Disclaimer: Today’s disclaimer will be in song form. The MP3 stating that I own none of this crap(except Clay and Allison and Hitmonlee)will be available at my new pokémon oriented web site as soon as negotiations of key are finished with my back-up singers.(MIDIs and Wavs will also be available.)
Rating: PG-13 because J+J get drunk while playing the Sailor Moon drinking game(don’t ask me for the rules, it’s not real…hopefully…)and then get tattoos(some place dirty)and nipple rings.
Other: Winners don’t use drugs. I’d also just like to say: damn you, Kids WB! As I’m writing bits of this, I’m awake at 7 for the first time in…ever, and what’s on? Pokemon Scent-sation, the one episode I’ve seen countless times. Of course. Still, wouldn’t it suck to live in an Anime place where everyone basically looks alike? Tell me what you think!
It was just your average weekend and Team Rocket’s finest(or at least most recognizable)were taking part in a valuable, stress relaxation technique: the Sailor Moon drinking game! Jesse, James, Butch, and Cassidy were now on their third episode and starting to get dangerously tipsy. “Uh-oh,” giggled Cassidy. “Luna’s nagging Serena again…”
“We probably shouldn’t have made that worth an entire drink,” said Jesse.
“Shut up!” snapped Cassidy. “You were the one who said that we had to drink the entire time Tuxedo Mask says something inspirational!”
“You’re just jealous of my talent,” Jesse replied. Then she started giggling again.
Allison entered the lounge, followed by her partner Clay. She pushed back a strand of hair that was dangling in her face. It immediately flopped back in front of her eyes again. “I can’t believe this,” she said. “How can you just be wasting company time and money like this?”
“It’s not like we raided the Team Rocket liquor cabinet,” said Jesse.
“Just the petty cash box,” added James. Jesse hit him with the rules sheet they’d drawn up.
Allison sighed. “This is disgusting,” she said, turning to Jesse and James. “I joined Team Rocket because of you two!”
Cassidy looked at her. “Because you thought our standards were so low? Well, Jesse and James are an exception to the rule…”
“Actually, I heard that they were one of the best teams we had,” said Allison, glaring at her former idols.
“Well, that was before a little boy ruined our lives,” said Jesse. “Now our pokémon suck, we’re bleeding internally every other day, and our self-esteem is starting to suffer.”
“I’ve started cross-dressing,” James announced.
Jesse started laughing. “You idiot, you were doing that before Pikachu ruined our lives!”
“Oh, that’s right…”
“Tuxedo Mask is talking again,” said Butch.
Allison shook her head. “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my room crying…”
Clay sat down on the sofa next to James, smiling hopefully at him. “So…anything I can do to make your life better?”
James looked at Jesse. “Rare candy,” he said.
“No,” Jesse replied. “What’s-her-face got me all depressed.”
“I know what’ll make you feel better…” He stood up, pulling Jesse with him. “A make-over!”
As Jesse and James hurried out of the room, Cassidy rolled her eyes. “Morons,” she muttered.
“That’s not some bizarre euphemism for sex, is it?” asked Clay.
“No, they’re actually going to give each other make-overs,” said Cassidy. “I don’t want to even think about their bizarre euphemisms for sex…”
Butch looked at the TV through his alcohol haze and announced, “Chibi-Moon is so sexy.”
“Prepare for trouble!”
“Make it double!”
Meowth jerked awake. “What time is it?” he asked, squinting at his teammates. Something looked a bit…off. Then he realized that for some bizarre reason that he probably didn’t want to think about Jesse and James were dressed as each other.
“We got tattoos!” Jesse announced. Her hair was now chin length and blue.
“Want to see?” asked James. His hair was the same length, but red and currently defying gravity. Well, except for that one strand, of course.
“Okay,” sighed Meowth. James started to hike up his skirt and Jesse started undoing her fly. “Never mind!” Meowth screamed. Jesse and James both started pouting. “Since you two seem to have so much energy to burn off, why don’t you think of a plan to capture Pikachu?”
Jesse and James sat down on the their sleeping bags. “We build a gigantic laser,” began James.
“Then disguise ourselves as Sailor Scouts,” continued Jesse.
“And use our magic wands,”
“To beat Ash over the head and,”
“Finally capture Pikachu!” they said together, posing.
