~~~~~~~~~~ Disclaimer ~~~~~~~~~~
I do not own the characters in this story, nor do I own any rights to the television show "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". They were created by Joss Whedon and belong to him, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Television, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television and the WB Television Network.
This is a straightforward and dry transcript of the episode "Inca Mummy Girl".
~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
Outside the museum. Buffy, Willow and Xander are walking past the rose gardens toward the building.
Buffy: This is so unfair.
Willow: I don't think it's that bad.
Buffy: It's the Uber-suck. Mom could've at least warned me.
Xander: Well, a lot of parents are doing it this year. It's part of this whole cultural exchange magilla. The exhibit, the dance...
Willow: I have the best costume for the dance!
Buffy: A complete stranger in my house for two weeks. I'm gonna be insane! A danger to myself and others within three days, I swear.
Xander: I think the exchange student program's cool. (gets a look from Buffy) I do! It's a beautiful melding of two cultures.
Buffy: Have you ever done an exchange program?
Xander: My dad tried to send me to some Armenians once. Does that count?
They climb the steps to the building entrance and the cultural exchange exhibit. Cut inside. Cordelia and two other girls are looking over the pictures of the exchange students.
Cordelia: Ooo! There's mine! Sven. Isn't he lunchable? Mine's definitely the best.
She walks past Buffy.
Buffy: What're you lookin' at?
Cordelia: Pictures of our exchange students. Look. 100% Swedish, 100% gorgeous, 100% staying at my house! So, how's yours? Visually, I mean.
Buffy: I don't know. Guy like?
Xander: By guy-like we are talking big, beefy, guy-like girl, right?
Buffy: I was just told 'guy'.
Cordelia: You didn't look at him first? He could be dogly. You live on the edge. (walks off)
Xander: Hold on a sec. So, this person who's living with you for two weeks is a man. With man parts. This is a terrible idea.
Willow: What about the beautiful melding of two cultures?
Xander: There's no melding, okay? He better keep his parts to himself.
They stop at the end of a row of display cases, and Buffy notices Rodney scraping a mask.
Buffy: What's he doing?
Xander: Uh, that's Rodney Munson. He's God's gift to the bell curve.
Another student goes up to Rodney and gets growled at.
Xander: What he lacks in smarts he makes up in lack of smarts.
Willow: You just don't like him 'cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years.
Buffy giggles to herself.
Xander: Yeah. I'm irrational that way.
Buffy: (smiles) I better stop him before he gets in trouble.
Willow: I got it. The non-violent approach is probably better here. (goes over to Rodney)
Buffy: I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence. (looks up at Xander) Do I?
Xander: The important thing is you believe that.
Cut to Rodney. He's still scraping the mask.
Rodney: What're you... (looks up) Oh. Willow, hi.
Willow: That's probably not something you're supposed to be doing. You could get in trouble.
Rodney: (facetiously) Oh, no. And they might kick me outta school?
Willow: (smiles) Are we still on for our chem tutorial tomorrow?
Rodney: Yeah. I think I got almost all fourteen natural elements memorized.
Willow: There're a hundred and three.
Rodney suddenly looks worried. Cut to the museum guide.
Guide: Welcome, students. We shall now proceed into the Incan burial chamber. The human sacrifice is about to begin.
Cut to the entry to the Inca exhibit. They all walk in.
Xander: Typical museum trick. Promise human sacrifice, deliver old pots and pans.
Guide: Five hundred years ago, the Incan people chose a beautiful teenage girl to become their princess.
They take the steps up to a platform where the Incan stone coffin and mummy are on display.
Willow: I hope this story ends with, 'And she lived happily ever after.'
Xander: (looks into the coffin) No, I think it ends with, 'And she became a scary, discolored, shriveled mummy.'
Guide: The Incan people sacrificed their princess to the mountain god Sebancaya, an offering buried alive for eternity in this dark tomb.
Willow: They could've at least wrapped her in those nice white bandages, like in the movies?
Guide: The princess remained there protected only by a cursed seal placed there (points to the plate in the mummy's hands) as a warning to any who would wake her.
Cordelia and a few other girls are still looking at the exchange student pictures and laughing.
Xander: So, Buffy, when's exchange-o boy making his appearance?
Buffy: His name's Ampata. Gonna be at the bus station tomorrow night.
Xander: Ooo. The Sunnydale bus depot. Classy! What a better way to introduce someone to our country than with the stench of urine.
Guide: Now, if you'll follow me this way, please.
They all walk past the coffin and follow the guide to the next destination on the tour.
Cut to later. The exhibit is deserted now except for Rodney, who cautiously looks around and makes his way back up to the mummy. He looks into the stone coffin and sees the plate with the seal.
Rodney: Aha. Cool.
He reaches in and yanks at the plate, trying to wrest it from the mummy's grip. He gets it out of one hand, and yanks it hard to get it out of the other. It comes loose, and he pulls it up too fast, breaking it against the side of the coffin.
Rodney: Oh! Damn!
He reaches in to collect the pieces. The mummy's arms reach up and grab him by the neck. Its eyelids open to reveal empty sockets as it pulls him in closer.
Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays.
~~~~ Commercial break ~~~~
Sunnydale High. Students are arriving for school. Cut to the library. Buffy and Giles are training. Xander is studying at the table.
Buffy: So, can I go?
Giles: I think not.
Buffy lands four hard hits on the training pad Giles is holding. He flinches at her blows, and after she's done puts the pad down in favor of a much thicker one.
