Hello PN Friend,

 I love you!  I care for you!   You are really hurting right now, and I understand exactly why!  There are questions that may never get answered in this life; but if you hang in there, someday they will be answered. There is a difference in being religious and having a relationship with God. I'm going to tell you a story that keeps me encouraged.

I have a friend who married a beautiful lady. They prayed for a child - for 16 years they prayed for a child. She miscarried their first four babies. Talk about heartache and emotional pain! Then one day, after being married for over 17+ years, they had a beautiful son. They were overjoyed, but they were both almost too old for a child. Then 20 years later, their son was killed in an auto accident.

Before the son's death, his wife had had an allergic reaction to shellfish and flat lined in the parking lot of the restaurant. The paramedics and doctors worked on her for 45 minutes, finally getting a heartbeat. My friend and the son wanted her back, no matter how long she had been out/dead. The doctor told them that she might never be right, but they didn't care. They wanted her. She came through pretty well, but she did have short-term memory loss and a speech impediment. And she was bed bound for 6 years. Her lungs collapsed, and she became diabetic. But you know something, she never lost her sense of humor, and she never let anyone see her without her hair combed and her makeup on. Didn't make any difference that she couldn't do any of the things that she used to do, like dance with her husband (they loved to dance and won dancing contests now and then), She could no longer run along the beach near her home, or go places with her son. But she was still part of the family and she made sure they knew it. After their son's death, they had invited his lady friend to come and live with them. She helped with the housework and cooking. They considered and treated her as their daughter. Her parents lived very far away. My friend and his wife loved young people and felt blessed.

Eventually, my friend's wife lost most of her sight. She could no longer see her favorite TV shows, so she listened to them. My friend said his wife never lost any of the good qualities about her, her smile, her sense of humor, laughing at the fact that she could not remember ordering a sandwich when my friend took it to her. She always remained cheerful, in spite of the pain, the blindness, being in bed and on oxygen all the time. Finally, on Thanksgiving morning, 1995, she died in my friend's arms. I asked my friend how he could stay so positive after all he had gone through. He said, "God blessed me with a wonderful wife, then when we lost our son, he blessed me with a wonderful daughter."

Why am I telling you this story? Well, my friend's wife was my best friend for 40 years. And I know, that if she could live with a smile, a cheery word for her visitors, even though she was suffering pain, blindness and finally - total dependence on her husband, I can do the same thing. I've prayed earnestly that my pain will go away. So far, it has not. So . . . I am thanking God that he has allowed good pain medications to be invented. Perhaps I'm having PN and FM and a inoperable ruptured disk in my low back for some reason. Perhaps the reason is so I'll be here to encourage you. Perhaps I'm hurting so I can empathize with everyone else who is hurting. And YES, I feel sorry for myself once in awhile, so I ask my husband to pray for me, I have a good cry, and then straighten myself up and smile. I have much to be thankful for. I have a wonderful daughter, and seven beautiful granddaughters. One of those granddaughters calls me nearly every day - from Maine to Idaho - just to hear my voice and tell me she loves me. How can I complain about my life? I used to, but I've made up my mind that many are a lot worse off than I am.

And so are you blessed. You have a husband who is sensitive enough to cry for you, who loves you enough to pray for you. And maybe your prayers have been answered right now with a big NO, because God needs you to be kind and understanding to other people who are hurting. Perhaps you can give courage back to me, and to all the PN family. In fact, in spite of your entire letter, you ended it with a big hug and lots of love. I thought that was so sweet of you, so thoughtful, so wonderful for you to do - even though you are hurting so much.

Now about thoughtless and insensitive people who seem to have everything, including good health. Those people will likely never have a real heaven, and God knows that this life will be their only heaven. But God knows you love him, regardless of how you are feeling right now, and he wants to use you in some unforeseen but wonderful way in the future. And he will someday take you home to live with him, and there will be no more pain, no more tears, no more sadness, and no more mean people who seem to stay healthy. The thoughts of going home someday to live with God, is worth whatever the old devil is trying to put me through--here on Planet Earth. There is an old hymn that goes like this:

"This world is not my home, I'm just a passing' through,"

And I cannot find the rest of the words, but it mentions that our home is beyond the blue with God. That is what I want ultimately!

I don't know how bad you have PN, and if it is just in your feet, you are lucky. I've found that good massaging to increase the blood circulation is very helpful for the pain. I've been massaging my feet, legs, knees, etc., for the last few days, the pain is much less intensive for quite awhile. It hurts like heck while I'm doing the massaging, but afterward, I reap the benefits. And if I yell, that helps too. LOL

My dear friend, please keep your faith. God loves you, and I love you, and all your PN friends are rooting for you. Thank God for medications that work, thank your husband for his prayers and his tears, and thank yourself for the courage you have within you to turn your thought patterns around to a more positive way of thinking. I know you can do it.

Lots of hugs from a friend,