Meowth covered his ears, hoping they’d shut up soon.
The next morning, James sat up, his head pounding. “Jesse, do you remember what we did last night?”
“All I remember is playing the Sailor Moon drinking game,” said Jesse. “And something about you dressed as Sailor Jupiter…but that was probably a dream.”
“What were you?”
“Sailor Moon. But in leather.”
James sighed. “It was a dream.” They turned to each other. Then they both started screaming.
“What is it now?” asked Meowth.
Jesse and James pointed to each other. “She looks exactly like me!” screamed James.
“He’s…” Jesse blinked several times. “Exactly?” she said, getting up and running to the mirror.
James quickly reached up and felt his hair. It was back to its original shape. He hurried towards the mirror as well.
Sighing, Meowth slowly followed. When he got there, Jesse and James were staring open mouthed at their reflections. “I’m you with breasts,” said Jesse.
“So basically you’re him,” said Meowth.
“I guess this means we really got those tattoos,” sighed James.
Jesse glared at him. “What’re you complaining about?” she snarled. “You’ve finally got a normal hair color—“
“Flareon red is normal?!”
“Do you have any idea how long it took me to grow my hair that long?”
“Your hair was always like that!”
Jesse thought for a moment. “That’s not the point,” she said. “The point is—“
“What happened to your neck?” Meowth asked sweetly.
Jesse started blushing. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, covering her neck with one hand.
Meowth sighed. “Listen, Thing 1 and Thing 2, I’ve been putting up with a lot lately. Now, I didn’t say a word the other day when I happened to overhear one of you, I’m not sure which one at the moment…” Jesse and James clenched their fists, ready to punch him. “scream, and I quote, ‘Thunder-shock me, sexy raichu’—“
“That would be Thing 2,” said Jesse.
“You said a lot of words, actually,” muttered James.
“None of which we’ll bother to repeat.”
“And I bit my tongue when I heard the term ‘you’ve been a very naughty bellsprout…’”
“Thing 1,” said James.
“And I even managed to keep silent when I saw you two playing… ‘dress up…’” He turned to Jesse. “Although I have to say dat you are da sickest person I have ever met!” James started snickering. “Don’t even start! You were da one in da poodle skirt!” Meowth shuddered. “But I managed not to say anything…”
“You wouldn’t shut up for three days about how we’d caused you undue emotional trauma,” said Jesse.
“And now,” Meowth said, ignoring her, “it turns out dat you two decided to trade identities for a heavy duty love fest. I’m in favor of narcissism, but dat’s taking it a bit too far…”
Jesse and James looked at each other awkwardly. “Why don’t you remember anything?” Jesse whispered.
“I don’t know! Because I was drunk enough to get half an R tattooed on my—“
“You remember that! So why don’t you remember if we’re…more perverted than previously suspected?”
James pouted. “Why don’t you remember? You’re the smart one.”
Jesse raised an eyebrow. “Which obviously makes you—“
“The cute one.” Jesse took a towel from the towel rack, twirled it up, and hit him with it.
“Da cute one,” said Meowth. “Isn’t dat a term normally applied to twins?” He was hit by two towels. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, Jesse, now you’re da cute one too.”
Jesse pulled out her mallet. After giving Meowth a good blow to the head, she turned to James. “You’re going to help me fix this.”
“How? I can’t make your hair grow back!”
She sighed. “Then what are we going to do?”
An hour later, Jesse buried her face in her hands. “I can’t believe I’m doing this…” she said.
“There are no pokégods,” whined James, doing the same.
“You two were perfectly happy to do this last night,” said Meowth.
“We were drunk!” Team Rocket protested. Once again, Jesse and James had traded uniforms and, as much as possible, hair styles.
“And enjoying every minute of it,” Meowth replied. “So, Jesse,” he said, looking at James, “what’s da plan?”
A wicked smile crept across James’ face. “I think we’re going to be digging a hole,” he said, looking at Jesse. “Lots of them.”
“How many?” asked Jesse, realizing who was going to have to dig the holes.
“Thirty-nine.”
Jesse put her hands on her hips. “And what will you be doing?”
“Oh, I’ll be fantasizing about myself sitting on piles of money surrounded by boy toys and wearing a slutty evening gown.”