Buffy: (pouts) How come?
Giles: Because you are the Chosen One.
Buffy: Mm. Just this once I'd like to be the Overlooked One.
Giles: Well, I'm... afraid that is not...
Buffy kicks the pad hard, making Giles stagger back a few steps.
Giles: You have responsibilities that other girls do not.
Buffy: Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, bity blah, I'm so stuffy, gimme a scone.
Giles: (sarcastically) It's as if you know me.
Buffy continues kicking. Xander winces at each blow.
Giles: Your secret identity is gonna be difficult enough to maintain while this exchange student is living with you.
Xander gets up and separates them.
Xander: Nooot... with her. In the same house as her. Am I the only one who's objective enough to make that distinction? (goes to the counter)
Buffy: So! I think going to the dance like a normal person would be the best way to keep that secret. Giles, come on, budge! No one likes a non-budger.
Giles doesn't say a word. She steps back and comes at him for an especially hard kick.
Giles: FINE!
Buffy stops her kick at the last instant.
Giles: Go.
Buffy: (smiles) Yay! I win.
Giles: I'll just go and introduce my shoulder to a, an icepack.
Xander: (hops off of the counter) So, I guess we're dance-bound. Cool. I think I can get my mom's car, so I'm wheel man.
Buffy: I thought you were taking Willow.
Xander: Well, yeah, I'm gonna take Willow, but I'm not gonna take Willow. In the sense of 'take me'. See, with you we're three and everybody's safe. Without you, we're two.
Buffy: Ah, and we enter dateville. Romance, flowers...
Xander: Lips.
Willow comes into the library, but Xander's back is to the door so he doesn't see her. Buffy pretends not to notice her.
Buffy: Oh, come on. In all the years you've know Willow, you've never thought about her lips?
Xander: Buffy, I love Willow.
Willow smiles widely.
Xander: And she's my best friend. Which makes her not the kind of girl who I think about her lips that much.
Willow's smile fades to disappointment.
Xander: She's the kind of girl that... I'm best friends with.
Willow: Hey guys.
Xander: Willow! (goes to her) Hi! We were just talkin' about happy things.
He puts his arm around her and pulls her over to Buffy at the table.
Xander: Like the three of us going to the dance together. See? (laughs) Happy!
Willow isn't smiling.
Xander: Not happy.
Willow: No. Uh, oh, y-yes. No. Rodney's missing.
Giles: (comes out of his office with an ice pack) Trouble with Mr. Munson again? (puts it on his shoulder)
Willow: His parents say he never came home last night.
Buffy: Y'know, I don't think I remember seeing Rodney on the bus back from the field trip.
Willow: I didn't either. I hope he didn't get in trouble at the museum.
Xander: (chuckles) Hey, maybe he awakened the mummy.
Willow: (giggles) Right, and it rose from its tomb.
Buffy: (smiles) And attacked him. (nods)
Their smiles fade as they all realize that that may not be so far-fetched.
Cut to the Inca exhibit at the museum. They all come walking in.
Willow: On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke.
Xander: For twenty-one hours?
Willow: It's addictive, you know.
Giles: We'll deal with that when we've... ruled out evil curses.
They climb the steps to the platform where the coffin is on display.
Buffy: One day I'm gonna live in a town where evil curses are just generally ruled out without even saying.
Giles: There was a seal?
Buffy steps up to the coffin and looks in.
Buffy: It was right here. And it's broken. (picks up the largest piece)
Willow: Does that mean the mummy's loose?
Buffy: No, comfy as ever. (hands the piece to Giles)
Giles: Look at this series of pictograms.
A man comes out of nowhere and yells, jumps up behind Xander and swings at him with a knife. Xander ducks the blow and gets behind him. The man swings back the other way again blindly, looks into the coffin and is surprised by what he sees there. Xander jumps onto the man's back. He knocks Xander off, and runs off of the platform and away. Xander quickly gets up.
Xander: Okay, I just saved us, right?
Buffy: Something did.
Giles: Well, we'll fret about the details later. Let's just get out of here before he comes back.
They all hurry down the steps to leave except Willow, who's noticed something about the mummy.
Willow: Giles, were the Incas very advanced?
Giles: Yes, yes, very.
Willow: Did they have orthodontists?
Cut to the mummy. There are metal braces on its teeth.
Cut to the library. They all come in.
Willow: Rodney looked like he had been dead for five hundred years. How could that be?
Xander: Maybe we should ask that crazy man with the big old knife.
Buffy: I don't think he seemed overly chatty.
Willow: The way he bolted when he saw Rodney, I'd say he was as freaked as we were.
Giles: My resources on this subject are extremely limited. I-I gather that this particular mummy was from the Sebancaya region of eastern Peru. It's very remote. Now, if there's an answer, then it's, it's locked in the...
Buffy: ...In the seal.
Giles: (looks at the seal) It's gonna take me weeks to... translate these pictograms. Well, we'll start tonight with...
Buffy: Ampata!
Giles: I was gonna suggest hunting.
Buffy: No, I'm late. I told my mom I'd pick him up.
Xander: Uh-uh-uh, Buffy? Where are your priorities? Tracking down a mummifying killer or making time for some Latin lover whose stock in trade is the breakage of hearts?
Buffy: Ampata's there alone. And I-I don't know how good his English is. He's here from South A... South America. Hey, y'know, maybe he could translate the seal.
Xander: Oh, yeah. Fall for the old 'let me translate that ancient seal for ya' come on. Tsh. D'ya know how many times I've used that?
