Which movie would you rather watch?

1. Gone With the Wind. This is a classic love story and makes me cry every time I watch it.
2. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
3. Don't be a Menace
4. Any movie where lots of stuff blows up.

What is your favorite color?

1. Colors that are melodious and soothing to the eye
2. Green
3. Blue, Yellow, or Gray
4. Pitch Black

What sport do you prefer?

1. Yoga
2. Soccer
3. Football
4. WWF

Which country would you rather visit?

1. Anywhere peaceful
2. Switzerland
3. Bahamas
4. I don't want to go to any other damn countries

What do you look for in the opposite sex? Oh sorry, I shouldn't be so offensive. Let me rephrase that. What do you look for in a partner?

1. A caring, sensitive person who would like me for who I am and not how I look and who likes to take long walks
2. A nice, attractive person who likes having fun
3. A hot person who likes going to parties
4. Sex

What kind of car would you rather own?

1. Ford Focus or any other environmentally sound car
2. Acura RSX
3. Chevy Suburban
4. A Monster Truck

Who would you rather listen to?

1. Kenny G
2. Radiohead
3. The Roots
4. Eminem

Which TV show would you rather watch?

1. Community Bulletin Board
2. The Simpsons
3. The X-Files
4. WWF

What would you like to drink? Be Specific.

1. Soy Milk
2. Coca Cola
3. Corona
4. Bacardi

Which animal best describes you?

1. A Horse
2. A dog
3. A tiger
4. A rabid wombat

Which saying best describes you?

1. "Slow and steady wins the race"
2. "Rome wasn't built in a day"
3. "When the going gets tough, the tough get going"
4. "Just kill them"

Which response best describes your view on the current Middle-East/Terrorism crisis?

1. World leaders sould work together to establish a peaceful solution that involves no military action.
2. What he/she said, but use military involvement only if necessary.
3. We should look for a peaceful solution, until we realize that that we aren't fooling anybody, at which point we employ the use of military action.
4. Just kill them.

Who is your idol?

1. Susan B. Anthony
2. John Lennon
3. Wayne "The Great One" Gretzky
4. Rambo

Which job would you rather have?

1. Journalist for ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union)
2. Well-paying office job at Compaq
3. Pro Athlete
4. WWF

How do you deal with your anger?

1. Meditation or other weird activities that don't work
2. Try to brush it off
3. Curse and throw stuff
4. Smash some cars with a baseball bat

You encounter a man on the street you have never met before. He asks you what you think of Al Gore. Which would be your most likely response?

1. "He is a brilliant, yet dry man but I respect him for his great contributions as vice president."
2. "Well, he's a jolly old bloke, I don't really have a fixed opinion on him."
3. "HaHaHa, Lock Box. Ha Ha."
4. "Bitch ass should be shot."

What would you rather do on your birthday?

1. Bake a cake, invite a bunch of people over, open presents, make a wish, blow out the candles, hand out party bags.
2. Hang out with my friends
3. Have a huge party with a keg
4. Get a shotgun and go shoot some horses

How do you view yourself?

1. I am an innocent, fun loving person, who is insightful and persevering, and doggannit, people like me.
2. I'm just a normal kid trying to lead a normal life in a fucked up world
3. I'm a pretty versatile person, lots of people like me, I'm talented and sharp, and totally ill
4. I'm the fucking king of this world and if you have a problem, I'll kick your ass.

What do you think this last question should be?

1. In retrospect, What do you think you have learned about yourself? What needs improvement? How can you better form a bridge between you and Spirit?
2. What do you think this last question should be?
3. Did you like this survey, or was it a damn waste of time?
4. Do you like WWF? If you don't, I'll kick your ass.

Alright, congratulations, you've gotten through the second hardest part. Are you ready for the hardest? That's adding up all the numbers you picked. So while you're punching all those 1's into your calculator, You can prepare yourself mentally for the obvious, expected, and completely precedented outcome of what your personality is!