Jesse glared at him. “Okay,” she said sweetly. “And once I’m done digging those holes for you like the pathetic wuss that I am, I’m going to dress in something pink and frilly, then skip about picking wild flowers.” A rose appeared in her hands, and she stuck it in her mouth. “Ow, thit!” she said, quickly spitting it out.
“Excuse me,” said Meowth, going behind some bushes to laugh hysterically.
James turned to her. “Thorn?” he asked.
“Yeth.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of tweezers. “Here,” he handed them to her.
Jesse took the tweezers, then hit him with a paper fan. “Why didn’t you warn me about that?”
“I thought you knew!”
Ash yawned and stretched. “It’s another beautiful day, isn’t it Pikachu?”
“Kaa!” Pikachu excitedly agreed.
“Which is why we’re inside, playing Monopoly,” said Misty.
“You’re just bitter because Pikachu called the growlithe before you could,” said Ash, sticking his tongue out at her.
Misty sighed. “I still say you should be training…”
“That’s just because I’ve got all the railroads!” said Ash.
“Only because you threatened to thunder-shock me if I didn’t give them to you!”
Brock glared at his younger friends. “Guys, it’s my turn,” he said.
“Besides,” said Ash. “Eventually Team Rocket’ll show up and that’ll give me all the training I need.”
Misty rolled her eyes. “Okay, Pikachu,” said Brock. “Virginia, Connecticut, and Baltic for Boardwalk.”
“Ka,” said Pikachu, shaking his head.
Jesse was learning a very valuable lesson: digging holes sucked. The only thing that could possibly make hole digging worse was the fact that her partner was currently “supervising.”
“How many have we dug so far?” she asked Meowth.
“None and a half,” the cat replied.
“You mean one, right?”
“No.”
Jesse swore to herself and glared at James. He noticed her looking at him and smiled sweetly. “Hungry yet?”
“James?”
“Yes?”
“Do you like capturing pokémon?”
James rolled his eyes. “I don’t remember.”
Jesse sighed. “I mean, do you like capturing pokémon.”
“Oh.” James’ eyes widened as he caught on. “Yes…”
“Well, if your butt isn’t down here with a shovel in two seconds, I know a certain frisky seadra—“
“’Frisky seadra’?” exclaimed Meowth.
“—who won’t be learning any new moves for a long time.” Jesse folded her arms across her chest. “The same goes for the naughty bellsprout, the nidoking of love, and the precious metapod.”
“Oh, I don’t know…” said James. “My nidorina can be a bit demanding at times…”
Meowth crawled out of the pathetic hole. “Since dis is far more dan I ever wanted to know,” he said. “I think I’ll go find the brats.”
Jesse climbed out of the hole and stood over her partner. “What is that supposed to mean?” she asked.
James shrugged. “I just don’t think you can do it.”
Jesse poked him in the chest. “Listen, pretty-boy,” she said. “By the end of today, you will be begging for the sexy raichu.”
James shuddered. “How? You look exactly like me! It’s gross!”
Jesse sat down next to him. “Whose stupid idea was this, anyway?”
“The tattoo was your idea.”
Jesse blushed. “It could come in handy someday…” she said. “If we ever need to do our motto in a strip club…And I’m still perfectly attractive.”
“Yes…but only because I’m such a stud muffin.”
Jesse hit him with a frying pan. “Don’t flatter yourself. Besides, not even a bad hair-cut can keep my natural radiance from shining through!”
James stood up. “I’m just here to improve my resume. I’m already an accomplished hostess, florist, costume designer, wine expert, beautician, and style consultant,” he said in his standard girly voice.
Jesse stood up, looking directly across from him. “I want a doughnut,” she whined.
They stared at each other. “I’m so freaked out!” they screamed, hugging each other. They then looked at each other and quickly recoiled.
“We have to get back to normal,” said James.
“We should never have agreed to Meowth’s idiotic plan,” said Jesse. She looked at James. “I look so much better in that.”
“I feel like such a slut,” said James. “I don’t see how you can stand to wear this with people staring at you all the time…”
Jesse’s eyes narrowed. “Who stares at me?” she asked.
Before James could either weasel his way out of trouble or get into a worse situation, Meowth reappeared. “I found dem!” he announced.
“All right, that’s it!” said Misty, having landed on the Reading Railroad one time too many. “If you can use threats, then so can I!” She pulled out a pokéball. “Go—“
“Did you hear something?” asked Brock.