Cut to the bus stations. Ampata is standing there alone waiting and looking around for his ride. He hears a whisper.
Mummy: Ampata...
He starts walking in the direction of the voice, passing several parked busses. He hears the voice again, louder this time.
Mummy: Ampata...
He walks between two busses, looking around for whoever it is.
Ampata: Hello?
He sees the mummy come toward him, and is surprised and frightened but doesn't scream or yell. The mummy reaches out, grabs him by the neck, pulls him in and kisses him. Ampata begins to shrivel and dry up as the mummy draws his life force from him.
Cut to later. Buffy, Willow and Xander arrive at the bus station and look for him.
Buffy: Forty minutes late. Welcome to America!
Willow: What if he left already?
Willow finds the door to the station building locked.
Buffy: (calls out) Ampata? Ampata Gutierrez?
Xander: So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him? 'Cause I don't know anything much besides Doritos and Chihuahua.
Buffy: Ampata?
Ampata: Here!
The mummy had regained her appearance of a young teenage girl. She comes walking out from between two busses.
Ampata: Hello.
Xander is instantly taken with her beauty. She comes over and stands before them.
Ampata: I am Ampata.
Xander: Ay caramba! I can also say that!
Buffy and Willow are also surprised to find that Ampata is a girl. Willow looks up at Xander and sees how he's looking at her.
~~~~ Commercial break ~~~~
The Summers house. Buffy is showing Ampata around the house.
Buffy: Dining room...
They come into the kitchen from the dining room.
Buffy: And this (turns on the light) is the kitchen.
Ampata: (amazed) It's very good!
Buffy: Yeah, you got your stove, your fridge, it's fully functional. We're very into it.
Xander: (slow and over-pronounced) Would you like a drink? (gestures)
Buffy: (opens the fridge) Uh, let's see, we've got milk, and, uh, oh, older milk... Juice?
Ampata: Please.
Willow: So, Ampata. You're a girl.
Ampata: Yes. For many years now.
Willow: And not a boy, 'cause we thought a boy was coming, and here ya are in a girl way!
Xander: It's just one of those crazy mix-ups, Will.
Buffy: So, have you ever been to America before? (sets out glasses)
Ampata: Uh, I, I have toured.
Xander: (slow English again) Where did... you go?
Buffy gives Willow a look, and goes to get something to munch on as Willow pours the juice.
Ampata: I was taken to Atlanta, Boston, New York.
Willow: New York! That's exciting. What was that like?
Ampata: I did not see so much.
Xander: Your English is... very bueno.
Buffy and Willow exchange another look at Xander's deliberately slow speech.
Ampata: I listened much.
Xander: Well, that works out well, because I talk much. (they laugh)
Cut to later in Buffy's room. Ampata sits down on her bed, surprised at the springiness of it.
Buffy: Hey! Sorry about the teeniness of the room.
Ampata: My old one was much smaller.
Buffy: (sits on her bed) What's it like back home?
Ampata: Cramped, and... very dead.
Buffy: Well, you'll feel right at home in Sunnydale.
Ampata: Oh, no! Ohhhh! (gets up) But... but you have so much here! (picks up a picture)
Buffy: How 'bout friends?
Ampata: They are... (puts the picture down) It is just me.
Buffy: I've been there. But, hey! You'll meet lots of people tomorrow.
Ampata: Thank you. (goes back to her bed) You must teach me everything about your life. I want to fit in, Buffy. Just like you. A normal life.
Buffy: One normal life. Comin' up.
She reaches over to turn off her light. Cut outside. The man from the museum is hidden there looking in through the window from the bushes.
Cut to outside the school the next morning. Cordelia and Devon come down some stairs to Oz's van.
Cordelia: Devon, I told you I'd be at the dance tonight, but I am not one of your little groupies. I won't be all doe-eyed looking up at you, standing at the edge of the stage.
Devon: Got it.
Cordelia: So, I'll see you afterwards?
Devon: Sure. Where do you wanna meet?
Cordelia: I'll be standing at the edge of the stage.
Devon: (looks over at Sven) With that guy?
Cordelia: (looks also) Sven! Momento! Needa! (to Devon) This whole student exchange thing has been a horrible nightmare. They don't even speak American. So, I'll see you later? (she allows him a kiss on the cheek) Bye!
She starts back up the stairs toward the school. She turns back when she notices that Sven isn't following.
Cordelia: Sven! Come?
Sven starts to follow her. Devon smirks and goes over to Oz, who's dealing with their equipment.
Devon: Oz, man! What do you think?
Oz: Of what?
Devon: Cordelia, man!
Oz: She's a wonderland tour.
Devon: You gotta admit, the girl is hot!
Oz: Yeah, she's a hot girl.
Devon: Let me guess: not your type? What does a girl have to do to impress you?
Oz: Well, it involves a feathered boa and a theme to 'A Summer Place'. I can't discuss it here.
Devon: You're too picky, man. Do you know how many girls you could have? You're lead guitar, Oz. It's currency!
Oz: I'm not picky. You're just impressed by any pretty girl that can walk and talk.
Devon: She doesn't have to talk.
Oz just smirks.
Cut to Willow and Xander walking.
Willow: I worked really hard on my costume. It's pretty cool.
Xander: Okay, but what about me? I've gotta think.
Willow: Well, it's a celebration of cultures. There are lots of dress- up alternatives.
Xander: And a corresponding equal number of mocking alternatives. All aimed at me.
Willow: Bavarians are cool.
