Mission Statement
The following message is for those people who are wondering exactly what my website is doing here, and to correct those who have a tainted perspective on what my intentions are. Just to let you know, you're probably wrong. So before all this suspense makes you wet yourself I'll get right to the point.
Ever since the day I was born, I have felt an insatiable striving to be someone. I didn't want to be one of those frigging dot com millionaires who made their money by doing something so mind-bogglingly boring that they have a prescribed diet of espresso just to keep from falling asleep at work. Oh no, that wasn't the life for me, although I am partial to espresso. I needed something more...I don't know what. Something that would leave an impact on the world. I wanted to be one of those people that truly influences people and opens their eyes to appreciate life at its fullest. I'm not talking about a marijuana dealer, but, you know, one of those John Lennon people. So at that moment (my birth), I made a pact to myself that I would never be a nobody. From that moment forth, everything I did was ultimately towards my great goal. Of course I did run into several obstacles, and I remember at times feeling like I didn't care about my endevour anymore. For instance, I was left feeling a bit depressed after my second grade teacher told me I was a fucking stupid kid and beat me with a meter stick. I dunno why the bitch was always on my nuts, but she shaped up pretty well in time, although I did have to resort to arsen. As a matter of fact, that event taught me a very important lesson: never take crap from anyone. That is indeed a vital thing to know in life, and I suggest to those of you who have not learned it yet go out and do so. Once people realize that you actually stand up for yourself, they are less likely to do stuff like steal your lunch money or beat your sister. They know that you'll kick their ass for it. Well let's get back to the story shall we? Anyway, my life seemed to be going pretty smoothly aside from these temporal obstacles. It was really when I was about ten that things started to go haywire. I realized that my life had no real direction, I was destined to fall into one of the inescapable abysses of being a nobody. I was pulling, like, fricking straight A+'s in school, but that's cos everyone else was stupid and they graded on a curve. I think. Whatever, I didn't really give a shit anyway, school was easy back then. I didn't like girls either...jeez now that I think about it what the heck did I do in my spare time? Well it doesn't matter, the point was I was coming to a sudden self-realization. I was doomed. My greatest, deepest, darkest, most unspeakable nightmare was coalesing (don't care about spelling) right before my very own eyes. I mean, this was worse than Scooby Doo, man. I do recall waking up at night sometimes shivering in a cold sweat clinging to my pillow for dear life, with the sick pale moon grinning down on me...alright maybe it wasn't that dramatic, but there definitely was a definite lapse in my life. It must have been right around the beginning of middle school, I don't really know. I was still doing alright in school, however I did slip once and got a B in computers, but other than that no real disasters. The social life was normal too, you know, made some friends, got my ass kicked once or twice, had crushes on girls, got abducted by aliens, and at least once a week I played wackimole with this kid who believed he was a protege of Buddha. Alright, I admit it, I believed it too, but that isn't important to the story. Underneath this apparently normal kid unfortunately I was spiraling downwards. I knew there was nothing that could save me now. Just when I thought I was going to implode into nothing, I discovered something: HTML. Alright, it was decided, this was the shit. I mean, it was like the awesomest sweetest most tubular radical tha bombest rockingest kickingest bitchingest most worthy triumphant militant saturated coolest piece of fricking shit ever invented in the history of the universe. No more was I condemned to a life of mundane-ness. I had been lifted out of a dark pit of despair and alligators into a new heavenly light, atop a most glorious mountain, surrounded by the circle of life and things that were satisfying. I might be getting this confused with an LSD trip, but either way, it was really kick ass. It was decided then and there that this would be my life-long destiny. Everything previous in my life had culminated to this divine climax. I poured my life's effort into this web site of mine. It was to be MY influence, MY world-changer, MY thing to show that I had no life. It was my legacy to posterity, for them to use it, and marvel, and look back upon these treasured days and wonder. This, my dear friends, this is the purpose of my website, the purpose of my life. This is what I will be remembered for, forever.
And for those of you who doubted me, I stick out my tongue and give you the finger and ask you what you've done with your life, besides sitting around watching television and doing wholesome things like playing sports and participating in community service activities. Yeah, like that will make a difference. Well anyway I wish you all the best of luck in whatever the hell your lives' ambitions may take you, even if it's to the driver's seat of a school bus, or an office worker for MCI.
Alright, I guess that wasn't really a mission statement. But if you look at mission statement as in "what the point is," then this website really has no point. The reason I created it was, basically, only out of desire to fulfill my First Amendment Right to the...fullest. Being a teenager, I am going through a very tumultuous time in my life, and I am still discovering myself and my identity. I need to find ways to express myself as a unique individual. In a nutshell, I'm just trying to get laid. Hey man, I've tried everything else. But if you aren't an insanely beautiful woman, I guess you can just overlook these efforts, and just enjoy my site for whate it is. Now, sit back and enjoy a good chuckle or whatever, and go knock yourself out.