“Yes!” cheered Ash, leaping to his feet. “In your face, Misty!”
Misty glared at him. “I’ll deal with you later, Ketchum.”
“Prepare for trouble!”
“Make it double!”
Jesse and James appeared, standing on top of Ash’s couch. “To protect the world from devastation,” said James. He turned red as he noticed Brock trying to look up his skirt.
“To unite all peoples within our nation,” said Jesse, still not quite sure what she was supposed to be doing with the rose.
“To denounce the evils of truth and love,”
“To extend our reach to the stars above,”
“Ja—Jesse!”
“James!”
“Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!”
“Surrender now, or prepare to fight!”
“Meowth, dat’s right!” As Team Rocket moved into their finishing pose they fell off the couch.
Ash looked at them. “Something’s weird here,” he said.
Misty sighed. “Ash, all three of them are here, with the right partners.”
“Yeah, close enough,” said Brock.
“Even though James seems to have breasts again,” muttered Misty.
Jesse and James turned to each other. “Looks like the jig is up,” said Jesse. James nodded. They dashed behind the couch, traded clothes, and reappeared. “Prepare for—“
“We already did that,” James reminded her.
“Well, I’m sure they want to hear it again,” said Jesse. “Besides, you didn’t put the right amount of spirit into it!” She noticed James’ especially vacant look. “And quit staring at me!” she added, hitting him with a sofa cushion.
Ash, Misty, Brock, and Pikachu stared at Team Rocket. “No, it’s not any less weirder,” said Ash.
“I don’t think I even want to know,” said Misty.
Jesse and James glared at them. “Our judgement was slightly clouded, okay?” snapped Jesse.
“Remember, kids, drinking and styling don’t mix,” said James. “Fortunately all I’ll need is some bleach and…whatever we used on Jesse.”
Jesse pulled out her mallet. “You mean you did this to me?” she asked.
“It was almost midnight, Jess! Wal-Mart was the only place that was open!”
Jesse put the mallet away and took out a small tape recorder. “After stealing Pikachu, destroy Wal-Mart,” she said into it. She sighed. “But no matter what happens, I’ll just end up looking like you do now!”
“Ash, take a good look,” whispered Misty. “If you ever have kids, this is what their rivals are probably going to look like.”
Meowth shuddered. “If dere children are partners, I will evolve for the sole purpose of choking on my own discarded charm,” he said.
Ash snorted. “If they have children, I’m not letting my kids within ten feet of a rare pokémon.”
“Who said we were having children?” asked Jesse.
“Can you imagine her as a mother?” laughed James.
“Can you imagine him as a father?” said Jesse, glaring at him.
“And who would want to imagine you two…you know,” said Ash, shuddering.
“Just be glad you still have to imagine it,” muttered Meowth. “But thankfully dere was a certain disagreement concerning today’s plan…” Meowth sighed happily.
Jesse grimaced. “Ooo, dressing up as each other,” she said. “Quite a plan…”
“There was the hole digging,” said James.
Jesse hit him with her mallet. “Thank you for reminding me,” she said. “My Nidoking won’t be leaving his pokéball any time soon.”
Ash’s eyes widened. “You have a nidoking?” he asked. “Wow! You guys are better than I thought!”
Despite their differences, Team Rocket, Misty, and Brock all managed to blush at the same time. “Way to go, Jesse,” said James, glaring at his partner. “Now we’re going to have to explain this…”
“Uhm, Ash?” said Misty.
“Yeah?”
Misty opened her mouth, then closed it. She turned to Jesse and James. “I think you’d better tell him.”
“Thanks a lot,” muttered Jesse. She took a deep breath. “You see, pest, when two people umm…” She and James exchanged a glance.
“There comes a time in everyone’s life when…” James began.
They both turned to Meowth. “Well?” said Jesse.
“Well what?” asked Meowth.
“We’re waiting for you to say something blunt and humiliating,” said James.
“Please?” said Jesse. “You’re obviously the smart one of the team!”
“You always know just what to say!”
Meowth looked at his teammates who were now grinning at him. He sighed. “You two are such pansies.”
“Come on!” said Ash, turning his hat backwards. “Pikachu versus your nidoking!”
Jesse and James exchanged another glance. Meowth started laughing. “Hey, whatever works!” he said.