Xander: Okay, no shirts with ruffles, no hats with feathers and definitely no lederhosen. They make my calves look fat.
Willow: Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot? That came out wrong.
Xander didn't take offense because he's too busy looking at Buffy and Ampata arriving for school. Willow notices and looks also. Cut to Buffy and Ampata.
Buffy: Your first day of school. Nervous?
Ampata: It is just more people than I have seen in a long time.
Buffy: Ah, don't worry. You will have no problems making friends. As a matter of fact, I know someone who's dying to meet you.
Cut to the library. Giles gets right to it.
Giles: (shakes her hand, smiles) How do you do?
Ampata: Hi.
Giles: I was, I was wondering if you could, um, translate this? (shows her the seal)
Buffy: That was in no way awkward.
Ampata takes it and looks at it in disbelief.
Buffy: Something wrong?
Ampata: Uh, No! Uh, it is... Uh, why are you asking me?
Giles: Well, uh, uh... (coughs) It's, well, it's an artifact... from, from, uh, your... region. I-it's, uh, from the tomb of a-an Incan mummy, a-a-actually. We were trying to translate it, uh, um, as a-a project for our, um...
Willow: Our archeology club.
Giles: (impressed with her quick thinking) Very good.
Ampata: It is broken. Where are the other pieces?
Buffy: That's all we found.
Ampata: Hmm. It is very old and valuable. (to Giles, holding the seal out to him) You should hide it!
Giles: Is, is, uh, anything you recognize here? Um, um, this, this, um... this ch-chap here with the knife, for instance?
Ampata: Well, I-I do not know exactly, but... I-I-I think this represents, I believe the word is... 'bodyguard'?
Giles: (takes the seal) Bodyguard? Interesting.
Ampata: Legend has it that he guards the mummy against those who would disturb her.
Giles: Well, uh, yes, well, that's, um, that's a very good starting point for our, um... club. (looks at Buffy) Um...
Buffy: Oh, and, uh, a-as club president, I have, um, lots to do. Lots of... stuff. Dull stuff. Uh, oh, Willow, maybe you could...
Xander: Stay with Ampata for the day. I'd love to. (bows slightly and smiles)
Ampata: (smiles) Yes! That will be fun.
Xander gestures for Ampata to go ahead of him. As she walks out he turns to Buffy and Willow, lets out a breath, and follows her. Willow watches them go.
Giles: Right. I'll, uh, continue with the translation. Buffy, you research this, uh, bodyguard thing, and, uh, Willow... (turns around) Willow?
Willow: (still staring after them) Boy. They really like each other.
Cut to the bleachers on the football field. Xander and Ampata are sitting about two-thirds of the way up.
Xander: And this (reaches into his satchel) is called a snack food. (holds up a Twinkie)
Ampata: Snack food?
Xander: Yeah. It's a delicious, spongy, golden cake stuffed with a delightful creamy, white substance of goodness. And here's how you eat it.
He stuffs the whole thing into his mouth. Ampata laughs at the sight.
Xander: Mm-hm.
Ampata: Oh, but now I cannot try it.
Xander: (with a full mouth) That's why you bring two.
He produces another one from his bag and hands it to her.
Ampata: Oh! (studies it) Here goes!
She pulls her windswept hair back from her face and proceeds to stuff most of the Twinkie into her mouth. She laughs with delight.
Xander: (mouth still full) Good, huh? And the exciting part is that they have no ingredients that a human can pronounce. So it doesn't leave you with that heavy... food feeling in your stomach.
She squeals with laughter.
Ampata: (mouth full) You are strange.
Xander: Girls always tell me that. Right before they run away.
Ampata: I like it!
Xander: I like you like it!
She can't help but laugh more at that.
Xander: Please, don't learn from my English.
Cut to the library. Buffy is inspecting the seal under a magnifying lamp.
Buffy: Ha! Or possible ha. (to Willow) Do you think this matches?
Willow is off in her own world, idly playing with her stuffed frog.
Buffy: Hey!
Willow: Oh! Yes. I'm caring about mummies.
Buffy: Ampata's only staying two weeks.
Willow: Yeah. And then Xander can find someone else who's not me to obsess about. At least with you I knew he didn't have a shot. Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life.
Buffy: Good for you.
Willow: Well, I didn't choose yet.
Giles: (inspecting the seal) Good Lord! (to Buffy) Good work!
Buffy: My work?
Giles: Yes. This is most illuminating. It seems Rodney's killer might be the mummy.
Willow: Where does it say that?
Giles: Well, here. It implies that the mummy is capable of... feeding on the life force of a person, effectively freeze-drying them, you might say. Extraordinary.
Buffy: So, then we just have to stop the mummy. Which leads to the question: how do we a) find, and b) stop the mummy?
Giles: Well, the answer to that is somewhere still in here. Or in the rest of the seal.
Cut outside to the bleachers. The bodyguard attacks Xander with his large knife. Ampata screams as she and Xander quickly move apart and the knife hits the seat between them.
Bodyguard: You stole the seal! Where is it?!
He swings again, but Xander scoots back more and then rolls down two levels of seats. The bodyguard comes at him again and tries to stab him, but Xander catches his arm and stops him. Ampata screams again. The bodyguard looks back at her and recognizes her.
Bodyguard: It is you!
Xander kicks him off, and he rolls down the bleachers and to the ground. Ampata grabs Xander's satchel, helps him up and they run away.
Cut to the library. Giles comes out of his office with a cup of tea, and sets it on the table in front of Ampata.
Giles: Here you are.
