Wegmans Games
fun stuff to do in this ridiculously large grocery store
Anyone who lives in Ithaca really has to admit that the Wegmans grocery stores is a valuable asset to our community. It serves as an excellent place to visit for a variety of purposes: doing your grocery shopping, renting movies, getting a job, getting food, or just 'chilling' in the frozen food section on a hot day (get it?) Anyway, it just so happened that on one of these such hot summer days, the designers and masterminds behind this web site (me) were collecting observations for web-site inspirations (getting some frozen tater-tots for my mother) when we stumbled upon a new idea, and possibly yet another activity to partake in while visiting Wegmans. Basically, when you've done all the other shit that there's to be done at the big W's, there are now a bunch of games you can try out. If you have any suggestions, please, enlighten me.
Shopping Cart Rally Yeah, this is really the "flagship" game of this whole dumb page. This game works best with an even number of people above 3, but 2 people can play it also. What happens is one person gets into the cart and the other stands behind it, being the "pusher." Throughout the grocery store, designate certain "checkpoints" that the carts have to pass through. The pairs should then line up at the beginning of an aisle and the pushers should get ready for action. Before you start, it is essential that you exchange one of those lousy-movie competition glares with your opponents. On the count of three, The pushers start hauling ass and doing basically anything they can to get the cart moving as fast as possible. The person in the cart cannot be later incriminated for any words of "exuberant encouragement" he or she may offer to the pusher. The first pair to touch all the checkpoints wins. For each innocent storegoer that a cart hits, add one point. Whoever has the most points in the end has to treat the others to pizza.
Trench Warfare Alright, maybe this battle tactic is a little outdated, but why not relive the memories of some of the golden years of the 20th century? What you and your friends do is flip a coin. Whoever wins the coin toss gets to pick their aisle. The loser then must chose either one of the two adjacent aisles to defend. Once they've occupied the other aisle, start throwing anything on the shelves over in attempt to bombard them into surrender. This game actually doesn't really have an ending or a point, just keep playing until everything gets used up or you get bored or someone gets knocked out.
The 'Bored-Tony Hawk 3-Designer' Game This game was inspired by something that is shown in the movie that plays during the credits after you beat Tony Hawk 3 for playstation 2. The movie depicts the designers skating up to a wall of cardboard boxes and smashing through it. The rules for the grocery store version need only to be modifyed slightly: first, stack up a bunch of cereal boxes or some shit across the aisle. Then snag a cart and push it towards the stack, jumping and hanging onto the side at the last minute like the motorcycle scene from mission impossible 2 I think it was. Upon contact with the stacked boxes, make sure you make the impact really over dramatized and totally flip through the boxes yelling some crazy shit like "geronimo!" or "freedom!" or "your ass is mine, dufrane!" If the manager tries to kick you out or something, you can always say you had to take all the boxes out to get to the last one in the back of the shelf. I'm not sure how to explain the stacking and knocking down of the boxes though.
Unstoppable Juggernauts of Mass Destruction Remember when I said these games might violate a couple of laws? This is specifically the one I was referring to. Before you can play this game, there are certain preconditions that must be met. Namely, you need a car. You also need a whole lot of balls. Once you've obtained these things, get into the car and literally drive into the store. Make sure to honk your horn so people get out of the way; the last thing you need at this point is any stray manslaughter charges. Now just drive around the store and destroy as much stuff as possible. Don't worry about tomorrow, just live your life for today. Be careless and free. Live like the world will end the next day. (this game works best if you are drunk or high)