“Maybe it’ll actually work,” said Jesse. She smiled. “Besides, we’ve been doing a lot of training lately.”
James sighed. “I guess you’re right,” he said reluctantly.
“Pikachu, I choose you!” called Ash.
“Go, Nidoking!” called Jesse. “Let’s see that poison sting!”
Meowth snickered. “How about horn drill?” he asked.
“Go, Wigglytuff,” said James.
“What?” shrieked Jesse, staring at him. “You can’t be serious!”
James smiled back at her. “Come on, Jesse, Wigglytuff’s gotten very good at body slam…”
Jesse grabbed him by the collar of his jacket. “If we live through this, I’m going to kill you,” she said.
“Where are your pokémon?” asked Ash.
“Don’t ask,” said Jesse and James in unison.
“Nidoking…” Jesse paused, trying to think of something without connotations. “Fury attack!”
“Wigglytuff, double slap!”
Pikachu was thrown off guard when Jesse and James lunged at him. “Pikachu, agility!” called Ash. Pikachu quickly dodged, causing Jesse and James to crash into both the floor and each other.
“Don’t worry,” called Meowth. “Someday you’ll look back on this and laugh.”
“If we live through this, will you help me kill Meowth before you kill me?” asked James.
“Of course,” said Jesse, pushing down on him as she stood up. “But I don’t think we’re going to live through this…”
James got to his feet. “What now?” he asked.
“Nidoking, human shield!” called Jesse, hiding behind him.
“Pikachu, thunder-shock!” called Ash.
James hugged Jesse. They both closed their eyes, waiting for the familiar feeling of several thousand volts of lightning frying their bodies.
Pikachu turned to Ash. “Ka chu!” he said.
“What’s he saying?” Jesse asked Meowth.
“’You have to be kidding.’” Meowth translated.
“Pika pika ka chu pikachu pi!"
“’Dey’re not pokémon at all!’”
“But, Pikachu, you’ve thunder-shocked them before!”
“Pika kachu chu ka pika pikachu! Pikachu pi chu ka-pi pika pika pika!”
“What’s he saying now?” asked Jesse.
“Not what you’d expect a cuddly yellow blob to say,” said Meowth. “I’m not repeating dat.”
“Pikachu,” whined Ash. “The sooner you thunder-shock them the sooner we can go back to our game!”
“Chu ka-pi.”
“Only if you give me the railroads,” translated Meowth.
“Yes!” Jesse and James high fived. “Only a total moron would give up the railroads just to win a pokémon battle!” cheered Jesse.
“We’re gonna capture Pikachu! We’re going to capture Pikachu!”
While Team Rocket performed another one of their bizarre touch down dances, Ash continued negotiations. “I’ll only give you all the railroads if you thunder-shock them twice,” Ash was saying. “And they have to blast off.”
“Ka chu.”
“Wait a minute…” James said, suddenly staring at Ash in pure terror. “Only a total moron would…”
Team Rocket, Meowth included, immediately leapt into each other’s arms. Ash handed Pikachu four square pieces of paper. “Pikachu, thunder-shock!”
Pikachu paused to examine the railroads. “Chu pika?”
“Of course they’re real!” snapped Ash. “Now, I’m your trainer and I say thunder-shock, now!”
“Ka chu!”
There was a group horrified stare. “I didn’t know pikachus had middle fingers,” said James.
“Do you kiss your mother with dat mouth?” asked Meowth.
Meanwhile, Jesse was now crawling along the floor towards the Monopoly board.
“Pikachu,” said Ash, his eyes starting to go wobbly, “I thought you were my friend…” Pikachu shrugged. “What? How dare you ignore a crying child!” Ash snapped, bringing his foot back.
James watched, a thoughtful expression on his face. Little twit kicks pikachu, pikachu evolves into raichu, and if the several thousand volts of electricity don’t kill us, the fall probably will he decided.
Before Ash’s temper could get the better of him, Jesse appeared on top of the game table, triumphantly holding up several game cards. “Care to make a trade?” she asked.
“Huh?” said Ash, turning towards her.
“Boardwalk, Park Place, and the utilities for your measly Pikachu,” said Jesse.
“You’re not even playing!” Ash said.
“And those are our properties!” said Misty.
“I can’t believe he stole Park Place from me!” wailed Brock.