Ampata: Thank you.
Willow: Why's this guy so into us? I mean, what's he want?
Xander: He said, 'Give me the seal.'
Giles: Apparently this is more popular than we realized. I just don't know what we, we should do with it.
Ampata: Destroy it. (gets a surprised look from Giles) If you do not, someone could die.
Giles: I'm afraid someone already has.
Ampata: You mean the man with the knife killed someone?
Buffy: Uh, no. Well, not exactly.
Ampata: You are not telling me everything. (looks at them all)
Xander: You're right, Ampata. (takes her hand) And it's time we do. We're not an archeology club. We're in, uh...
Giles interrupts by clearing his throat. Buffy gives him a stern look.
Xander: We're in the crime club. Which is kinda like the chess club, only with crime, and, um... no chess.
Ampata: Please understand me. That seal nearly got us killed. It must be destroyed!
She gets up and runs from the library. A moment later Xander gets up and runs out after her.
Xander: Ampata!
Buffy and Willow look at each other a bit surprised and confused.
Cut to the hall. Ampata is sitting on a bench. Xander crouches down beside her.
Xander: Ampata, listen to me. Nobody's gonna hurt you. I won't let them.
Ampata: Your investigation is dangerous. I do not want that. Just normal life!
She gets up and goes over to the drinking fountain. Xander stands back up and follows her, but stays back and lets her drink. Willow comes out of the library.
Willow: Is she okay?
Xander: Wigged. I'm tryin' to convince her that our lives aren't just danger and peril around here.
Willow looks over at Ampata sympathetically, then back to Xander.
Willow: You should take her to the dance.
Xander: That's a good idea! We'll all go!
Willow: No, I mean just you.
Xander: But you were psyched! And your costume!
Willow: I'll see you there.
Xander: You know what, Willow? You're my best friend.
He goes over to Ampata.
Willow: I know. (walks off)
Cut to the library.
Buffy: I don't get it. Why would the bodyguard have such a jones for a broken piece of rock?
Giles: Well, um, perhaps... he needs to put it together with the other pieces.
Buffy: If he has them. I mean, we didn't find them.
Giles: And if he didn't then, then they'd still be at the museum.
Buffy: So, maybe we should go there and find them. And odds are he'll show up, too, right?
Giles: And hopefully we'll be ready.
Buffy: Hey! Look at us! We came up with a plan. A good plan.
Giles: Alright. We'll meet there tonight after it closes.
Buffy: No! Bad plan. I have other plans. Dance plans. (gets a stern look from Giles) (exhales) Canceled plans.
Cut to the stairs in the halls. Xander and Ampata are coming down.
Xander: Okay, I have something to tell you. And it's kind of a secret, and it's, um, a little bit scary. I like you. A lot. And I want you to go to with me the dance.
Ampata: (laughs) Why was that so scary?
Xander: Well, because you never know if a girl's gonna say 'yes', or if... she's gonna laugh in your face and pull out your still beating heart and crush it into the ground with her heel.
Ampata: Hmm. Then you are very courageous. Can I tell you a secret?
Xander: Hmm.
Ampata: I like you, too.
Xander: Really?
Ampata: Really!
Xander: That's great! Really?
Ampata: Really!
Xander: That's great! You're not a praying mantis, are you? (gets a confused look from her) Sorry, someone else.
Ampata: I will return to you. (starts away)
Xander: Where're you going?
Ampata: Where you cannot follow.
He's confused but smiles when he sees her open the girls' restroom door.
Xander: I'll wait outside. (smiles)
He sits down on a bench to wait.
Cut inside the restroom. Ampata touches up her lipstick. She steps back from the mirror and sees the bodyguard standing behind her.
Ampata: I beg you... (turns to face him) Do not kill me.
Bodyguard: You are already dead. For five hundred years.
Ampata: But it was not fair. I was innocent.
Bodyguard: The people you kill now so that you may live, they are innocent.
Ampata: Please! I am in love!
Bodyguard: You are the Chosen One. You must die. You have no choice.
He takes a swing at her with his knife. She grabs his arm and twists, forcing him around and pulling him in to her. He looks up at her as she puts her arm around his neck and pulls him in for a kiss.
Ampata: Yes, I do.
She kisses him and he mummifies in her arms as she draws out his life force. Cut to the hall. Xander is waiting patiently. Ampata comes back out smiling, looking even more radiant, and Xander stands up with an astonished look.
Ampata: I have thought. The dance?
Xander nods expectantly.
Ampata: I will go with you.
Xander breaks into a big smile and laughs delightedly.
Ampata: Gladly!
Xander takes her by the hand, and they start walking down the hall.
~~~~ Commercial break ~~~~
Buffy's room. Ampata comes in wearing her Inca Princess costume.
Ampata: Buffy, I do not have any lipstick.
She sees a trunk, a large suitcase and a backpack in the room.
Buffy: Oh! You can borrow one of mine. There should be some on the desk.
Ampata: What is that? (indicates the trunk)
Buffy: The station sent the rest of your stuff.
Ampata: Oh. Of, of course. I, I forgot all about it. Uh, I will unpack it later.
Buffy: No worries. I can do it.
Ampata: Uh, but... you must get ready for the dance!
Buffy: I'm not going.
Ampata: Why not?
Buffy: I have work to do. Crime club work. It's really nothing for you to worry about. (sits on her bed)
Ampata: Oh, I am not worried, thanks to Xander. (goes to the desk)
Buffy: He seems very happy around you.
