 yen over who has the more dangerous antagonists?"

"Deal!" said Ash. He turned to Misty. "This'll be the easiest money I ever made!"

"Another bet?" groaned Misty. "You still owe Jesse and James for the last one!"

Cassidy motioned to the other members of Team Rocket. "Did we just get traded?" she asked.

"What did he look like?" James was asking Jesse. Jesse showed him the picture. "He wasn't at Pokémon Tech!"

"Don't worry, Cassidy," Butch reassured his partner. "This Ketchum brat probably isn't that tough. Jesse and James just aren't what they used to be."

"Yes, he was," said Jesse through clenched teeth. "And since none of us happen to have a yearbook handy…"

Butch pulled out a Pokémon Tech yearbook. "Here's Cassidy's," he said. Jesse and Cassidy started turning blue.

"Let me see," said James, leaning over his shoulder.

"We need a back-up plan!" Cassidy hissed at Jesse.

"We should have just said he dropped out," Jesse moaned. "Maybe he was sick on picture day," she suggested to James.

"Maybe we should worry about the fact that those two brats just traded us," said Cassidy.

"What?" asked Jesse and James. They both started smiling. "Oh really?" said Jesse. "Where are you two staying again?"

"Embassy Suites," said Cassidy, holding out the room key.

"We're at a campsite just down the road," said Jesse, snatching the key.

"Tell Meowth where we are!" added James, as he and Jesse dashed out of Starbucks.

Cassidy and Butch exchanged a glance. "Did I just hear the word 'campsite'?" Cassidy asked. Butch nodded. They walked over to Gary. "Once this is over, you're a dead man," she informed him.

"I didn't think it was possible to trade antagonists," said Misty.

"Care to see how a real pokémon master does things?" Gary asked her.

"Sure!" said Misty.

"But, Misty…" whined Ash.

"Oh, suck it up, Ash. You know we can't stand each other anyways."

Ash scowled. Even though he'd gotten rid of Jesse and James, things were starting to take a nasty turn…

What will happen? Will Jesse and James be able to steal Gary's gyrados? Will Butch and Cassidy be able to steal Pikachu? How many more bets is Ash going to take? And is it really possible to trade antagonists?

To be continued…