“He?” asked Jesse, her eyes narrowing.
“That’s Jesse!” snapped James.
“Oh,” said Misty, Brock, and Meowth.
“Are you sure?” asked Ash.
“Yes!” Jesse and James yelled at him.
“How can they not tell us apart?” Jesse asked as James joined her on top of the table.
“Well, now we can…” said Misty.
“Sort of,” added Ash. “James is the one with red hair now, right?”
Jesse and James sighed. “James is the taller one,” said James.
“Without my stunning figure,” added Jesse.
“Does it matter?” Misty asked her friends. “I just want my stinkin’ utilities back!”
Ash nodded. “Right,” he said, turning his hat backwards. “Bulbasaur, I choose you!”
“This isn’t how a trade works!” said Jesse.
“You’re supposed to throw insults, not pokéballs!” added James.
“Well, this is how we play!” said Ash. “Bulbasaur, razor leaf!”
“Go, Staryu!” said Misty. “I want my—arrghhh!” she screamed as, of course, Psyduck appeared.
Jesse and James exchanged a glance that clearly said Whatever you do, don’t hit it in the head. Jesse then pulled out a pokéball. “Go, Arbok!”
“Charrbok!”
“Go Wheezing!” said James.
“Whee-zing…”
Ash looked like he was about to say something. “What?” snapped Jesse.
“Uhh…nothing…”
“You see these?” asked Jesse, using the infamous Holiday at Acapulco gesture. “Does he have these?”
“Umm…occaisionally…” Ash was suddenly hit by a shower of little green plastic houses. “Can I go back to beating—ow!” Ash was suddenly hit by a hotel. “Quit it!”
“We’re running out of properties,” said James.
Jesse bent down and scooped up the playing pieces. “Problem solved,” she said, chucking the wheelbarrow at Ash.
Brock shook his head. “Somebody’s going to lose an eye…” he said.
“Dat what happened to you?” asked Meowth from under the sofa.
“Are we winning?” James asked Jesse as he threw the last of the hotels at Ash.
“I think so…” said Jesse.
“This doesn’t—ow!—count!” snapped Ash, still trying to shield himself as the growlithe hit him in the face.
“Ha!” laughed Misty. “What’re you going to throw now? You’re out of—aaah!” Misty screamed as a frying pan zoomed over her head and put a nasty dent in the wall.
Ash was now very thankful for the old Cold War film strips that had been shown in his school. He was huddled on the ground with his arms over his head. Paper fans and roses continued to ricochet off his back. “Pikachu? Please thunder-shock them…”
“Pikachu pika pikachu pi ka.”(“Ash, don’t be such a wuss.”)
“But…it hurts!” Ash whined.
“Oh no,” said Misty, “folded paper and pretty flowers. You poor thing.”
“Thorns!” Ash reminded her. He made the mistake of looking up to glare at her and took a flying mallet to the face. “All right! All right! I’ll give you Pikachu!”
“Whoo-hoo!” cheered Team Rocket. Jesse and James nearly fell off the table. “We captured Pikachu!”
“This is so sad,” said Misty.
“Now I’ve got the utilities and the railroads!” said Ash, laughing triumphantly.
“Pika chu,” said Pikachu, holding up the railroad deeds.
Half an hour later, Jesse, James, and Meowth were seated on the couch. Brock was on the floor and Misty was in a nearby chair. They were waiting for Ash’s pathetic negotiations with Pikachu to finish. Jesse yawned. “How did he make it this far again?” she asked. “He and that Pikachu are bickering like—“
“You and James?” asked Meowth.
“I was going to say an old married couple.”
“What’s da difference?” Meowth was back handed onto the floor. “Touchy today, aren’t we, Thing 1?”
“Maybe it’s not permanent,” said James.
“It better not be,” snapped Jesse.
“I didn’t know you hated my hair so much…”
“I just hate it on me!”
“I hate it,” said Ash. Pikachu zapped him for not paying attention.
James grinned at his partner. “So,” he said, slowly starting to slide his arm around her, “you don’t hate it?”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” said Jesse, back handing him onto the floor. He landed on top of Meowth.
“All right,” said Ash. “I give you Pikachu for the utilities and Boardwalk and Park Place, and Pikachu will give me the railroads if I don’t give him to you guys.”