Ampata: (sits at the desk) I am happy, too.
She opens a lipstick and holds it up for an opinion.
Ampata: Mm, this one?
Buffy: Ooo, no, that clashes. There should be a gold one in there somewhere.
Ampata: Thank you. You are always thinking of others before yourself. You remind me of someone from very long ago: the Inca Princess.
Buffy: Cool! A princess.
She gets up from her bed and opens Ampata's backpack while Ampata tries out a lipstick.
Ampata: They told her that she was the only one. That only she could defend her people from the nether world.
Buffy pulls out a pair of boy's briefs and looks at them in confusion.
Ampata: Out of all the girls in her generation...
Buffy looks over at Ampata and sees she's about to open the top left drawer where she keeps her Slayer stuff. She rushes over. Ampata pulls open the drawer and looks in curiously.
Ampata: ...She was the only one...
Buffy quickly pushes the drawer closed.
Buffy: ...Chosen.
Ampata: (looks up at Buffy) Do you know the story?
Buffy: It's fairly familiar. (hands her the gold lipstick)
Ampata: She was sixteen, like us. She was offered as a sacrifice and went to her death. Who knows what she had to give up to fulfill her duty to others? What chance at love?
Buffy: Who knows? (goes back to Ampata's trunk) I'll just unpack the rest of your stuff for you. (lifts the lid)
Ampata: No, really, let me...
The doorbell rings and distracts Buffy, so she doesn't see the mummified corpse in the trunk.
Buffy: Oh!
She lets the lid fall back down as she gets up to get the door.
Buffy: That's Xander and Willow. I'll get it.
Ampata kneels down and puts the lock back on the trunk.
Cut downstairs. Buffy hops down and opens the door. Xander comes in dressed as Clint Eastwood in a spaghetti western.
Xander: I've come for the dance.
Buffy: And, uh, what culture are you?
Xander: I'm from the country of Leone. It's in Italy pretending to be Montana. (looks Buffy up and down) And where are you from? The country of White Trash?
Buffy: Mm. New line-up. You and Willow are taking Ampata. Giles and I are hunting mummies. Where's you and Willow?
Xander: She's not coming... with us.
Buffy: Oh! On a date. Romance, lips...
Xander takes off his hat when he sees Ampata appear on the stairs. She smiles down at him.
Ampata: Hello, Xander.
Xander: Hho hee ze thee ai uh...
Buffy: I can translate American salivating boy talk. He says you're beautiful.
Xander: (to Buffy) Hyav su.
Buffy: You're welcome.
Ampata reaches the bottom of the stairs and stands next to Xander, beaming a huge smile. Joyce comes in to have a look.
Joyce: Ampata, don't you look wonderful! Oh, I wish you could talk my daughter into going with you.
Ampata: I tried, but she is very stubborn.
Joyce: Well, I'm glad someone else sees that.
Buffy gives her mother a look and gets it right back. She turns back to Xander and Ampata, smiling.
Ampata: Well, good night, then.
Buffy opens the door to let them out. Xander pauses a moment.
Xander: Be careful.
Buffy: I will. (Xander turns to go) Hey! (he turns back) You look good.
Xander gives her a smile and then leaves. Joyce comes over to the door to watch them go, too.
Joyce: Look at that. Two days in America, and Ampata already seems like she belongs here. She's really fitting in. Hmm! (turns and heads up the stairs)
Buffy: Yeah. How 'bout that?
Cut to the Bronze. Devon and Oz's band Dingoes Ate My Baby (Four Star Mary) are playing "Shadows".
Lyrics: She's in ecstasy / Her hollowed sky / Pours down heavenly / Fakes desire
A group of girls enters the Bronze. Cordelia comes in behind them and stops to look around.
Lyrics: I've been living here / In the red / I've been feeling I'm / Dead again
She spots Willow wearing her Eskimo costume.
Cordelia: Oh! Near faux pas! I almost wore the same thing.
She continues on her way, leaving Willow standing there alone.
Lyrics: We've been bored before
Cordelia finds her friend Dawn.
Cordelia: Hey!
Dawn: Where's Sven?
Cordelia: Ohhh, I keep trying to ditch him. He's like one of those dogs that you leave at the Grand Canyon on vacation? It follows you back across four states. (Sven finds them) See? My own speechless, human boomerang.
Lyrics: I have never felt / So alone
Dawn: He's kinda cute. Maybe it's nice skippin' all that small talk.
Cordelia: Small talk? How 'bout simple instruction?
Lyrics: Since the time we left ourselves / Half past gone
Cordelia: (to Sven) Get punchy. (points at him) You! Fruit drinky!
Lyrics: We've been living here / Up against the red
Dawn: He can follow me. (takes Sven's hand and leads him away)
Lyrics: I've been feeling I'm / Dead again / We've been bored before
Xander and Ampata arrive. He takes her hand.
Lyrics: We'll be bored again / We've been bored before and again
Ampata looks around and sees Willow in her Eskimo outfit as Xander leads her to the dance floor. Willow is heartbroken to see them together like that.
Willow: I think I should've worn something sexy.
Xander spots her and leads Ampata over to her table.
Willow: Wow. You guys look great.
Ampata: I-I love your costume. It's, it's very authentic.
Willow: Thanks.
Xander: Yeah, you look, um... snug.
Willow: That's what I was going for. Where's Buffy?
Lyrics: She's in ecstasy / Her hollowed sky
Willow looks around stiffly. She can hardly move in her outfit.
Cut to the Summers house. Buffy opens the door for Giles.