Once you've found the sum of all your choices, see which personality range you fall into below:

1. 0-19: Hmm, the Wind of Truth is not on your side. I suggest that you either begin a great effort to drastically change your ways, or try adding up the numbers again. If either one doesn't work, try the other.
2. 20-29: I think I might venture a guess that you live in Ithaca. That doesn't really have anything to do with your personality though, so I'll get to the point. Well, in a nutshell, you are a kindred spirit to anybody. It's nice to know that there are still some people grounded to surreality in this realist world today. You are one of those people that leave a lasting impression on others, and you will held in high regards by many. Also, I like you people because you don't abandon your principles and morals. On the downside, your pacifist actions will probably land you a prime spot among the proletariat, and you will most likely be exploited by someone who has achieved a much higher status. So I suggest you pinch yourself awake Gandhi, the world doesn't work perfectly.
3. 30-39: You are a well-rounded individual, for the most part. However, It appears that sometimes you find yourself being brutally suffocated by a metaphorical quandry, being torn between what you think is right and what you think will land you a good spot on Martha Stewart's Christmas card list. I suggest you go with the former; although these ideals of yours may be slightly too idealistic to accomplish anything worthwile, it's better than the alternative of being sucked into a cultural sewage system. Oh yeah, don't play the lotto, you'll never win.
4. 40-49: Does your name happen to be 'Bob Smith' by any chance? "Welcome back everyone, in case you're just tuning in, this is RealTV, where we document the life of a completely normal middle-class middle-aged white male living in the town of Springfield, on 14 Elm Street. He drives a 1998 tan Honda Accord." Get a grip! When are you going to start being alive? You're personality is normal, your appearance, I guess, would be described as normal, and your life, well, that's normal too. Normal, normal, normal. Catch my drift? You should at least start raising sheep and eating Grape Nuts, anything would be a welcomed change from this unbearably bland lifestyle!
5. 50-59: You are obviously a person who doesn't take bull, so I'll just cut right to the chase. You are normal too, but at least you don't remind people of Shredded Wheat and concrete basketball courts in the inner city. Actually, I have to say that I like you: you have an intelligible, mild air, but there is something inviting and invoking about you that makes others realize that there is more to you than meets the eye. Maybe it is in your eyes, maybe it's the sickle and hammer you have tatooed on your forearm-- whatever the case, people seem to find you a wholesome individual. Unfortunately, you often fail to make the distinction between drama TV shows and commercials, which could result in some marital problems later in life. You also may have trouble raising your kids because of your short temper and insecurity without a bulletproof vest.
6. 60-69: Whoa, watch out everone-- here comes Biff and he's on a warpath to kick Marty's ass. You're a real trooper, and you like to humble others and force them to beg God for mercy. You tend to have a superiority complex-- You think you're better than everyone else. But that's okay, it will probably get you far in life. You tend also to make friends very easily, but you usually ditch them because of their refusals to your repeated demands of tribute for being your friend. Face the facts, buddy: the world is not a Merry-Go-Round, no cheap thrills for no quarter in here. "Life does not stop and start at your convenience," I believe is a line from 'The Big Lebowski,' which I presume you have seen. Look pal, the Third Reich has fallen, it's time to move on. Even John Rocker wouldn't approve of these shenanigins.
7. 70-80: What can I say? You're so far outside the normal distribution curve that you can't even hear the bell ringing anymore. Basically, you're an angry person. The source of this anger probably lies somewhere outside of your control, but that's no excuse-- people have suffered and died at the hands of twisted individuals like you. The word "Hitler" comes to mind. "IRS" too. The one redeeming factor about your clearly marred personality is the fact that you refuse to conform; however, not exactly in the way that many liberal reforms throughout history have chosen. Machiavelli would be proud of you: "The end justifies the means," said he. I'm guessing you usually agree with this philosophy. It's people like you that really change the world, even if it's for the worse. Just hang in there killer, your break will come eventually.

   Well kids, I hope you had fun reaffirming the facts about yourself that have been inscribed inside your head hundreds of times. All I have to say is hold onto your unique personality, never change to make someone else happy. Have a nice day.

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