Everyone else stared at him. “Ash, that doesn’t quite work,” said Misty.
“Yoink!” said Meowth, snatching the railroads from Pikachu. “Now what’re you going to do?”
Pikachu looked down at his empty paws and started to sniffle.
Jesse and James both whacked Meowth upside the head. “How could you be so cruel?” asked Jesse.
“You can make it up to him once we capture him,” Meowth said, rubbing the bump on his head. “If I decide to give you dese.”
His teammates stared at him. “This is mutiny!” said James.
“Damn right it is. Now…I want some offers.”
Jesse pulled out a ball of yarn. James reached into his pockets and pulled out a handful of change. They both tossed these items into the air and quickly grabbed the four deeds from Meowth. “Now,” said Jesse, showing Ash her handful of properties, “care to negotiate?”
“I am never playing Monopoly again,” muttered James.
“At least not with anyone in this room,” added Misty.
“Ha! Not on your life!” said Ash. “Pikachu, thunder—“ He looked at Pikachu who was now crying softly to himself. “Oh, Pikachu, we’ll get the railroads back for…hey!” Ash suddenly realized something. “Those were my railroads!” Ash turned to Bulbasaur who’d been lounging around for quite some time now. “Bulbasaur, vine whip those cheating bastards!”
“How is it cheating?” asked Misty. “They’re not even playing!”
Years of being all around board game jerks had given Jesse and James the reflexes needed to jump off the couch in time. “Your mom is going to kill you,” said Brock, looking at the vine-whipped couch.
“It’ll be worth it!” said Ash. “Bulbasaur, return!” Ash started chuckling.
“Uh-oh,” said Meowth, looking up from the string he was currently entangled in.
“He looks like he’s going to use,” Jesse began.
“His most powerful pokémon!” exclaimed Team Rocket.
“Charizard, I choose you!”
“Your mom is really going to kill you,” said Brock as Team Rocket ran for the door.
Charizard, despite Ash’s brand new shiny earth badge didn’t give a rattata’s ass what his trainer wanted. That was why Ash’s living room and everyone still in it was soon turned a nice, golden brown.
Pikachu, despite his usual fuzzy yellow good-natured spirit, didn’t like being burnt to a crisp. “Piiikaaachuuu!” he screamed, thunder-shocking the entire room.
“Ash?”
“Yes, Misty?”
“Just give me my stupid bike so I can go back home where it’s safe!”
“Well, congratulations,” Meowth said from the bathroom door. Jesse and James were both leaning over the sink and srubbing furiously. “Our Monopoly game now has eight extra pieces. Won’t da Boss be thrilled?”
“Meowth, we have far more important things to worry about,” said Jesse.
“Why bother? We all know you’ll both be mysteriously back to normal next time,” said Meowth. “We’ll all have probably forgotten dis entire thing since it doesn’t involve dose little twerps.” Jesse and James stopped what they were doing and stared at him. “Tomorrow morning, if we went back to dere house, it would look spotless and dere Monopoly game would be completely normal.” He then started walking towards the kitchen, laughing softly. “Dat oughta leave ‘em freaked out for a few more days.”
Jesse leaned back over the sink and turned the water on. “Do you believe him?” she asked.
“I want to…” said James. He noticed something in the trash and pulled it out. It was an empty box of blue hair dye. He quickly read the box, then placed a hand on Jesse’s shoulder. “Don’t bother.” He handed her the box.
Jesse’s expression darkened almost immediately. “And you bought this?” she asked.
“I think so…”
Jesse started hitting him with the box. “Why didn’t you read the label?” she asked him.
“Because I was completely wasted!”
Jesse stopped hitting him for a moment. “They really shouldn’t let you buy this crap when you’re drunk,” she said. “Or get tattoos…” She started blushing. “But at least we can write that off as a business expense!”
“The Boss’ll be thrilled when we show it to him…”
Jesse suddenly turned pale. “We’re going to have to show it to him?” she asked.
“Duh.”
“Maybe we should forget about the business expense thing…” said Jesse, laughing nervously.
I sure hope Meowth is right, otherwise Ash is going to have a lot of explaining to do! And just where are those tattoos? Maybe we’ll find out next time…
To be continued…
***Author’s Note*** Sorry I lied about the nipple rings. I just thought the Rating could use a little spicing up.