Giles: Thank heavens you're home. (walks in)
Buffy: Yup! Not at the dance. Not with my friends. Not with a life. What are you doing here? I thought we were gonna meet at the museum to find the bodyguard.
Giles: No, he's already been found. In a school restroom. Mummified.
Buffy: Okay, I don't get it. Why would the mummy kill her own bodyguard?
Giles: Well, I've cross-referenced, and, uh, I've looked at the pictograms anew. He was a guard alright. But it was his job to insure that the mummy didn't awaken and escape.
Buffy: So, Ampata translated wrong.
Giles: Perhaps.
Buffy: Hold on a sec. She was wiggy about the seal from minute one.
Giles: Yes, I suppose she was.
Buffy: Her trunks! (runs up the stairs)
Giles: I beg your pardon?
Cut to Buffy's room. Giles goes through Ampata's things.
Giles: It's certainly all boys' clothes. Why would a girl pack these?
Buffy tears open the lock on the trunk and lifts the lid.
Buffy: How 'bout this one? What kind of girl travels with a mummified corpse? And doesn't even pack a lipstick?
Cut to the Bronze. The band is playing a new song, "Fate".
Lyrics: Time's healing, I'm ahead / Find a reason once again / Take a moment outta time / I'll be standing back behind
Cut to Xander standing by the stairs with Ampata.
Xander: Do you, um... Would you like to, uh... you know...
Lyrics: On a wing / So outta line
Ampata: I'd love to dance.
He removes his hat and poncho, takes her hand and leads her onto the dance floor.
Lyrics: Mm, taken in / So outta time
Willow watches longingly as they walk by her. On the dance floor Xander and Ampata touch hands and slowly intertwine their fingers. Xander smiles at her. Ampata lets go of Xander's hand and slowly moves it around his neck. Cut to the stage. Oz notices a girl in the crowd and stares intently.
Oz: Hey.
Devon comes over to him.
Oz: That girl. Who is she?
Devon thinks he means Ampata.
Devon: She's an exchange student. I think she's from South America.
Oz: No, not her. The Eskimo!
Devon goes back to continue singing. Oz is enamored of Willow.
Lyrics: Sound the season in my head
Cut to Giles' car.
Buffy: Come on! Can't you put your foot down?
Giles: It is down.
Buffy: One of these days you're gonna have to get a grownup car.
Giles grinds the gears. Buffy shakes her head.
Cut to the dance floor. Xander is looking deeply into Ampata's eyes as they slow dance.
Lyrics: ...So outta time / All it takes is living / I want to fly
Ampata leans her head onto his cheek for a moment.
Lyrics: I've never known fate She pulls her head back and looks back into Xander's eyes.
Lyrics: I've never known your name
They move in to kiss.
Lyrics: I've never known fate
As they are about to meet, Ampata notices her hand begin to mummify again and pulls back. Xander looks at her in wide-eyed confusion. The song is almost over. She quickly takes her arms off of his shoulders and rushes off. Xander stares after her, thoroughly confused.
Xander: Okay, at least I can rule out something I said.
Lyrics: Someone take me home / Get me outta here
Ampata reaches the edge of the crowd and looks round. She sees Jonathon sitting alone on the stairs.
Cut to Giles' car.
Buffy: I should've guessed. Remember Ampata wanted us to hide the seal?
Giles: And then she wanted us to destroy it becau... Oh wait!
Buffy: Uh, waiting...
Giles: Well, we already know that the seal was used to contain the mummy. If breaking it freed her...
Buffy: ...Reassembling it will trap her.
Giles: I'll go to the museum. I'll drop you off. I'll try to piece together the fragments there.
Buffy: Okay, I'll still get Xander. Before he gets smoochy with Mummy Dearest.
Cut to the Bronze. Xander comes off of the dance floor and stops by Willow.
Xander: Have you seen Ampata? (Willow shrugs) What was that?
Willow: I shrugged.
Xander: Next time you should probably say 'shrug'. (walks off looking)
Willow: (watches him go) Sigh.
Sven and Dawn walk by in front of her.
Sven: I thought this exchange student thing would be a great deal. But look what I got stuck with! 'Momento!' 'Punchy fruity drinky!' Is Cordelia even from this country?
Cut to a back room. Ampata has led Jonathon backstage. She takes off his hat and strokes his hair and cheek.
Jonathon: Your hands feel kinda... rough.
More of her skin is reverting to its mummy form. She moves in for a kiss.
Jonathon: Aren't you with Xander?
Ampata: (whispers) Does it look like I'm with Xander?
They move in to kiss. Xander calls out, looking for her.
Xander: Ampata!
Jonathon pulls away from her and grabs his hat.
Jonathon: That's my cue to leave.
He runs from the room. She stands by the window, looking out. Xander finds her.
Xander: There you are. Why'd you run away?
She slowly turns to face him.
Ampata: Because... I do not deserve you.
Xander: What, you think that you don't deserve me? (laughs) Man, I love you!
She sheds a few tears and looks up at him sorrowfully. His smile fades.
Xander: Are those tears of joy? Pain? Revulsion? (comes closer)
Ampata: (crying) I am very happy. And very sad.
Xander: Then talk to me. Let me know what's wrong.
Ampata: I can't!
She hugs him and cries into his shoulder.
Xander: Hey, I know why you can't tell me. (pushes her away to look at her) It's a secret, right? (she nods) And if you told me, you'd have to kill me. (smiles)
She doesn't think it's funny, and hugs him again, crying even harder.
Xander: Oh! That was a bad joke. And the delivery was off, too. I'm sorry. (pushes her away again) I, uh...
He strokes her hair and face gently.
Xander: I'm sorry.
They kiss gently yet tentatively. She reaches her arm around his head and pulls him closer for a harder kiss. His eyes go wide with shock and surprise as he feels his life force begin to drain.
~~~~ Commercial break ~~~~
The back room at the Bronze. Xander's life force continues to drain. Suddenly Ampata breaks off the kiss, letting Xander fall to the floor.
Ampata: No! I can't.
Xander is drained of strength and takes quick, short breaths. She kneels down and pulls him around, laying his head in her lap.
Ampata: Xander, I'm so sorry.
Cut to the museum. Giles is reading from a book while assembling the seal.
Giles: 'Incan Cosmology unites the bird head with its paler twin.' (looks around for the proper piece) Um... Oh! Here. Its paler twin.
He tries the fit of the piece, and it's a match.
Cut to the back room at the Bronze. Ampata senses something is wrong.
Ampata: The seal!
She lets Xander fall to the floor and runs out of the room.
Cut to Willow. Buffy finds her.
Buffy: Where's Xander?
Willow: He's looking for Ampata.
Buffy: We need to find him. Ampata's the mummy.
Willow: Oh. (absorbs the information and smiles) Good. (realizes its implication) Xander!
Buffy: Where'd they go?
Willow: Backstage, I think.
They rush off to find Xander just as Oz comes up to them.
Oz: Hey, I... (watches them go in surprise, then smiles) Who is that girl?
Cut to the hall backstage. They find Xander on the floor leaning against the wall.
Buffy: Are you okay?
Xander: (weakly) I think so. Boy, that was some kiss!
Buffy: Where's Ampata?
Xander: She said something about the seal.
Buffy: The seal! Giles! C'mon.
They help him up.
Xander: What's goin' on?
Willow: He doesn't know?
Buffy: We'll tell him on the way.
Cut to the museum. Giles is trying to put the last pieces of the seal together. Ampata sneaks a peek in from the exhibit entryway and sees him there. She quietly makes her way over to him.
Giles: There, that's it. (sniffles) Just one more piece.
Ampata reaches around his shoulder from behind and pulls him up. She takes the seal from his hand and throws it to the floor, smashing it to pieces. She grabs him by the neck and lifts him onto the rim of the stone coffin. Buffy arrives.
Buffy: I'll say one thing for you Incan mummies. (Ampata looks at her) You don't kiss and tell.
She makes a long, high leap onto the platform and adopts a fighting stance.
Ampata: Looks like you've been keeping secrets from me! (shoves Giles into the coffin) You're not a normal girl.
Buffy: And you are?
She does a roundhouse kick to Ampata's face and another kick to her side. She throws a punch, but Ampata is strong, too, and catches Buffy's fist and swings her around onto the rim of the coffin. She grabs Buffy's neck and tries to choke her. Buffy headbutts Ampata, making her stagger back. She tries to kick but Ampata ducks it. Buffy lunges for her, and Ampata grabs her by the shoulder and diverts her into the coffin. She closes the stone lid on the two of them. Willow comes running in as Ampata starts to leave. She grabs Willow by the neck and picks her up.
Ampata: This won't hurt!
Willow begins to choke. Ampata moves in to kiss her.
Xander: Let her go! (calmly walks in) If you're gonna kiss anybody, it should be me.
Ampata: Xander, we can be together. (looks at Willow) Just... just let me have this one.
Xander: That's never gonna happen.
Ampata: I must do it. I must do it now! Or it is the end for me and for us!
She tries to kiss Willow again, but Xander jumps in to stop her.
Xander: NO! (pulls Willow away from her) You want life? You're gonna have to take mine. Can you do that?
Ampata looks into his eyes as she considers. Her skin has mummified up to her neck.
Ampata: Yes!
She grabs his neck and tries to pull him to her as he holds her away by her arms. Buffy kicks at the lid of the coffin and gets it open. Xander keeps holding Ampata at bay and watches as she turns back into a mummy. Buffy comes up behind Ampata and pulls her off of Xander. His grip on her arms is so tight that they are torn from their sockets. Xander is freaked out and drops them. Buffy looks at Ampata's body and drops it, too. The head breaks off of the body as it hits the floor. Buffy is grossed out. Willow just stares at what's left, then looks at Xander and comes over to him. She crouches down next to him, holding his arm and rubbing his shoulder. He looks up at her a moment, then back down at his hands. Giles is out of the coffin now, and he and Buffy collect them to go. Giles looks back briefly as they leave the exhibit.
Cut to school the next day. Buffy and Xander walk along the colonnade.
Xander: (exhales) I'm really the Fun-Talking Guy today, huh? Sorry.
Buffy: That's okay. You don't have to talk.
Xander: I just, present company excluded, I have the worst taste in women of anyone in the world, ever.
Buffy: Ampata wasn't evil. At least not to begin with, and... I-I do think she cared about you.
Xander: Yeah, but I think that whole sucking the life out of people thing would have been a strain on the relationship.
Buffy: She was gypped. She was just a girl, and she had her life taken away from her.
They stop and look at each other.
Buffy: I remember how I felt when I heard the prophecy that I was gonna die. I wasn't exactly obsessed with doing the right thing.
Xander: Yeah, but you did. You gave up your life.
Buffy: I had you to bring me back.
They give each other thin smiles for a moment before continuing on.
END Credits.
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